In Between 3/3

[just2wings]

Previous

***

Kibum had promised to visit his parents over his break, so he and Jonghyun packed their bags for Daegu a few days later. It wasn’t even a question whether Jonghyun would tag along or not, and thankfully Kibum’s parents didn’t seem to mind welcoming him as well. Just as he had promised, Jonghyun had spotted Kibum whispering to his grandmother while sneaking looks at him, and for the rest of their time in Daegu she made sure to always have some food out and placed conspicuously near him. Jonghyun was fine with it considering how his appetite had grown since Kibum’s return, now that “going to bed” was code for breaking a sweat and trading orgasms instead of falling asleep. They always made sure everyone else was fast asleep before closing Kibum’s bedroom door and perfecting the art of quiet sex. It wasn’t always easy, but biting into pillows or each other’s skin helped some. Kibum had gone into a bit of a frenzy once he’d discovered a particularly dark bruise between his shoulder and his neck, complaining about no longer being able to wear wider-collared shirts. Jonghyun had made it up to him by sinking down to his knees in front of the couch and blowing him messily once everyone else had headed up to bed. But then Kibum had ended up with bite marks on his arms from his attempts to keep quiet, so he had blown Jonghyun in turn in the filthiest way he knew how, to get even, and Jonghyun had nearly passed out from holding his breath as he’d tried to remain quiet.

Jonghyun was still rather nervous around Kibum’s father; the man could be quite intimidating at times, especially when Jonghyun caught him giving him long, hard looks. And yet, at other times he was all smiles and jokes, amicably patting Jonghyun’s tense shoulders. Kibum thought it was hilarious, and somehow adorable.

All too soon they were back in Seoul, the day of Kibum’s departure fast approaching. Jonghyun did his best not to think about it, to focus instead on the here and now. It worked well enough until Kibum’s last night in Korea, when he was confronted with the reality of helping him back his bags anew.

“I’m sorry,” Kibum spoke softly as they were going through Jonghyun’s closet, separating their clothes that had gotten a bit mixed up over his time here.

Jonghyun sighed but didn’t turn to face Kibum; sure, their situation wasn’t ideal but it was for the best, in the end. Jonghyun understood that and hated to think that Kibum felt guilty or even remorseful about it. Jonghyun didn’t think he could handle it if Kibum suddenly started regretting everything, because then all those sleepless nights, the heartaches and scribbled lyrics would have been for nothing.

“Don’t be,” Jonghyun replied, the words sounding dryer than he had intended for.

“I know,” Kibum said in a small voice, and Jonghyun chanced a look at him only to find him staring back. “It’s just-these past weeks have been incredible, you know? I’m going to miss you, this, all over again.”

Whatever frustration Jonghyun had felt before melted away at that. He closed the distance between them to pull Kibum in for a hug and Kibum embraced him in turn, linking his arms behind Jonghyun’s back.

“You’re halfway through,” Jonghyun tried to reassure him when he heard Kibum sniffle into his neck.

“So are you,” Kibum reminded him, squeezing him tighter. “I can’t believe I’m going to miss your graduation.” He paused, wiping his cheek on Jonghyun’s shirt. “Can’t believe we’re getting so old.”

“Hey, now,” Jonghyun spoke up, pulling back and feigning hurt. Kibum merely chuckled, finally giving into a smile.

“Were you serious that time when you said you wanted to come to London?” he asked suddenly.

“Yes,” Jonghyun answered truthfully. Still, there was more to it. “But I checked out prices for tickets and…” he trailed off, “to be honest, they were much higher than I expected.”

Kibum nodded thoughtfully, frowning in a way that made him look like he was pouting a little. “Maybe I could talk to my parents, I mean I could pitch in too…” he began, but Jonghyun cut him off quickly.

“I really don’t feel comfortable asking your parents for that kind of thing, Kibum,” he reasoned, and Kibum’s pout became more pronounced. It was kind of cute, and Jonghyun would have kissed it away if he hadn’t been busy arguing his morality. “But I promise I’ll keep trying to figure something out.”

Kibum gave in with a quiet “Okay,” and Jonghyun leaned in to kiss him, morality be damned. It wasn’t long before hands reached for clothes, and a few minutes later they were on the bed, naked.

