Whenever (Part III)
Pairing: JongKey
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Coming-of-Age, AU, Sci-Fi
Beta-ed by: desiderada
Summary: Time is to Jonghyun as colours are to the blind. He is exempt of time; Kibum is a victim of it.
← Part II
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After “the incident”, as Kibum secretly refers to it, he quickly dyes his hair black again and once his final exams are over, he stands in front of his bathroom mirror with scissors and cuts his bangs in a crooked line above his eyes. He never mentions it again after that, tries his best to not dwell on it and Jonghyun seems just as eager to forget about it.
Still, “tries” is the key word, because Kibum is growing up. He is seventeen years old after all and the more time he spends with Jonghyun, the more he realizes just how much the strange boy means to him. He suddenly finds himself noticing things he never cared to look for before, like the tiny creases that appear at the corners of the boy’s eyes when he smiles - really smiles, just how short and stumpy his fingers are, the way his broad shoulders feel when he leans on them and how unbelievably soothing his voice sounds in the darkness of his bedroom when they stay up at night to talk.
It somehow starts when Jonghyun takes his hand one day while they are walking back to his house after school. He looks a bit shy and avoids Kibum’s eyes when the latter casts him a sideways glance; Kibum has to admit he feels the same. It isn’t unpleasant, but it is weird. He learns to deal with it, and by the time they reach his house Kibum feels slightly more confident.
Jonghyun is the same: lively, curious, patient. His hand is warm, the small touches are gentle and as much as Kibum still needs to get used to them, he discovers he doesn’t mind them either.
Kibum is scrolling through his latest chart-topping pop playlist, his sturdy laptop propped up on a pillow in front of him - them, really, considering how Jonghyun is leaning into him with his elbow digging into Kibum’s thigh. He finally clicks on a song, but halfway into the intro Jonghyun decides he doesn’t like it and takes over the keyboard, hunching over towards the screen. Kibum is trying to peek over his shoulder to see what file he’s opening when Jonghyun straightens up a little, Kibum’s chin somehow ending up on the boy’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even attempt to move so Kibum stays there and counts the beats of the newly starting song by drumming his fingers on Jonghyun’s side.
The more time they spend huddled together on his bed, the more Kibum finds himself easing into the closeness. He blames it on having grown used to falling asleep while Jonghyun listens to music on his laptop beside him, sometimes humming along. It quickly becomes his favourite lullaby.
True to her word, Kibum’s grandmother writes him another check for his second year of dancing lessons. He decides to put the money it’s saved him to good use after finding Jonghyun below the dance studio, ogling a guitar hung high on a wall of the music store. He buys the very same guitar after school one day, when Jonghyun is nowhere to be found. It costs a little more than he expected it to, but he makes the purchase anyway and carefully sets it down in its case in a corner of his room.
It stays there for almost a week, untouched. When he finally sees Jonghyun, sitting against the trunk of a tree in his school’s front yard, he rushes up to him and pulls him onto his feet. Jonghyun asks him what’s up but Kibum remains mute, afraid to give himself away and for Jonghyun to remember what awaits. He keeps pulling on Jonghyun’s arm, keeping a brisk pace and just when he thinks Jonghyun has given in, he feels a sharp poke in between his ribs. He shrieks, loudly, causing a few passersby to stare at the rowdy pair of boys. Jonghyun laughs and Kibum almost forgets to shove his side because of how the sound makes him smile, but Jonghyun beats him to it; he grabs his wrists and twirls them around mid-strike until Kibum is the one tumbling off the sidewalk. He braces himself for the fall, but it never comes, Jonghyun’s arm shooting out to grab his waist at the last moment. He feels himself being hauled over a strong shoulder that proves to be rather bony when it digs into his stomach and it’s all starting to make him rather dizzy. He squirms and punches Jonghyun’s shoulder in protest, threatening to return his gift if he didn’t stop handling him like a sack of potatoes.
Jonghyun puts him down at once and his hands fall onto Kibum’s shoulders as he stares at him with big eyes. He looks genuinely surprised and his expression has Kibum faltering for a second. Shouldn’t he have known?
“Thank you so much!” he exclaims suddenly, and relief floods over Kibum even though he’s being shaken again. Jonghyun pulls him into a hug, then, and Kibum can only let himself sink into the embrace, his head still spinning a bit.
“Thank you thank you thank you,” Jonghyun mumbles, arms tightening around his shoulders, effectively squeezing him. When he pulls back, they are both wearing silly smiles.
They enter his room a while later and Jonghyun doesn’t need to be told where his gift is. He unzips the black case and pulls out the classic, polished guitar at once, settling it on his lap as he sits down on a corner of Kibum’s bed. His wide, goofy grin is contagious as he strums over the nylon strings a few times, his left hand effortlessly wrapping around the neck. Kibum is left to sit on his desk chair with his arms folded over the backrest, facing the other.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” he asks, curious and slightly amused. “I mean, you already knew I was going to buy it for you.”
“Yeah,” Jonghyun agrees, fingers moving in time as he plays a set of chords, “but I’m still thankful you did.”
Kibum looks away, suddenly shy, and Jonghyun simply keeps playing from his bed.
“Since when do you play guitar?” his grandmother asks him the very next morning after placing his breakfast on a plate in front him.
“Huh?” he mutters, mind a little slow considering how little he slept. It takes a few seconds but it eventually all clicks into place and he shakes his head, distracted, as he brings his chopsticks up to his mouth. “I don’t.”
“Well, someone was playing,” she reasons as she clears up the kitchen counter.
Kibum takes a second to contemplate what he should say, but he figures he might as well tell the truth.
“It was Jonghyun,” he admits before shoving more food into his mouth.
“He sounded really good,” she says, tone conversational.
“Hmm,” he agrees through a mouthful of food.
“I’m glad you found a friend like him,” she adds in the same tone.
Kibum doesn’t say it out loud, but he thinks he is too.
***
“Jjong?” Kibum asks from his desk, this time filing away his chemistry homework and periodic table into his binder. The sound of it snapping shut makes the other boy look up at once. “I need my laptop,” Kibum announces.
Jonghyun turns down the volume of the speakers but doesn’t pause the song - trot, Kibum recognizes - and scoots over on Kibum’s bed to make space for him. Kibum settles in beside him, his own shoulder pressing against Jonghyun’s and brings his computer closer. Jonghyun merely watches, legs outstretched and crossed in front of him as Kibum opens his internet browser and quickly types in a website. He feels Jonghyun’s head lean onto his shoulder and his arm drape across his thighs; the body against his side is warm, and Kibum leans into it in return.
“University?” Jonghyun mutters from his shoulder once the page loads.
“Yeah, I-” Kibum starts, only to pause, distracted as he clicks through the website’s links. “I’m still not sure on what I want to do.”
“Hmm,” Jonghyun hums, pitch rising slightly as though questioning, and for a split second Kibum envies him; envies how simple life is to him.
“My parents want me to go into business, but,” and that’s it, precisely. But. “But I’d like to have some credits left over for a minor, at least.”
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything, simply lies motionless against him and Kibum sighs as he scrolls through listed courses and their requirements.
“I guess I could just ask you what I’m going to do,” he says nonchalantly as he opens a number of courses in new tabs to read up on. “Though you probably won’t tell me.”
Jonghyun doesn’t speak for a while, and Kibum isn’t expecting him to answer.
“I think it’s better if you figure it out on your own,” he eventually murmurs, surprising the other. Kibum slouches, then, feels defeated as he is reminded of the weight on his shoulders. He knows Jonghyun is right; he should decide for himself, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t terrified to do so.
His breath catches in his throat when he feels a light, almost tentative press of lips against the side of his neck. He goes still, only to feel Jonghyun exhale against his skin and the latter must guess his uncertainty because he slowly draws back, lifts his head from his shoulder and rests it against the headboard instead. Kibum can’t help but feel shy when it comes to this sort of thing, but like always Jonghyun is willing to wait for him.
However, something is different this time around. He feels shy, yes, but he also feels a surge of affection towards the other boy sprawled out against him and he isn’t sure what to do about it, so he keeps clicking on tabs while Jonghyun hums along to an old song.
***
Over the next week, Kibum comes home to find his mother miraculously there, chatting with his grandmother. She has temporarily taken the early morning shift, meaning that she is free to question Kibum over the dining table. The future is confusing already; he doesn’t need his mother asking him questions to which he, frustratingly, has no answers. He realizes he knows even less about himself, about what he wants to do in life than he thinks.
He doesn’t want to go home after school, doesn’t want to talk about university with his mother. He wants to be young and careless and not think about school, to just forget about it all for a night. Just one night - he thinks that’s reasonable. And he can’t help but smile, wondering if it is only luck when he steps out of the building after the last bell and sees a familiar smiling face waiting for him.
“How was your day?” The question comes with that same smile.
“Better, now,” Kibum answers honestly. They start walking out of habit and are halfway down the street in front of the school when Kibum speaks up.
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jonghyun says, although his tone is questioning. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Kibum blurts out, “I just don’t feel like going home.”
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything to that, but Kibum knows him well enough by then to see the unspoken “why” in his expression. He debates whether or not to answer it anyway and decides to stay quiet, for now.
They spend the next three blocks walking in silence, headed away from their usual destination and towards the heart of the city instead. The set out onto a new street, one that Kibum knows will lead them downtown. He still doesn’t know where he’s going exactly - in more ways than one - but he figures it’s a start. The evening breeze is cold; it doesn’t feel like spring. Jonghyun catches him rubbing his hands together and takes one in his before Kibum can stuff them into his pockets. It isn’t the first time they hold hands - and it looks like it won’t be the last. It’s nice, warm. Kibum doesn’t mind it. His shy smile has grown wider by the time they reach the busier part of town.
The distant sound of music reaches them and Jonghyun instantly perks up. He steers them towards the noise and they eventually are led to what seems to be a small street festival. The place is teeming with people, food stands as well as other vendors and there is even a small stage set up at an intersection. Kibum has no idea what the occasion is but figures it must be a cultural event when he sees the large South Korean flags hanging by the stage. He slaps Jonghyun’s shoulder when he notices a new rookie idol group that had just debuted standing to the side, getting ready to perform. Jonghyun smiles but looks at him curiously, so Kibum pulls him closer by their linked hands to tell it to his ear.
They sneak closer to the stage, and only halfway through the second song does Kibum realize they’re still holding hands.
They don’t stay very long; another act soon enters the stage and Kibum had been eyeing the food stalls for a while already. He pulls Jonghyun out of the crowd that has gathered in front of the stage and back onto the colourful street.
“What do you want?” he asks the other, pointing towards the tent in front of them selling ddukbokki. Jonghyun only shakes his head, nose scrunching up a little upon seeing the spicy food.
“You choose,” he answers. Kibum nods, tightening his grip on his hand.
“I’m guessing not ddukbokki,” he thinks out loud. They snake through the packed street and Kibum lets out an exclamation when he spots a particular stand nearby. It’s surrounded by people - mostly teenagers like himself - but he pushes through the crowd with Jonghyun in tow and pays for the food. He turns around again to face the other with a big smile and hands over his purchase.
“It’s fried potato with meat inside,” he explains when Jonghyun only studies it curiously, “all covered in ketchup.”
