Angels Go To Heaven (And That's Where I'll Wait For You) (Oneshot)
Pairing: onesided!JongKey, bff!JongKey
Rating: PG
Genre: Song Fic, accepting(?) Angst, sort-of-not-really Fluff if-you-squint
Word count: ~1600
Disclaimer: Yeah... no.
Summary: Stay for me, like I stayed for you.
A/N: Based on Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’ “Your Guardian Angel”, lyrics are in italics.
_______________
Angels Go To Heaven
(And That's Where I'll Wait For You)
I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
(Even is saving you sends me to Heaven)
“We fought, again,” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched. My hands itched to push them back, to straighten his back and restore some of that cocky pride that seemed to have completely left him as of late.
“About what,” I spoke softly, not exactly a question. More like a quiet thought, simply letting Jonghyun know I was listening.
“She says I’m never there, that I don’t try enough,” Jonghyun’s face was dark. I knew him well enough to know he was holding back tears.
“You’re busy, she’s busy - it’s not your fault,” I tried, words a murmur so as to not wake the others. I would never betray Jonghyun’s trust, even to our very own members.
“Then why do I feel so guilty...” I could hear his voice breaking at the last word, could see his eyes watering and his chest shuddering. I wanted to make it all stop.
“Because you mean well,” I said as I placed a cold hand on his forearm. He looked up to me, all big insecure eyes and puffy lips and I gave him the most reassuring smile I could muster. I had a lot of practice, so much so that my smile almost seemed genuine - even to myself.
“I just... don’t want to screw it up with her,” he said after a while.
“I know,” and my small smile widened a bit. I squeezed his arm when he frowned, pulled back to his brooding thoughts. “She loves you,” I said, hoping to smooth his frown. “We all do,” I soon added because he hadn’t looked convinced. I do, if it matters at all.
He stared at the kitchen table, I released the pressure of my fingers but left my hand on his skin. One minute. Two minutes. Three.
“Thanks Kibummie.”
“Now go to bed, get some rest,” I nagged, knowing it would put a small smile on his lips. It did, and I let myself smile a bit too. He did as I told him while I stayed back in the kitchen for a while. I didn’t say “my pleasure” or “welcome”. I never did. Why?
Because every time he comes to me for advice, to soothe his heartaches, I die a little more inside.
But that’s okay, because I know I’ll see him in Heaven.
***
Now that I’m strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold
And it breaks through my soul
And I know, I’ll find deep inside of me
I can be the one
This time, it was because of our fans that he came to me.
He shook me in my bed, gently at first but harder when I didn’t get up. I took one look at his face and followed him wordlessly to the kitchen table.
“They hate me...” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
“Who?” I asked, because I was still sleepy and my brain wasn’t exactly functioning properly yet.
“The fans.”
Then I remembered how they hadn’t said his name in the fan chant, how he had almost gotten boo-ed, how he had kept smiling just for appearances. I wondered how they could be so cruel. Didn’t they know how sensitive he was? Didn’t they support us?
Maybe they just weren’t as accepting as me. Or as resigned.
Or maybe they just don’t love him as much as I do.
“Of course they don’t.”
A few seconds went by in silence. He wasn’t crying; he wouldn’t, not this time. When I realized he wasn’t going to say anything in return, I spoke up again.
“They just need some time.”
He came up to me and hugged me. There was a time when I’d let myself grin stupidly every time his touch lingered on me for a bit too long, but things had changed since then.
I knew he was just hanging off of me because he needed to be reassured, needed someone to tell him he would be fine, that things would be great. I can be that person, I had told myself. I used to feel so big, so strong when he curled up into my chest, small and breakable. Now I just felt used.
I still wanted to be that person, though.
***
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
Things got quieter when he broke his ankle.
The antis gave him a bit of a break. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. The four of us went on without him. It was strange at first but we got used to it fast. At least he could relax.
I made him tea every night. I don’t really know why - to keep myself busy around him, maybe? I would always sneak in a bit of sugar or honey into his cup because he was less than lively these days. Sometimes I would stop to buy bubbles on the way to the dorm. He liked bubble tea. Too bad I hated it.
