(no subject)
I have, like, five minutes on this thing before my mum and dad come back and yell at me to get off. I want to go to Trish's tomorrow, I really do, but we were supposed to go over to Arran, and my mum is in the process of giving me a severe "Guilt trip" thing. So I have no idea what I will do
Mrs Regan pulled me out of the class, to sit in this back room. She knew there was something up. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to speak to anyone. But she gave me time alone, and sat me in there for the rest of the period. I felt so shite. She came in and kept asking what was wrong. Between her and music, and mrs stuart, last term, in june, I am expecting a visit from mr o'neil, my guidance teacher, or a phone call. They have been known to do both. The school, i mean.
My computer Is dead. This is my mother's laptop. Which is going back in october, the first week, and then I wont have a computer. Even if we do get a computer, I can guarantee that msn won't be on it. They hate it. Which basically is rather crappy. Not on their part... its not the fact they hate it, its just the whole...computer breaking down, nothing is going right, I feel like I loose everything any time i get anywhere. I feel so unwanted, so low down, so isolated. I spoke to Becky at one point who also noticed me being down last week. I had to tell her something. I couldn't flash a cheesy smile and say "Yeah I'm fine" because she see's right through that shite. Everybody does. I know they do. But I keep doing it because they are happy in the pretence. I want to explan, but I don't know how. I just don't know anymore. Everything is there, but i feel like it isn't. I'm getting better grades than I could ever hope for. Except music. I can't do drums, or listening. I know I won't get an A. And that would be everything I've ever dreamed about, or hoped for my future down the drain. I can't read music. I can't bloody read it. Everytime I get somewhere, there is always something else reminding me of how bad I really am doing with it. I feel I can't cope with everything in my head for much longer. Its showing, I know it is. I'm beginning to totally loose it. People will see me totally go crazy and i don't want to. But i know i will. i don't know what to do anymore. I really feel lost.
Don't get auld xxXx
Mrs Regan pulled me out of the class, to sit in this back room. She knew there was something up. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to speak to anyone. But she gave me time alone, and sat me in there for the rest of the period. I felt so shite. She came in and kept asking what was wrong. Between her and music, and mrs stuart, last term, in june, I am expecting a visit from mr o'neil, my guidance teacher, or a phone call. They have been known to do both. The school, i mean.
My computer Is dead. This is my mother's laptop. Which is going back in october, the first week, and then I wont have a computer. Even if we do get a computer, I can guarantee that msn won't be on it. They hate it. Which basically is rather crappy. Not on their part... its not the fact they hate it, its just the whole...computer breaking down, nothing is going right, I feel like I loose everything any time i get anywhere. I feel so unwanted, so low down, so isolated. I spoke to Becky at one point who also noticed me being down last week. I had to tell her something. I couldn't flash a cheesy smile and say "Yeah I'm fine" because she see's right through that shite. Everybody does. I know they do. But I keep doing it because they are happy in the pretence. I want to explan, but I don't know how. I just don't know anymore. Everything is there, but i feel like it isn't. I'm getting better grades than I could ever hope for. Except music. I can't do drums, or listening. I know I won't get an A. And that would be everything I've ever dreamed about, or hoped for my future down the drain. I can't read music. I can't bloody read it. Everytime I get somewhere, there is always something else reminding me of how bad I really am doing with it. I feel I can't cope with everything in my head for much longer. Its showing, I know it is. I'm beginning to totally loose it. People will see me totally go crazy and i don't want to. But i know i will. i don't know what to do anymore. I really feel lost.
Don't get auld xxXx