This time, Jonghyun prepared Kibum slowly on his fingers, kissing him throughout. He entered Kibum slowly, face to face so that he could swallow his gasps and moans and relish in the feeling of Kibum’s hands on his back, in his hair, pulling him in. He breathed Kibum in, filling his lungs with his smell and licking away at his skin in the selfish hope of keeping a part of him with himself. He buried himself in Kibum over and over again, slow and unhurried and Kibum didn’t rush him, either. Jonghyun lost himself in his heat, in the hands that were mapping his flesh and, in that moment, everything was blissfully perfect. Jonghyun made it last for as long as he could, until they were both sweaty and panting, his movements slowly becoming more and more desperate. He laced their fingers together, resting them above Kibum’s head, and Jonghyun was convinced that there was nothing sexier than the sight of Kibum coming undone without the use of his hands, squirming and pressing up to rub off against Jonghyun’s body instead. Jonghyun fell asleep sprawled out on Kibum’s chest afterwards, lulled into dreamland by his steady breaths and the feeling of fingers caressing his hair.

Neither of them cried when they bid each other farewell at the airport, in the same spot as the last time. Although, Jonghyun had to bite his lip to keep from tearing up when Kibum told him seriously, “You have to take care of yourself, promise.”

He nodded wordlessly, reminded Kibum that he loved him, was so very proud of him and that he would be here, waiting for him.

“Just a little longer,” Kibum said, and Jonghyun could tell he was trying to keep on a brave face. He pulled him in for a long kiss, mindless of the people around eyeing them. Like the last time, Jonghyun stood there well after Kibum had disappeared from his sight. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he reached for his phone to text him: Don’t forget to greet jjamong for me once you get back.

The reply came a few minutes later, reading: Of course <3 he misses u too.

On his way back from the airport, Jonghyun stopped by his mom’s place, not quite feeling up to facing his empty dorm just yet. Roo, as always, was ecstatic to see him, pawing at his legs until he bent down to give her the warm welcome she felt she deserved.

“Oh, baby,” his mother said the moment he straightened up again. Jonghyun was a bit unsettled by her apparent ability to read him so well but didn’t dwell on it, instead stepping into her waiting arms. She ended up bribing him into staying for the night, with the help of delicious homemade food. His sister showed up for dinner as well, and Jonghyun knew something was up when she didn’t make fun of him for being the mopey mess he must have been.

He was mindlessly flipping through channels, thinking of everything but the television screen in front of him when she sat down beside him on the couch.

“Hyun-a,” she said softly. He hadn’t noticed she had brought Roo with her until she pushed the dog into his lap. “We’re a bit worried about you.”

Jonghyun remained quiet; brushing it off with a casual “It’s fine” obviously wouldn’t work with his sister. Roo suddenly put her paws on his chest, standing up on her hind legs in an attempt to lick his face.

“See even Roo is, too,” Sodam joked. Jonghyun tilted his head down to let Roo lick his nose while he scratched behind her floppy ears.

“I miss him already,” Jonghyun finally spoke, Roo still looking up at him with her big brown eyes.

“Of course you do,” Sodam continued softly, inching closer on the couch to wrap an arm around his shoulders, “you’ve been together practically every single day since high school. It’s a big change.”

“Yeah.” Jonghyun could only agree.

“And yet years later you both still act like lovesick teenagers sometimes,” she teased, and it brought a small smile to his face.

Sodam turned her attention to the television then, observing it silently. Jonghyun went back to watching it mindlessly, losing himself in his thoughts once more.

“I really hate this drama,” she blurted out after a while, and Jonghyun chuckled, changing the channel.

Much later that night, he was lying awake in his childhood bedroom when his phone suddenly vibrated. He snatched it quickly from his night table, heart jolting in his chest when he noticed Kibum had texted him. It read: such a mama’s boy <3 and Jonghyun snorted to himself.

I don’t know what ur talking about Jonghyun typed back playfully.

Sodam texted me came the reply.

I hate her.

No u don’t. I’m glad u got coddled :3 Kibum answered, and Jonghyun smiled softly upon reading it.

His mother sent him off the next morning with enough leftovers to last him a week and with a kiss to his forehead, which Jonghyun vowed not to tell Kibum about. He ran into Minho on his way back to the dorm and they ended up playing video games in Minho’s room all day, like they almost always did when left to themselves.

