Thing I have learned living in Tennessee
This was a Joke I got in an email from my daddy. Please do not take any offense to it.. My usual motto is "If people can't take a joke then F**** them" But I have a lot of people on this F-list I do not want to offend so please bare in mind this is only a joke, and nothing more.
Things I learned
living in Tennessee
A possum is a flat animal
that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes
and 4,998 of them live in Tennessee
There are 10,000 types of spiders.
All 10,000 of them live in Tennessee
If it grows, it'll stick ya.
If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
'Oncet' and 'Twicet'
really are words.
It is not a shopping cart,
it's a buggy.
'Jaw-P?' means,
'Did y'all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow and eat okra.
'Fixintu' is one word.
There is no such thing as 'lunch.'
There is only dinner
and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate
for all meals,
and you start drinking it
when you're two.
We do like a little tea
with our sugar.
Backards and forards means,
'I know everything about you.'
The word 'jeet' is actually
a phrase meaning,
'Did you eat?'
You don't have to wear a watch,
because it don't matter
what time it is.
You work until you're done
or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons,
you MASH EM.
'No. jew?'
is a common response
to the question,
'Did you bring any beer?'
You measure distance
in minutes.
You switch from heat
to A/C in the same day.
All the festivals across the state
are named after a fruit,
a vegetable,
or a grain, insect or animal.
You know zactly what
a 'DAWG' is.
You carry jumper cables
in your car ---
for your OWN car.
You only own five spices:
salt, pepper, Tabasco
Woostershare sauce, & Ketchup.
The local papers
all cover national
and international news
on one page,
but requires 6 pages
for local gossip
and
high school & U-T football.
You think that
the first day of deer season
orter be a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees
Fahrenheit
'a bit warm.'
You know all four seasons:
Almost summer,
summer,
still summer,
and
Christmas.
Going to Wal-Mart
is a favorite pastime
also known as
'goin' Wal*Martin'
or
'off to Wally*Wurld.'
You describe the first cool snap
(below 70 degrees)
as good stew weather.
Fried catfish is
the other white meat.
We don't need no dang driver's ed.
If our mama says we can drive,
we can drive,
dag-nabbit.
You understand these jokes
and forward them to
your Tennessee friends
and those who just wish
they were from Tennessee
Pass to a Yankee!
Show 'em whut theyre a'missin
by not bein frum aroun heer...
My ol Pappy usta tell me,
"Son, when you grow up,
you can marry any girl you please"..
Trouble is, He neglected to say,
"There just Aint No Pleasing any of em"!!
Things I learned
living in Tennessee
A possum is a flat animal
that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes
and 4,998 of them live in Tennessee
There are 10,000 types of spiders.
All 10,000 of them live in Tennessee
If it grows, it'll stick ya.
If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
'Oncet' and 'Twicet'
really are words.
It is not a shopping cart,
it's a buggy.
'Jaw-P?' means,
'Did y'all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow and eat okra.
'Fixintu' is one word.
There is no such thing as 'lunch.'
There is only dinner
and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate
for all meals,
and you start drinking it
when you're two.
We do like a little tea
with our sugar.
Backards and forards means,
'I know everything about you.'
The word 'jeet' is actually
a phrase meaning,
'Did you eat?'
You don't have to wear a watch,
because it don't matter
what time it is.
You work until you're done
or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons,
you MASH EM.
'No. jew?'
is a common response
to the question,
'Did you bring any beer?'
You measure distance
in minutes.
You switch from heat
to A/C in the same day.
All the festivals across the state
are named after a fruit,
a vegetable,
or a grain, insect or animal.
You know zactly what
a 'DAWG' is.
You carry jumper cables
in your car ---
for your OWN car.
You only own five spices:
salt, pepper, Tabasco
Woostershare sauce, & Ketchup.
The local papers
all cover national
and international news
on one page,
but requires 6 pages
for local gossip
and
high school & U-T football.
You think that
the first day of deer season
orter be a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees
Fahrenheit
'a bit warm.'
You know all four seasons:
Almost summer,
summer,
still summer,
and
Christmas.
Going to Wal-Mart
is a favorite pastime
also known as
'goin' Wal*Martin'
or
'off to Wally*Wurld.'
You describe the first cool snap
(below 70 degrees)
as good stew weather.
Fried catfish is
the other white meat.
We don't need no dang driver's ed.
If our mama says we can drive,
we can drive,
dag-nabbit.
You understand these jokes
and forward them to
your Tennessee friends
and those who just wish
they were from Tennessee
Pass to a Yankee!
Show 'em whut theyre a'missin
by not bein frum aroun heer...
My ol Pappy usta tell me,
"Son, when you grow up,
you can marry any girl you please"..
Trouble is, He neglected to say,
"There just Aint No Pleasing any of em"!!