0064: Kids These Days (2)
TITLE: Kids These Days
AUTHOR: Mai / junmai
GENRE: Humor / Crack
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Still none in this chapter...and probably none at the next one either. ^^;
LENGTH: Part 2 of 4 - 1,883 Words
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Arashi. This is a work of fiction, and any similarities to fanfic plots and characters written or unwritten herein mentioned are purely coincidental.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Written for Aiba's 29th birthday, yay! I had meant to post this sometime between Ohno’s birthday and Aiba’s because I had wanted the finale today, but I caught the chicken pox from my sister and was bedridden for more than a week. And so, I’ll be posting the third and final part hopefully right in time for Sho’s birthday instead. :)
***
“You have got to be kidding me,” Matsumoto Jun muttered out of sheer shock, his slack-jawed countenance perfectly reflecting those of his band mates.
The revelation of Arashi’s latest guest, who calls himself Aiba Masashi, as Aiba Masaki’s eldest son has left the idol group nothing less than bewildered. And Aiba having learned of this in the past week and managing to keep it from them without raising any suspicions was, without question, extraordinary. Looking back, Ohno Satoshi thought there was certainly nothing about Aiba’s behaviour that could indicate his keeping a secret from them, especially one so grave such as this. Even his current expression of polite curiosity at their astonishment hardly betrayed any guilt or nervousness at being found out. In fact, he actually thought he had told them about it before.
“Then,” Ohno began slowly, “-Aiba Junior??”
Everyone was still seated on the lengthy couch just like earlier, but nearly everyone seemed on the edge for some reason. The culprits of this tension, Aiba and Masashi, were cheerfully installed on a pair of armchairs, looking like they’re having the time of their lives, until Ohno’s latest words had jolted them…with accompanying implication.
“Aiba…Junior?” Masashi repeated, turning to his father for clarification. Aiba looked blank for a second until it dawned on him…and he blushed to the roots of his hair.
“Since when did you have a son?” Sakurai Sho asked incredulously, a little scandalized.
“Since when did you have an eldest son?!” Ninomiya Kazunari asked more incredulously, a little more scandalized.
“Hold on, you’re getting it wrong!” Aiba answered, and Masashi, instantly getting what they were referring to (as everyone seemed to come to that very single conclusion about his kind), frantically nodded his agreement.
“It’s true that I’m Dad’s son, but there’s no way I’d be a genuine fruit of his loins,”-and Sho sputtered and choked, making him lunge for his teacup-“and besides, I don’t have a Mom anyway, so that’s just impossible,” Masashi tried explaining…to no avail. Apart from choking sounds dying down, the members merely blinked in their confusion.
“How do we go about explaining this?” Aiba asked, almost to himself. “For starters, I’d like to clarify that I don’t have illegitimate offspring in the Real World, okay?”
The others calmed down at this assurance, and the tension broke, although it was clear they were waiting for Aiba to go on with his explanation.
“Masa-kun here, you see, is…what’s he called?-a ‘Fictional Representation of the Offspring of One Such Aiba Masaki of Arashi’. Ne, Masa-kun?”
“Yeah, and you can also call me FROOS-Aiba-Masaki-Arashi-that’s with capitals F-R-O-O-S-, which is my file code name, but everyone says it’s a real bother, so I’m called Aiba Masashi instead,” Masashi added.
“FROOS…gimme a break,” Nino muttered under his breath. And to cover it up, he thus asked, “So what you meant by not having a Mom is because you’re not really…I mean, you weren’t born in this world the same way we were?”
“Right, Kaz-Ninomiya-san,” Masashi readily agreed, his tone becoming a little hesitant at the ‘Ninomiya-san’ part.
Sensing this, Nino raised a brow but didn’t press the matter, for Sho had spoken up.
“If that’s the case, how did you…er, exist?”
“In almost the same way as how the Mary Sues existed, Sh-Sakurai-san,” answered the lad.
“How do Mary Sues exist anyway?” Jun pondered. “Do you mean you were written in a Story?”
Masashi nodded. “The difference is that I do not exist solely as a character in a Story, but as the only character for Dad’s child however he or she may be written. That is to say, I was conceptualized.”
“I still don’t get it,” Jun replied. “Are you saying that for every Story written with Aiba having a child, in whichever gender and whatever name or age, you’re the one that steps in for that role?”
“Exactly! As expected from Jun-occha-ah!” Masashi gasped. His mortified look, coupled with the act of quickly covering his mouth with both hands, indicated an unwelcome slip of the tongue. Indeed, Jun’s prominent eyebrows instantly went up at the implication that Masashi must have been calling him ‘Jun-occhan’ for a long time already.