Much like the first time Kibum had left, Jonghyun spent the rest of the break tossing and turning in bed and video-calling Kibum as often as possible. He knew his last semester would be packed, possibly the hardest he’d ever had. It would be even harder with Kibum being halfway across the planet, but Jonghyun steeled himself to do well. Or the best he could, considering.

It was easier said than done. A week or so into the semester, Jonghyun already found himself overwhelmed with projects for both his majors. His senior music project included a collaboration with the university’s choir and Jonghyun could tell he would yet again be spending quite a few hours in the school’s recording studio, which he was already highly familiar with.

He still slipped on his couple shirt every Sunday. It soon also became their “cyber-date night”, where they would both buy food and eat it together, seated cross-legged on their beds in front of their computers, and it usually ended with the both of them naked or, on one memorable occasion, wearing nothing but said couple shirts.

When the second week of September came, Jonghyun became frantic in his search for the best birthday gift to give to Kibum. He wanted something simple, something thoughtful, but being apart really complicated things. He even considered asking his sister for advice and, as it turned out, she came to him with something better.

She stopped by his dorm one evening to hand him a small envelope.

“Open it,” she urged him.

Jonghyun frowned, ripping through the top and pulling out a check to his name, eyes widening as he took in the hefty amount written.

“Consider it a present from mom and me to you and Kibum,” she said, but Jonghyun frowned slightly, not understanding what had brought this on. “It’s to help pay for flights,” she finally explained. Jonghyun gaped at her, then at the check, before pulling her into a bone-crushing hug and chanting, “Thankyouthankyouthankyou.”

Jonghyun waited the day of Kibum’s birthday to tell him. Even though it fell on a week day, they had made plans to chat before Kibum left for work, giving them a bit less than an hour in between two of Jonghyun’s classes. So, during his break, Jonghyun rushed back to his dorm to settle on his bed, laptop propped up in front of him. Kibum was already online, calling him as soon as Jonghyun logged on.

“Happy birthday!” was the first thing Jonghyun greeted him with, and Kibum smiled warmly. He was still in his pyjamas and his messy hair and glasses told Jonghyun he hadn’t been up for very long.

“Thanks, Jjong,” he said, voice rough with sleep.

“So,” Jonghyun pressed on, too excited to stall any longer. “My present has two parts.”

“Oh?” Kibum muttered curiously. “Should I go check my mail?”

“I don’t think it’s legal to mail people, Kibum,” Jonghyun replied vaguely, biting his lip at the confusion on Kibum’s face. He watched, amused, as it took a few long seconds for Kibum to figure out what he meant, his expression brightening at once when he did.

“Oh god, are you-you’re not kidding?”  Kibum asked hopefully. “When?”

“I haven’t bought tickets yet, but I was thinking right after the end of the semester?” Jonghyun was sure he must have been grinning like an idiot, but then again Kibum also had on a wide, toothy smile.

“Sounds great,” he agreed softly. “I’ll try to save up a few of my vacation days for then.”

“Now for the second part,” Jonghyun announced, leaning off to the side and reaching for his guitar, “as per tradition.”

Kibum let out a small laugh, shifting on the bed and Jonghyun noticed Jjamong, the stuffed puppy, placed behind him.

“I feel so pampered,” Kibum admitted, pulling his computer closer.

“Good, because this is a brand new song that I wrote just for you,” Jonghyun said, strumming a few chords to warm up his fingers.

“I wish I could crawl through the screen and kiss you senseless right now.”

Jonghyun smiled sadly, all too accustomed to that very feeling, but tried not to let it get to him. “Well, you can’t, so you’re just going to have to let me serenade you.”

“Fine,” Kibum sighed playfully, like it was a hardship, but his wide smile betrayed him.

With a wink, Jonghyun began to play, improvising a few notes here and there as he hadn’t really had time to fully finish the song. It was a bit on the cheesy side, but Jonghyun sang with honesty and Kibum stayed silent throughout, chin resting on his bent knees.

“Kibum?” Jonghyun asked after plucking the last note, uncertain when Kibum merely stayed silent.

Kibum wiped at his eyes, which Jonghyun hadn’t notice become teary until then, before finally saying, “It’s beautiful, Jjong. I love you so much.”

It may have been redundant considering how he’d been singing his heart out to Kibum just seconds ago, but Jonghyun still answered, “I love you, too.”

