Not at all the day I planned!
Realized this morning that I was out of resume's. Yup. Sent out the last one without making copies. Troy and I made the original together so I had to call him to see if he still had the original on his pc. He called me back on his lunchbreak and said he would check but he doubted it. He would let me know via phone or e-mail tonight. He was very nice when he called, even though we talked like only 10 mins. I broke into tears after I hung up with him. I can't believe after all that has happened, I still love him just as much as I did 7 months ago. We didn't even talk that much. Just the sound of his voice made my insides crumble. He still "has me" whether I like it or not. I spent the rest of the day in bed, not a good thing for someone who needs a job as bad as I do. It just sent me spiraling downward. I still feel the way I did at 1pm this afternoon. He told me he has been sick with a dual viral/bacterial infection, I told him he needed some "jewish penicillin". He said "I do, I miss your cooking completely, let alone your chicken soup you used to make me when I was sick". All I have to do is hear his voice and my insides melt. Why do I still pine for him the way that I do? I guess I have never stopped loving him. Fuck guessing, I know it. I really needed a friend this afternoon, but I got the impression that noone (that I spoke to anyway) wanted to really hear it. Sometimes I wish I could be a cold person too. Another disadvantage to my character I suppose. I think I will call Bill tonight. He lets me be who I am no matter what my mood is. Even with as screwed up as he can be, he has some good advice to give. I was so upset this afternoon that I walked into the bathroom and puked. I haven't done that in ages. All I am doing is making myself more upset here, so I am gonna stop. Til later on..........