head space

[just_a_jim]

I'm not in a good head space. I haven't been in a while.
The thoughts I have, they make me mad, I force myself to smile.
I look at me, I wonder why, I feel so damn alone.
I sit behind this computer screen, or the other end of the phone
My arms are empty, my hands grasp air, no warmth do I embrace
there is no one to share the morning, to look upon my face.
so many of you, I think about, to share my love, my life.
I've no self esteem, no sense of worth, a gift from my ex-wife.
Things I did or didn't do. Words I spoke or choices made
I doubt myself, I doubt my heart. Its a sharpened double blade.
How can I ask you to love me? I don't like myself that much.
You all deserve someone better than me for your smiles, your thoughts, your touch.
I flirt with all, I laugh and joke. I bury things so deep inside
the dark and empty loneliness is my terrible place to hide.
I want someone to want me back, we can bring each other joy
someone who's not afraid to love, who won't treat me like a toy.
I'll maintain the hope that I'll find her someday in this life or the one after
I'll fill her life with tenderness, some passion and lots of laughter...