He takes a bite out of it, still smiling and for some reason Jonghyun grins back.
“I used to love this when I was a kid,” he remembers, offering it to the other who carefully takes it this time.
“You’re still a kid,” he teases before taking a bite himself. Kibum knocks his shoulder with his own as a small revenge.
“Do you like it?” he asks. Jonghyun nods heartily and means to hand it back to Kibum but pulls it out of his reach before he can do so. It has Kibum frowning but Jonghyun just keeps smiling, if anything even wider than before.
“You have ketchup here,” he says, pointing to a corner of his lips. Kibum merely blinks and lifts a hand to wipe his mouth but Jonghyun catches his wrist and leans in instead, pink tongue poking out of his mouth. By the time Kibum realizes what he’s about to do, he’s already very close so Kibum shrieks and shoves him away. Jonghyun is laughing and Kibum hastily runs a thumb over his lips, heart suddenly beating a mile a second, only to frown once more when his thumbs comes off clean.
“Yah!” he scolds, shoving at Jonghyun’s shoulder again, “I didn’t have anything!”
Jonghyun simply laughs, looking unrepentant as ever. Kibum’s heart is still racing when he notices that the other does in fact have a drop of ketchup next to his lips, so he reaches out to him and smears it over his cheek. Jonghyun doesn’t really protest; he wipes it off and licks his fingers clean in a way that has Kibum cringing a little and wondering why his heart won’t calm down.
Later that night, when he’s lying in his bed with Jonghyun sitting next to him, humming along to the radio, he finds himself thinking about what would have happened had he not shoved the other boy away. Then again, it never could have happened because time was apparently a set thing. He wonders if Jonghyun did it only to tease him since he knew he’d be pushed away, which then leads him to wonder if Jonghyun remembered that particular incident at all and had acted it out with any particular intentions as opposed to it being a spur-of-the-moment kind of deal. He rolls onto his side with a sigh because even with Jonghyun’s explanations, the unanswered questions still outnumber the answered ones.
“Can’t sleep?” the familiar, soft voice asks.
Kibum grunts into his pillow; he has school tomorrow, he should be sleeping already but it doesn’t always work that way, sadly. He’s too caught up in his thoughts to peacefully drift away, instead mulling over the day’s happenings. To what purpose? He’s not entirely sure and it bothers him immensely. He would usually sweep the thoughts away, like water under the bridge, but now he finds them lingering despite his efforts to brush it all off. He’s slightly annoyed, and it must show because he then feels a hand comb through the back of his hair, the touch incredibly calming. It stays there as he breathes in deeply, stays there until he goes still once more and right before falling asleep Kibum wonders, for the first time in his life, if thinking seriously about something rather than forcing it back to the far corners of his mind might be a better idea.
***
His last year in high school proves to be the most stressful one yet, what with all the examinations he will soon be confronted with and for which he has been preparing what seems like all his life. He doesn’t need exceptional scores considering the university and program he intends to get into, but he needs good scores and he knows he will never live it down if it goes awry. This is it, this is all anyone around him ever talks about anymore and it feels like his entire student life is worth nothing so far, like these examinations are only the beginning. He is more than disappointed to realize he has been conforming for seventeen years only to sit down for hours on end and answer questions about anything and everything he has ever been taught. And yet this is what is expected of him, of everyone, so Kibum goes through with it without bothering to give it much more thought. He’s glad he has Jonghyun to keep him sane in between bouts of intensive studying - because even if Jonghyun’s presence on Earth is irregular and unpredictable, when he’s here, he’s there for Kibum and not much else matters.
And because Kibum likes Jonghyun; he’s just too busy to notice.
“Do you think you would have preferred being a human?” Kibum asks and he stretches himself on his desk chair, arms raised high and spine curled off the backrest. It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon and Kibum is spending it hogged up in his room, studying to the sound of Jonghyun’s constant strumming.
Jonghyun presses a new chord into the neck of the guitar and lets it ring, looking up at once with big, brown eyes and slightly pouty lips.
“Huh?” he asks and Kibum stares for a while, very much fond of this clueless, innocent side of the boy.
“Do you prefer Earth?” he tries again once Jonghyun’s gaze has turned expectant.
Jonghyun looks down to the guitar in his lap, eyebrows furrowing as he slides a finger along one of the strings. He looks so natural, so at ease in that moment that Kibum finds it hard to believe he is not inherently human.
“Yeah,” he eventually mutters, still not looking up, “I guess I do.”
Kibum smiles, simply. This - the closeness, the trust and sort of mutual understanding - is enough, he thinks, for now.
Jonghyun is there to greet him as he steps off the bus with hunched shoulders and a full backpack. Kibum is tired, he always is these days, but manages to find the energy to smile and speak to Jonghyun. He almost forgets to notice it when Jonghyun takes his hand.
“What day are we?” Jonghyun asks and something about it all makes Kibum smile fondly.
“Tuesday,” he answers, “I need to study again.”
Jonghyun nods a little; he seems pensive for a while, his gaze far ahead, before speaking again.
“Do you miss your dance class?”
Kibum hadn’t been expecting such a question - he looks at the other boy round-eyed, wondering what made him ask this all of a sudden. He wonders if Jonghyun is only being conversational or if he means anything by it. He frowns, but cracks an awkward smile and tries to brush it off with forced humour.
“Why? Do you miss hanging around the music shop?” he counters, and he knows something’s up by the way Jonghyun doesn’t grin back.
“I was asking you,” Jonghyun replies, a bit too seriously for Kibum. “You really like dancing.”
“I do,” Kibum admits, fully aware that disagreeing with Jonghyun is simply futile, “but I need to study a lot this year for my exams.”
Jonghyun frowns and looks sideways to Kibum, who ignores the stare and keeps his gaze ahead of them. “You can’t spare an hour a week?” he asks, sounding genuinely concerned. Something about his tone makes Kibum feel warm inside.
“I don’t know,” Kibum shrugs it off, not really fancying talking about this, “my parents wouldn’t be too happy about it if I did.”
“I don’t understand you humans sometimes,” Jonghyun mutters, looking down to the cement this time.
“Look, Jjong,” Kibum sighs, tired of this topic already because by then he’s learned to just accept things as they are, “why are you asking me this all of a sudden? You know I won’t start dancing again, not so soon anyway. You probably even know how much I will stress about these exams when the time comes. Why are you holding onto this? It won’t change anything.”
Jonghyun falls silent for a while, with only the sound of their footsteps and passing cars to accompany Kibum mulling over his thoughts. He’s a bit worried when Jonghyun doesn’t answer right away and hopes he didn’t say something that was perhaps too much, even though that is how he feels. He squeezes Jonghyun’s hand lightly.
“I just don’t understand why humans don’t do what they want to do,” Jonghyun finally murmurs. “You have responsibilities, I get it,” he adds hastily, sounding uncharacteristically weary, “but you have the opportunity to live in a world with time, where things can happen and change and yet you shy away from this.”
Kibum sighs again; Jonghyun’s conflicts were more profound than he had expected. He usually found his naivety regarding this world endearing, but tonight he is too mentally exhausted to deal with any of it.
“Change is scary,” Kibum speaks, resolute. “Time is scary.”
“How?” Jonghyun seems so confused when their eyes lock.
“Because you can’t stop it,” Kibum shrugs, as though it were obvious - because it is. “You can’t go back on a mistake.”
“Humans,” and to that Jonghyun shakes his head, still every bit confused and naïve, “you’re so concerned with living life the right way that you forget to just live.”
“Maybe,” Kibum says offhandedly, a bit annoyed and sharp, “doesn’t change the fact that I need to study.”
And that, Kibum thinks, is that.
***
As the big day steadily approaches, Kibum’s nights grow shorter and shorter. His back feels stiff from sitting hunched over a desk for hours on end, he feels dizzy from wearing his glasses all day, every day, and his heart feels empty from not having seen Jonghyun in over a month. He takes little comfort in noticing that his classmates all share similar dark bags under their eyes.
A week before his exams, Kibum falls into his bed and simply starts crying. All the stress, the pressure, the tiredness and anxiety that never seem to leave him lately - it’s just too much. He feels Coco crawl up to him and sniff at his temple, nudging him with his wet nose but Kibum keeps spilling silent tears into his pillow. He really wishes Jonghyun were there to sing him to sleep. It’s a long, restless night without the other boy.
Kibum honestly does not remember much of his exams. Nerve-wracking as they are, he does a good deal of blocking them out of his mind once they are over, feeling incredibly liberated while drained in every way. Yet, as he walks out of his high school that evening, he feels a surge of energy take over him upon spotting Jonghyun by the large tree. Without thinking much, or at all, he runs towards the other boy and throws his arms around him, jumping up at the last moment - Jonghyun catches him.
“I did it,” he mutters into the other’s shoulder, proud.
Jonghyun chuckles, and it’s the strangest feeling to have his chest rumble against his. Jonghyun hugs him back and Kibum almost drops back down to his feet when the boy kisses him on the cheek.
“I knew you would.”
Kibum backs away to roll his eyes and playfully jab at Jonghyun’s side, to which the boy attempts a pitiful whine that only has Kibum repeating the gesture all over again. When Jonghyun puts him down whilst squirming out of his reach to begin their usual walk, Kibum is surprised to find himself unwilling to let go.
On their way home, he takes them on a detour and ends up standing in front of a blinking building’s entrance with Jonghyun clinging onto his arm. He doesn’t even need to ask if the other is up for some noreabang; he enters at once and smiles when he notices some of his classmates bustling about the hallway connecting the separate, private rooms. A few of his friends are there and wave him over excitedly. Kibum pays for his and Jonghyun’s entrance fees before joining them with all the rightful enthusiasm of a student just beginning his break.
There’s laughter, applause, cheers and the occasional mocking booing - it’s been a while since Kibum has laughed that hard, clutching onto Jonghyun and smacking his arm, his thigh, his shoulder or anything within reach. Jonghyun doesn’t mind, only laughs with him and returns the touches with a lot more tact than Kibum’s borderline brutal ways.
All too soon, the hype dies down as tiredness settles in, the students exhausted after such a long, trying day. Kibum finds himself leaning into Jonghyun’s side, head comfortably tilted onto his shoulder as the boy sings along to a ballad’s slow melody. He closes his eyes for a moment and it’s like he’s back in his room, with Jonghyun singing him to sleep, warm by his side; like everything is alright.
Kibum is allowed to invite three guests to his graduation, except he really only has two considering his father is - where else? - out of the country at that time. When he checks his doorstep that morning for mail and a certain someone only to find them smiling back up at him, he doesn’t hesitate before inviting Jonghyun along. His grandmother tries to coax them into eating a full breakfast but Kibum only passes by the kitchen with Jonghyun in tow and rushes up the stairs to his room, shouting that there’s no time. Jonghyun narrowly avoids tripping over his dog on the way up and has a somewhat goofy-looking smile on his face as they enter his room, leading Kibum to believe that the boy actually remembers his graduation.
“I need to find you some clothes,” Kibum states out loud, opening his closet to look for his only dress shirt. “I hope they fit,” he says, and bites his lip.
“I hope so too,” Jonghyun speaks up from where he’s standing right behind him and Kibum turns around to shoot him a playful glare, knowing full well the irony implied.
