Tales Of A Time Agency - 12/?
Title: Tales of A Time Agency - 12/?
Rating: 15 to NC-17 to be safe.
Characters: Jack, Ianto, John Hart, Toshiko, Owen, Gwen, Martha, The Doctor
Pairings: Predominantly Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter, Ianto faces the reality of his actions whilst discovering something about Jack along the way, and Toshiko finally demands answers from Owen.
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: I bring TOATA….at long last. And as always I am longing to know what you think of it! Completely unbeta’d this chapter too, so any mistakes that you find are completely and utterly down to me and my useless proof reading. But anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and as always, you know how much I love your comments if you have the time. :)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
As usual I have to dedicate my writing to my four amazing writing buddies. So to 2nd_toshiko , who always manages to make me smile whatever my mood and make me giggle beyond belief, to naddypants , who has given me so much confidence in my writing and is a brilliant writer in her own right, to thehubsitter , for listening to all my TOATA ramblings and pretending they make sense, whilst giving me some great advice too, and to morgia , who is the supportive big sister I never had. Thank you all so so much!!
Especially dedicated to the gorgeous naddypants , who was kind enough to make me the special TOATA icon! Thank you sweetie!!
One more morning of waking up to someone new.
It was something that Ianto Jones was beginning to get used to after the last couple of days.
The air was quiet and still, the particles only disturbed by the distant rumble of Jack’s breathing beside him. The atmosphere of Jack’s bedroom had lost all of its previous warmth, all of the heat and intensity that he could remember from barely hours before dissipated and long gone. Instead it was chilled, biting at his face and chest, causing him to pull at the bed covers in a feeble attempt to cover his rapidly cooling skin. At least beneath the sheets it was warm, and he could at least be sheltered by Jack’s body as it slowly radiated heat beside him. It was surreal, having such a peaceful form beside him whilst Ianto had never felt more restless in himself. He couldn’t help but notice how calm the older cadet looked either as he slept, the way his features relaxed and softened as sleep washed its way through his body. It was almost difficult to believe that the man that lay behind those closed eyelids was Jack….so angry and temperamental, yet at the same time so complex and unbelievable. One man who seemed to harbour more and more contradictions the longer he knew him. Ianto smiled to himself, reaching and stroking a solitary finger across Jack’s cheekbone, across the purple skin where John’s blow had so obviously met its mark. The younger cadet paused; sighing as he softly shook his head. All because of him.
It made things easier, Jack being asleep. Whilst his lover was unconscious Ianto had no answers to face, nothing to justify and nothing to defend. He could even let his own worries and anxieties slip to the back of his mind, let them lie there docile whilst he focused on the way that Jack’s body lay frozen beside his. But at the same time, Ianto knew that they could not stay there for ever. At some point, Jack would wake up, and along with him so would all those questions seeking answers, and even all those answers without questions that were currently lying dormant between them. And for one of the first times in his life, Ianto honestly had nothing to say to any of them.
His movements slow and deliberate, he climbed out of bed, shivers running down the length of his body as the cold air launched a fresh assault on his skin. He padded around the room, retrieving his clothes, throwing them onto his body as haphazardly yet as quickly as possible. If he could just leave before all the questions arrived, then he wouldn’t have to face them. At least, not in the near future.
Yet again, Ianto Jones was running from the truth. From his feelings. From himself.
It was only when he was fully dressed that Ianto noticed something, so small that it could be easily missed, yet prominent enough to scream out at him to take notice of it. He stepped towards the shelf opposite Jack’s bed, looking behind him to make sure that the other man remained soundly asleep. Satisfied, Ianto turned back to the shelf, his eyes gazing at the object in curiosity. It was rectangular in shape, a small metal frame that was about the same size as his outstretched hand. The rough shine of the frame caught the morning light, sending a soft shine out to meet his eyes as Ianto reached out and picked it up with a quiet ‘clunk’. Bringing it closer to his face, he stared intently at the picture inside the frame, straining his eyes at the details within the small image.
There were four people stood in a group, each of their faces bright and beaming as they all looked right at Ianto through the glass. One was a woman of medium height with soft blonde hair and a pretty smile. Beside her a tall man stood, his arm slung tightly around her shoulders, as if he was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world. His blue eyes were familiar, the lines around them soft yet worldly in some respects. In front of the couple stood two boys, one with brown curly hair, the wiry mass spiralling by his cheeks, the other looking to be older with his father’s eyes and cropped brown hair. Ianto blinked hard, staring at the older boy for a second longer. His face was so familiar, so……Jack. In the left hand corner of the picture, Ianto could just make out some writing scrawled messily in black ink. “Boeshane - 5053”.