To his son’s rescue, Aiba said, “He can’t help but refer to all of you as uncles, you know.”
“I never really said anything about it, did I?” Jun inquired, wondering at the defensiveness of the moment.
“Oh,” Masashi blinked. He visibly relaxed, and added sheepishly, “It’s the, uh, you know…,” The lad almost made the fatal mistake of gesturing toward the eyebrows but fortunately thought better of it. “So it’s okay to call all of you that way?”
A round of assent went throughout the room, and both Masashi and Aiba giggled in harmony.
Ohno had a thoughtful expression when he asked, “Do I also have this…FROOS?”
Masashi brightened at the inquiry and answered, “Yes, Sato-occhan! In fact, each of you has one, and just like Dad, I’m great friends with all of them!”
“I knew it,” Nino said with a self-satisfied air. “I bet my FROOS is named Yamato or Kazuya or Wakana or Takeshi or something.”
The lad turned to his father and audibly confided, “Dad, it’s amazing. Yama-chan has always told us that Kazu-occhan would figure out his names, you know.”
“You know, you’re free to call me witty and clever too, Masa-chan,” the gamer grinned smugly.
“And here we all thought Ohno’s the one who likes fishing,” Sho sighed with mock long-suffering.
“Yes, it is painfully obvious that I love compliments, isn’t it?”
“Sure, Kazu.”
Whatever Sho’s reservations against Masashi’s nature were already assuaged by the fact that Aiba wasn’t having anything more than a paternal bond with the young man, despite the difference in age which seemed a little…off.
“How come you look a little too old to be Masaki’s son?” Sho asked the boy.
“I don’t know, Sho-occhan, except the way I look right now seems to be the general image of Dad’s child in Stories of the Realm lately. Actually, compared to last year, I’ve grown younger, but then the year before that, I was a seven year old girl named Masako. And whenever I’m in stories, I’m sure to change as well you know.”
“You’re not bothered by the gender switches?”
“Not really, no. I’m rather androgynous, you see. And more than anything, I’m a concept so gender does not really have any relevance apart from interpretation.”
“You said you’re taking us to a tour with Masashi as a guide,” Jun asked Aiba, leaving Sho to further interrogate the lad on FROOS philosophy. “Is he then taking us to see our own FROOS?”
“That’s what I’m guessing, too,” Aiba said carefully. “Masa-kun, are you taking us to see them?” he said above their little conversation, which the boy answered with the affirmative.
“Them…you mean the other FROOS?” Sho figured, looking rather delighted.
“Dad, I got the cloaks, by the way,” Masashi then said as he stood up from the armchair. He pulled a little pouch hanging about his neck and gave it to Aiba.
“Ooh, neat, mokeskin containing Invisibility Cloaks! Thanks, Masa-kun!”
Jun whirled towards Aiba, comprehension on his face which was turning livid with growing envy. “Invisibility Cloaks? Harry Potter Invisibility Cloaks?! You’ve been going to Hogwarts on your own and borrowing HARRY POTTER INVISIBILITY CLOAKS?!!!”
Aiba, suddenly finding himself collared by the normally calm Jun, realized with horror that the other was excessively reacting to anything Potter-related, having taken a swig of Super Otaku Essence for a role that morning. He fumbled for an explanation-“Only for hallway use, I swear,” was Aiba’s helpless whimper.
“MatsuJun,” Ohno said simply.
“Oh.” Jun blinked the dark aura away and let go of his friend. He remained sulky though, the prominent eyebrows still wrinkled dangerously near one another.
Aiba grinned, pulling out the Harry Potter special item and wrapping it around Jun’s shoulder, fastening the clasp by the neck. The rest of the idol’s body disappeared underneath the cloak. “I’ll take you with me next time I go there, ne?” he bribed, wiggling both eyebrows at his friend and wisely thinking that he wouldn’t be held for such a promise as soon as the Super Otaku Essence wears off.
“Hmph,” Jun’s floating head huffed in an almost unrecognizable approval before pulling the hood over his face and disappearing from the room completely.
“Is that what you visit Hogwarts for, Masaki?” Sho began to ask, realizing how often Aiba had mentioned ‘Hogwarts’ in the past few weeks. Nino had next taken to the cloaks and was fastening one for his own use, while a third cloak started floating towards Ohno and wrapping itself around the leader.
“Yep, I bumped into James Potter and Sirius Black one day and they let me borrow one of the many cloaks in their AU when I told him why I needed to lurk in the shadows. I’ve been using the cloak for a while now, and they’re really great for hiding from Mary Sues.”