“I take it you remember my graduation, then,” Kibum mutters, finally spotting the crisp fabric of the shirt and pulling it off of its hanger.
“Bits and pieces,” Jonghyun reveals.
“Here, put this on.” Kibum hands him the shirt, going back to his closet to pick out a pair of clean-cut, black pants that would hopefully not be too long.
The dress shirt fits Jonghyun surprisingly well, Kibum is glad to notice. He looks away when Jonghyun strips his own baggy jeans off, feeling slightly weird even if it wasn’t the first time they had done this. When he looks at the other boy again, Jonghyun is buttoning the pants - the legs are a little long, but nothing too bad. Kibum finishes off his outfit with one of his leather belts and a matching wrist cuff.
“I like this,” Jonghyun says, fiddling with the thick bracelet.
“I thought you might,” Kibum admits, and Jonghyun grins, “it looks good on you.”
Kibum dons his uniform in a rush, feeling rather self-conscious what with Jonghyun sitting patiently on his bed. He doesn’t dwell on the fact that it’s most likely the last time he’ll ever wear it; he’s glad to leave high school behind even though he isn’t sure he’s entirely ready for what comes after. University seems so daunting, so serious, however he decides it doesn’t matter for now, not when Jonghyun is here and he’s supposed to be celebrating his first diploma.
He then drags Jonghyun to the bathroom to attempt to style his hair, experimenting a little and sometimes getting a good laugh out of it while Jonghyun remains unexpectedly cooperative throughout.
“I was thinking of getting red streaks,” Kibum tells him at some point, both his hand full of hair gel from repeatedly combing through the other’s dark locks. The smile Jonghyun tries to hide doesn’t go unnoticed.
The school’s gym is already packed by the time they arrive, mid-afternoon. His grandmother tells him she’s proud, his mother too, although Kibum doesn’t miss how she almost nods off at some point during the ceremony, having worked all night. Kibum isn’t really bothered by it, at least she’s here, he thinks, and the speeches are indeed long. The roll call, however, is endless. It takes Jonghyun squeezing his hand to break him out of his reverie when it’s his turn to climb onto the stage and retrieve his scroll. His white high tops attract quite a few stares, but Kibum doesn’t care. After years and years of wearing ironed blazers and uncomfortable polished shoes, he figures he’s entitled to this much.
As he comes down from the stage clutching his roll of paper with slightly trembling hands, he looks into the audience and the first thing he notices is Jonghyun, cheering and clapping. His smile is broad, genuine, and the sight sends the most incredible feeling coursing through Kibum; the feeling of being cared for, of having accomplished something and of being able to share it with someone who matters. Kibum sits down beside him and Jonghyun takes his hand, their gazes locking for a second too long.
“Thank you,” Kibum murmurs, for everything, and he thinks Jonghyun didn’t hear him - until he feels fingers lacing with his and his hand being squeezed. Kibum hastily looks down into his lap, heartbeat drumming in his ears, but a hand beneath his chin lifts his gaze back up. Jonghyun is close, the top button of his - Kibum’s - shirt is undone and his hair is messier than Kibum remembers styling it. His smile is a bit crooked, just the way Kibum likes it, his eyes are slanted, lips a bit chapped and Kibum surprises even himself when he thinks kiss me. But Jonghyun doesn’t move; only keeps smiling and suddenly the moment is gone, leaving Kibum to recoil and stare upfront, embarrassed and befuddled.
The ceremony ends in the early evening and Kibum’s mother drives them all to a restaurant in the heart of the city. It’s a bit on the expensive side, but she assures them it’s her treat on this special day. Jonghyun seems tense as he fiddles with his chopsticks and Kibum catches him carefully studying the way the others are eating. Kibum chortles a little louder than he should have when he witnesses Jonghyun’s horrified expression after having accidentally slurped noisily on his soup, some of it dribbling messily down his chin. The look the boy gives him is somewhat desperate, which amuses Kibum to no end and makes Jonghyun pout in return.
“Would you like a drink, Kibum?” his grandmother asks, making him look up round-eyed from his dish.
“A-a what?” he mutters, eyeing his mother and expecting her to shake her head in disapproval any second now.
“A drink. You only graduate high school once, you know,” she teases him, although sincere. When his mother merely shrugs, he’s at a loss for what to say.
“Okay?” he finally agrees, although it sounds more like a question.
“And you, Jonghyun?” the elderly lady asks him in turn.
“Sure,” he speaks politely, also twisting in his chair to face her and attempt an awkward seated bow, which Kibum saves him from by kicking his shin under the table, trying to keep from snorting with laughter at Jonghyun’s expression.
His grandmother ends up ordering a bottle of wine for the four of them and Kibum doesn’t understand the strange look Jonghyun casts towards it once it’s being poured into his glass, but he thinks he might just have a clue when he sees Jonghyun sipping it a bit too carefully. His suspicions are confirmed when he declines a refill only to crumble beneath his grandmother’s resolve and stare at his newly-full glass with a defeated expression. Kibum swaps their glasses when the two women aren’t looking and doesn’t have the heart to tease Jonghyun because the boy just looks so grateful. Kibum finishes his glass for him and silently rejoices in the fact that he apparently can hold his liquor a lot better than Jonghyun.
A lot better, because despite having only taken a glass or so, Jonghyun is leaning onto him rather heavily as they exit the restaurant and his head keeps lolling onto his shoulder while they ride in the backseat of the car. His grandmother gives him a knowing smile via the rearview mirror and for a second it has Kibum questioning her motives.
“Why did you drink if you knew you couldn’t handle it?” Kibum asks once the door to his bedroom is closed and they are safely inside, not without some stumbling in the stairs on Jonghyun’s part.
“Because it was the polite thing to do,” Jonghyun speaks carefully, as though concentrating on not slurring his words.
“You’re hopeless,” Kibum accuses fondly, arm still slung around the other’s waist for support. “Here, sit down before you fall over.”
He leads Jonghyun to his bed and unceremoniously pushes him onto it. He starts unbuttoning Jonghyun’s shirt, fumbling with the fabric a bit when he feels Jonghyun’s stale breath fan over his neck and chest, but soon manages to tug it off of him along with his bracelet and hands him one of his white t-shirts. Jonghyun gets the hint and changes into it, also sliding out of the dress pants.
“Do you really not feel tipsy?” Jonghyun asks, and was that insecurity in his tone? Kibum casts him a glance over his shoulder from where he himself is changing into his pyjamas by his closet, only to see Jonghyun staring at him with glassy but wide, round eyes.
“No,” he tells him with a light chuckle. The sight of Jonghyun seated in the middle of his small bed in nothing but his boxers and a loose shirt is an unusual one, but strangely fitting in a way. “I didn’t have that much, Jjong. You’re just weak,” he teases, sticking his tongue out to humour the other boy.
Jonghyun falls back onto the mattress with a sigh, making Coco bounce up from where he was curled up beside him with a high-pitched yap. Kibum rushes to the bed to pet and soothe his dog, sitting near the edge.
“Thank you for coming today,” he says lowly as the pup stretches himself against his thigh. Jonghyun rolls onto his side and looks at him with drooping eyelids. It might be because Jonghyun is very tipsy and probably won’t remember it, but in the end Kibum doesn’t know what makes him say it: “I like it better when you’re here.”
Jonghyun just smiles; like he always does.
Kibum draws up the covers for him and lets him be, heading for the bathroom down the hall. When he comes back with fresh breath and clean teeth, his bed is empty, save for his small dog and a white t-shirt lying in a pile, half-buried under the covers.
***
It’s a rather short break in between semesters, but Kibum is determined to make the most of it. When Jonghyun shows up on his doorstep two days later, Kibum lets him pick out clothes from his drawers - a blue jean shirt and tight pants, incidentally - and brings him along to the hairdresser, true to his word. Not an hour later, he walks out of the place with red streaks in his black bangs. Jonghyun keeps playing with the red strands only for Kibum to push him away and fuss over his hair.
“I take it you like it,” Kibum says as he fixes his bangs in the reflection of a shop’s front window.
Jonghyun just smiles at that, wide and toothy in a way that makes his eyes scrunch up and Kibum looks down to his feet, not too sure what to make of the strange feeling bubbling in his chest. Jonghyun touches his elbow and Kibum looks up; he’s still smiling, only it’s smaller, more private as his hand slides down Kibum’s arm to finally thread their fingers together and pull him back onto the sidewalk. He stumbles a little but quickly rights himself alongside the other boy.
“Where are we going?” Kibum asks, wondering what Jonghyun has in mind all of a sudden.
“I don’t know,” Jonghyun admits, shrugging his shoulders. “Where do you want to go? It’s your vacation,” he adds.
Kibum looks ahead and ponders all the things he would like to do, all the things he wouldn’t be able to do once school, university, rolled around. The thought strikes sudden nostalgia in him; he just wants to be a kid, not an almost-adult.
“Ice cream,” he decides at once, turning to Jonghyun with a bright smile. It’s a bit forced, and Kibum knows the other can tell by the way Jonghyun raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Ice cream it is,” he simply agrees, letting himself be pulled around.
Kibum brings them to a small shop in the middle of town, one he used to frequent with his grandmother back when he was still in elementary school. A small bell chimes as they step inside, and apart from all the idol posters hanging around them, everything else is just as he remembers it to be: the walls are still painted a creamy pink and it still sold all kinds of flavours of ice cream along with other frozen treats and a few pastries. Jonghyun looks around inquisitively and Kibum chuckles a little as he pushes him to the ice cream counter.
“Pick one,” he tells him. It takes a rather long time for Jonghyun to choose as Kibum looks on, amused. In the end he picks chocolate chip and Kibum, blueberry cheesecake. As the latter pays for them, Jonghyun rests his chin on his shoulder, standing close behind him, and a shiver runs through Kibum at the feeling of his warm breath on his neck.
They settle down at one of the small, round tables. There are a lot of students in the shop, unsurprisingly.
“Are you going to start dancing again?” Jonghyun asks out the blue before licking around his cone.
“I don’t know,” Kibum speaks with a sigh, “I’ll see how university goes.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t… really want to talk about school,” he says truthfully, eyeing his ice cream with sudden desolation.
“I know.”
Jonghyun looks sheepish when Kibum glances up at him - like he cares.
“Can I,” and Kibum pauses, not really sure how it all got so serious or what sort of newfound courage is making him ask this, “can I ask you something, um, personal?”
Jonghyun nods, pink tongue slipping out to taste his ice cream as he stares at Kibum with those big, round eyes of his. For a split second, Kibum considers asking him about their future, about what’s going on with them and about how many more hairstyles he’ll go through, but in the end he chickens out, opting for a more subtle question. He’s still shy.
“Why are you here?” The question is vague enough to not give himself away, to let Jonghyun make what he wants of it.
“What do you mean?”
Kibum finds himself wondering the same thing: what does he actually mean by that?
“Why are you here,” he repeats, slower, “with me.”
“You wanted ice cream?” Jonghyun answers plainly, but there’s this look in his eyes that tells Kibum he’s just fooling around.
“Jjong,” he whines, serious. “Please.”
