This is what it has become...
I can’t stand girls which already have boyfriends and have no shame of flirting with other guys. Especially when it comes to MY boyfriend. I can see my thin thread of patience snapping. Right now I’m fuming with anger and rage but I have to stay silent or I’ll probably beat someone to a pulp. I’m afraid I might not want to stop hitting that person.
I have a problem trusting KW now… instincts say he’s lying to me. His PLAYER ways won’t ever leave him no matter what and I have almost lost hope. He can’t bring me along for drinks with his friends and doesn’t seem guilty of ditching me. Well, supposed he’s done this to all his ex’s and he’s used to it. I can’t give a shit.
I’ve named our kitten “Neko” which is cat in Japanese. So it goes Neko Chan (Chan is KW’s surname). It’s brownish-orange with blue eyes. A really cool shade of blue which I can hardly find in cats. It’s a she by the way and she’s about 2 weeks old. A very small critter.
I called Rizman’s mom to wish her “Selamat Hari Raya” and she was so kind to invite me over. Of course I didn’t go… can’t stand being in that house again. I guess the memory still stings a little. I tear at the thought that I can’t listen to half played guitar solos from a Jackson electric or Papa Roach with his horrible singing while he’s driving. I miss the atmosphere of a well groomed family, the scrumptious food they conjure, the loving manners and considerate thoughts. I now appreciate the days we used to modify cars together, install sound systems and just hang out with his friends. I miss those days.
Life seems to disappoint me most when I don’t expect it to. It’s like dipping my heart into scalding hot water. It hurts and no one helps the wound. Most of them just add salt to it. The only person I can think of that would be a comfort is millions of miles away. My cousin, when she was here I didn’t appreciate her.
Regrets regrets… it is useless to regret the things we’ve done, but what done is done and I can’t help just thinking about the mistakes I’ve made and I DO start to regret. I hate that word.
Ling, a friend of 3 years tried to kill herself that day. I heard she had problems with her family and her boyfriend. Thank god I’m strong or I’ll probably be like her. I do pity her but I don’t think that’s what she wants and I don’t pop that subject up when I’m out with her.
My mom has abandoned me and fled to the states. My dad is so hard to contact. Sei ku has chicken-pox, Soon Lee and Soon Peng have ran away in fear they wound catch the pox too. Seems that my family is no where near a ‘family’. All I have is my “boyfriend” which couldn’t give a damn. Sure he has his good sides, but his wrongs overcome the right. I wish he’d change one day, for the better of course and stop this foolish cheating ways. I doubt him so. Things would be perfect if he stopped all that shit crap of his and realize that he’s hurting someone in his process of selfishness.
Now I’m talking crap. Great! I’ve reached a state of self-pity. God help me!
It's also Bryan's birthday today... Finally he's not underaged anymore. Haha!
I have a problem trusting KW now… instincts say he’s lying to me. His PLAYER ways won’t ever leave him no matter what and I have almost lost hope. He can’t bring me along for drinks with his friends and doesn’t seem guilty of ditching me. Well, supposed he’s done this to all his ex’s and he’s used to it. I can’t give a shit.
I’ve named our kitten “Neko” which is cat in Japanese. So it goes Neko Chan (Chan is KW’s surname). It’s brownish-orange with blue eyes. A really cool shade of blue which I can hardly find in cats. It’s a she by the way and she’s about 2 weeks old. A very small critter.
I called Rizman’s mom to wish her “Selamat Hari Raya” and she was so kind to invite me over. Of course I didn’t go… can’t stand being in that house again. I guess the memory still stings a little. I tear at the thought that I can’t listen to half played guitar solos from a Jackson electric or Papa Roach with his horrible singing while he’s driving. I miss the atmosphere of a well groomed family, the scrumptious food they conjure, the loving manners and considerate thoughts. I now appreciate the days we used to modify cars together, install sound systems and just hang out with his friends. I miss those days.
Life seems to disappoint me most when I don’t expect it to. It’s like dipping my heart into scalding hot water. It hurts and no one helps the wound. Most of them just add salt to it. The only person I can think of that would be a comfort is millions of miles away. My cousin, when she was here I didn’t appreciate her.
Regrets regrets… it is useless to regret the things we’ve done, but what done is done and I can’t help just thinking about the mistakes I’ve made and I DO start to regret. I hate that word.
Ling, a friend of 3 years tried to kill herself that day. I heard she had problems with her family and her boyfriend. Thank god I’m strong or I’ll probably be like her. I do pity her but I don’t think that’s what she wants and I don’t pop that subject up when I’m out with her.
My mom has abandoned me and fled to the states. My dad is so hard to contact. Sei ku has chicken-pox, Soon Lee and Soon Peng have ran away in fear they wound catch the pox too. Seems that my family is no where near a ‘family’. All I have is my “boyfriend” which couldn’t give a damn. Sure he has his good sides, but his wrongs overcome the right. I wish he’d change one day, for the better of course and stop this foolish cheating ways. I doubt him so. Things would be perfect if he stopped all that shit crap of his and realize that he’s hurting someone in his process of selfishness.
Now I’m talking crap. Great! I’ve reached a state of self-pity. God help me!
It's also Bryan's birthday today... Finally he's not underaged anymore. Haha!