the crystal edifice indestructable
I'm an insomniac.
The harsh winters of my life somedays give in to the warm of promising days.
When the sun, in it’s deceptive brightness, shines over me like some
condescending grade school teacher who’s just demolished the manifestation of
my soul in some abstract diorama made out of a payless shoe box, that somehow
embodies everything that I am and everything I will never be all at once.
My translucent 7 year old design.
I am a wide-eyed child. I am 19 years old. This is the year 2004.
And my favorite color is pink.
I am a bright-eyed vulnerable child with some eccentric spark that's instigating
flames spawned of fury and obscure moments of captured beauty, setting afire the
drapes to that pretty little landscape i hear of, but dont ever get the opportunity
to see. This victorian pattern turns to ash as I marvel in this brief moment of a
promise kept. But here I am, just as I always am. I am a little girl. I come to you,
willing to deliver whatever it is you request of me simply because I live to try.
I never meant to cut my dreams out of cray paper,i just figured all the other kids
transcended the laboring of love through the movement of their hands and confessions
that pass through their lips as well. I am standing here, fragile, immutable in this
innocence. As the requiem song for my troublesome days plays a tune while marching
around the moat overflowing my very bluest of blue heart. Here I stand, staring right
back at you as my eyes fill with sudden desire for a nod. Nod your head and pretend
I’ve done it okay. I am standing with a cardboard box. And as you have assigned me to
just “make a depiction of what I like,” you’ve asked for my heart and I’ve given you
my soul. This decorative abstract art that I delicately display before you, is a truth
that renders in my heart most potently. I stand before you with more than you have requested.
Yet it still is not good enough for you.This is my life.The year is 1991 and I am 7 years of
age.I give you my project. This random diorama, and it's nothing to you. You pat the top of
my brown curly hair, and try to make sense of the 7 years I was given.
My soul evaporates like water as my heart pours like rain. Thank the lord my heart can beat
twice before it breaks, so I must negate the ratio to save my very life.My heart is weary.
And my desire for love is an intrusition upon the requests of those that “love me,” in return.
I taste so much, as they all chew on Styrofoam cups for tactile inspiration.
I wish to breathe, beyond this suffer.
This soul can not be stifled by your shameful ways. Dear people of this world,
please take this sorrow you inflict and all the breaks you can not mend. The innocence
of my redemption is decaying right in front of me. My faith in man, is decaying right
in front of me. Like the carrion of a murdered pray. And all I want, is for Jesus to
save me, or the strength to close my eyes until it all goes away.
I can’t handle any of this at all.
Jesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesus
jesusjesusmendmysullenheartjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesus
The harsh winters of my life somedays give in to the warm of promising days.
When the sun, in it’s deceptive brightness, shines over me like some
condescending grade school teacher who’s just demolished the manifestation of
my soul in some abstract diorama made out of a payless shoe box, that somehow
embodies everything that I am and everything I will never be all at once.
My translucent 7 year old design.
I am a wide-eyed child. I am 19 years old. This is the year 2004.
And my favorite color is pink.
I am a bright-eyed vulnerable child with some eccentric spark that's instigating
flames spawned of fury and obscure moments of captured beauty, setting afire the
drapes to that pretty little landscape i hear of, but dont ever get the opportunity
to see. This victorian pattern turns to ash as I marvel in this brief moment of a
promise kept. But here I am, just as I always am. I am a little girl. I come to you,
willing to deliver whatever it is you request of me simply because I live to try.
I never meant to cut my dreams out of cray paper,i just figured all the other kids
transcended the laboring of love through the movement of their hands and confessions
that pass through their lips as well. I am standing here, fragile, immutable in this
innocence. As the requiem song for my troublesome days plays a tune while marching
around the moat overflowing my very bluest of blue heart. Here I stand, staring right
back at you as my eyes fill with sudden desire for a nod. Nod your head and pretend
I’ve done it okay. I am standing with a cardboard box. And as you have assigned me to
just “make a depiction of what I like,” you’ve asked for my heart and I’ve given you
my soul. This decorative abstract art that I delicately display before you, is a truth
that renders in my heart most potently. I stand before you with more than you have requested.
Yet it still is not good enough for you.This is my life.The year is 1991 and I am 7 years of
age.I give you my project. This random diorama, and it's nothing to you. You pat the top of
my brown curly hair, and try to make sense of the 7 years I was given.
My soul evaporates like water as my heart pours like rain. Thank the lord my heart can beat
twice before it breaks, so I must negate the ratio to save my very life.My heart is weary.
And my desire for love is an intrusition upon the requests of those that “love me,” in return.
I taste so much, as they all chew on Styrofoam cups for tactile inspiration.
I wish to breathe, beyond this suffer.
This soul can not be stifled by your shameful ways. Dear people of this world,
please take this sorrow you inflict and all the breaks you can not mend. The innocence
of my redemption is decaying right in front of me. My faith in man, is decaying right
in front of me. Like the carrion of a murdered pray. And all I want, is for Jesus to
save me, or the strength to close my eyes until it all goes away.
I can’t handle any of this at all.
Jesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesus
jesusjesusmendmysullenheartjesusjesusjesusjesusjesusjesus