“Finished?” Ianto’s heart thumped in his chest as strong arms wound around his waist, the soft pressure of a chin pushing down onto his shoulder. He gasped, the adrenaline of being caught pulsing in his mind.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“Obviously.” Jack replied, pressing a soft kiss behind his right ear. “You weren’t thinking of leaving without saying good bye were you?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Of course you didn’t.” The older man chuckled behind him, his hot breath tickling against Ianto’s ear. “Checking up on me then are you?” He reached around Ianto, taking the frame in his hands and placing it back on the shelf.
“Is that you? In the picture?”
“You think I have random pictures of families in my room for fun?” Jack laughed, raising an eyebrow as Ianto turned round to face him reluctantly. “Yeah….its me.”
“And your family?”
“Yes.”
“That’s all I get?”
“It’s all you asked for.” Jack smiled, stroking a hand up his side.
“Won’t you tell me about them?”
“No.” The older cadet shook his head, his hands immediately dropping limply to his sides. “Don’t make me talk about them.”
“But Boeshane…..that’s in the outer rim. Surely they miss you?”
“I said…..” Jack’s blunt voice rang out, his tone almost angry. “Don’t make me talk about them.” He paused, his gaze averting from Ianto’s for a fleeting moment before returning, just as soft as it had been before, the emotional lapse gone just as quickly as it had arrived. “So…..were you in some kind of hurry to get home?”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well….” Jack smiled, running a soft hand across the line of Ianto’s belt. “You’re all dressed…….generally I can take a hint.” He raised a solitary eyebrow. “I’ve not done something wrong have I?”
“Wrong? No, no….not at all.”
“Then why leave so soon?”
“Didn’t think that room and board were part of my deal….that all.” Ianto laughed, his voice deliberately light in order to avoid the questions that he knew were now bursting to escape Jack’s lips.
“Yan…..be serious with me.”
“I am.”
“You’re not!” The older cadet half laughed in reply, his tone emblazoned with a soft edge of frustration. “Gods….you let me fuck you last night…you could at least be honest with me.”
“Jack….” The younger man couldn’t help but blush. “Do you have to say it as bluntly as that?”
“Sorry. But still……it’s the truth.”
“Yeah well….” Running a nervous hand through his hair, Ianto desperately tried to search for the right words for their predicament. “I guess I wanted to avoid all this…. That’s all.”
“All what?”
“All this talking, all this justification!”
“I’m not asking you to justify last night Yan.” Jack smiled softly, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “Coming three times was good enough for me….” He smirked in satisfaction as he watched Ianto’s cheeks flow an even deeper shade of crimson. “I just don’t want you to keep acting like this….you know….so fucking awkward.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“I know you don’t.”
“It’s just……I don’t see where we go on from here. I mean really Jack….what the hell more can happen after last night?”
“Must you map everything out like this?” The other cadet replied softly, running a hand through Ianto’s hair and pulling him into an almost affectionate kiss. “Why does something more have to come after this? Why can’t you just accept that the quite frankly amazing sex we had last night is all we need?” He paused, blue eyes glinting as he continued to grin. “What else could we need? Really?”
“I don’t know Jack……I just want things to be clear. I want us to be clear.”
“Yan….for fuck’s sake, as far as I can see we are clear. Crystal clear even. You’re the one who’s inventing all the complications.”
“I’m not….its just not that simple.”
“It is. You just refuse to acknowledge the simplicity of anything.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Believe me Jones….it is. For the entire time I have known you, you have always thought about things far too much.”
“I don’t-”
“You do!” Jack laughed, shaking his head. “I’ve never known anyone who over analyses things like you do.” He paused, snatching Ianto’s hand in a swift movement and pulling him towards the bed. “Come back to bed with me…..”
“Jack….. I can’t….I have to go.”
“No you don’t.” The other man smiled. “You’re going to go home and think about last night, and then you’re going to tell yourself that for whatever reason it was all a bad idea.”
“And?”
“And…..” Jack smirked, bringing him close for a deep kiss, holding their faces together once they had parted. “If you are going to do that….I intend to fuck you so senseless that you can’t make that decision for at least another hour….”
For once, something inside Ianto Jones’ head was happy to comply…..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking a promise made to another person is considered unacceptable.
Breaking a promise made to yourself is just a cry for help.
But Toshiko Sato was doing just that.
It was well known to her that she hated things that had no answer. In her mind, Tosh liked to be able to relate everything back to what she knew, what she was good at. She often found that equations, sometimes even rudimentary in her mind, would help her to decode her life, to allow her to apply logic to any situation and therefore be able to reach a painless conclusion. Or at least that was her theory anyway. Except, just as in maths she hated being beaten by an equation where the solution escaped her, in life she hated not having the answers she craved. The enigma that had become her relationship with Owen…..that had become one of the most frustrating problems of all.