***

A little more than halfway through the semester, Jonghyun received an email from one of his high school friends, Lee Jonghyun. They kept in touch quite frequently, and Jonghyun had congratulated him a while ago when his band had finally gotten signed on by a small Korean record company after a long stint in Japan. Their label was apparently looking for a new sound mixer, someone who could work in the recording studio, and Lee Jonghyun had taken the liberty of recommending him. Jonghyun went wide-eyed at the mention; this would undoubtedly be a great opportunity for him, especially right out of college. He thanked his friend graciously and began to figure out just how to get in touch with the company.

Jonghyun desperately wanted to share the news with Kibum, but something held him back; they hadn’t yet talked about what Kibum’s plans were once his internship ended, partly because Jonghyun was too anxious to ask. He still believed Kibum might prefer to stay there, and if Jonghyun had learned anything from the past few months it was that he didn’t want to be apart from him for longer than he had to. Seeing each other through a screen and the occasional phone call at awkward hours of the day were poor substitutes for actually living with Kibum, and he knew Kibum felt the same way.

Still, Jonghyun reasoned that contacting the company didn’t tie him down to anything, that finding out whether they were interested wouldn’t hurt. Except it would, obviously, whatever the answer to that was.

It felt wrong to keep something like this from Kibum, especially when Kibum had been so straightforward and honest with him about his internship from the beginning, but Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to mention it. It was stupid; he knew deep down it might all come back to bite him in the ass one day, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess, especially not over the phone.

He buried himself in his studies, occasionally pulling out his English grammar book whenever he couldn’t sleep. A week or so later, he received a reply from the company asking him to send in some songs he had worked on or a few demos. Jonghyun spent all night pouring over his library of songs, picking out his favourites and touching up others before finally settling on a collection. He burned them to a CD and dropped it off in the mail that morning before heading to class, not having slept a wink. He then vowed to try and forget about it all, at least until he heard back from them.

The end of the semester was a very frantic time for Jonghyun as he scrambled left and right to finish up all of his projects. By the time finals came around, all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and cuddle with Kibum and only the thought that it would soon be a reality kept him going. The fact that Kibum cheered him on throughout via frequent, emoticon-riddled text messages helped, too.

He texted Kibum as soon as he stepped out of his last exam-ever, most likely-and Kibum called him from work to properly congratulate him. He ended the call with a soft “See you soon,” and Jonghyun spent the rest of the day grinning from ear to ear, looking forward to heading back to his dorm and finally packing his bags.

Never before had he been on such a long flight. He couldn’t remember the last time he had flown all too well, but he did recall the stuffy air and the slightly stale food. His sister drove him to the airport and made him promise to get her a souvenir (“And one from Kibum, too!”) before dropping him off. Jonghyun agreed easily; it was the least she deserved, after all.

Navigating the airport on his own was slightly nerve-wracking, but the excitement of getting to see Kibum again overpowered it by far. He stepped onto the plane with a bright “Hello!” to the flight attendants and folded himself into his seat for the next too-many hours.

Jonghyun spent a lot of time gazing out the small window, peering down towards the ground as they prepared to land. He turned his phone on as soon as the plane stopped and it buzzed immediately with a text from Kibum that read: I’m here!

After waiting to pass through customs and then waiting even longer for his luggage, Jonghyun was finally out, trying to spot Kibum amongst the small crowd of people. He finally found him standing off to the side, a big smile taking over his features once he spotted Jonghyun in turn. He rushed up to Jonghyun, practically jumping and throwing his arms around him. Jonghyun braced himself for it this time and hugged him back, burying his face into Kibum’s shoulder and breathing in deeply.

“Had a nice flight?” Kibum asked while they were still wrapped around each other.

“Yeah.” Jonghyun pulled back, catching Kibum’s lips for a kiss. Kibum parted them eagerly, tilting his head to deepen their kiss and lost himself into it; it felt like waking up again after countless months of hibernation. Now that he had Kibum in his arms, warm against him, Jonghyun had trouble believing just how long he had gone without this. He didn’t plan on finding out again.

“I hope you aren’t too exhausted,” Kibum told him once they had pulled apart, and Jonghyun knew him well enough to understand what he really meant.

“I am, but not too much for this,” he replied, sneaking a hand beneath Kibum’s coat to rest on his ass. Kibum chuckled, pecking him on the lips again before grabbing his hand to lace their fingers together instead and pull him towards the exit.