“I like you,” Jonghyun blurts out, unconcerned and upfront as though it were obvious. It probably is, but it still has Kibum frowning. Jonghyun notices and the other hears him draw out a long sigh. “Why the sudden question?” His tone is soft, unhurried and Kibum risks glancing up from his ice cream cone to find Jonghyun looking straight at him.
“I don’t know, was just wondering.”
Jonghyun shakes his head slightly. “If this is about the future, you know I won’t say anything. On purpose, anyway.”
“Yeah, I know,” Kibum agrees. Jonghyun had always been very clear about that. “Just… thank you for sticking around,” and this is the first time Kibum is completely open, honest about himself. Somehow, it feels good to say it out loud and it feels even better to know Jonghyun is listening. “I was a pretty bratty kid.”
“You are a bratty kid,” Jonghyun teases, and Kibum erupts into laughter because, somehow, he always knows the right thing to say. “Why are you so serious all of a sudden? You need to lighten up.” By the way Jonghyun says it with a small smile, Kibum knows something’s up.
“Okay?”
“Let’s go for noreabang,” Jonghyun suggests, grin only widening.
“You know, it’s my money you’re spending,” Kibum argues, but it’s only half-hearted. It does sound like a good idea, especially since they’ve never been with only the two of them, and Kibum figures there’s no use in declining since they would probably end up going considering it was Jonghyun who suggested it. “I’m curious,” Kibum says after licking up his ice cream, “what do you remember from today?”
Jonghyun looks thoughtful for a few seconds, as though studying his cone closely. He bites a single chocolate chip off before unexpectedly breaking into a smirk.
“You’ll tell me my voice is amazing.”
“So modest,” Kibum plays along, rolling his eyes. “But really, I was just wondering what it’s like to have memories from the future.”
Jonghyun’s smirk fades and he goes back to staring at his half-eaten cone.
“It’s actually annoying,” he admits, frowning a little in a way that makes Kibum feel uneasy. “I’m glad my memory isn’t perfect.”
“How is it annoying?” Life would be so much simpler, knowing what’s ahead.
Jonghyun shrugs. “I wouldn’t say it’s boring, but it definitely takes the fun out of it.”
Kibum thinks to his future life as a university student, a great big unknown land that intimidates him as much as it worries him, and no, he cannot see the fun in that.
Jonghyun suddenly shakes his head, a bit like a dog would, his long hair swaying along with it.
“Your cranky mood has infected me,” he announces - probably just to get a rise out of Kibum, which it does. “Let’s go.”
He stands up and grabs Kibum’s forearm, lifting him out of his seat and leaving the latter to repeatedly smack his shoulder. Jonghyun sticks his tongue out and tries to lick Kibum to fight him off, in the end managing to drive him away.
“Ew,” Kibum mutters after the close call.
Jonghyun chuckles and puts his ice cream cone right under his nose. Kibum looks at it cross-eyed before he realizes he’s being offered some, so he leans in to taste it only to find himself with a nose full of ice cream a second later. He splutters and coughs, trying to regain his breath and elbows Jonghyun in the ribs, hard, once he’s managed to avoid choking. He takes Jonghyun’s sleeve as revenge and wipes himself on it, only to realize a little too late that it is, in fact, his own shirt. He grumbles lowly to himself and tries to shove his ice cream into Jonghyun’s face instead, but the other boy holds his wrist steady and takes a big bite out of it. Kibum looks crestfallen.
“That was mine,” he complains as Jonghyun proudly licks his lips.
“I’d offer to buy you another but…” Jonghyun doesn’t finish his sentence - Kibum is already punching him again. “Okay, okay,” he surrenders, “here.”
He holds out his cone and Kibum takes it carefully, eyeing him suspiciously, but when he only keeps grinning he bites into it in turn. They end up switching cones as they look around for a noreabang. They manage to find one a short distance away from the shop. Kibum, making a show out of grunting as though it were particularly arduous to take out his wallet, pays for two hours, ignoring Jonghyun’s pout to reserve more. Of course, once the two hours are over, Kibum ends up paying for two more.
“I’m going to go broke,” Kibum announces, trailing behind Jonghyun who rushes back to their small, private room. “I’ll have to sell your guitar.”
Jonghyun shoots him a glare over his shoulder as they enter the room again, flipping open the catalogue immediately and punching in numbers to a slow song. It’s a ballad that Kibum has heard him sing countless times before in his bedroom - he prefers it sung that way rather than through a microphone, over loud music. Kibum lets him carry on alone, sinking back into the hard cushions of the booth. He really does have an amazing voice, he thinks despite himself.
“You were right,” Kibum tells him once the song comes to an end. Jonghyun turns around, questioning, and settles beside him, taking the catalogue into his lap.
“Your voice is amazing, Jonghyun,” Kibum goes on to speak with mock solemnity. Jonghyun doesn’t miss the teasing edge to his tone and retorts by nudging his side. He pushes the thick binder of songs into Kibum’s lap, letting him choose next. He picks an upbeat pop song, one he knows most of the moves to and ends up half-dancing, half-singing along to it with Jonghyun there to fill in the blanks. He eventually pulls Jonghyun onto his feet to teach him some of the moves, but Jonghyun doesn’t really follow, leaving Kibum to laugh every time the other boy makes a fool of himself. It lasts for three more songs and Kibum can feel his throat drying out from belting out all these catchy lyrics. He notices little drops of sweat along Jonghyun’s hairline and how his long hair is sticking to his neck and temples, but the boy shows no sign of slowing down.
Kibum then picks one of the cheesiest love songs he’s ever heard, just for the heck of making fun of Jonghyun as he sings it. Jonghyun seems unfazed by Kibum’s loud laughter as he serenades an invisible person next to him, complete with exaggerated vibratos and soulful ad-libs that don’t really fit. Kibum takes out his phone to film it, if only to look at it later whenever he’ll need something to laugh at. Jonghyun completely massacres the few English words at the end of the song and Kibum has trouble holding his phone straight because he’s laughing so hard.
It’s already dark out by the time they exit the place; Kibum’s ears are ringing from all the uninterrupted hours of loud music and his stomach feels cramped from all the laughing he’s done. He feels a little light-headed now that he’s outside, in fresh air, which is why - he convinces himself - he doesn’t pull away when Jonghyun wraps his arms around him.
But it’s nice, more than nice, so he presses his nose against the other’s neck and rests his head on his shoulder.
“You know,” Jonghyun speaks right into his ear and hugs him closer, “I should be the one thanking you.”
Kibum doesn’t know what makes him do it, perhaps it’s a simple gesture of reciprocity, but it feels right to brush a light kiss to the skin of the boy’s neck. Jonghyun’s fingers settle beneath his chin, then, and he carefully tilts Kibum’s face upwards. Before the latter can even make sense of what’s happening, Jonghyun plants a peck to his nose.
Kibum looks a bit dazed and Jonghyun chuckles lowly. He takes a step back and links their hands, bringing him back onto the street.
Kibum regains enough of his coherency to lead them back home. Jonghyun shrugs out of Kibum’s jean shirt as soon as they make it to his bedroom, leaving him in a sleeveless undershirt. He picks Coco up and settles on the bed, meanwhile Kibum doesn’t even bother changing. He just grabs his laptop and climbs into his bed, fitting himself into Jonghyun’s side.
They end up watching a movie, although halfway through Kibum feels his eyelids begin to droop. He’s struggling to stay awake by the time the credits roll but he doesn’t want to move from where he’s draped over Jonghyun, with the other’s arm around him.
“I hope I see you again soon,” he mumbles into Jonghyun’s chest. He feels him comb through his hair and his eyes fall shut despite himself. He knows Jonghyun doesn’t have an answer to that, anyway.
***
Whenever Jonghyun shows up over the following two weeks, Kibum pulls him outside to wander about the town only to end the day by his side on his bed. He even brings him shopping; not that Kibum needs new clothes, but it’s a good excuse to drag Jonghyun around the mall and laugh at his clueless expressions. Yet, on those nights, Kibum falls asleep pressed up against him while dreading the moment he’ll wake up, alone, with only Coco and his grandmother for company.
All too soon, the school year begins and along with it comes the first day of class. He dutifully sits through his lectures and cringes every time he is shown a course outline. He already has readings to do and he quickly realizes that school as a freshman still sucks. He looks around as he exits the campus, head spinning in every direction in an attempt to find a familiar figure, but the smiling boy is nowhere to be found, leaving Kibum to ride the bus home by himself, shoulders hunched.
By the fourth day of classes, Kibum is slowly beginning to panic. It’s all too much; he knows his parents want him to pursue studies in business but he doesn’t think he can do it. He hates his classes and feels like he sticks out when he looks around to glance at his fellow classmates - not in a good way. They seem so dead set on succeeding, on working hard for it while Kibum just feels undecided and uncomfortable. Listening to lectures about concepts he doesn’t really care about, surrounded by these people, it makes him feel uneasy and itching to just get out. But what other choice does he have? It isn’t like he knows what else he wants to do, and it is precisely that fact that makes him feel so trapped.
He forces himself to go through another week of school, but by the end of it he is more emotionally exhausted than anything. He has thought about it so much since it started only to turn around in circles that he doesn’t know what to do anymore - which is why tears streak down his cheeks when he spots Jonghyun by his building’s exit. The mixture of relief and of plainly having missed him makes him more choked up than he wants to admit, so he doesn’t protest when Jonghyun wraps himself around him. He just sighs into his shoulder, dries his tears and starts walking after the other has taken his hand in his.
It’s a much longer walk than from his old school, and for most of it both are silent. Kibum knows he doesn’t really need to speak, that Jonghyun is aware of everything already. He finds himself wondering why Jonghyun never warned him in the past, never even tried to tell him he was headed full speed in the wrong direction. He feels a sudden tinge of anger at that and bites his lip when it quivers. His hand stiffens in Jonghyun’s hold as if to pull away but the other only tightens his grip.
“Life goes on,” he speaks, gaze far ahead while Kibum stubbornly looks down to his feet, frustrated and feeling a bit betrayed by the one person he’s come to trust. Kibum knows he means time goes on.
He feels his eyes well up again, only with a different spectrum of emotions this time, resolutely climbing the few steps to his door and keeping his head down, wishing Jonghyun would just let him go. It's unfair, he thinks angrily, and it has him doubting Jonghyun's intentions, despising his righteousness because in the end it's helping no one.
“Whatever,” he speaks bluntly in an attempt to cover the quiver in his voice. “I h-hate you.” He’s aware of his immaturity but he lets it out anyway - he can’t help the bitterness, hurt and confusion weighing down on his chest.
He feels Jonghyun go still beside him and almost regrets it for all of one second, but then the strangest thing happens: Jonghyun tugs on his hand, pulling Kibum to face him, and kisses him. It doesn’t last long, just long enough for Kibum’s eyes to fall shut and in those few moments, he is utterly and completely elsewhere - in a place where it’s only them and their lips like this, where his thoughts draw a blank.
Jonghyun pulls away gently, thumb tracing over his cheekbone. “You’ll pull through,” he whispers, breath fanning over Kibum’s lips. It sounds like a promise.
→ Part IV
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A/N: I am loving these fast updates. This part is my favourite. :)
Thank you for reading ♥
And here is where I dump links to pics of Key’s hair in this part: RDD black, red (source as tagged, cr: weareshining).
