A Hard Realization
Well, this is a post I've been meaning to make for some time but due to my lack of internet access, have not been able to. (Granted, I still do NOT have internet access, my mom is on someones wireless connection =3 )
As many of you know, my LJ has recently been filled with many hurtful words, harmful things said, (and for those of you who really know how I feel) things not meant.
When Kim broke up with me, I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, how to move on, or where I was going to go. I felt like my life was back where it was 3 months ago. I hated her for this reason. I didn't know why everything had to end, I didn't want it to end, I didn't want her out of my life. And I still don't. But, rather than being mature about it and dealing with it on my own, I came here and insulted her, insulted the things she did, and insulted who she was. I was dumb. For someone who I wanted in my life, I managed to push her so far away that I'm kicking myself in the ass.
When I had come back from the sleepaway camp, I was a totally incomplete person. The only thing I had going for me was Kim. She helped me so much that it wasn't even real. I'm now in school and know what I want to do with my life. She inspired me (whether she knows it or not) to already pursue a job with my favorite game company. She helped motivate me to get a job. The only problem was, I was the one who became dependent upon her now, for most things. For friends, for reasons, for answers, for everything.
Now however, I am an okay person. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm much better. I have my own friends, I have my own hobbies once more, and I do everything for me. Not for anyone else. I wake up every morning at 6 am to be to school by 8 am so that I can have a future and so that I can do what I need to do in my life. I stay there till more often 5-6pm so that my work is complete and good.
For once in my life I can finally say, I am me. I am who I should be in my life and where I want to be. I am now happy with my decisions and paths and I'm ready to see them through.
But yet, one thing is missing. A light that was always by my side. A friend who always gave me a push. A hand holding mine for support and strength.
I am sorry Kim. I am formally apologizing for the harmful words that I have said about you. I am sorry that I put them here for all to read. I was immature and irresponible and hadn't thought about my words before posting them. However, these words are ones I have been planning for some time.
I would also like to take this time to apologize to Gatzu. I snapped at you when I shouldn't have and you gave me advice I should have taken. I am sorry I didn't listen to you. You were right.
I am sorry Kim. I can never say it enough. I miss you greatly and mean nothing of what I said in those posts. I hope that this will help a friendship begin to regrow with us.
As many of you know, my LJ has recently been filled with many hurtful words, harmful things said, (and for those of you who really know how I feel) things not meant.
When Kim broke up with me, I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, how to move on, or where I was going to go. I felt like my life was back where it was 3 months ago. I hated her for this reason. I didn't know why everything had to end, I didn't want it to end, I didn't want her out of my life. And I still don't. But, rather than being mature about it and dealing with it on my own, I came here and insulted her, insulted the things she did, and insulted who she was. I was dumb. For someone who I wanted in my life, I managed to push her so far away that I'm kicking myself in the ass.
When I had come back from the sleepaway camp, I was a totally incomplete person. The only thing I had going for me was Kim. She helped me so much that it wasn't even real. I'm now in school and know what I want to do with my life. She inspired me (whether she knows it or not) to already pursue a job with my favorite game company. She helped motivate me to get a job. The only problem was, I was the one who became dependent upon her now, for most things. For friends, for reasons, for answers, for everything.
Now however, I am an okay person. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm much better. I have my own friends, I have my own hobbies once more, and I do everything for me. Not for anyone else. I wake up every morning at 6 am to be to school by 8 am so that I can have a future and so that I can do what I need to do in my life. I stay there till more often 5-6pm so that my work is complete and good.
For once in my life I can finally say, I am me. I am who I should be in my life and where I want to be. I am now happy with my decisions and paths and I'm ready to see them through.
But yet, one thing is missing. A light that was always by my side. A friend who always gave me a push. A hand holding mine for support and strength.
I am sorry Kim. I am formally apologizing for the harmful words that I have said about you. I am sorry that I put them here for all to read. I was immature and irresponible and hadn't thought about my words before posting them. However, these words are ones I have been planning for some time.
I would also like to take this time to apologize to Gatzu. I snapped at you when I shouldn't have and you gave me advice I should have taken. I am sorry I didn't listen to you. You were right.
I am sorry Kim. I can never say it enough. I miss you greatly and mean nothing of what I said in those posts. I hope that this will help a friendship begin to regrow with us.