The trepidation that riddled her intestines was enough to make her turn back, yet the adrenaline pushing through her brain was enough to push her onwards, down the familiar corridor and back towards the site of so much heartbreak. Back towards the source of so much heartbreak. Except…..the last few days had filled her with a heady resolve, given her the strength she needed to push her naivety aside. After all, only a few days had passed since her world had been turned on its head, but within the deep intensity of TARA, her experiences could have lasted months.
If she had had the time to think as her hand connected sharply with Owen’s door, then she would have been telling herself to run, pleading with the curiosity that dwelled in her brain to go back home, to pretend that all through the day’s training she hadn’t been thinking about Owen, thinking about that unfinished sentence that had haunted even her dreams the night before. But the curiosity…the need was too much, her natural craving for information aiding this particular quest for answers and making the urge to go and talk to Owen seem far too great. She needed something…..something that felt unknown to her. Maybe it was the truth, or maybe it was closure, but somehow Toshiko knew that the only way to rid Owen Harper from her thoughts would be to confront him face to face…..
“Tosh?” Bleary brown eyes met hers as a face peered around the door, the tone of his voice caught between surprise and the husky under tones of alcohol. As the door opened further, she could smell it….a wave putrid fumes, accompanied by the bitter tang of nicotine and the sickly sweet aroma of a cocktail of mood enhancing drugs. It was enough to make her own eyes sting and start to blur slightly, tears fighting a futile attempt to keep the smoke from penetrating her eyes lids further. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I want answers Owen.”
“Do you?” The man laughed bitterly. “I thought you had said everything to me you needed to?”
“I’ve had time to think since then.”
“You’ve been thinking about me?”
“Not you, what you said.”
“Same thing.”
“It isn’t.” Toshiko swallowed softly, edging closer to him. “It really isn’t.”
“I’m assuming you want to question me inside?” Owen sighed in return, opening the door to allow her past. “Unless your planning on advertising us further to the rest of the Academy that is?”
Tosh found herself nodding, before stepping forwards into the gloomy room. The air was murky and oppressive around her, smoke continuing to choke her and she took in her surroundings. What little light that was permeating into the room past the thick blinds that covered the glass of the windows seemed to surround her in a hazy orange slight, making everything seem foggy and out of focus. She could barely believe that it was possible for his quarters to change so much in such a brief period of time….
“Sit down if you want.” The medic grunted, watching her as she sat down nervously on the edge of his bed. “Can I get you a drink?”
“No.” Toshiko shook her head. “I’m not planning on staying here long.”
“Then can you just spit it out and leave me in peace?”
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t speak to me like that for a start.”
“I can speak to you how I want. I never asked for you to come here.”
“You’ve made that point loud and clear Owen.” Tosh sighed, sweeping her hair out from her eyes. “But fine….since you want things out in the open so much. I’m only here because I wanted you to finish your sentence.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Yesterday morning with Mary. You started saying something, but you never finished.”
“No…well….” Owen breathed, pinching the top of his nose as he sat down heavily beside her. “Your little girlfriend put an end to that didn’t she?”
“Don’t talk about her like that..-”
“Why not Tosh?” The medic laughed darkly. “Can’t say it didn’t surprise me though, you’ve moved on fast….”
“It wasn’t like that. I never expected to find her.”
“Ahhh…..don’t tell me…..your eyes met across a smoky room and everything just fell into place?” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “What a fucking cliché.”
“You really are a complete bastard aren’t you Owen?”
“Maybe….yet you’re still here.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “Why aren’t you with her instead of being here with me?”
“I……I don’t know.” Tosh replied, biting her lip nervously. “I just want answers Owen, I just want some clarity.”
“And you’ve come to me for that?”
“You’re the only one who can give it to me.” She paused, unsure of what to do as she let her hand rest on his thigh. “Please….”
“Are you happy with her? This Mary?”
“What?”
“Answer my question Tosh.”
“Of course I am.” Tosh shook her head, trying to affirm the question’s apparent lack of relevance. “She’s different….special even.”
“Then….” Toshiko could have sworn that she almost saw a flinch grace Owen’s features. “You don’t want me to tell you what I want.”
“I do.”
“You don’t alright?” He shook his head, standing up and moving away from her, pacing like a caged animal. “For once in your life Tosh, try and be less persistent.”
“I want answers Owen…..what’s so wrong with you giving them to me?”
“You just don’t get it do you?”
“Get what?”
“The fact that there are just some things that you shouldn’t know.”
“And what makes you think that you can decide what I do and don’t know?” She laughed softly. “Face it Owen, even you don’t have that kind of power over me.”
“For fuck’s sake Tosh!” The medic almost screamed in frustration, his hands grabbing at his hair. “Believe me, the truth could change everything.”
“And I want to know it. I don’t want to be so confused anymore Owen!”
“Confused? Toshiko….are you blind?”
“Blind to what?”