“Now I get why he’s able to roam the halls without getting mobbed,” Nino muttered as he reached for the hood and turned invisible soon after.
“How come we didn’t use this when you took me touring the last time?” Ohno asked while the clasps of his cloak clipped shut, as if magically on their own and without Jun’s deft fingers working on them.
“Well, I heard beforehand that the Mary Sues had scheduled a chick flick marathon that day so it was relatively safe to roam the hallways unsupervised for a couple of hours,” Aiba sheepishly answered.
“Ahh…hahaha.”
One by one, the members of the idol group turned invisible as they fumbled for the clasps and hoods of the world-renowned Invisibility Cloaks of the Harry Potter fame, until The Other Green Room suddenly seemed devoid of human activity.
“Now what?” Nino’s disembodied voice called to no one in particular.
“We follow Masashi, of course,” Aiba replied confidently.
“Er…I can’t see him,” Ohno mumbled audibly.
“I’m right here!” Masashi piped up instantly, raising his hand. A nanosecond glimpse of an arm had them turning in its general direction. “Everyone, please form a single line towards the door and place a hand on the shoulder of the person in front of you.”
Now everyone felt this methodology was fundamentally erroneous, yet most of them shrugged off the nagging feeling. They were rather very curious and too excited to see their own version of Fanfic children that any additional analysis was easily put on the back burner. And being in a Realm which dealt with so much nonsense and silly truths, the exercise of logic had, unfortunately, been less of practice and more of theory. Thus, everyone headed for the door to follow the lad’s instruction with nary a second thought. Soon-
“Ow, my foot!”
“Oi, watch where you’re going!”
“If I could see you, I would-,”
“-Ouch! That was my eye, you idiot!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t see-,” and the painful sound of a leg colliding with the coffee table followed by a howl so eerily agonizing prompted everyone to pause in their tracks and breathe.
“I knew we shouldn’t have listened to the genius and his offspring,” Nino finally grumbled.
***
( Return to Part 1 | Continue to Part 3 )
Author’s Extra Notes:
[1] As mentioned above, the final chapter will be posted on Sho’s birthday, so I’m really sorry in advance if it’s going to be a rather long wait. Hopefully it’s not much of a cliffhanger or anything of the sort. ^^;
AUTHOR: Mai / junmai
GENRE: Humor / Crack
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Still none in this chapter...and probably none at the next one either. ^^;
LENGTH: Part 2 of 4 - 1,883 Words
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Arashi. This is a work of fiction, and any similarities to fanfic plots and characters written or unwritten herein mentioned are purely coincidental.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Written for Aiba's 29th birthday, yay! I had meant to post this sometime between Ohno’s birthday and Aiba’s because I had wanted the finale today, but I caught the chicken pox from my sister and was bedridden for more than a week. And so, I’ll be posting the third and final part hopefully right in time for Sho’s birthday instead. :)
***
“You have got to be kidding me,” Matsumoto Jun muttered out of sheer shock, his slack-jawed countenance perfectly reflecting those of his band mates.
The revelation of Arashi’s latest guest, who calls himself Aiba Masashi, as Aiba Masaki’s eldest son has left the idol group nothing less than bewildered. And Aiba having learned of this in the past week and managing to keep it from them without raising any suspicions was, without question, extraordinary. Looking back, Ohno Satoshi thought there was certainly nothing about Aiba’s behaviour that could indicate his keeping a secret from them, especially one so grave such as this. Even his current expression of polite curiosity at their astonishment hardly betrayed any guilt or nervousness at being found out. In fact, he actually thought he had told them about it before.
“Then,” Ohno began slowly, “-Aiba Junior??”
Everyone was still seated on the lengthy couch just like earlier, but nearly everyone seemed on the edge for some reason. The culprits of this tension, Aiba and Masashi, were cheerfully installed on a pair of armchairs, looking like they’re having the time of their lives, until Ohno’s latest words had jolted them…with accompanying implication.
“Aiba…Junior?” Masashi repeated, turning to his father for clarification. Aiba looked blank for a second until it dawned on him…and he blushed to the roots of his hair.
“Since when did you have a son?” Sakurai Sho asked incredulously, a little scandalized.
“Since when did you have an eldest son?!” Ninomiya Kazunari asked more incredulously, a little more scandalized.
“Hold on, you’re getting it wrong!” Aiba answered, and Masashi, instantly getting what they were referring to (as everyone seemed to come to that very single conclusion about his kind), frantically nodded his agreement.