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Coming-of-Age, AU, Sci-Fi
Beta-ed by: desiderada
Summary: Time is to Jonghyun as colours are to the blind. He is exempt of time; Kibum is a victim of it.
← Part II
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After “the incident”, as Kibum secretly refers to it, he quickly dyes his hair black again and once his final exams are over, he stands in front of his bathroom mirror with scissors and cuts his bangs in a crooked line above his eyes. He never mentions it again after that, tries his best to not dwell on it and Jonghyun seems just as eager to forget about it.
Still, “tries” is the key word, because Kibum is growing up. He is seventeen years old after all and the more time he spends with Jonghyun, the more he realizes just how much the strange boy means to him. He suddenly finds himself noticing things he never cared to look for before, like the tiny creases that appear at the corners of the boy’s eyes when he smiles - really smiles, just how short and stumpy his fingers are, the way his broad shoulders feel when he leans on them and how unbelievably soothing his voice sounds in the darkness of his bedroom when they stay up at night to talk.
It somehow starts when Jonghyun takes his hand one day while they are walking back to his house after school. He looks a bit shy and avoids Kibum’s eyes when the latter casts him a sideways glance; Kibum has to admit he feels the same. It isn’t unpleasant, but it is weird. He learns to deal with it, and by the time they reach his house Kibum feels slightly more confident.
Jonghyun is the same: lively, curious, patient. His hand is warm, the small touches are gentle and as much as Kibum still needs to get used to them, he discovers he doesn’t mind them either.
Kibum is scrolling through his latest chart-topping pop playlist, his sturdy laptop propped up on a pillow in front of him - them, really, considering how Jonghyun is leaning into him with his elbow digging into Kibum’s thigh. He finally clicks on a song, but halfway into the intro Jonghyun decides he doesn’t like it and takes over the keyboard, hunching over towards the screen. Kibum is trying to peek over his shoulder to see what file he’s opening when Jonghyun straightens up a little, Kibum’s chin somehow ending up on the boy’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even attempt to move so Kibum stays there and counts the beats of the newly starting song by drumming his fingers on Jonghyun’s side.
The more time they spend huddled together on his bed, the more Kibum finds himself easing into the closeness. He blames it on having grown used to falling asleep while Jonghyun listens to music on his laptop beside him, sometimes humming along. It quickly becomes his favourite lullaby.
True to her word, Kibum’s grandmother writes him another check for his second year of dancing lessons. He decides to put the money it’s saved him to good use after finding Jonghyun below the dance studio, ogling a guitar hung high on a wall of the music store. He buys the very same guitar after school one day, when Jonghyun is nowhere to be found. It costs a little more than he expected it to, but he makes the purchase anyway and carefully sets it down in its case in a corner of his room.
It stays there for almost a week, untouched. When he finally sees Jonghyun, sitting against the trunk of a tree in his school’s front yard, he rushes up to him and pulls him onto his feet. Jonghyun asks him what’s up but Kibum remains mute, afraid to give himself away and for Jonghyun to remember what awaits. He keeps pulling on Jonghyun’s arm, keeping a brisk pace and just when he thinks Jonghyun has given in, he feels a sharp poke in between his ribs. He shrieks, loudly, causing a few passersby to stare at the rowdy pair of boys. Jonghyun laughs and Kibum almost forgets to shove his side because of how the sound makes him smile, but Jonghyun beats him to it; he grabs his wrists and twirls them around mid-strike until Kibum is the one tumbling off the sidewalk. He braces himself for the fall, but it never comes, Jonghyun’s arm shooting out to grab his waist at the last moment. He feels himself being hauled over a strong shoulder that proves to be rather bony when it digs into his stomach and it’s all starting to make him rather dizzy. He squirms and punches Jonghyun’s shoulder in protest, threatening to return his gift if he didn’t stop handling him like a sack of potatoes.
Jonghyun puts him down at once and his hands fall onto Kibum’s shoulders as he stares at him with big eyes. He looks genuinely surprised and his expression has Kibum faltering for a second. Shouldn’t he have known?
“Thank you so much!” he exclaims suddenly, and relief floods over Kibum even though he’s being shaken again. Jonghyun pulls him into a hug, then, and Kibum can only let himself sink into the embrace, his head still spinning a bit.
“Thank you thank you thank you,” Jonghyun mumbles, arms tightening around his shoulders, effectively squeezing him. When he pulls back, they are both wearing silly smiles.
They enter his room a while later and Jonghyun doesn’t need to be told where his gift is. He unzips the black case and pulls out the classic, polished guitar at once, settling it on his lap as he sits down on a corner of Kibum’s bed. His wide, goofy grin is contagious as he strums over the nylon strings a few times, his left hand effortlessly wrapping around the neck. Kibum is left to sit on his desk chair with his arms folded over the backrest, facing the other.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” he asks, curious and slightly amused. “I mean, you already knew I was going to buy it for you.”
“Yeah,” Jonghyun agrees, fingers moving in time as he plays a set of chords, “but I’m still thankful you did.”
Kibum looks away, suddenly shy, and Jonghyun simply keeps playing from his bed.
“Since when do you play guitar?” his grandmother asks him the very next morning after placing his breakfast on a plate in front him.
“Huh?” he mutters, mind a little slow considering how little he slept. It takes a few seconds but it eventually all clicks into place and he shakes his head, distracted, as he brings his chopsticks up to his mouth. “I don’t.”
“Well, someone was playing,” she reasons as she clears up the kitchen counter.
Kibum takes a second to contemplate what he should say, but he figures he might as well tell the truth.
“It was Jonghyun,” he admits before shoving more food into his mouth.
“He sounded really good,” she says, tone conversational.
“Hmm,” he agrees through a mouthful of food.
“I’m glad you found a friend like him,” she adds in the same tone.
Kibum doesn’t say it out loud, but he thinks he is too.
***
“Jjong?” Kibum asks from his desk, this time filing away his chemistry homework and periodic table into his binder. The sound of it snapping shut makes the other boy look up at once. “I need my laptop,” Kibum announces.
Jonghyun turns down the volume of the speakers but doesn’t pause the song - trot, Kibum recognizes - and scoots over on Kibum’s bed to make space for him. Kibum settles in beside him, his own shoulder pressing against Jonghyun’s and brings his computer closer. Jonghyun merely watches, legs outstretched and crossed in front of him as Kibum opens his internet browser and quickly types in a website. He feels Jonghyun’s head lean onto his shoulder and his arm drape across his thighs; the body against his side is warm, and Kibum leans into it in return.
“University?” Jonghyun mutters from his shoulder once the page loads.
“Yeah, I-” Kibum starts, only to pause, distracted as he clicks through the website’s links. “I’m still not sure on what I want to do.”
“Hmm,” Jonghyun hums, pitch rising slightly as though questioning, and for a split second Kibum envies him; envies how simple life is to him.
“My parents want me to go into business, but,” and that’s it, precisely. But. “But I’d like to have some credits left over for a minor, at least.”
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything, simply lies motionless against him and Kibum sighs as he scrolls through listed courses and their requirements.
“I guess I could just ask you what I’m going to do,” he says nonchalantly as he opens a number of courses in new tabs to read up on. “Though you probably won’t tell me.”
Jonghyun doesn’t speak for a while, and Kibum isn’t expecting him to answer.
“I think it’s better if you figure it out on your own,” he eventually murmurs, surprising the other. Kibum slouches, then, feels defeated as he is reminded of the weight on his shoulders. He knows Jonghyun is right; he should decide for himself, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t terrified to do so.
His breath catches in his throat when he feels a light, almost tentative press of lips against the side of his neck. He goes still, only to feel Jonghyun exhale against his skin and the latter must guess his uncertainty because he slowly draws back, lifts his head from his shoulder and rests it against the headboard instead. Kibum can’t help but feel shy when it comes to this sort of thing, but like always Jonghyun is willing to wait for him.
However, something is different this time around. He feels shy, yes, but he also feels a surge of affection towards the other boy sprawled out against him and he isn’t sure what to do about it, so he keeps clicking on tabs while Jonghyun hums along to an old song.
***
Over the next week, Kibum comes home to find his mother miraculously there, chatting with his grandmother. She has temporarily taken the early morning shift, meaning that she is free to question Kibum over the dining table. The future is confusing already; he doesn’t need his mother asking him questions to which he, frustratingly, has no answers. He realizes he knows even less about himself, about what he wants to do in life than he thinks.
He doesn’t want to go home after school, doesn’t want to talk about university with his mother. He wants to be young and careless and not think about school, to just forget about it all for a night. Just one night - he thinks that’s reasonable. And he can’t help but smile, wondering if it is only luck when he steps out of the building after the last bell and sees a familiar smiling face waiting for him.
“How was your day?” The question comes with that same smile.
“Better, now,” Kibum answers honestly. They start walking out of habit and are halfway down the street in front of the school when Kibum speaks up.
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jonghyun says, although his tone is questioning. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Kibum blurts out, “I just don’t feel like going home.”
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything to that, but Kibum knows him well enough by then to see the unspoken “why” in his expression. He debates whether or not to answer it anyway and decides to stay quiet, for now.
They spend the next three blocks walking in silence, headed away from their usual destination and towards the heart of the city instead. The set out onto a new street, one that Kibum knows will lead them downtown. He still doesn’t know where he’s going exactly - in more ways than one - but he figures it’s a start. The evening breeze is cold; it doesn’t feel like spring. Jonghyun catches him rubbing his hands together and takes one in his before Kibum can stuff them into his pockets. It isn’t the first time they hold hands - and it looks like it won’t be the last. It’s nice, warm. Kibum doesn’t mind it. His shy smile has grown wider by the time they reach the busier part of town.
The distant sound of music reaches them and Jonghyun instantly perks up. He steers them towards the noise and they eventually are led to what seems to be a small street festival. The place is teeming with people, food stands as well as other vendors and there is even a small stage set up at an intersection. Kibum has no idea what the occasion is but figures it must be a cultural event when he sees the large South Korean flags hanging by the stage. He slaps Jonghyun’s shoulder when he notices a new rookie idol group that had just debuted standing to the side, getting ready to perform. Jonghyun smiles but looks at him curiously, so Kibum pulls him closer by their linked hands to tell it to his ear.
They sneak closer to the stage, and only halfway through the second song does Kibum realize they’re still holding hands.
They don’t stay very long; another act soon enters the stage and Kibum had been eyeing the food stalls for a while already. He pulls Jonghyun out of the crowd that has gathered in front of the stage and back onto the colourful street.
“What do you want?” he asks the other, pointing towards the tent in front of them selling ddukbokki. Jonghyun only shakes his head, nose scrunching up a little upon seeing the spicy food.
“You choose,” he answers. Kibum nods, tightening his grip on his hand.
“I’m guessing not ddukbokki,” he thinks out loud. They snake through the packed street and Kibum lets out an exclamation when he spots a particular stand nearby. It’s surrounded by people - mostly teenagers like himself - but he pushes through the crowd with Jonghyun in tow and pays for the food. He turns around again to face the other with a big smile and hands over his purchase.
“It’s fried potato with meat inside,” he explains when Jonghyun only studies it curiously, “all covered in ketchup.”