I don’t know how he did it, I don’t know why I did it, but he would always find a way to have me worry about him. He obviously didn’t do it on purpose, but it was tiring nonetheless.
Wait - who am I kidding? Of course I know why I do it.
“Why are you always so nice?” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
I smiled and pushed a cup of bubble tea towards him.
***
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one
The four of us went on trips and back, went to award shows and won. We performed, splitting his lines between us four and the company hired a new dancer for our concert tour.
He broke down on stage one night. He hadn’t cried in a month, almost. He was long overdue.
I tried so hard not to cry but the lights, the screams and the heat made me dizzy. Before I knew it I was spilling tears.
He held me, my shoulder, my hand - I let myself be reassured by his presence. It was good to know that he stood by me, maybe not in the same way I stood by him, but hey, I’ll take what I can get. Our fingers untangled and I smiled brightly for the cameras, wiping away stray tears.
He was thoughtful after that. A bit too much and I knew it meant no good. There was only so much I could do.
We came home one night to him curled up on the living room couch, television muted in front of him. I gave the others The Look and they left us, heading for their warm beds. I sat beside him but I didn’t say anything. He was staring at the animated screen, looking through it, past it. I tugged at a lock of his hair to bring him back to reality. I chuckled to myself in my head. Is this the reality you want, he used to say. I missed the playful and careless Jonghyun.
“You guys are fine on your own, ne?” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
I was taken aback by his unusually morose words.
“We miss you, hyung.” We do.
“You seem fine on TV.” He turned his head a little to look at my disbelieving eyes and gave me a small smile, against all odds. He had never been like this before; I didn’t know how to react.
“Maybe I should leave.”
I’ll admit I was angry to hear that. Did we mean nothing to him? Did I not mean something to him, after all that I had done? He had always taken me a bit for granted. Still, how could he even think of leaving? What about his dreams?
“Jonghyun,” I spoke with warning because damn it we were not going to have this conversation.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay -
“What,” he said, sounding and looking so incredibly tired.
“Just... no,” I struggled for words. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head.
“Why not?”
‘Cause you’re my, my whole heart
Please don’t throw that away
“Jjong,” I said, louder this time to cover the sound of my heartstrings ripping, to cover my sudden panic and fear.
He didn’t speak, only looked at me with those big dark eyes of his, rimmed with shadows.
‘Cause I am here for you
Please don’t walk away
Please tell me you’ll stay
“I know times are hard, but trust me things’ll get better,” I tried, not letting the panic seep into my voice. “I know they will.” I placed a hand on his knee.
Stay
His expression softened a bit, his eyes became less angular, his jaw relaxed, but I still wasn’t satisfied.
“Don’t let a broken ankle and some angry fans make you doubt yourself,” I told him softly, bottling up my emotions inside of me as I squeezed his knee.
“I know,” he sighed audibly, head drooping a little, “it’s just - I hate that I’m bringing you guys down.”
“Jjong,” I said and my stern tone made him look up again. “Don’t you ever dare think that ever again. We love you, we need you and we support you no matter what and nothing is ever going to change that.” For me, anyway.
He continued to stare at me, even as I broke into a small smile.
“SHINee will always need their lead vocalist - no matter how well Taemin can sing now,” I spoke lightly, humouring him because I knew that was the fastest way to get him to smile again. It worked and my lips stretched even more.
“You believe me, right?”
“I do,” he answered, smile reaching his eyes now and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I wasn’t exactly at peace and I knew he wasn’t either, but I was happy. He was happy.
No, I won’t ask for more.
Because what we have is already enough.
I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
(Even is saving you sends me to Heaven)
_______________
A/N: What is this angst, ide... o.o
Sorry and I hope you still enjoyed? I know this isn’t very realistic - and ridiculously angsty - but the song really inspired me to write something about unconditional love/friendship.
I put the song at the end because, personally, I can’t read and listen to music at the same time (yeah... I know). Also it has more meaning/makes more sense(?) if you listen to it after having read. That and the lyrics I used in the fic don’t follow the order of the song.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to listen to some happy bubbly upbeat pop.
