women who hit on me while i read to their toddlers

[jurassicfatt]

picture the kids section in a barnes and noble. you can do it. they all look the same. picture the porch with the classic pooh themed wallpaper. an owl swoops down over the storytime reader and pooh gets his head stuck in a bowl of honey on one of the branches. now picture the storytime reader as me. a slightly more mainstream, womens khaki wearing me. now picture the people watching me read. somehow word got out.... because i kid you not, probably 45% of the women that bring their kids to my storytime are gay. so while i sit there making stupid voices for all the different characters and singing like pirates or yelping like tigers, depending on the story, they sit there trying to make meaningful eye contact and figure me out. moreover, if they have had the chance to adopt or be artificially inseminated, then they probably are coupled, partnered, married or what have you. it's awkward because storytime at most stores is like 10 kids, but the last few weeks we have had upwards of 40 people. and the other employees don't realize they're gay-cheat-flirters so they just keep asking me how i'm doing it. now i'm going to another store on monday, per request of the district manager, partly to get trained on merchandising, but also to let that store know what they're doing wrong during storytime. lord knows what i'll tell them. it's sort of hilarious though. i guess i just needed to share the humor of the situation, because it's always just me, alone, able to laugh at it. all the people i work with are pretty much homophobic racist assholes, save a few of them.

i'm a piece of meat. but being a piece of meat has upped the sales of my department a full 3% in four short months. which allegedly is a big deal.