It was the strangest thing to get into a taxi on the wrong side of the road, although Kibum seemed used to it. Jonghyun was momentarily pleased with himself when he understood Kibum’s short conversation with the driver in English. Everything was so different, and Jonghyun marvelled at how Kibum had had to adapt all by himself in such a foreign place. Of course, he had always known it mustn’t have been easy but now that he was experiencing it for himself it truly hit him. He was so proud of Kibum and idly wondered if his boyfriend would ever cease to impress him.

They stopped in front of Kibum’s apartment complex and Jonghyun followed him up the rather narrow stairs to the top floor, pulling his suitcase behind. It was an old red brick building, but Kibum’s apartment looked like it had been renovated recently, painted over in pale colours. It was barely bigger than their dorm room back in Seoul, but it was very open and, most importantly, had a very comfortable-looking double bed and absolutely no one to interrupt them.

He dropped off his luggage by the closet, stumbling behind Kibum when he kept pulling him along. Kibum turned around just before reaching the bed, arms coming up around Jonghyun’s neck as he leaned in.

“I’m so glad I could take the day off to welcome you properly,” he murmured, flirty, eyeing Jonghyun’s lips. Jonghyun tilted his head up to kiss him, Kibum humming into it, and soon their hands were reaching up to push each other’s coats off. Kibum lay back onto the bed, spreading his legs to make room for Jonghyun as he crawled on top. Kibum was impatient, rolling his hips up and pulling him down into a kiss almost immediately and Jonghyun sunk into him effortlessly, grinding them together.

“More, come on,” Kibum groaned to his lips, and Jonghyun dragged them further up the bed before smothering Kibum in another kiss. Soon they were rutting against each other, Kibum’s fingers clutching at the back of his shirt.

It had been too long, and being pressed against Kibum once more was hitting all the right spots. Kibum let his head fall back once their movements became heavier, sharper, hands running down Jonghyun’s back to grip his ass through his pants. Jonghyun had every intention to keep going, especially when Kibum moaned out a breathy “Fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop,” but the visual of Kibum, laid out beneath him, looking gorgeous as ever, combined with the sound of his touched-out voice was too much, and it was over embarrassingly quickly for Jonghyun. He shuddered through his orgasm, pressing down into Kibum one last time before going still, eyes scrunched shut.

He felt Kibum’s hand tighten on his ass once it was over, the other reaching up beneath his shirt to caress his back.

“I missed you, too,” Kibum then said with a chuckle, apparently amused. And really, it wasn’t fair.

Jonghyun let out something akin to a growl, pressing a hand down between them to palm at Kibum’s dick. He stroked along the denim of Kibum’s pants in a hard, unrelenting pace, and it was a matter of seconds before Kibum was panting and whimpering against his neck, hips twitching. A few seconds later, he gave a loud moan as he came, slumping back onto the bed as Jonghyun watched him, satisfied.

He bent down to place teasing kisses along Kibum’s neck and jaw, rolling his hips down again, hard, just to hear Kibum grunt.

“Now we’re even,” he announced cockily, pulling back to rest on his elbows. Kibum merely gave him a smirk, the kind that never failed to send a spark down Jonghyun’s spine, before tucking his hand inside the waistband of Jonghyun’s pants and rolling them over to kiss him silly.

***

Jonghyun slept like the dead that night, months of insomnia combined with a particularly bad case of jet lag and multiple orgasms making for the most restful sleep he had gotten in a long time. He rubbed at his eyes groggily, feeling a bit lost in the unfamiliar surroundings. The mattress suddenly dipped beside him and he looked over to see Kibum crawling over, dressed in a loose shirt and colourful boxers.

“Hey,” he greeted, and Kibum whispered it back before kissing him good morning.

Kibum settled in beside him, raising a hand to comb through his hair. “Had a good sleep?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. His vocabulary always seemed to shrink to only a few syllables whenever he was sleepy and Kibum played with his hair.

“Want to sleep some more?”

Jonghyun nodded into the pillow, and the last thing he heard was Kibum chuckling softly as he leaned in to peck his forehead before dozing off again.

Jonghyun eventually managed to roll out of Kibum’s (big, wonderful) bed and took a shower. When he walked out of the bathroom, he noticed Kibum had made the bed while he was inside and smiled upon seeing the stuffed toy Jonghyun had given him nearly a year ago now placed in the middle of it.

“Are you up for some coffee?” Kibum asked. “I can show you the awesome little coffee shop I always go to. And we can get some food.”