Oh, and credits to whoever made/owns the gif!
Rating: PG
Genre: Song Fic, accepting(?) Angst, sort-of-not-really Fluff if-you-squint
Word count: ~1600
Disclaimer: Yeah... no.
Summary: Stay for me, like I stayed for you.
A/N: Based on Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’ “Your Guardian Angel”, lyrics are in italics.
_______________
Angels Go To Heaven
(And That's Where I'll Wait For You)
I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
(Even is saving you sends me to Heaven)
“We fought, again,” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched. My hands itched to push them back, to straighten his back and restore some of that cocky pride that seemed to have completely left him as of late.
“About what,” I spoke softly, not exactly a question. More like a quiet thought, simply letting Jonghyun know I was listening.
“She says I’m never there, that I don’t try enough,” Jonghyun’s face was dark. I knew him well enough to know he was holding back tears.
“You’re busy, she’s busy - it’s not your fault,” I tried, words a murmur so as to not wake the others. I would never betray Jonghyun’s trust, even to our very own members.
“Then why do I feel so guilty...” I could hear his voice breaking at the last word, could see his eyes watering and his chest shuddering. I wanted to make it all stop.
“Because you mean well,” I said as I placed a cold hand on his forearm. He looked up to me, all big insecure eyes and puffy lips and I gave him the most reassuring smile I could muster. I had a lot of practice, so much so that my smile almost seemed genuine - even to myself.
“I just... don’t want to screw it up with her,” he said after a while.
“I know,” and my small smile widened a bit. I squeezed his arm when he frowned, pulled back to his brooding thoughts. “She loves you,” I said, hoping to smooth his frown. “We all do,” I soon added because he hadn’t looked convinced. I do, if it matters at all.
He stared at the kitchen table, I released the pressure of my fingers but left my hand on his skin. One minute. Two minutes. Three.
“Thanks Kibummie.”
“Now go to bed, get some rest,” I nagged, knowing it would put a small smile on his lips. It did, and I let myself smile a bit too. He did as I told him while I stayed back in the kitchen for a while. I didn’t say “my pleasure” or “welcome”. I never did. Why?
Because every time he comes to me for advice, to soothe his heartaches, I die a little more inside.
But that’s okay, because I know I’ll see him in Heaven.
***
Now that I’m strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold
And it breaks through my soul
And I know, I’ll find deep inside of me
I can be the one
This time, it was because of our fans that he came to me.
He shook me in my bed, gently at first but harder when I didn’t get up. I took one look at his face and followed him wordlessly to the kitchen table.
“They hate me...” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
“Who?” I asked, because I was still sleepy and my brain wasn’t exactly functioning properly yet.
“The fans.”
Then I remembered how they hadn’t said his name in the fan chant, how he had almost gotten boo-ed, how he had kept smiling just for appearances. I wondered how they could be so cruel. Didn’t they know how sensitive he was? Didn’t they support us?
Maybe they just weren’t as accepting as me. Or as resigned.
Or maybe they just don’t love him as much as I do.
“Of course they don’t.”
A few seconds went by in silence. He wasn’t crying; he wouldn’t, not this time. When I realized he wasn’t going to say anything in return, I spoke up again.
“They just need some time.”
He came up to me and hugged me. There was a time when I’d let myself grin stupidly every time his touch lingered on me for a bit too long, but things had changed since then.
I knew he was just hanging off of me because he needed to be reassured, needed someone to tell him he would be fine, that things would be great. I can be that person, I had told myself. I used to feel so big, so strong when he curled up into my chest, small and breakable. Now I just felt used.
I still wanted to be that person, though.
***
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
Things got quieter when he broke his ankle.
The antis gave him a bit of a break. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. The four of us went on without him. It was strange at first but we got used to it fast. At least he could relax.
I made him tea every night. I don’t really know why - to keep myself busy around him, maybe? I would always sneak in a bit of sugar or honey into his cup because he was less than lively these days. Sometimes I would stop to buy bubbles on the way to the dorm. He liked bubble tea. Too bad I hated it.