He takes a bite out of it, still smiling and for some reason Jonghyun grins back.
“I used to love this when I was a kid,” he remembers, offering it to the other who carefully takes it this time.
“You’re still a kid,” he teases before taking a bite himself. Kibum knocks his shoulder with his own as a small revenge.
“Do you like it?” he asks. Jonghyun nods heartily and means to hand it back to Kibum but pulls it out of his reach before he can do so. It has Kibum frowning but Jonghyun just keeps smiling, if anything even wider than before.
“You have ketchup here,” he says, pointing to a corner of his lips. Kibum merely blinks and lifts a hand to wipe his mouth but Jonghyun catches his wrist and leans in instead, pink tongue poking out of his mouth. By the time Kibum realizes what he’s about to do, he’s already very close so Kibum shrieks and shoves him away. Jonghyun is laughing and Kibum hastily runs a thumb over his lips, heart suddenly beating a mile a second, only to frown once more when his thumbs comes off clean.
“Yah!” he scolds, shoving at Jonghyun’s shoulder again, “I didn’t have anything!”
Jonghyun simply laughs, looking unrepentant as ever. Kibum’s heart is still racing when he notices that the other does in fact have a drop of ketchup next to his lips, so he reaches out to him and smears it over his cheek. Jonghyun doesn’t really protest; he wipes it off and licks his fingers clean in a way that has Kibum cringing a little and wondering why his heart won’t calm down.
Later that night, when he’s lying in his bed with Jonghyun sitting next to him, humming along to the radio, he finds himself thinking about what would have happened had he not shoved the other boy away. Then again, it never could have happened because time was apparently a set thing. He wonders if Jonghyun did it only to tease him since he knew he’d be pushed away, which then leads him to wonder if Jonghyun remembered that particular incident at all and had acted it out with any particular intentions as opposed to it being a spur-of-the-moment kind of deal. He rolls onto his side with a sigh because even with Jonghyun’s explanations, the unanswered questions still outnumber the answered ones.
“Can’t sleep?” the familiar, soft voice asks.
Kibum grunts into his pillow; he has school tomorrow, he should be sleeping already but it doesn’t always work that way, sadly. He’s too caught up in his thoughts to peacefully drift away, instead mulling over the day’s happenings. To what purpose? He’s not entirely sure and it bothers him immensely. He would usually sweep the thoughts away, like water under the bridge, but now he finds them lingering despite his efforts to brush it all off. He’s slightly annoyed, and it must show because he then feels a hand comb through the back of his hair, the touch incredibly calming. It stays there as he breathes in deeply, stays there until he goes still once more and right before falling asleep Kibum wonders, for the first time in his life, if thinking seriously about something rather than forcing it back to the far corners of his mind might be a better idea.
***
His last year in high school proves to be the most stressful one yet, what with all the examinations he will soon be confronted with and for which he has been preparing what seems like all his life. He doesn’t need exceptional scores considering the university and program he intends to get into, but he needs good scores and he knows he will never live it down if it goes awry. This is it, this is all anyone around him ever talks about anymore and it feels like his entire student life is worth nothing so far, like these examinations are only the beginning. He is more than disappointed to realize he has been conforming for seventeen years only to sit down for hours on end and answer questions about anything and everything he has ever been taught. And yet this is what is expected of him, of everyone, so Kibum goes through with it without bothering to give it much more thought. He’s glad he has Jonghyun to keep him sane in between bouts of intensive studying - because even if Jonghyun’s presence on Earth is irregular and unpredictable, when he’s here, he’s there for Kibum and not much else matters.
And because Kibum likes Jonghyun; he’s just too busy to notice.
“Do you think you would have preferred being a human?” Kibum asks and he stretches himself on his desk chair, arms raised high and spine curled off the backrest. It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon and Kibum is spending it hogged up in his room, studying to the sound of Jonghyun’s constant strumming.
Jonghyun presses a new chord into the neck of the guitar and lets it ring, looking up at once with big, brown eyes and slightly pouty lips.
“Huh?” he asks and Kibum stares for a while, very much fond of this clueless, innocent side of the boy.
“Do you prefer Earth?” he tries again once Jonghyun’s gaze has turned expectant.
Jonghyun looks down to the guitar in his lap, eyebrows furrowing as he slides a finger along one of the strings. He looks so natural, so at ease in that moment that Kibum finds it hard to believe he is not inherently human.
“Yeah,” he eventually mutters, still not looking up, “I guess I do.”
Kibum smiles, simply. This - the closeness, the trust and sort of mutual understanding - is enough, he thinks, for now.
Jonghyun is there to greet him as he steps off the bus with hunched shoulders and a full backpack. Kibum is tired, he always is these days, but manages to find the energy to smile and speak to Jonghyun. He almost forgets to notice it when Jonghyun takes his hand.
“What day are we?” Jonghyun asks and something about it all makes Kibum smile fondly.
“Tuesday,” he answers, “I need to study again.”
Jonghyun nods a little; he seems pensive for a while, his gaze far ahead, before speaking again.
“Do you miss your dance class?”
Kibum hadn’t been expecting such a question - he looks at the other boy round-eyed, wondering what made him ask this all of a sudden. He wonders if Jonghyun is only being conversational or if he means anything by it. He frowns, but cracks an awkward smile and tries to brush it off with forced humour.
“Why? Do you miss hanging around the music shop?” he counters, and he knows something’s up by the way Jonghyun doesn’t grin back.
“I was asking you,” Jonghyun replies, a bit too seriously for Kibum. “You really like dancing.”
“I do,” Kibum admits, fully aware that disagreeing with Jonghyun is simply futile, “but I need to study a lot this year for my exams.”
Jonghyun frowns and looks sideways to Kibum, who ignores the stare and keeps his gaze ahead of them. “You can’t spare an hour a week?” he asks, sounding genuinely concerned. Something about his tone makes Kibum feel warm inside.
“I don’t know,” Kibum shrugs it off, not really fancying talking about this, “my parents wouldn’t be too happy about it if I did.”
“I don’t understand you humans sometimes,” Jonghyun mutters, looking down to the cement this time.
“Look, Jjong,” Kibum sighs, tired of this topic already because by then he’s learned to just accept things as they are, “why are you asking me this all of a sudden? You know I won’t start dancing again, not so soon anyway. You probably even know how much I will stress about these exams when the time comes. Why are you holding onto this? It won’t change anything.”
Jonghyun falls silent for a while, with only the sound of their footsteps and passing cars to accompany Kibum mulling over his thoughts. He’s a bit worried when Jonghyun doesn’t answer right away and hopes he didn’t say something that was perhaps too much, even though that is how he feels. He squeezes Jonghyun’s hand lightly.
“I just don’t understand why humans don’t do what they want to do,” Jonghyun finally murmurs. “You have responsibilities, I get it,” he adds hastily, sounding uncharacteristically weary, “but you have the opportunity to live in a world with time, where things can happen and change and yet you shy away from this.”
Kibum sighs again; Jonghyun’s conflicts were more profound than he had expected. He usually found his naivety regarding this world endearing, but tonight he is too mentally exhausted to deal with any of it.
“Change is scary,” Kibum speaks, resolute. “Time is scary.”
“How?” Jonghyun seems so confused when their eyes lock.
“Because you can’t stop it,” Kibum shrugs, as though it were obvious - because it is. “You can’t go back on a mistake.”
“Humans,” and to that Jonghyun shakes his head, still every bit confused and naïve, “you’re so concerned with living life the right way that you forget to just live.”
“Maybe,” Kibum says offhandedly, a bit annoyed and sharp, “doesn’t change the fact that I need to study.”
And that, Kibum thinks, is that.
***
As the big day steadily approaches, Kibum’s nights grow shorter and shorter. His back feels stiff from sitting hunched over a desk for hours on end, he feels dizzy from wearing his glasses all day, every day, and his heart feels empty from not having seen Jonghyun in over a month. He takes little comfort in noticing that his classmates all share similar dark bags under their eyes.
A week before his exams, Kibum falls into his bed and simply starts crying. All the stress, the pressure, the tiredness and anxiety that never seem to leave him lately - it’s just too much. He feels Coco crawl up to him and sniff at his temple, nudging him with his wet nose but Kibum keeps spilling silent tears into his pillow. He really wishes Jonghyun were there to sing him to sleep. It’s a long, restless night without the other boy.
Kibum honestly does not remember much of his exams. Nerve-wracking as they are, he does a good deal of blocking them out of his mind once they are over, feeling incredibly liberated while drained in every way. Yet, as he walks out of his high school that evening, he feels a surge of energy take over him upon spotting Jonghyun by the large tree. Without thinking much, or at all, he runs towards the other boy and throws his arms around him, jumping up at the last moment - Jonghyun catches him.
“I did it,” he mutters into the other’s shoulder, proud.
Jonghyun chuckles, and it’s the strangest feeling to have his chest rumble against his. Jonghyun hugs him back and Kibum almost drops back down to his feet when the boy kisses him on the cheek.
“I knew you would.”
Kibum backs away to roll his eyes and playfully jab at Jonghyun’s side, to which the boy attempts a pitiful whine that only has Kibum repeating the gesture all over again. When Jonghyun puts him down whilst squirming out of his reach to begin their usual walk, Kibum is surprised to find himself unwilling to let go.
On their way home, he takes them on a detour and ends up standing in front of a blinking building’s entrance with Jonghyun clinging onto his arm. He doesn’t even need to ask if the other is up for some noreabang; he enters at once and smiles when he notices some of his classmates bustling about the hallway connecting the separate, private rooms. A few of his friends are there and wave him over excitedly. Kibum pays for his and Jonghyun’s entrance fees before joining them with all the rightful enthusiasm of a student just beginning his break.
There’s laughter, applause, cheers and the occasional mocking booing - it’s been a while since Kibum has laughed that hard, clutching onto Jonghyun and smacking his arm, his thigh, his shoulder or anything within reach. Jonghyun doesn’t mind, only laughs with him and returns the touches with a lot more tact than Kibum’s borderline brutal ways.
All too soon, the hype dies down as tiredness settles in, the students exhausted after such a long, trying day. Kibum finds himself leaning into Jonghyun’s side, head comfortably tilted onto his shoulder as the boy sings along to a ballad’s slow melody. He closes his eyes for a moment and it’s like he’s back in his room, with Jonghyun singing him to sleep, warm by his side; like everything is alright.
Kibum is allowed to invite three guests to his graduation, except he really only has two considering his father is - where else? - out of the country at that time. When he checks his doorstep that morning for mail and a certain someone only to find them smiling back up at him, he doesn’t hesitate before inviting Jonghyun along. His grandmother tries to coax them into eating a full breakfast but Kibum only passes by the kitchen with Jonghyun in tow and rushes up the stairs to his room, shouting that there’s no time. Jonghyun narrowly avoids tripping over his dog on the way up and has a somewhat goofy-looking smile on his face as they enter his room, leading Kibum to believe that the boy actually remembers his graduation.
“I need to find you some clothes,” Kibum states out loud, opening his closet to look for his only dress shirt. “I hope they fit,” he says, and bites his lip.
“I hope so too,” Jonghyun speaks up from where he’s standing right behind him and Kibum turns around to shoot him a playful glare, knowing full well the irony implied.