“Sure,” Jonghyun agreed easily. He dropped his bath towel to look through his suitcase for a fresh pair of underwear and he could feel Kibum watching him. While the look and all that it promised was tempting, naked as he was, Jonghyun knew they wouldn’t be leaving the apartment for another hour or two if he gave in. So, he dutifully kept his hands to himself until he was fully clothed and ready to brave the chilly, damp streets of London.

They ran into one of Kibum’s neighbours on the way down, and Jonghyun was slightly taken aback when Kibum casually introduced him and when his neighbour told him it was nice to finally meet him, but it was a nice feeling.

The coffee shop was a tiny, hole-in-the-wall kind of place but served amazing coffee. Kibum bought two different drinks so that Jonghyun could taste them both, and they ended up switching cups every few sips as they walked down the street. Jonghyun may or may not have held both cups hostage at some point, demanding payment in the form of kisses. Kibum had rolled his eyes but still pecked him on the lips, quickly snatching one away and hiding his smile behind the rim.

Jonghyun was very intrigued by the red, double-decker buses that kept driving past them. He had only ever seen them in movies, and he sort of really wanted to go on one. He pestered Kibum about it until he got them both tickets, trying not to laugh at Jonghyun’s childish enthusiasm while they waited at the bus stop.

Jonghyun got on first and was halfway up the stairs when he heard Kibum call out, “You want to go on top?”

“Of course,” he answered, looking back to see Kibum making a face.

“But it’s cold outside,” he lamented weakly.

“Cold? You call this cold?” Jonghyun scoffed. He went up the remaining steps, and Kibum begrudgingly followed behind. “London has been spoiling you way too much-you do realize there’s actual snow on the ground in Korea right now?” Jonghyun went on. They were the only people on the second deck, and Jonghyun chose them a spot near the back.

Kibum wrinkled his nose, shuffling into the seat next to him. “I never liked the snow.”

Jonghyun barked out a laugh. “I know,” he reminded Kibum.

Still, the alleged “cold” gave them an excuse to cuddle in public, and Kibum seemed happy to press into his side when Jonghyun wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Admit it, I have the best ideas.”

Kibum pretended to consider it for a moment, but Jonghyun saw right through it and squeezed him tighter until Kibum gave in with a chuckle.

“Yeah, you do,” he admitted, and he tilted his head sideways to kiss his cheek.

Kibum provided his own soundtrack as they drove along the streets of London, pointing such and such building out and offering little anecdotes about his time here. Jonghyun listened attentively, but the smile on his face soon turned pensive. Every time the bus turned onto a new street, Jonghyun found himself wondering what it would be like to live here. The thought was jarring, too jarring, and the feeling of guilt he had buried after having sent away his demos without telling Kibum suddenly flared up. He had never been comfortable keeping it from him in the first place, and it dawned on him now that he needed to talk to Kibum about it, about their futures, seriously.

Kibum seemed to sense the shift in his mood, because he began talking less and less before outright asking, “Is everything alright?”

He was eyeing Jonghyun worriedly, looking genuinely concerned so Jonghyun tried to reassure him with a small smile.

“Yeah,” he said nonchalantly, before diving in. “Just-do you think we could maybe go grab some food and head back to your apartment? I want to talk to you about something, in private.”

Kibum looked unsure, frowning deeply, but agreed nonetheless.

“Okay, yeah, are you sure you’re alright?”

Jonghyun felt a small weight lift from his chest already, nodding his head.

“I’m sure, it’s just about, uh, work,” he replied, knowing he had to give Kibum something or else he would keep asking.

“You found work?”

So much for that.

“Not really,” Jonghyun corrected quickly, “I just… sent out an application.”

“That’s great, Jjong,” and Kibum truly sounded pleased, “what’s the job?”

“Look, Kibum,” Jonghyun sighed, hoping he would understand, “there’s more to it, and I want to talk about it with you, I do, but this isn’t a conversation I want to have on top of a double-decker.”

Kibum only kept frowning, watching Jonghyun intently.

“So is it about my work too?” he asked after a few seconds, and when Jonghyun turned pleading eyes on him, he burst out, “Well I’m sorry Jonghyun but you’re kind of freaking me out here! Can’t you just spit it out?”

Jonghyun quickly realized his plans of a calm, indoor conversation were out the window, so he shifted in his seat to face Kibum, locking eyes with Kibum’s worried ones.

