(no subject)
i hate the fact that i don't know what i am doing or where i am going. feeling like a worker ant in a huge colony. waking up and feeling empty. i don't really know anything about this world. we don't even know any of this is real, with the exception of maybe math. we're surrounded by all these "truths"...books, words, feelings dictated by chemical interactions in our brains. nothing. i can't think anything but negative thoughts. maybe i have changed. maybe i'm not "me" anymore. but who is me? who am i? i guess i don't really care. i hate myself on this day more than ever. it isn't even so easy to undo the damage...i took it for granted. i had somethign for so long that i wasn't worthy of, and now look. i want to be better...maybe i can't...maybe i could...but now im numb. it seems so easy to...nonsense rambling... i'm in a hole. whatever fuck livejournal i can't even believe i've been using it for so long.