“To me! Can’t you see it?! Can’t you see what’s happened to me without you?!” He held out his arms, indicating to the room around him. “Look around you Tosh! It’s like I don’t care anymore….. like when you’re not with me, I’m out of focus. And I’m scared…..I’m fucking scared because I don’t know how you have done this to me!”
“Owen…..please….” Sensing that he had come to a natural stand still Toshiko slowly stood up, resting her hand on his shoulder. “Owen….I’m so sorry….”
“Now do you see?” He swallowed hard, blinking as he met her gaze. “What I wanted to tell you….was that I want you. I want you back Tosh, I want what we had-”
“But you said there was always someone else…”
“There was.” The medic nodded grimly. “Until you left. Then it was like no one else mattered.” He sighed, taking her hand in his, squeezing it softly. “But you’ve got me so scared….”
“Why?”
“I haven’t felt like this in so long…..I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of hurting you.”
“I don’t think I could do that again….you broke my heart Owen….”
“I know….but I never knew. Not then.”
“And there’s Mary….she’s been so good to me, she would always be good to me….”
“I know that too.” He sighed, reaching up to cup her face with his right hand. “I don’t want to ruin that….if it’s what you want.” He laughed softly. “I’m not a complete bastard after all….”
“You’re close….” She had hoped for the words to come out bitter and twisted, but instead her voice was lighter, more forgiving. There was something about his words that had affected her, something which has seemed so heartfelt that she felt like one half of her psyche should be celebrating just from the mere mention of them. Moments later, without thinking Toshiko was leaning into him, letting his hand guide her lips to his, letting their mouths meet so tentatively at first that it almost felt as if it was their first kiss. But as soon as she could taste him, remember his familiar scent and that gentle pressure of his lips, Toshiko found herself deepening the kiss in seconds. Within minutes her arms were tight around his neck, her tongue completely submitting to his as she felt those same strong arms she had longed for wrap around her waist. Her body was craving the familiar touch, pushing closer to him, her hips scraping against his as she fell further and further into the depths of the kiss, the hazy room around her distorting and twisting from all recognition in her mind’s eye. His hands reminded her of those two months she had vowed to forget as they trailed through her hair, awakened those bittersweet memories she had been hiding from as a single hand moved up her top to cup her breast. Through the cloudiness of ecstasy Toshiko has lost most coherent thought, her mind too hazy to be able to focus on a single image for long. Except for one… Mary…..the one woman who had invested so much time and effort into her in such a small period of time. The one woman who had made her feel special beyond words in those few fleeting days that she had known her. The one woman she was now betraying…..
“Owen….no…” Toshiko was pulling away in seconds, a false sense of loyalty and guilt suddenly forming a hard lump in her throat. “This is too fast….”
“But I thought….”
“I don’t know what you thought Owen.” She forced a smile, keeping hold of one of his hands. “But I need time….I can’t think like this.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know….but I need space. This is too much.” Sighing softly, she leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to his lips. “I have to go….”
“Are you going back to her?”
“I have to Owen…… I’m caught between you both.”
“I understand.” He nodded, releasing her hand and looking away, his sad eyes unable to meet her gaze. “I should never have put you in this position…..”
“No…..I asked for the truth. I can’t blame you for giving it to me.” She nodded softly, heading towards the door. “I’ll talk to you again soon… I just need to be able to get my head around all of this. Make myself understand it all.” She nodded softly towards him, opening the door and stepping out into the corridor. “I’m sorry.”
Even though he knew he was the one who should have been apologising Owen watched her leave, his mouth open to speak yet silent of words. The words were all there, but they were rushing around his brain, being analysed and cross analysed, not yet ready to be spoken. He wanted to be able to stand there and convince her, persuade her that he was the one she really wanted, that everything she had with Mary could only ever be an illusion compared to what they had together. But he couldn’t do it. For once, Owen could not be that selfish, he couldn’t take this from Toshiko. After all, this was her decision, her choice, and who was he to rob her of that? No, this would be something that he would have to step away from, a feeling that felt so alien to him after spending his whole life leaving absolutely nothing to chance. Maybe that was what made this feel so difficult…..the fact that for the first time Medical Officer Owen Harper was no longer in full control of his life. Of his emotions. And the feeling alone was enough to drive him slowly insane.
After all, he had done all he could. Now all he could do was wait. And waiting had never been something that he had ever been any good at…..
And so yet another chapter of TOATA concludes……but what did we think? Is this series still managing to deliver? *has fingers crossed* I really hope that it is! Anyway, as always the pink writing is where I shamlessly sit her and beg for your comments. As ever, TOATA belongs to you, and so if it has entertained you in any way I would really appreciate your comments. They do keep me writing this, even when the characters refuse to behave in my head! :P So yes, if you have the chance, please leave me a comment. But as always, thank you so so much for reading this far!!
Just Being Me a.k.a Sisi
xxxxxxxxxxx
Click here for chapter 13!!!
