simple entry
i know i haven't changed. not at all.
but you have.
and i guess it all caught up with me tonight.
remind me to never pour my heart out again. i'm getting that feeling, you know, the sinking one that's completely inevitable now? the regretful one. it's 3 in the morning but of course i'm not sleeping. i can't even begin to explain my unbalanced and insensible thoughts to anyone, with the exception of like 2 people. so i'll start writing it in here again, i used to be so amazing at that. so why not start up again? and to tell you the truth, i loved it. i was able to say whatever i wanted regardless of anything. i'm excellent at hiding things. but so much for that. i'm sorry for complaining. why writing to myself in this journal makes me feel somewhat better, i don't know. i wish i could completely rewind it all. i wish i had the ability to always rewind things if and when i need to. i always mess up. i always do things and say things at the wrong time. but never at the right time. if i could just obtain that one moment and throw it away, i would. i'll get through this. its summer and it's simply not time for this. not now, i can't put myself through this now. especially when all i'm doing is increasingly wasting my time on what seems to be absolutely nothing. i just want this night to be over. i want tomorrow. and i'm not about to let myself write a conjunction of tremendously long paragraphs, not tonight. so i'll leave you all some lyrics, and go back to staring at my ceiling and listening to the rain fall. maybe later i'll cry myself to sleep. if possible.
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I missed the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after al
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
some pictures of me and cl, just because:
Christine, although I kind of need you right now and all. I do hope your dreaming about brianna and dennis.
p.s happy sixteenth meeka
<3
but you have.
and i guess it all caught up with me tonight.
remind me to never pour my heart out again. i'm getting that feeling, you know, the sinking one that's completely inevitable now? the regretful one. it's 3 in the morning but of course i'm not sleeping. i can't even begin to explain my unbalanced and insensible thoughts to anyone, with the exception of like 2 people. so i'll start writing it in here again, i used to be so amazing at that. so why not start up again? and to tell you the truth, i loved it. i was able to say whatever i wanted regardless of anything. i'm excellent at hiding things. but so much for that. i'm sorry for complaining. why writing to myself in this journal makes me feel somewhat better, i don't know. i wish i could completely rewind it all. i wish i had the ability to always rewind things if and when i need to. i always mess up. i always do things and say things at the wrong time. but never at the right time. if i could just obtain that one moment and throw it away, i would. i'll get through this. its summer and it's simply not time for this. not now, i can't put myself through this now. especially when all i'm doing is increasingly wasting my time on what seems to be absolutely nothing. i just want this night to be over. i want tomorrow. and i'm not about to let myself write a conjunction of tremendously long paragraphs, not tonight. so i'll leave you all some lyrics, and go back to staring at my ceiling and listening to the rain fall. maybe later i'll cry myself to sleep. if possible.
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I missed the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after al
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
some pictures of me and cl, just because:
Christine, although I kind of need you right now and all. I do hope your dreaming about brianna and dennis.
p.s happy sixteenth meeka
<3