(no subject)
So as i was walking home, i was thinking about how much it hurt to actually know that i lost the best thing i ever had. I am just not the same without him now and i know hes still there and he will always be there but hes the only person i have ever wanted to grow old with. And then theres "him" hes everything i have ever dreamed of. Like i mean he is so perfect i feel shitty because i know i dont deserve it. I want him, i want to want him but something just doesnt feel right. And then there is the only guy of his kind. But he wouldnt be able to put up with my sick twisted mind, only the first one can. And then there is lust, that which i feel strongly towards a certain male who i will never have again.