Of jumbled thoughts and mixed feelings
It's 4am and I'm a very confused being right now.
I'm feeling so many things at once and I decided to write it out in hopes to sort things out. Thank goodness work is at night.
So I just found out she has gotten what she wants. Yay, I guess. I don't like what she's become though. It's good for her, but I know it's just the extremely selfish and possessive side of me that absolutely dislikes what she's become. I mean honestly, I think she's now a lot more confident and voicing out her demands but she's so open to that and it's almost like a whole new person I see? I guess to an extent, I am jealous of her. And her bf. And all the people she's with esp that new girl.
Oh.
That's what it is. Part jealously, part dislike.
Jealousy is an ugly thing, all right.
I'm so ugly.
It is, fair that i'd be jealous of her bf bc he gets to see the sides that I know and don't know. and I don't like that. Of course I don't. All my life we've grown up together and somebody whose character I dislike (his crude jokes, his actions etc) just barges in and -
I'd whine and say "that's not fair" but lol that's the harsh reality.
My consciousness just caught up.
What I'd do for Koji to come right now and sweep me away from all this. It's been years. I miss him.
I'm not ready to face her yet bc i'll just be a bitch to her.
Let's just wait till i'm ready I guess.
Now I'm so drained from sorting everything out, off to bed. Lmao good luck to me it's 4.30am.
I'm feeling so many things at once and I decided to write it out in hopes to sort things out. Thank goodness work is at night.
So I just found out she has gotten what she wants. Yay, I guess. I don't like what she's become though. It's good for her, but I know it's just the extremely selfish and possessive side of me that absolutely dislikes what she's become. I mean honestly, I think she's now a lot more confident and voicing out her demands but she's so open to that and it's almost like a whole new person I see? I guess to an extent, I am jealous of her. And her bf. And all the people she's with esp that new girl.
Oh.
That's what it is. Part jealously, part dislike.
Jealousy is an ugly thing, all right.
I'm so ugly.
It is, fair that i'd be jealous of her bf bc he gets to see the sides that I know and don't know. and I don't like that. Of course I don't. All my life we've grown up together and somebody whose character I dislike (his crude jokes, his actions etc) just barges in and -
I'd whine and say "that's not fair" but lol that's the harsh reality.
My consciousness just caught up.
What I'd do for Koji to come right now and sweep me away from all this. It's been years. I miss him.
I'm not ready to face her yet bc i'll just be a bitch to her.
Let's just wait till i'm ready I guess.
Now I'm so drained from sorting everything out, off to bed. Lmao good luck to me it's 4.30am.