hmmm again..
Well 16 more days till its been half a year, and yes people I will make a big deal outta it so watch out the 15!
You never know what your really getting yourself into till you try, I thought I would get myself into a mess again, Well at first I couldn't even believe what was happening, but after awhile of knowing that Sean did drugs and his past I had two aspects on him... one being that he will stay the same way after awhile of getting to know me, or two he will change and everything of his past will be forgotten... Well I was wrong on both. He did change with his drugs and everything that I know of has stopped... except drinking and smoking but some things you really can't stop and I understand that. Also he hasn't forgotten his past, I know everything day he thinks of it, and its werid to know that he still wants it but also to know that you want to be with him so much and to make him so happy that you are willing to let him go for him to be happy once again, even if it continues with drugs and everything that was once before.
The first month wasn't so great really, I mean it was because it was someone so great but I really didn't understand why it was me, when there were plenty of prettier girls than me throughout the whole school and even in his own age group. I didn't believe that it was real so already I wanted to give up... sadly I did. Yet I hung on knowing that if I did that I'd get something out of it as well as he was if he was messing around, most of the time I didn't think that way because I was so happy being with him. So now that almost 5 months have gone by I see that everything is great, yeah sure once in awhile we have little things going on like him getting me sad but I can never stay sad because he is such an awesome person and he knows that right thing to say when I'm down. He understands where I come from and most of the time do what I do. Yet it still kind of saddens me because he won't move on from his friends and I guess he still gets really sad and cuts himself, Yeah sorry sean I said that but I need some help knowing why. Sean you promised me you'd never do that again, and I did once understand you did it because I broke the promise and I overdosed on pills but now I've learned that it hurts other people, and when I see new cuts on you I feel like braking down because I don't understand why you do it, why can't you just move on, if your having a good time here and your doing better here why not just stay and forget, not the people and good memories but the bad and how you can't see them again, but trust me if it was to make you happy I'd even try my hardest to get you to go there to see all of them once again, all I want is to see you happy and so far I see that only once in awhile. I day dream a lot and I can guess or dream about things that I think will happen, heres a couple of them. In the matter of a year and 4 months Sean will move and almost be 18 he'll want to go back to mass. and see everyone but nothing will be the same, or everything will be the same and he'll return to his oldself, the sean I dislike. Or him and I will still be together and he would stay here with me, living down stairs... I think about these things often and I know he would most likely want to go back to mass. and at this point I'm all for that because i could understand, but what I don't understand is why he would leave me... if he says he loves me then why leave? I might be being selfish but I have never been so happy in my life, why would I just want that to go away? I wouldn't I'd want it forever, I could never get tired of him, when I think I do I learn new things about him which keep me going for awhile. I have never cried so much joy in my life before, mostly its been tears of sadness but now its just plain joy! I love being with him, I love everything about him, I love how he knows everything about me what I do and even if he is guessing about it, it's like he knows the real me. I never would want someone so great to just go, and when he does it would be the hardly moment in my life, but I'd just have to take it...
Sean... I love you
Well I guess I'm finished for now...