(no subject)
Just got back form the str8 club. The Roxy. It was college night. Also Justins 21st birthday which is the only reason I went. I didnt enjoy it. Anytime I go to the club i leave feeling liek shit. Mainly cuz I missed Ryan the whole time. But even so.... Str8 people like that are so dirty.... the thongson the bar, some guy spillin beer on a lil fat guys head and laughin at him, and another huge guy gettign kicked out to where some stranger had to pull me out of the way before I got ran over. We saw Holly McColly or whatver from Melbourne and she did the bakini contest. ew. she's gained weight.
It's wierd. I just feel incomplete tonight. Like only half of me is here. But then I wonder if the entire time there's only been half of me. Or worse yet, what if this is all of me. I don't like who I am. Not so proud anymore. Guess that's why I've been diggin deeper trying to figure me out.
Ryan you make me happy. Happy beyond words....
Tomorrow is the big dinner @ his house. Get to meet the rest of his friends. Also his neighbors who dont think there is such a thing as a mature 18 yr old and maybe they r right. Maybe I am just an immature 18 yr old. Why am i dating a 24 yr old? Why would he want me? Heh.... Besides that.... I get to meet Josh tomorrow. The big step. Josh 4 years old. Josh.... Ryan's son.
It's wierd. I just feel incomplete tonight. Like only half of me is here. But then I wonder if the entire time there's only been half of me. Or worse yet, what if this is all of me. I don't like who I am. Not so proud anymore. Guess that's why I've been diggin deeper trying to figure me out.
Ryan you make me happy. Happy beyond words....
Tomorrow is the big dinner @ his house. Get to meet the rest of his friends. Also his neighbors who dont think there is such a thing as a mature 18 yr old and maybe they r right. Maybe I am just an immature 18 yr old. Why am i dating a 24 yr old? Why would he want me? Heh.... Besides that.... I get to meet Josh tomorrow. The big step. Josh 4 years old. Josh.... Ryan's son.