“I take it you remember my graduation, then,” Kibum mutters, finally spotting the crisp fabric of the shirt and pulling it off of its hanger.
“Bits and pieces,” Jonghyun reveals.
“Here, put this on.” Kibum hands him the shirt, going back to his closet to pick out a pair of clean-cut, black pants that would hopefully not be too long.
The dress shirt fits Jonghyun surprisingly well, Kibum is glad to notice. He looks away when Jonghyun strips his own baggy jeans off, feeling slightly weird even if it wasn’t the first time they had done this. When he looks at the other boy again, Jonghyun is buttoning the pants - the legs are a little long, but nothing too bad. Kibum finishes off his outfit with one of his leather belts and a matching wrist cuff.
“I like this,” Jonghyun says, fiddling with the thick bracelet.
“I thought you might,” Kibum admits, and Jonghyun grins, “it looks good on you.”
Kibum dons his uniform in a rush, feeling rather self-conscious what with Jonghyun sitting patiently on his bed. He doesn’t dwell on the fact that it’s most likely the last time he’ll ever wear it; he’s glad to leave high school behind even though he isn’t sure he’s entirely ready for what comes after. University seems so daunting, so serious, however he decides it doesn’t matter for now, not when Jonghyun is here and he’s supposed to be celebrating his first diploma.
He then drags Jonghyun to the bathroom to attempt to style his hair, experimenting a little and sometimes getting a good laugh out of it while Jonghyun remains unexpectedly cooperative throughout.
“I was thinking of getting red streaks,” Kibum tells him at some point, both his hand full of hair gel from repeatedly combing through the other’s dark locks. The smile Jonghyun tries to hide doesn’t go unnoticed.
The school’s gym is already packed by the time they arrive, mid-afternoon. His grandmother tells him she’s proud, his mother too, although Kibum doesn’t miss how she almost nods off at some point during the ceremony, having worked all night. Kibum isn’t really bothered by it, at least she’s here, he thinks, and the speeches are indeed long. The roll call, however, is endless. It takes Jonghyun squeezing his hand to break him out of his reverie when it’s his turn to climb onto the stage and retrieve his scroll. His white high tops attract quite a few stares, but Kibum doesn’t care. After years and years of wearing ironed blazers and uncomfortable polished shoes, he figures he’s entitled to this much.
As he comes down from the stage clutching his roll of paper with slightly trembling hands, he looks into the audience and the first thing he notices is Jonghyun, cheering and clapping. His smile is broad, genuine, and the sight sends the most incredible feeling coursing through Kibum; the feeling of being cared for, of having accomplished something and of being able to share it with someone who matters. Kibum sits down beside him and Jonghyun takes his hand, their gazes locking for a second too long.
“Thank you,” Kibum murmurs, for everything, and he thinks Jonghyun didn’t hear him - until he feels fingers lacing with his and his hand being squeezed. Kibum hastily looks down into his lap, heartbeat drumming in his ears, but a hand beneath his chin lifts his gaze back up. Jonghyun is close, the top button of his - Kibum’s - shirt is undone and his hair is messier than Kibum remembers styling it. His smile is a bit crooked, just the way Kibum likes it, his eyes are slanted, lips a bit chapped and Kibum surprises even himself when he thinks kiss me. But Jonghyun doesn’t move; only keeps smiling and suddenly the moment is gone, leaving Kibum to recoil and stare upfront, embarrassed and befuddled.
The ceremony ends in the early evening and Kibum’s mother drives them all to a restaurant in the heart of the city. It’s a bit on the expensive side, but she assures them it’s her treat on this special day. Jonghyun seems tense as he fiddles with his chopsticks and Kibum catches him carefully studying the way the others are eating. Kibum chortles a little louder than he should have when he witnesses Jonghyun’s horrified expression after having accidentally slurped noisily on his soup, some of it dribbling messily down his chin. The look the boy gives him is somewhat desperate, which amuses Kibum to no end and makes Jonghyun pout in return.
“Would you like a drink, Kibum?” his grandmother asks, making him look up round-eyed from his dish.
“A-a what?” he mutters, eyeing his mother and expecting her to shake her head in disapproval any second now.
“A drink. You only graduate high school once, you know,” she teases him, although sincere. When his mother merely shrugs, he’s at a loss for what to say.
“Okay?” he finally agrees, although it sounds more like a question.
“And you, Jonghyun?” the elderly lady asks him in turn.
“Sure,” he speaks politely, also twisting in his chair to face her and attempt an awkward seated bow, which Kibum saves him from by kicking his shin under the table, trying to keep from snorting with laughter at Jonghyun’s expression.
His grandmother ends up ordering a bottle of wine for the four of them and Kibum doesn’t understand the strange look Jonghyun casts towards it once it’s being poured into his glass, but he thinks he might just have a clue when he sees Jonghyun sipping it a bit too carefully. His suspicions are confirmed when he declines a refill only to crumble beneath his grandmother’s resolve and stare at his newly-full glass with a defeated expression. Kibum swaps their glasses when the two women aren’t looking and doesn’t have the heart to tease Jonghyun because the boy just looks so grateful. Kibum finishes his glass for him and silently rejoices in the fact that he apparently can hold his liquor a lot better than Jonghyun.
A lot better, because despite having only taken a glass or so, Jonghyun is leaning onto him rather heavily as they exit the restaurant and his head keeps lolling onto his shoulder while they ride in the backseat of the car. His grandmother gives him a knowing smile via the rearview mirror and for a second it has Kibum questioning her motives.
“Why did you drink if you knew you couldn’t handle it?” Kibum asks once the door to his bedroom is closed and they are safely inside, not without some stumbling in the stairs on Jonghyun’s part.
“Because it was the polite thing to do,” Jonghyun speaks carefully, as though concentrating on not slurring his words.
“You’re hopeless,” Kibum accuses fondly, arm still slung around the other’s waist for support. “Here, sit down before you fall over.”
He leads Jonghyun to his bed and unceremoniously pushes him onto it. He starts unbuttoning Jonghyun’s shirt, fumbling with the fabric a bit when he feels Jonghyun’s stale breath fan over his neck and chest, but soon manages to tug it off of him along with his bracelet and hands him one of his white t-shirts. Jonghyun gets the hint and changes into it, also sliding out of the dress pants.
“Do you really not feel tipsy?” Jonghyun asks, and was that insecurity in his tone? Kibum casts him a glance over his shoulder from where he himself is changing into his pyjamas by his closet, only to see Jonghyun staring at him with glassy but wide, round eyes.
“No,” he tells him with a light chuckle. The sight of Jonghyun seated in the middle of his small bed in nothing but his boxers and a loose shirt is an unusual one, but strangely fitting in a way. “I didn’t have that much, Jjong. You’re just weak,” he teases, sticking his tongue out to humour the other boy.
Jonghyun falls back onto the mattress with a sigh, making Coco bounce up from where he was curled up beside him with a high-pitched yap. Kibum rushes to the bed to pet and soothe his dog, sitting near the edge.
“Thank you for coming today,” he says lowly as the pup stretches himself against his thigh. Jonghyun rolls onto his side and looks at him with drooping eyelids. It might be because Jonghyun is very tipsy and probably won’t remember it, but in the end Kibum doesn’t know what makes him say it: “I like it better when you’re here.”
Jonghyun just smiles; like he always does.
Kibum draws up the covers for him and lets him be, heading for the bathroom down the hall. When he comes back with fresh breath and clean teeth, his bed is empty, save for his small dog and a white t-shirt lying in a pile, half-buried under the covers.
***
It’s a rather short break in between semesters, but Kibum is determined to make the most of it. When Jonghyun shows up on his doorstep two days later, Kibum lets him pick out clothes from his drawers - a blue jean shirt and tight pants, incidentally - and brings him along to the hairdresser, true to his word. Not an hour later, he walks out of the place with red streaks in his black bangs. Jonghyun keeps playing with the red strands only for Kibum to push him away and fuss over his hair.
“I take it you like it,” Kibum says as he fixes his bangs in the reflection of a shop’s front window.
Jonghyun just smiles at that, wide and toothy in a way that makes his eyes scrunch up and Kibum looks down to his feet, not too sure what to make of the strange feeling bubbling in his chest. Jonghyun touches his elbow and Kibum looks up; he’s still smiling, only it’s smaller, more private as his hand slides down Kibum’s arm to finally thread their fingers together and pull him back onto the sidewalk. He stumbles a little but quickly rights himself alongside the other boy.
“Where are we going?” Kibum asks, wondering what Jonghyun has in mind all of a sudden.
“I don’t know,” Jonghyun admits, shrugging his shoulders. “Where do you want to go? It’s your vacation,” he adds.
Kibum looks ahead and ponders all the things he would like to do, all the things he wouldn’t be able to do once school, university, rolled around. The thought strikes sudden nostalgia in him; he just wants to be a kid, not an almost-adult.
“Ice cream,” he decides at once, turning to Jonghyun with a bright smile. It’s a bit forced, and Kibum knows the other can tell by the way Jonghyun raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Ice cream it is,” he simply agrees, letting himself be pulled around.
Kibum brings them to a small shop in the middle of town, one he used to frequent with his grandmother back when he was still in elementary school. A small bell chimes as they step inside, and apart from all the idol posters hanging around them, everything else is just as he remembers it to be: the walls are still painted a creamy pink and it still sold all kinds of flavours of ice cream along with other frozen treats and a few pastries. Jonghyun looks around inquisitively and Kibum chuckles a little as he pushes him to the ice cream counter.
“Pick one,” he tells him. It takes a rather long time for Jonghyun to choose as Kibum looks on, amused. In the end he picks chocolate chip and Kibum, blueberry cheesecake. As the latter pays for them, Jonghyun rests his chin on his shoulder, standing close behind him, and a shiver runs through Kibum at the feeling of his warm breath on his neck.
They settle down at one of the small, round tables. There are a lot of students in the shop, unsurprisingly.
“Are you going to start dancing again?” Jonghyun asks out the blue before licking around his cone.
“I don’t know,” Kibum speaks with a sigh, “I’ll see how university goes.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t… really want to talk about school,” he says truthfully, eyeing his ice cream with sudden desolation.
“I know.”
Jonghyun looks sheepish when Kibum glances up at him - like he cares.
“Can I,” and Kibum pauses, not really sure how it all got so serious or what sort of newfound courage is making him ask this, “can I ask you something, um, personal?”
Jonghyun nods, pink tongue slipping out to taste his ice cream as he stares at Kibum with those big, round eyes of his. For a split second, Kibum considers asking him about their future, about what’s going on with them and about how many more hairstyles he’ll go through, but in the end he chickens out, opting for a more subtle question. He’s still shy.
“Why are you here?” The question is vague enough to not give himself away, to let Jonghyun make what he wants of it.
“What do you mean?”
Kibum finds himself wondering the same thing: what does he actually mean by that?
“Why are you here,” he repeats, slower, “with me.”
“You wanted ice cream?” Jonghyun answers plainly, but there’s this look in his eyes that tells Kibum he’s just fooling around.
“Jjong,” he whines, serious. “Please.”