Rating: 15 to NC-17 to be safe.
Characters: Jack, Ianto, John Hart, Toshiko, Owen, Gwen, Martha, The Doctor
Pairings: Predominantly Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter, Ianto faces the reality of his actions whilst discovering something about Jack along the way, and Toshiko finally demands answers from Owen.
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: I bring TOATA….at long last. And as always I am longing to know what you think of it! Completely unbeta’d this chapter too, so any mistakes that you find are completely and utterly down to me and my useless proof reading. But anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and as always, you know how much I love your comments if you have the time. :)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
As usual I have to dedicate my writing to my four amazing writing buddies. So to 2nd_toshiko , who always manages to make me smile whatever my mood and make me giggle beyond belief, to naddypants , who has given me so much confidence in my writing and is a brilliant writer in her own right, to thehubsitter , for listening to all my TOATA ramblings and pretending they make sense, whilst giving me some great advice too, and to morgia , who is the supportive big sister I never had. Thank you all so so much!!
Especially dedicated to the gorgeous naddypants , who was kind enough to make me the special TOATA icon! Thank you sweetie!!
One more morning of waking up to someone new.
It was something that Ianto Jones was beginning to get used to after the last couple of days.
The air was quiet and still, the particles only disturbed by the distant rumble of Jack’s breathing beside him. The atmosphere of Jack’s bedroom had lost all of its previous warmth, all of the heat and intensity that he could remember from barely hours before dissipated and long gone. Instead it was chilled, biting at his face and chest, causing him to pull at the bed covers in a feeble attempt to cover his rapidly cooling skin. At least beneath the sheets it was warm, and he could at least be sheltered by Jack’s body as it slowly radiated heat beside him. It was surreal, having such a peaceful form beside him whilst Ianto had never felt more restless in himself. He couldn’t help but notice how calm the older cadet looked either as he slept, the way his features relaxed and softened as sleep washed its way through his body. It was almost difficult to believe that the man that lay behind those closed eyelids was Jack….so angry and temperamental, yet at the same time so complex and unbelievable. One man who seemed to harbour more and more contradictions the longer he knew him. Ianto smiled to himself, reaching and stroking a solitary finger across Jack’s cheekbone, across the purple skin where John’s blow had so obviously met its mark. The younger cadet paused; sighing as he softly shook his head. All because of him.
It made things easier, Jack being asleep. Whilst his lover was unconscious Ianto had no answers to face, nothing to justify and nothing to defend. He could even let his own worries and anxieties slip to the back of his mind, let them lie there docile whilst he focused on the way that Jack’s body lay frozen beside his. But at the same time, Ianto knew that they could not stay there for ever. At some point, Jack would wake up, and along with him so would all those questions seeking answers, and even all those answers without questions that were currently lying dormant between them. And for one of the first times in his life, Ianto honestly had nothing to say to any of them.
His movements slow and deliberate, he climbed out of bed, shivers running down the length of his body as the cold air launched a fresh assault on his skin. He padded around the room, retrieving his clothes, throwing them onto his body as haphazardly yet as quickly as possible. If he could just leave before all the questions arrived, then he wouldn’t have to face them. At least, not in the near future.
Yet again, Ianto Jones was running from the truth. From his feelings. From himself.
It was only when he was fully dressed that Ianto noticed something, so small that it could be easily missed, yet prominent enough to scream out at him to take notice of it. He stepped towards the shelf opposite Jack’s bed, looking behind him to make sure that the other man remained soundly asleep. Satisfied, Ianto turned back to the shelf, his eyes gazing at the object in curiosity. It was rectangular in shape, a small metal frame that was about the same size as his outstretched hand. The rough shine of the frame caught the morning light, sending a soft shine out to meet his eyes as Ianto reached out and picked it up with a quiet ‘clunk’. Bringing it closer to his face, he stared intently at the picture inside the frame, straining his eyes at the details within the small image.
There were four people stood in a group, each of their faces bright and beaming as they all looked right at Ianto through the glass. One was a woman of medium height with soft blonde hair and a pretty smile. Beside her a tall man stood, his arm slung tightly around her shoulders, as if he was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world. His blue eyes were familiar, the lines around them soft yet worldly in some respects. In front of the couple stood two boys, one with brown curly hair, the wiry mass spiralling by his cheeks, the other looking to be older with his father’s eyes and cropped brown hair. Ianto blinked hard, staring at the older boy for a second longer. His face was so familiar, so……Jack. In the left hand corner of the picture, Ianto could just make out some writing scrawled messily in black ink. “Boeshane - 5053”.
