insecurities
I've always thought of myself as a strong individual with enough confidence in myself to try and get what I want. That doesn't mean I don't have my insecurities, it's just that I always thought I managed to surpass most of them. Recently though, these insecurities were highlighted not in a bad way, just in an assessing kind of way. And everything is magnified by ten fold. I don't know what changed. I used to be so comfortable with myself, at least in certain aspects, and now, I feel like I've reverted back to the high school girl who doesn't take pride in herself and her achievements at all. Who thinks that all everyone sees when they look at her is her flaws and not her strengths. I hated that version of me. She was shy, she barely had any fun, and she destroyed friendships more than she made them. And I'm slowly starting to become that person again. I don't know if how my family is treating me is what is getting to me, or just an intense lack of self worth and confidence in the department I chose to take part in against people who have been doing this far longer than I have. And I'm becoming ineffective because of it. And I shouldn't be. And I don't want to be. And I know there's always a way to improve on it but I don't know how. How can you tell yourself to be more confident when you really, genuinely think you're flubbing everything up? That they can do better?
The journey to self improvement. Painful yet hopefully in the end it will get better.
The journey to self improvement. Painful yet hopefully in the end it will get better.