If He Loves Me Not - Dare To Hope

[just_being_me08]

Title:  If He Loves Me Not (5/? )

Series: Dare To Hope (Co-Written Fic Series!)

Author(s):
2nd_toshikoAND
just_being_me08

Characters/ Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/Sephy, Edospes.

Rating: PG -13 (slight adult language, swearing and moderate violence).

Spoilers: Mainly for the end of DW S3, and TW S1 1x13.

Disclaimer:  We do not own Torchwood/Doctor Who- they are the sole property of Russell T Davies, and the BBC. This was made for purely entertainment purposes, and no money making is intended. If needed to be, can be deleted.

Summary: On returning to Torchwood, Jack finds himself a world that has turned beyond its grave. Can a new member to the team make that much difference? However, the situation only deigns to get worse with time- on Ianto’s own lapse, and a horrific incident, Jack becomes unrecognizable over night- leading to sacrifice after sacrifice that takes its toll on the whole team. Soon, no one can even dare to hope. But………….

Authors Notes: This is our first ever co-written fic series- so please bear this in mind! This series is using the idea of the Seven Deadly Sins, and will contain alternating view points of Jack and Ianto (which basically means one of us is writing Jack, and one of us is writing Ianto). Here, can we also add, this is NOT a Gwen/Jack fic, and never will be. This entire series can be found on both of our journals, throughout, and will be cross-posted.

2nd_toshiko: Jackxianto, Torchwoodslash, Torch_wood.

Just_being_me08: Jantolution, Torchwoodcoffee, Torchwood_fic.

Chapter One: Eternal Recurrence

Chapter Two: Wrath Of The Betrayed

Chapter Three: A Vengeful World

Chapter Four: The Sweetest Torture

Here is the fic!

One second. Give me two. Just a few seconds to know the truth, the whole -honest- truth, before my organs betray me, and run to you.

Look at me once, Ianto, and tell me that you hate me.

That, if we were dangling off a cliff, with me super-glued to your arms, you’d chop off your own arm at the elbow rather than save me.

Loathe me with all your heart.

Only then will I stop hoping. Stop hoping that inside you, somewhere, there is a piece that still regards me as its own. That knows my heart, my body, my mind…my everything. Everything that I used to try so hard to hide.

I feel that its still there- don’t tell me otherwise. With every breathe and every pause we take, I know its there.

I dare you, Yan, to hope.

Because that’s all you’ve left to my name.

To truly, and honestly, hope.

*

I catch his eyes in the din of the alarms, having just walked in. My stomach peels along with the bells, my own internal alarms sending urgent warning signs.

Holding my voice in my throat, I wait, knowing my glaze was penetrating his resistance. But yet, sheer terror is gliding through my skin.

Look at me, Yan. Please tell me you don’t know.

About last night.

I watch his eyes stare at me, with naked hurt and torture clearly visible. Slowly, his glance hardens, drowning again in its blankness.

Gwen, his eyes scream at me.

I’ve lost him.

I’ve lost him.

I’ve lost him.

Funnily, I suddenly don’t care. Undiluted anger rages in my veins, the blood shrieking red fury in my every brain cell.

He has NO right to judge me. Don’t you dare look at me like that? Don’t fake that you are the innocent in all this.

You sure as fuck aren’t.

RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

The Hub’s internal alarms cry mercilessly, making the whole team stare at me. Even now, the agony of rage stays trapped within me, scorching- flaming- me.

I’m Jack Harkness, after all.

I’m the Captain. Of this team, at least.

They depend on me, need me.

But I’m not that strong. I’m not some independent lighthouse that can always fuel itself.

When I’m lost and lonely, who can I depend on?

No one, Jack. What did you expect? The Doctor? Martha or Rose? Owen, Tosh or Gwen…. They’re all mortals. They’re not enough, and they never will be.

‘Jack!’ Owen bellows at me, suddenly. ‘How much fucking longer are you just going to stand there? What- do- we-do?’

Alone, Jack Harkness. No one.

Tosh spoke. ‘I can check the monitors, and single out the major Rift vibration, so we can-‘.

Alone.

‘Tosh, Owen- stay here’ I say, carefully interrupting Tosh’s words. ‘Gwen, Ianto, Sephy; all you too. I think I can handle this. Alone’.

‘What?’

‘WHAT?’