“It’s true that I’m Dad’s son, but there’s no way I’d be a genuine fruit of his loins,”-and Sho sputtered and choked, making him lunge for his teacup-“and besides, I don’t have a Mom anyway, so that’s just impossible,” Masashi tried explaining…to no avail. Apart from choking sounds dying down, the members merely blinked in their confusion.
“How do we go about explaining this?” Aiba asked, almost to himself. “For starters, I’d like to clarify that I don’t have illegitimate offspring in the Real World, okay?”
The others calmed down at this assurance, and the tension broke, although it was clear they were waiting for Aiba to go on with his explanation.
“Masa-kun here, you see, is…what’s he called?-a ‘Fictional Representation of the Offspring of One Such Aiba Masaki of Arashi’. Ne, Masa-kun?”
“Yeah, and you can also call me FROOS-Aiba-Masaki-Arashi-that’s with capitals F-R-O-O-S-, which is my file code name, but everyone says it’s a real bother, so I’m called Aiba Masashi instead,” Masashi added.
“FROOS…gimme a break,” Nino muttered under his breath. And to cover it up, he thus asked, “So what you meant by not having a Mom is because you’re not really…I mean, you weren’t born in this world the same way we were?”
“Right, Kaz-Ninomiya-san,” Masashi readily agreed, his tone becoming a little hesitant at the ‘Ninomiya-san’ part.
Sensing this, Nino raised a brow but didn’t press the matter, for Sho had spoken up.
“If that’s the case, how did you…er, exist?”
“In almost the same way as how the Mary Sues existed, Sh-Sakurai-san,” answered the lad.
“How do Mary Sues exist anyway?” Jun pondered. “Do you mean you were written in a Story?”
Masashi nodded. “The difference is that I do not exist solely as a character in a Story, but as the only character for Dad’s child however he or she may be written. That is to say, I was conceptualized.”
“I still don’t get it,” Jun replied. “Are you saying that for every Story written with Aiba having a child, in whichever gender and whatever name or age, you’re the one that steps in for that role?”
“Exactly! As expected from Jun-occha-ah!” Masashi gasped. His mortified look, coupled with the act of quickly covering his mouth with both hands, indicated an unwelcome slip of the tongue. Indeed, Jun’s prominent eyebrows instantly went up at the implication that Masashi must have been calling him ‘Jun-occhan’ for a long time already.
To his son’s rescue, Aiba said, “He can’t help but refer to all of you as uncles, you know.”
“I never really said anything about it, did I?” Jun inquired, wondering at the defensiveness of the moment.
“Oh,” Masashi blinked. He visibly relaxed, and added sheepishly, “It’s the, uh, you know…,” The lad almost made the fatal mistake of gesturing toward the eyebrows but fortunately thought better of it. “So it’s okay to call all of you that way?”
A round of assent went throughout the room, and both Masashi and Aiba giggled in harmony.
Ohno had a thoughtful expression when he asked, “Do I also have this…FROOS?”
Masashi brightened at the inquiry and answered, “Yes, Sato-occhan! In fact, each of you has one, and just like Dad, I’m great friends with all of them!”
“I knew it,” Nino said with a self-satisfied air. “I bet my FROOS is named Yamato or Kazuya or Wakana or Takeshi or something.”
The lad turned to his father and audibly confided, “Dad, it’s amazing. Yama-chan has always told us that Kazu-occhan would figure out his names, you know.”
“You know, you’re free to call me witty and clever too, Masa-chan,” the gamer grinned smugly.
“And here we all thought Ohno’s the one who likes fishing,” Sho sighed with mock long-suffering.
“Yes, it is painfully obvious that I love compliments, isn’t it?”
“Sure, Kazu.”
Whatever Sho’s reservations against Masashi’s nature were already assuaged by the fact that Aiba wasn’t having anything more than a paternal bond with the young man, despite the difference in age which seemed a little…off.
“How come you look a little too old to be Masaki’s son?” Sho asked the boy.
“I don’t know, Sho-occhan, except the way I look right now seems to be the general image of Dad’s child in Stories of the Realm lately. Actually, compared to last year, I’ve grown younger, but then the year before that, I was a seven year old girl named Masako. And whenever I’m in stories, I’m sure to change as well you know.”
“You’re not bothered by the gender switches?”
“Not really, no. I’m rather androgynous, you see. And more than anything, I’m a concept so gender does not really have any relevance apart from interpretation.”
“You said you’re taking us to a tour with Masashi as a guide,” Jun asked Aiba, leaving Sho to further interrogate the lad on FROOS philosophy. “Is he then taking us to see our own FROOS?”