“Did you ever consider staying here instead of going back to Korea?”

There, it was finally out. Jonghyun only hoped he could prove mature enough to handle whatever the answer was.

Kibum froze, eyes going wide.

“Honestly?” he asked after a moment, Jonghyun nodding for him to carry on, although it took a long time before Kibum opened his mouth again, leaving Jonghyun to fidget restlessly in the meantime. “It did occur to me. But I don’t want to be apart from you,” he said resolutely.

Jonghyun took his time, breathing in and out, steeling himself before slowly uttering, “And what if I moved here with you?”

Kibum gaped at him, looking even more shocked than before. “Are you serious?”

Jonghyun shrugged, gaze drifting off to the side. “I don’t want to be apart from you either,” he confessed.

“B-but,” Kibum stuttered, seeming at a loss for words, a bit dazed, “but what about the job you found?”

“I just sent them some of my songs, nothing’s set,” Jonghyun told him.

Kibum suddenly heaved a long sigh, turning back to face the front of the bus, shoulders drooping a little.

“You were right,” he spoke quietly, “this is definitely the indoor-type of conversation.”

Thankfully, they weren’t too far from Kibum’s apartment then, and Kibum led him back to it in silence after they got off the bus. He seemed deep in thought, as if he was mulling everything over and Jonghyun didn’t know whether to be reassured or concerned by that. Finally, Kibum seemed to crack about halfway to his apartment.

“Since when have you been thinking about this?”

“For a long time, Kibum.”

“Why haven’t you said anything before?” he asked at once and here it was, Jonghyun couldn’t help but think, all coming back to bite him in the ass.

“This is going to sound backwards but…” Jonghyun tried, hoping Kibum would understand, “I wanted you to make up your own mind, unbiased.”

“You’re an idiot,” Kibum snapped, although it sounded more exasperated than harsh. “Of course I’m biased. I will always be biased because I love you, and living apart sucks worse than anything.”

Jonghyun wholeheartedly agreed; anyone with eyes could have noticed how the past months had taken their toll on him.

“The truth is I’ve never let myself think about moving here more than as a big ‘what if’ so no, I guess, is your answer,” Kibum continued. “No, because I always intended to return to Korea and carry on there with you.”

Kibum fell quiet again as they turned a corner, his apartment building looming in the distance. Jonghyun didn’t press him, simply waited for him to speak again. They were at the bottom of the staircase when Kibum shook his head, uttering, “I can’t believe you would actually move here with me.”

“I would definitely consider it, if it’s what you wanted,” Jonghyun spoke sincerely. “And you should. Consider it, I mean.”

Kibum fiddled with his key to unlock his door, and Jonghyun was beyond relieved to finally see a small smile on his lips, even if it was sour.

“Somehow I don’t see it being very fair to you,” he said softly as they toed off their shoes and slipped out of their coats.

“Music is a universal language,” Jonghyun joked, although Kibum didn’t seem to think it was funny. “I may have been brushing up on my English, too.”

“Wow,” Kibum let out, sounding breathless. He let himself fall onto the bed, seated at an angle, shoulders slumped, and Jonghyun joined him. “You really weren’t kidding about having thought about this.”

“It’s your career,” Jonghyun reasoned. “Of course I’ve thought about it.”

“You’re starting to sound like my father.”

“Maybe he has a point.”

“Or maybe you should be acting like my boyfriend instead,” Kibum cut in. “Look, I know you think I love it here, but I don’t know how I’d actually feel if I were to move here because I never thought of it that way.”

“I just… don’t want you to regret anything. And most of all I don’t want to be the cause of it.” That, particularly, was Jonghyun’s biggest worry.

“And you think I don’t feel the same way?” Kibum retorted, tone rising.

Jonghyun’s mouth snapped shut at that; Kibum was looking at him with such a fervent expression that Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“I’m touched that you’re so selfless about this, really, but it would have to be what you wanted, too,” Kibum went on, the look in his eyes softening again.

Jonghyun nodded, emotions he’d supressed finally catching up to him and making it hard to speak. Kibum’s fingers crept onto his thigh and Jonghyun reached out to hold his hand, staring down at it and watching the way their fingers weaved together. Funny, Jonghyun thought, how being forced to see things from another perspective could make a world of a difference. And maybe, he pondered, if he had to push so hard just to get Kibum to think about it, then maybe Kibum had already made up his mind.