“I like you,” Jonghyun blurts out, unconcerned and upfront as though it were obvious. It probably is, but it still has Kibum frowning. Jonghyun notices and the other hears him draw out a long sigh. “Why the sudden question?” His tone is soft, unhurried and Kibum risks glancing up from his ice cream cone to find Jonghyun looking straight at him.
“I don’t know, was just wondering.”
Jonghyun shakes his head slightly. “If this is about the future, you know I won’t say anything. On purpose, anyway.”
“Yeah, I know,” Kibum agrees. Jonghyun had always been very clear about that. “Just… thank you for sticking around,” and this is the first time Kibum is completely open, honest about himself. Somehow, it feels good to say it out loud and it feels even better to know Jonghyun is listening. “I was a pretty bratty kid.”
“You are a bratty kid,” Jonghyun teases, and Kibum erupts into laughter because, somehow, he always knows the right thing to say. “Why are you so serious all of a sudden? You need to lighten up.” By the way Jonghyun says it with a small smile, Kibum knows something’s up.
“Okay?”
“Let’s go for noreabang,” Jonghyun suggests, grin only widening.
“You know, it’s my money you’re spending,” Kibum argues, but it’s only half-hearted. It does sound like a good idea, especially since they’ve never been with only the two of them, and Kibum figures there’s no use in declining since they would probably end up going considering it was Jonghyun who suggested it. “I’m curious,” Kibum says after licking up his ice cream, “what do you remember from today?”
Jonghyun looks thoughtful for a few seconds, as though studying his cone closely. He bites a single chocolate chip off before unexpectedly breaking into a smirk.
“You’ll tell me my voice is amazing.”
“So modest,” Kibum plays along, rolling his eyes. “But really, I was just wondering what it’s like to have memories from the future.”
Jonghyun’s smirk fades and he goes back to staring at his half-eaten cone.
“It’s actually annoying,” he admits, frowning a little in a way that makes Kibum feel uneasy. “I’m glad my memory isn’t perfect.”
“How is it annoying?” Life would be so much simpler, knowing what’s ahead.
Jonghyun shrugs. “I wouldn’t say it’s boring, but it definitely takes the fun out of it.”
Kibum thinks to his future life as a university student, a great big unknown land that intimidates him as much as it worries him, and no, he cannot see the fun in that.
Jonghyun suddenly shakes his head, a bit like a dog would, his long hair swaying along with it.
“Your cranky mood has infected me,” he announces - probably just to get a rise out of Kibum, which it does. “Let’s go.”
He stands up and grabs Kibum’s forearm, lifting him out of his seat and leaving the latter to repeatedly smack his shoulder. Jonghyun sticks his tongue out and tries to lick Kibum to fight him off, in the end managing to drive him away.
“Ew,” Kibum mutters after the close call.
Jonghyun chuckles and puts his ice cream cone right under his nose. Kibum looks at it cross-eyed before he realizes he’s being offered some, so he leans in to taste it only to find himself with a nose full of ice cream a second later. He splutters and coughs, trying to regain his breath and elbows Jonghyun in the ribs, hard, once he’s managed to avoid choking. He takes Jonghyun’s sleeve as revenge and wipes himself on it, only to realize a little too late that it is, in fact, his own shirt. He grumbles lowly to himself and tries to shove his ice cream into Jonghyun’s face instead, but the other boy holds his wrist steady and takes a big bite out of it. Kibum looks crestfallen.
“That was mine,” he complains as Jonghyun proudly licks his lips.
“I’d offer to buy you another but…” Jonghyun doesn’t finish his sentence - Kibum is already punching him again. “Okay, okay,” he surrenders, “here.”
He holds out his cone and Kibum takes it carefully, eyeing him suspiciously, but when he only keeps grinning he bites into it in turn. They end up switching cones as they look around for a noreabang. They manage to find one a short distance away from the shop. Kibum, making a show out of grunting as though it were particularly arduous to take out his wallet, pays for two hours, ignoring Jonghyun’s pout to reserve more. Of course, once the two hours are over, Kibum ends up paying for two more.
“I’m going to go broke,” Kibum announces, trailing behind Jonghyun who rushes back to their small, private room. “I’ll have to sell your guitar.”
Jonghyun shoots him a glare over his shoulder as they enter the room again, flipping open the catalogue immediately and punching in numbers to a slow song. It’s a ballad that Kibum has heard him sing countless times before in his bedroom - he prefers it sung that way rather than through a microphone, over loud music. Kibum lets him carry on alone, sinking back into the hard cushions of the booth. He really does have an amazing voice, he thinks despite himself.
“You were right,” Kibum tells him once the song comes to an end. Jonghyun turns around, questioning, and settles beside him, taking the catalogue into his lap.
“Your voice is amazing, Jonghyun,” Kibum goes on to speak with mock solemnity. Jonghyun doesn’t miss the teasing edge to his tone and retorts by nudging his side. He pushes the thick binder of songs into Kibum’s lap, letting him choose next. He picks an upbeat pop song, one he knows most of the moves to and ends up half-dancing, half-singing along to it with Jonghyun there to fill in the blanks. He eventually pulls Jonghyun onto his feet to teach him some of the moves, but Jonghyun doesn’t really follow, leaving Kibum to laugh every time the other boy makes a fool of himself. It lasts for three more songs and Kibum can feel his throat drying out from belting out all these catchy lyrics. He notices little drops of sweat along Jonghyun’s hairline and how his long hair is sticking to his neck and temples, but the boy shows no sign of slowing down.
Kibum then picks one of the cheesiest love songs he’s ever heard, just for the heck of making fun of Jonghyun as he sings it. Jonghyun seems unfazed by Kibum’s loud laughter as he serenades an invisible person next to him, complete with exaggerated vibratos and soulful ad-libs that don’t really fit. Kibum takes out his phone to film it, if only to look at it later whenever he’ll need something to laugh at. Jonghyun completely massacres the few English words at the end of the song and Kibum has trouble holding his phone straight because he’s laughing so hard.
It’s already dark out by the time they exit the place; Kibum’s ears are ringing from all the uninterrupted hours of loud music and his stomach feels cramped from all the laughing he’s done. He feels a little light-headed now that he’s outside, in fresh air, which is why - he convinces himself - he doesn’t pull away when Jonghyun wraps his arms around him.
But it’s nice, more than nice, so he presses his nose against the other’s neck and rests his head on his shoulder.
“You know,” Jonghyun speaks right into his ear and hugs him closer, “I should be the one thanking you.”
Kibum doesn’t know what makes him do it, perhaps it’s a simple gesture of reciprocity, but it feels right to brush a light kiss to the skin of the boy’s neck. Jonghyun’s fingers settle beneath his chin, then, and he carefully tilts Kibum’s face upwards. Before the latter can even make sense of what’s happening, Jonghyun plants a peck to his nose.
Kibum looks a bit dazed and Jonghyun chuckles lowly. He takes a step back and links their hands, bringing him back onto the street.
Kibum regains enough of his coherency to lead them back home. Jonghyun shrugs out of Kibum’s jean shirt as soon as they make it to his bedroom, leaving him in a sleeveless undershirt. He picks Coco up and settles on the bed, meanwhile Kibum doesn’t even bother changing. He just grabs his laptop and climbs into his bed, fitting himself into Jonghyun’s side.
They end up watching a movie, although halfway through Kibum feels his eyelids begin to droop. He’s struggling to stay awake by the time the credits roll but he doesn’t want to move from where he’s draped over Jonghyun, with the other’s arm around him.
“I hope I see you again soon,” he mumbles into Jonghyun’s chest. He feels him comb through his hair and his eyes fall shut despite himself. He knows Jonghyun doesn’t have an answer to that, anyway.
***
Whenever Jonghyun shows up over the following two weeks, Kibum pulls him outside to wander about the town only to end the day by his side on his bed. He even brings him shopping; not that Kibum needs new clothes, but it’s a good excuse to drag Jonghyun around the mall and laugh at his clueless expressions. Yet, on those nights, Kibum falls asleep pressed up against him while dreading the moment he’ll wake up, alone, with only Coco and his grandmother for company.
All too soon, the school year begins and along with it comes the first day of class. He dutifully sits through his lectures and cringes every time he is shown a course outline. He already has readings to do and he quickly realizes that school as a freshman still sucks. He looks around as he exits the campus, head spinning in every direction in an attempt to find a familiar figure, but the smiling boy is nowhere to be found, leaving Kibum to ride the bus home by himself, shoulders hunched.
By the fourth day of classes, Kibum is slowly beginning to panic. It’s all too much; he knows his parents want him to pursue studies in business but he doesn’t think he can do it. He hates his classes and feels like he sticks out when he looks around to glance at his fellow classmates - not in a good way. They seem so dead set on succeeding, on working hard for it while Kibum just feels undecided and uncomfortable. Listening to lectures about concepts he doesn’t really care about, surrounded by these people, it makes him feel uneasy and itching to just get out. But what other choice does he have? It isn’t like he knows what else he wants to do, and it is precisely that fact that makes him feel so trapped.
He forces himself to go through another week of school, but by the end of it he is more emotionally exhausted than anything. He has thought about it so much since it started only to turn around in circles that he doesn’t know what to do anymore - which is why tears streak down his cheeks when he spots Jonghyun by his building’s exit. The mixture of relief and of plainly having missed him makes him more choked up than he wants to admit, so he doesn’t protest when Jonghyun wraps himself around him. He just sighs into his shoulder, dries his tears and starts walking after the other has taken his hand in his.
It’s a much longer walk than from his old school, and for most of it both are silent. Kibum knows he doesn’t really need to speak, that Jonghyun is aware of everything already. He finds himself wondering why Jonghyun never warned him in the past, never even tried to tell him he was headed full speed in the wrong direction. He feels a sudden tinge of anger at that and bites his lip when it quivers. His hand stiffens in Jonghyun’s hold as if to pull away but the other only tightens his grip.
“Life goes on,” he speaks, gaze far ahead while Kibum stubbornly looks down to his feet, frustrated and feeling a bit betrayed by the one person he’s come to trust. Kibum knows he means time goes on.
He feels his eyes well up again, only with a different spectrum of emotions this time, resolutely climbing the few steps to his door and keeping his head down, wishing Jonghyun would just let him go. It's unfair, he thinks angrily, and it has him doubting Jonghyun's intentions, despising his righteousness because in the end it's helping no one.
“Whatever,” he speaks bluntly in an attempt to cover the quiver in his voice. “I h-hate you.” He’s aware of his immaturity but he lets it out anyway - he can’t help the bitterness, hurt and confusion weighing down on his chest.
He feels Jonghyun go still beside him and almost regrets it for all of one second, but then the strangest thing happens: Jonghyun tugs on his hand, pulling Kibum to face him, and kisses him. It doesn’t last long, just long enough for Kibum’s eyes to fall shut and in those few moments, he is utterly and completely elsewhere - in a place where it’s only them and their lips like this, where his thoughts draw a blank.
Jonghyun pulls away gently, thumb tracing over his cheekbone. “You’ll pull through,” he whispers, breath fanning over Kibum’s lips. It sounds like a promise.
→ Part IV
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A/N: I am loving these fast updates. This part is my favourite. :)
Thank you for reading ♥
And here is where I dump links to pics of Key’s hair in this part: RDD black, red (source as tagged, cr: weareshining).
