(no subject)

[just_below]

slight catch of [not] your hair
[just the back]
corner of my eye, glimpse that turns and shifts
brings the flicker
the pidder-pat
heart leaps,
are you still here?
I've passed by your house so many times

daybreak
riding by

evening
walking past, accompanied,
stealing glances at the window
when I can
your scent firm in my mind,
an image in my mind of a catch of your eyes,
fixated,
then turned,

cold, too cold to be outside,
hair covered in your oversized hat,
companioned with Them,
you and I,
simultaneous acknowledgment through disassociation and a
quick turn of the head

averted gazes which become afterthoughts heretofor

the fire I lacked burning strong

the desire you lacked echoing firm

the solidity showing through,
despite your word
long broken
never forgot
to be thought
of, often, at least weekly,
while alone in a state of early preparation,
harvesting, collecting, forming, creation-that-is-not

always on the tip of my finger
just a breath away from my lips,
eyes closed,
so many nights I have cried for you
held my own arms close to my chest
wondered
queried,
yet silence.

I can feel your judgment now,
your naive musings on the nature of connection;
what it must be like to feel connections but not connected

and still I yearn

ebb, pull
feel your warm embrace

wrapped in the sorrow of the future prematurely told,
gazed through my too-wise eyes to the core of the matter,
turned around and yet even still proven correct
as these eyes never lie

do you still silently shiver at night?

do you still lash out at the demons in your mind,
reaching but retracting over the wire to
the helpless you pull in?

Condemnation for you I seek,
though I know not if I could deliver.

all I ask if that you take good care of the last of my hope;
hold it dear,
hold it close;
you keep what you kill, and
for that, I give it to you.

I miss.