“Finished?” Ianto’s heart thumped in his chest as strong arms wound around his waist, the soft pressure of a chin pushing down onto his shoulder. He gasped, the adrenaline of being caught pulsing in his mind.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“Obviously.” Jack replied, pressing a soft kiss behind his right ear. “You weren’t thinking of leaving without saying good bye were you?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Of course you didn’t.” The older man chuckled behind him, his hot breath tickling against Ianto’s ear. “Checking up on me then are you?” He reached around Ianto, taking the frame in his hands and placing it back on the shelf.
“Is that you? In the picture?”
“You think I have random pictures of families in my room for fun?” Jack laughed, raising an eyebrow as Ianto turned round to face him reluctantly. “Yeah….its me.”
“And your family?”
“Yes.”
“That’s all I get?”
“It’s all you asked for.” Jack smiled, stroking a hand up his side.
“Won’t you tell me about them?”
“No.” The older cadet shook his head, his hands immediately dropping limply to his sides. “Don’t make me talk about them.”
“But Boeshane…..that’s in the outer rim. Surely they miss you?”
“I said…..” Jack’s blunt voice rang out, his tone almost angry. “Don’t make me talk about them.” He paused, his gaze averting from Ianto’s for a fleeting moment before returning, just as soft as it had been before, the emotional lapse gone just as quickly as it had arrived. “So…..were you in some kind of hurry to get home?”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well….” Jack smiled, running a soft hand across the line of Ianto’s belt. “You’re all dressed…….generally I can take a hint.” He raised a solitary eyebrow. “I’ve not done something wrong have I?”
“Wrong? No, no….not at all.”
“Then why leave so soon?”
“Didn’t think that room and board were part of my deal….that all.” Ianto laughed, his voice deliberately light in order to avoid the questions that he knew were now bursting to escape Jack’s lips.
“Yan…..be serious with me.”
“I am.”
“You’re not!” The older cadet half laughed in reply, his tone emblazoned with a soft edge of frustration. “Gods….you let me fuck you last night…you could at least be honest with me.”
“Jack….” The younger man couldn’t help but blush. “Do you have to say it as bluntly as that?”
“Sorry. But still……it’s the truth.”
“Yeah well….” Running a nervous hand through his hair, Ianto desperately tried to search for the right words for their predicament. “I guess I wanted to avoid all this…. That’s all.”
“All what?”
“All this talking, all this justification!”
“I’m not asking you to justify last night Yan.” Jack smiled softly, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “Coming three times was good enough for me….” He smirked in satisfaction as he watched Ianto’s cheeks flow an even deeper shade of crimson. “I just don’t want you to keep acting like this….you know….so fucking awkward.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“I know you don’t.”
“It’s just……I don’t see where we go on from here. I mean really Jack….what the hell more can happen after last night?”
“Must you map everything out like this?” The other cadet replied softly, running a hand through Ianto’s hair and pulling him into an almost affectionate kiss. “Why does something more have to come after this? Why can’t you just accept that the quite frankly amazing sex we had last night is all we need?” He paused, blue eyes glinting as he continued to grin. “What else could we need? Really?”
“I don’t know Jack……I just want things to be clear. I want us to be clear.”
“Yan….for fuck’s sake, as far as I can see we are clear. Crystal clear even. You’re the one who’s inventing all the complications.”
“I’m not….its just not that simple.”
“It is. You just refuse to acknowledge the simplicity of anything.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Believe me Jones….it is. For the entire time I have known you, you have always thought about things far too much.”
“I don’t-”
“You do!” Jack laughed, shaking his head. “I’ve never known anyone who over analyses things like you do.” He paused, snatching Ianto’s hand in a swift movement and pulling him towards the bed. “Come back to bed with me…..”
“Jack….. I can’t….I have to go.”
“No you don’t.” The other man smiled. “You’re going to go home and think about last night, and then you’re going to tell yourself that for whatever reason it was all a bad idea.”
“And?”
“And…..” Jack smirked, bringing him close for a deep kiss, holding their faces together once they had parted. “If you are going to do that….I intend to fuck you so senseless that you can’t make that decision for at least another hour….”
For once, something inside Ianto Jones’ head was happy to comply…..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking a promise made to another person is considered unacceptable.
Breaking a promise made to yourself is just a cry for help.
But Toshiko Sato was doing just that.
It was well known to her that she hated things that had no answer. In her mind, Tosh liked to be able to relate everything back to what she knew, what she was good at. She often found that equations, sometimes even rudimentary in her mind, would help her to decode her life, to allow her to apply logic to any situation and therefore be able to reach a painless conclusion. Or at least that was her theory anyway. Except, just as in maths she hated being beaten by an equation where the solution escaped her, in life she hated not having the answers she craved. The enigma that had become her relationship with Owen…..that had become one of the most frustrating problems of all.