‘But-‘

‘What?!’ Gwen exclaimed, her eyes widening, the gap in her teeth ever-visible. ‘Jack….You can’t do this yourself! What are you talking about? We’ve got to…’

I stare her out, silencing her instantly. ‘I know what I’m doing, Gwen. Don’t patronise me now. And that goes for all of you’.

I turn around, regarding the entire team. ‘Leave this to me’.

‘Jack- stop being an arsehole, for fucks sake’, Owen said, exasperated. ‘For all we know, this Rift opening could be something major. I wouldn’t put anything past it’.

Tosh was typing furiously on her PDA, before dropping it to look at her Captain. ‘Jack…Captain…Please let us come. If anything, at least it would be a precaution.’

Her innocent face beams guilt into my insides- how could she do that to people? That was our Toshiko, always wanting the best for people, willing them to understand that, themselves.

Sometimes, though, Will power isn’t good enough.

‘No’, I concluded, adamantly. This was final. ‘I’m going, you all stay- no objections’.

‘But, Sir-‘  Sephy interjected, before halting. Her eyes caught on Ianto’s, who had been silent all this time, at the same time as mine.

‘Do you want to make something of it?’ I said to her, curtly. Jerking roughly to look at Ianto, I challenged him. ‘Do you?’

Last chance, Yan. Please.

Ianto opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He considers me for a second, before turning away.

You turned away.

‘Stay on the comms’ I croaked finally, my voice turning traitor. ‘And make sure no one comes after me’.

*

The portrayer of the Deadly Sins beckons, the linger of human hope close, so close, surrounding the every orifice.

Come to me, My child, your blood shalt quench my yearning thirst, satisfy my every need. Thou may be worth a thousand creatures, this immortal being of Earth.

Child, come nearer, feel My lure, thee life and faith shalt be the bait to the very soul. Oh, My Life’s Blood is approaching a-steadily, so much Glory thou hold, so much believing. That is thee only undoing, My Dear. Thou shalt be the other part of Me.

Oh, thou art close, Jack Harkness, My child.

A smile rises to My deathly lips, thou art before me, the immortal human.

‘Who are You?’ thou scream, thunder and rain surrounding both of Us. Poor, poor child, thee refusal shalt not help thou here.

Jack Harkness, thee body be Mine, as shalt thee soul.

Thou come to my abode, My lonely cavern of Sin, in the isolated seas. Alone, thou come to Me. Foolish child.

‘STOP! Stop it! What are You?’ Thou shriek and bellow. ‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

Darling Jack, no one shalt thou here.

Thou shalt be Mine.

*

One hour.

Two hours.

Three.

Where is Jack?

Ianto looked at his watch again, as if hr thought it could answer his questions. His shoulders began to tense, setting an invisible barrier around his body, only penetrable by his Captain.

Traitor. You couldn’t show that much love when he was here, could you?

Shut up, Ianto thought, speaking to his own mind. I’m going insane.

‘Ianto’, Sephy whispered, gently. The Welshman jumped at her voice, breaking from his reverie. ‘Calm down- I’m sure Jack’s fine. Ianto…Stop worrying’.

Ianto’s jaw clench at her words. ‘How do you know that’s what I’m worrying about? How do you know something else isn’t on my mind? My…mother. Her health isn’t good. You know, she has heart problems.’

Sephy mentally shook her head, and smiled visibly, with a hint of sadness, at the obvious lie. ‘If you say so’.

Leave me alone, Sephy. I know you think you love me, but you DON’T. Because it can’t be love that you’re feeling. Does your love hurt like this? Do you feel a constant twist in all your organs, an atomic punch in your guts every time you see your lovers face? Do you bleed in your mind like I do? Do you cry yourself to sleep every night? Look at your lovers coffee mug, and feel pain with every drop of coffee in the cup?

You can’t be feeling what I am. What I’m feeling for Jack.

I’m sorry, but its not for you.

Four hours.

After a few silent minutes, Ianto spied a bouquet of roses on Tosh’s desk. Ripping out the note in between them, he plucked a flower, and started to pull at the delicate petals.

He loves me.

Why can’t I forget him? If I can’t forget him, why can’t I openly love him.

Because I won’t give in.

He loves me not.

I’m going to stand my ground, I won’t give in.

He loves me.

But I can’t escape him. He’s in my world, in my everything. Can I take it?

He loves me not.

*

I’m falling.

Deeper and deeper, I sink under, the depth bringing terror to my every bone. I’m drowning, slowly, in the trench of my mind. I can’t get out, lost within the whorls of my own brain.