“That’s what I’m guessing, too,” Aiba said carefully. “Masa-kun, are you taking us to see them?” he said above their little conversation, which the boy answered with the affirmative.
“Them…you mean the other FROOS?” Sho figured, looking rather delighted.
“Dad, I got the cloaks, by the way,” Masashi then said as he stood up from the armchair. He pulled a little pouch hanging about his neck and gave it to Aiba.
“Ooh, neat, mokeskin containing Invisibility Cloaks! Thanks, Masa-kun!”
Jun whirled towards Aiba, comprehension on his face which was turning livid with growing envy. “Invisibility Cloaks? Harry Potter Invisibility Cloaks?! You’ve been going to Hogwarts on your own and borrowing HARRY POTTER INVISIBILITY CLOAKS?!!!”
Aiba, suddenly finding himself collared by the normally calm Jun, realized with horror that the other was excessively reacting to anything Potter-related, having taken a swig of Super Otaku Essence for a role that morning. He fumbled for an explanation-“Only for hallway use, I swear,” was Aiba’s helpless whimper.
“MatsuJun,” Ohno said simply.
“Oh.” Jun blinked the dark aura away and let go of his friend. He remained sulky though, the prominent eyebrows still wrinkled dangerously near one another.
Aiba grinned, pulling out the Harry Potter special item and wrapping it around Jun’s shoulder, fastening the clasp by the neck. The rest of the idol’s body disappeared underneath the cloak. “I’ll take you with me next time I go there, ne?” he bribed, wiggling both eyebrows at his friend and wisely thinking that he wouldn’t be held for such a promise as soon as the Super Otaku Essence wears off.
“Hmph,” Jun’s floating head huffed in an almost unrecognizable approval before pulling the hood over his face and disappearing from the room completely.
“Is that what you visit Hogwarts for, Masaki?” Sho began to ask, realizing how often Aiba had mentioned ‘Hogwarts’ in the past few weeks. Nino had next taken to the cloaks and was fastening one for his own use, while a third cloak started floating towards Ohno and wrapping itself around the leader.
“Yep, I bumped into James Potter and Sirius Black one day and they let me borrow one of the many cloaks in their AU when I told him why I needed to lurk in the shadows. I’ve been using the cloak for a while now, and they’re really great for hiding from Mary Sues.”
“Now I get why he’s able to roam the halls without getting mobbed,” Nino muttered as he reached for the hood and turned invisible soon after.
“How come we didn’t use this when you took me touring the last time?” Ohno asked while the clasps of his cloak clipped shut, as if magically on their own and without Jun’s deft fingers working on them.
“Well, I heard beforehand that the Mary Sues had scheduled a chick flick marathon that day so it was relatively safe to roam the hallways unsupervised for a couple of hours,” Aiba sheepishly answered.
“Ahh…hahaha.”
One by one, the members of the idol group turned invisible as they fumbled for the clasps and hoods of the world-renowned Invisibility Cloaks of the Harry Potter fame, until The Other Green Room suddenly seemed devoid of human activity.
“Now what?” Nino’s disembodied voice called to no one in particular.
“We follow Masashi, of course,” Aiba replied confidently.
“Er…I can’t see him,” Ohno mumbled audibly.
“I’m right here!” Masashi piped up instantly, raising his hand. A nanosecond glimpse of an arm had them turning in its general direction. “Everyone, please form a single line towards the door and place a hand on the shoulder of the person in front of you.”
Now everyone felt this methodology was fundamentally erroneous, yet most of them shrugged off the nagging feeling. They were rather very curious and too excited to see their own version of Fanfic children that any additional analysis was easily put on the back burner. And being in a Realm which dealt with so much nonsense and silly truths, the exercise of logic had, unfortunately, been less of practice and more of theory. Thus, everyone headed for the door to follow the lad’s instruction with nary a second thought. Soon-
“Ow, my foot!”
“Oi, watch where you’re going!”
“If I could see you, I would-,”
“-Ouch! That was my eye, you idiot!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t see-,” and the painful sound of a leg colliding with the coffee table followed by a howl so eerily agonizing prompted everyone to pause in their tracks and breathe.
“I knew we shouldn’t have listened to the genius and his offspring,” Nino finally grumbled.
***
( Return to Part 1 | Continue to Part 3 )
Author’s Extra Notes:
[1] As mentioned above, the final chapter will be posted on Sho’s birthday, so I’m really sorry in advance if it’s going to be a rather long wait. Hopefully it’s not much of a cliffhanger or anything of the sort. ^^;