The trepidation that riddled her intestines was enough to make her turn back, yet the adrenaline pushing through her brain was enough to push her onwards, down the familiar corridor and back towards the site of so much heartbreak. Back towards the source of so much heartbreak. Except…..the last few days had filled her with a heady resolve, given her the strength she needed to push her naivety aside. After all, only a few days had passed since her world had been turned on its head, but within the deep intensity of TARA, her experiences could have lasted months.
If she had had the time to think as her hand connected sharply with Owen’s door, then she would have been telling herself to run, pleading with the curiosity that dwelled in her brain to go back home, to pretend that all through the day’s training she hadn’t been thinking about Owen, thinking about that unfinished sentence that had haunted even her dreams the night before. But the curiosity…the need was too much, her natural craving for information aiding this particular quest for answers and making the urge to go and talk to Owen seem far too great. She needed something…..something that felt unknown to her. Maybe it was the truth, or maybe it was closure, but somehow Toshiko knew that the only way to rid Owen Harper from her thoughts would be to confront him face to face…..
“Tosh?” Bleary brown eyes met hers as a face peered around the door, the tone of his voice caught between surprise and the husky under tones of alcohol. As the door opened further, she could smell it….a wave putrid fumes, accompanied by the bitter tang of nicotine and the sickly sweet aroma of a cocktail of mood enhancing drugs. It was enough to make her own eyes sting and start to blur slightly, tears fighting a futile attempt to keep the smoke from penetrating her eyes lids further. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I want answers Owen.”
“Do you?” The man laughed bitterly. “I thought you had said everything to me you needed to?”
“I’ve had time to think since then.”
“You’ve been thinking about me?”
“Not you, what you said.”
“Same thing.”
“It isn’t.” Toshiko swallowed softly, edging closer to him. “It really isn’t.”
“I’m assuming you want to question me inside?” Owen sighed in return, opening the door to allow her past. “Unless your planning on advertising us further to the rest of the Academy that is?”
Tosh found herself nodding, before stepping forwards into the gloomy room. The air was murky and oppressive around her, smoke continuing to choke her and she took in her surroundings. What little light that was permeating into the room past the thick blinds that covered the glass of the windows seemed to surround her in a hazy orange slight, making everything seem foggy and out of focus. She could barely believe that it was possible for his quarters to change so much in such a brief period of time….
“Sit down if you want.” The medic grunted, watching her as she sat down nervously on the edge of his bed. “Can I get you a drink?”
“No.” Toshiko shook her head. “I’m not planning on staying here long.”
“Then can you just spit it out and leave me in peace?”
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t speak to me like that for a start.”
“I can speak to you how I want. I never asked for you to come here.”
“You’ve made that point loud and clear Owen.” Tosh sighed, sweeping her hair out from her eyes. “But fine….since you want things out in the open so much. I’m only here because I wanted you to finish your sentence.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Yesterday morning with Mary. You started saying something, but you never finished.”
“No…well….” Owen breathed, pinching the top of his nose as he sat down heavily beside her. “Your little girlfriend put an end to that didn’t she?”
“Don’t talk about her like that..-”
“Why not Tosh?” The medic laughed darkly. “Can’t say it didn’t surprise me though, you’ve moved on fast….”
“It wasn’t like that. I never expected to find her.”
“Ahhh…..don’t tell me…..your eyes met across a smoky room and everything just fell into place?” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “What a fucking cliché.”
“You really are a complete bastard aren’t you Owen?”
“Maybe….yet you’re still here.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “Why aren’t you with her instead of being here with me?”
“I……I don’t know.” Tosh replied, biting her lip nervously. “I just want answers Owen, I just want some clarity.”
“And you’ve come to me for that?”
“You’re the only one who can give it to me.” She paused, unsure of what to do as she let her hand rest on his thigh. “Please….”
“Are you happy with her? This Mary?”
“What?”
“Answer my question Tosh.”
“Of course I am.” Tosh shook her head, trying to affirm the question’s apparent lack of relevance. “She’s different….special even.”
“Then….” Toshiko could have sworn that she almost saw a flinch grace Owen’s features. “You don’t want me to tell you what I want.”
“I do.”
“You don’t alright?” He shook his head, standing up and moving away from her, pacing like a caged animal. “For once in your life Tosh, try and be less persistent.”
“I want answers Owen…..what’s so wrong with you giving them to me?”
“You just don’t get it do you?”
“Get what?”
“The fact that there are just some things that you shouldn’t know.”
“And what makes you think that you can decide what I do and don’t know?” She laughed softly. “Face it Owen, even you don’t have that kind of power over me.”
“For fuck’s sake Tosh!” The medic almost screamed in frustration, his hands grabbing at his hair. “Believe me, the truth could change everything.”
“And I want to know it. I don’t want to be so confused anymore Owen!”
“Confused? Toshiko….are you blind?”
“Blind to what?”