Kibum shifted beside him and Jonghyun watched him crawl onto his knees in front of him, pressing in between his thighs.

“I’ll tell you what I want,” Kibum told him slowly, determined, “I want you to pursue that job, because if they asked to hear your work then it’s the kind of opportunity you shouldn’t just dismiss. I want to go back to Korea once my internship is over, eat the spiciest tteokbokki I can find and visit my family. I want to hang out with my friends. But most of all, I want to be with you.”

Jonghyun felt a tear slip down his cheek. He spent a long moment looking into Kibum’s eyes, whose gaze was unwavering, before taking in a deep, slightly shuddering breath.

“I kind of want all of that, too,” he answered quietly, and admitting that out loud may have been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to say.

Kibum grinned at him, bright and wide, before stretching up and catching his lips in a kiss. He wiped the tear away with his thumb and cradled Jonghyun’s face, kissing him gently. Jonghyun was grateful for it, for everything, and he quickly pulled Kibum up into his lap, holding him tight.

“You should have said something sooner,” Kibum said to his lips.

“I’m sorry,” Jonghyun apologized at once, but Kibum kissed him again before he could say more. They kissed for a long time, Kibum’s fingers finding their way to his hair to stroke through it soothingly. When Kibum pulled back slowly, he uttered a soft “Are you okay?”

Jonghyun nodded, hands sliding up and down Kibum’s sides from where he’d been holding him.

“I love you so much,” Jonghyun whispered, pressing his face into Kibum’s neck. Kibum kept petting his hair, long fingers combing through it just the way he liked.

“Thank you for letting me do this,” Kibum spoke up after a while, and Jonghyun lifted his head to look at him.

“It was never a matter of letting you do anything,” he said seriously, “just of working it out.”

Kibum simply smiled, looking down at him with a fond expression. “Yeah,” he agreed in a whisper before speaking, “still, I’m glad it’ll be over soon.”

“Really?” Jonghyun asked, somewhat surprised by the admission.

Kibum shrugged, idly twisting his fingers into the longer hair at his nape. “Missed you too much,” was his answer; “it never really felt like home.”

Jonghyun nodded in understanding, tilting his head up when Kibum leaned down to kiss him again. Kibum ran his hands down to his shoulders, pushing him back to lie down on the bed with Kibum still crouched above him. They kissed for a long time, Jonghyun’s hands quickly finding their way to warm skin beneath Kibum’s shirt, holding him close. Whatever their futures held, Jonghyun felt content to know that he would always at least have this. And even though they may not have sorted everything out like he had first hoped, he was more than glad to take things one step at a time, as long as Kibum was by his side.

***

Jonghyun grunted loudly, setting his bag down by his suitcase. “I’m so sick of airports.”

Kibum chuckled, but ultimately agreed, “Yeah, they’re pretty bland.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Jonghyun replied.

“I know,” Kibum said with a smirk, before continuing more seriously. “Good luck for your interview. Text me as soon as it’s over to say how it went.”

“Okay, but you know they probably won’t decide whether or not to hire me on the spot,” Jonghyun reminded him, not for the first time since he had received a reply from the company a few days ago, asking to meet him.

“Well, they did mention they really liked your voice,” Kibum argued, also not for the first time, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Yeah, but maybe they just need, like, backup vocals,” Jonghyun dismissed humbly, wrapping an arm around Kibum’s waist to draw him closer.

“Or maybe you’ll have a solo album and go on music shows and get really famous,” Kibum boasted, reaching to clutch at the lapels of Jonghyun’s coat. “I’ll want autographs, by the way.”

Jonghyun couldn’t help but chuckle at his act, wrapping his other arm around him as well, tugging him in. “I’ll miss you.”

“Just three more weeks of this, Jjong,” Kibum reasoned, sobering up at once and smoothing out his coat, “and then I’m all yours again.”

“That, you will be,” Jonghyun told him with a smile.

Kibum smiled back, eyes squinting adorably as he did so, and leaned in for one last, long press of lips. “Have a nice flight,” he whispered against them, and Jonghyun kissed him again just for good measure. Kibum seemed happy to linger as well.

As Jonghyun walked away he tried to think of ways to make the following weeks more bearable. Except he had already thought of the best way, and he already had some money set aside for it, too. Rings didn’t pay for themselves, after all.

End