I don’t know how he did it, I don’t know why I did it, but he would always find a way to have me worry about him. He obviously didn’t do it on purpose, but it was tiring nonetheless.
Wait - who am I kidding? Of course I know why I do it.
“Why are you always so nice?” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
I smiled and pushed a cup of bubble tea towards him.
***
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one
The four of us went on trips and back, went to award shows and won. We performed, splitting his lines between us four and the company hired a new dancer for our concert tour.
He broke down on stage one night. He hadn’t cried in a month, almost. He was long overdue.
I tried so hard not to cry but the lights, the screams and the heat made me dizzy. Before I knew it I was spilling tears.
He held me, my shoulder, my hand - I let myself be reassured by his presence. It was good to know that he stood by me, maybe not in the same way I stood by him, but hey, I’ll take what I can get. Our fingers untangled and I smiled brightly for the cameras, wiping away stray tears.
He was thoughtful after that. A bit too much and I knew it meant no good. There was only so much I could do.
We came home one night to him curled up on the living room couch, television muted in front of him. I gave the others The Look and they left us, heading for their warm beds. I sat beside him but I didn’t say anything. He was staring at the animated screen, looking through it, past it. I tugged at a lock of his hair to bring him back to reality. I chuckled to myself in my head. Is this the reality you want, he used to say. I missed the playful and careless Jonghyun.
“You guys are fine on your own, ne?” he said with a defeated expression, shoulders hunched.
I was taken aback by his unusually morose words.
“We miss you, hyung.” We do.
“You seem fine on TV.” He turned his head a little to look at my disbelieving eyes and gave me a small smile, against all odds. He had never been like this before; I didn’t know how to react.
“Maybe I should leave.”
I’ll admit I was angry to hear that. Did we mean nothing to him? Did I not mean something to him, after all that I had done? He had always taken me a bit for granted. Still, how could he even think of leaving? What about his dreams?
“Jonghyun,” I spoke with warning because damn it we were not going to have this conversation.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay -
“What,” he said, sounding and looking so incredibly tired.
“Just... no,” I struggled for words. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head.
“Why not?”
‘Cause you’re my, my whole heart
Please don’t throw that away
“Jjong,” I said, louder this time to cover the sound of my heartstrings ripping, to cover my sudden panic and fear.
He didn’t speak, only looked at me with those big dark eyes of his, rimmed with shadows.
‘Cause I am here for you
Please don’t walk away
Please tell me you’ll stay
“I know times are hard, but trust me things’ll get better,” I tried, not letting the panic seep into my voice. “I know they will.” I placed a hand on his knee.
Stay
His expression softened a bit, his eyes became less angular, his jaw relaxed, but I still wasn’t satisfied.
“Don’t let a broken ankle and some angry fans make you doubt yourself,” I told him softly, bottling up my emotions inside of me as I squeezed his knee.
“I know,” he sighed audibly, head drooping a little, “it’s just - I hate that I’m bringing you guys down.”
“Jjong,” I said and my stern tone made him look up again. “Don’t you ever dare think that ever again. We love you, we need you and we support you no matter what and nothing is ever going to change that.” For me, anyway.
He continued to stare at me, even as I broke into a small smile.
“SHINee will always need their lead vocalist - no matter how well Taemin can sing now,” I spoke lightly, humouring him because I knew that was the fastest way to get him to smile again. It worked and my lips stretched even more.
“You believe me, right?”
“I do,” he answered, smile reaching his eyes now and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I wasn’t exactly at peace and I knew he wasn’t either, but I was happy. He was happy.
No, I won’t ask for more.
Because what we have is already enough.
I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
(Even is saving you sends me to Heaven)
Click to view_______________
A/N: What is this angst, ide... o.o
Sorry and I hope you still enjoyed? I know this isn’t very realistic - and ridiculously angsty - but the song really inspired me to write something about unconditional love/friendship.
I put the song at the end because, personally, I can’t read and listen to music at the same time (yeah... I know). Also it has more meaning/makes more sense(?) if you listen to it after having read. That and the lyrics I used in the fic don’t follow the order of the song.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to listen to some happy bubbly upbeat pop.
Oh, and credits to whoever made/owns the gif!