“To me! Can’t you see it?! Can’t you see what’s happened to me without you?!” He held out his arms, indicating to the room around him. “Look around you Tosh! It’s like I don’t care anymore….. like when you’re not with me, I’m out of focus. And I’m scared…..I’m fucking scared because I don’t know how you have done this to me!”
“Owen…..please….” Sensing that he had come to a natural stand still Toshiko slowly stood up, resting her hand on his shoulder. “Owen….I’m so sorry….”
“Now do you see?” He swallowed hard, blinking as he met her gaze. “What I wanted to tell you….was that I want you. I want you back Tosh, I want what we had-”
“But you said there was always someone else…”
“There was.” The medic nodded grimly. “Until you left. Then it was like no one else mattered.” He sighed, taking her hand in his, squeezing it softly. “But you’ve got me so scared….”
“Why?”
“I haven’t felt like this in so long…..I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of hurting you.”
“I don’t think I could do that again….you broke my heart Owen….”
“I know….but I never knew. Not then.”
“And there’s Mary….she’s been so good to me, she would always be good to me….”
“I know that too.” He sighed, reaching up to cup her face with his right hand. “I don’t want to ruin that….if it’s what you want.” He laughed softly. “I’m not a complete bastard after all….”
“You’re close….” She had hoped for the words to come out bitter and twisted, but instead her voice was lighter, more forgiving. There was something about his words that had affected her, something which has seemed so heartfelt that she felt like one half of her psyche should be celebrating just from the mere mention of them. Moments later, without thinking Toshiko was leaning into him, letting his hand guide her lips to his, letting their mouths meet so tentatively at first that it almost felt as if it was their first kiss. But as soon as she could taste him, remember his familiar scent and that gentle pressure of his lips, Toshiko found herself deepening the kiss in seconds. Within minutes her arms were tight around his neck, her tongue completely submitting to his as she felt those same strong arms she had longed for wrap around her waist. Her body was craving the familiar touch, pushing closer to him, her hips scraping against his as she fell further and further into the depths of the kiss, the hazy room around her distorting and twisting from all recognition in her mind’s eye. His hands reminded her of those two months she had vowed to forget as they trailed through her hair, awakened those bittersweet memories she had been hiding from as a single hand moved up her top to cup her breast. Through the cloudiness of ecstasy Toshiko has lost most coherent thought, her mind too hazy to be able to focus on a single image for long. Except for one… Mary…..the one woman who had invested so much time and effort into her in such a small period of time. The one woman who had made her feel special beyond words in those few fleeting days that she had known her. The one woman she was now betraying…..
“Owen….no…” Toshiko was pulling away in seconds, a false sense of loyalty and guilt suddenly forming a hard lump in her throat. “This is too fast….”
“But I thought….”
“I don’t know what you thought Owen.” She forced a smile, keeping hold of one of his hands. “But I need time….I can’t think like this.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know….but I need space. This is too much.” Sighing softly, she leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to his lips. “I have to go….”
“Are you going back to her?”
“I have to Owen…… I’m caught between you both.”
“I understand.” He nodded, releasing her hand and looking away, his sad eyes unable to meet her gaze. “I should never have put you in this position…..”
“No…..I asked for the truth. I can’t blame you for giving it to me.” She nodded softly, heading towards the door. “I’ll talk to you again soon… I just need to be able to get my head around all of this. Make myself understand it all.” She nodded softly towards him, opening the door and stepping out into the corridor. “I’m sorry.”
Even though he knew he was the one who should have been apologising Owen watched her leave, his mouth open to speak yet silent of words. The words were all there, but they were rushing around his brain, being analysed and cross analysed, not yet ready to be spoken. He wanted to be able to stand there and convince her, persuade her that he was the one she really wanted, that everything she had with Mary could only ever be an illusion compared to what they had together. But he couldn’t do it. For once, Owen could not be that selfish, he couldn’t take this from Toshiko. After all, this was her decision, her choice, and who was he to rob her of that? No, this would be something that he would have to step away from, a feeling that felt so alien to him after spending his whole life leaving absolutely nothing to chance. Maybe that was what made this feel so difficult…..the fact that for the first time Medical Officer Owen Harper was no longer in full control of his life. Of his emotions. And the feeling alone was enough to drive him slowly insane.
After all, he had done all he could. Now all he could do was wait. And waiting had never been something that he had ever been any good at…..
And so yet another chapter of TOATA concludes……but what did we think? Is this series still managing to deliver? *has fingers crossed* I really hope that it is! Anyway, as always the pink writing is where I shamlessly sit her and beg for your comments. As ever, TOATA belongs to you, and so if it has entertained you in any way I would really appreciate your comments. They do keep me writing this, even when the characters refuse to behave in my head! :P So yes, if you have the chance, please leave me a comment. But as always, thank you so so much for reading this far!!
Just Being Me a.k.a Sisi
xxxxxxxxxxx
Click here for chapter 13!!!