No one can hear me, I can’t escape. God damn me, I can’t escape. What is happening? I scream, I yell until my throat is sore, but I sink….

And I fall. Help me. I need help. Because I’m slowly forgetting who I am. Everything I held true.

If I close my eyes now, I’m gone. I’ll…become a monster. Why is it so easy to forget everything you hold true? If I don’t stand my ground, someone else will.

Help me, please help me.

‘What are you?’ I yell, the torture reaching every part of my being.

I can’t see. I can’t feel.

Be silent My child. Thou art safe now.

What? What are you? WHERE are you?

Harkness child, I am ….as thou say, YOU.

……..WHAT? STOP, STOP IT…..

Cease hoping, child. Thou do not need It. I can feel it drumming within thou. It is not important, It shalt impair thee life.

What the HELL are you talking about. Stop it….

Thou art a creature of nature, child. It is not thy undoing. Hope. Thou hope for many things, I presume?

What has that got to do with anything? What are you?

I, am a Supreme Being. A creature of much power and superiority to thy species. And answer My question, child.

I….I do. Hope. ….LEAVE ME ALONE! I WON’T LET YOU…I WON’T GIVE IN…

Why dare to hide the truth, child? Thou dare to Hope? A certain other human? Let go, child. Thou do not need him. He is but a worthless creature.

Worthless?

Thou do not need him. Thou have Me.

He doesn’t love me…..

Yes, child. Let go.

Yes….NO!

‘ STOP, STOP IT!’

Child….

‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

*

He loves me.

One petal.

He loves me not.

Another.

‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

What?

Ianto dropped the fragile flower, the weight of the fall crushing its stem. Tosh was tapping furiously at her computer, the monitor blank.

‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

Owen and Gwen ran to Tosh, Jack’s voice emitting painfully through the speakers. Sephy gripped tighter to Ianto, the Welshman stricken with fright.

Jack….He’s….

‘That’s Jack’, Tosh said, quickly, looking confused and scared. ‘But…Why is he only coming from the computer? Owen- is your comm. Working?’

Owen tapped the comm. A couple of times. ‘What the fuck is happening? We’ve…we’ve lost connection’.

‘Well, do something!’ Gwen yelled, hitting the keyboard. ‘What’s going on? JACK? CAN YOU HEAR US?’

Sephy strode over, trying to connect a comm. ‘Of course he can’t…. we can only hear him through the speakers…does anyone know where he is?’

Tosh hit the monitor in fury. ’That’s just it! It’s all died! Just like that! We have no idea where he is, or what’s happened!’

Ianto watched the team around him, their desperation to help him, help their Captain. Gwen and Sephy trying to locate the area, Owen helping Tosh with the computer and Rift records.

You’re all forgetting one thing.

Ianto’s body wept with the older man’s every scream.

‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

He wants me. He’s always wanted me. He never let go, he’s always….

‘MOVE!’ Ianto yelled, pushing Tosh aside, to the computer. He pressed buttons rapidly, desperate, tears streaming down his face. ‘Jack…Talk to me…’

‘IANTOOOOOOOOOOOO! I NEED……..’

‘What?’ Ianto wept. ‘What do you need? I’m here, I’m here…’

The whole team was silent as Jack’s voice muffled, fading slowly and followed by static on the screen.

Ianto moved away. ‘Tosh…what’s happening?...I didn’t…’

My eternal curse shalt lie within him. He shalt be forever trapped in misery….

‘What’s that?’ Sephy whispered, her voice high-pitched and protective. ‘What is it? What has it done with Jack?’

Jack……

‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?’ Ianto bellowed, his heart rising to his mouth, thudding painfully. ‘WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?’

…..He shalt never be what nature avenged him, his life shalt cease in My hands….I be the devourer of Hope, the only Deadly Sin, My Life’s Blood.

It wasn’t enough.

‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?’ Ianto screamed again, his voice cracking with pressure and horror.

Hope?

I have succeeded in My Quest…the Immortal is Mine, his life and faith belonging solely to Me. I, the Queen of the Edospes….

Sephy stood next to until, Ianto’s rose hanging limping to the palm of her hand. She pulled the last petal.

He loves me.

Ianto swayed on the spot. ‘What….’ He started, unable to carry on far. ‘What…have you done? Where…is Jack?’

His body lies external to My cavern. Thou may have the shell of Jack Harkness. The motive has been fulfilled.

TBC.

And the story takes a turning point! So what do you think? Are we carrying this story too far? Or is it good? Negative or positive views- we’d love to know what you think!