Confusion. And regression.
So, partying with Ville and Jyrki and some other friends last night was an event that I really needed. Hanging out at Lost & Found, having a couple of drinks and talking to my best friends - rocks.
Still there's something bothering me, something that happened and it definitely shouldn't have happened. I met a nice girl at the bar and she told me she was 21. We had some drinks, danced, and for some reason I invited her over to my flat, and... well, you know the rest of the story. Afterwards, as if I didn't already feel horrible about banging some random girl, she confessed that her ID was fake - she is only 17. She was of course embarrassed about it but told me that I would never have been interested in her if she had told me her real age in the first place. That made me confused, and a bit sick, but regression is the feeling I most feel right now.
She slept in my bed while I talked to Ville and Jyrki about what I should do about it, and I slept on the couch. I told myself that the next morning, when I wake up, I'll get rid of her as politely as possible, and we'll forget about it all.
However, as I woke up and went to my bedroom, I felt a horrible feeling somewhere inside me. I didn't have the heart to ditch her, so I let her stay. She was still embarrassed, but I told her not to be, told her that it should be me who's embarrassed. And today she just hung out at my flat and we just talked, joked and ordered some fast food when we got hungry. Nothing physical happened, which is of course good... But then I made the hugest mistake and gave her my phone number. She left some hours ago and I've just been thinking what the FUCK I did, and realized that I'm a stupid asshole. But when she left I just didn't feel like... like she was a groupie.
Fucking hell. If she calls me, I don't know what to do, because I clearly gave an impression that I'd like to meet her again, but I really don't know what I want.
And yes, we did use protection, so at least I didn't get her pregnant. So no worries about that. I'm just so fucking confused.
Jyrki, I need your shoulder right now.
Still there's something bothering me, something that happened and it definitely shouldn't have happened. I met a nice girl at the bar and she told me she was 21. We had some drinks, danced, and for some reason I invited her over to my flat, and... well, you know the rest of the story. Afterwards, as if I didn't already feel horrible about banging some random girl, she confessed that her ID was fake - she is only 17. She was of course embarrassed about it but told me that I would never have been interested in her if she had told me her real age in the first place. That made me confused, and a bit sick, but regression is the feeling I most feel right now.
She slept in my bed while I talked to Ville and Jyrki about what I should do about it, and I slept on the couch. I told myself that the next morning, when I wake up, I'll get rid of her as politely as possible, and we'll forget about it all.
However, as I woke up and went to my bedroom, I felt a horrible feeling somewhere inside me. I didn't have the heart to ditch her, so I let her stay. She was still embarrassed, but I told her not to be, told her that it should be me who's embarrassed. And today she just hung out at my flat and we just talked, joked and ordered some fast food when we got hungry. Nothing physical happened, which is of course good... But then I made the hugest mistake and gave her my phone number. She left some hours ago and I've just been thinking what the FUCK I did, and realized that I'm a stupid asshole. But when she left I just didn't feel like... like she was a groupie.
Fucking hell. If she calls me, I don't know what to do, because I clearly gave an impression that I'd like to meet her again, but I really don't know what I want.
And yes, we did use protection, so at least I didn't get her pregnant. So no worries about that. I'm just so fucking confused.
Jyrki, I need your shoulder right now.