(no subject)
I hadn't been that cold since it happened. I was sitting there with randy literally shaking and when you mix that with drugs you get memories. It was like i could hear everything he said over again. I feel used.. and violated at times about what happened but right now all i feel is anger. Anger and hate is what i am made up of and if you take some fucking asshole who in a way manilpulates you and takes advantage of you, that means something. Not good, and not bad... it just meant a lot to me. That night fucked me up. Since that night i have been admitted to a Rehab Facililty, i have had numerous mental breakdowns, ive fucking lost my mind. It wasnt what happened that causes me to explode on people or myself that just sent off a chain reaction that allowed me to just drive myself to insanity. you cant blame me for it all i mean i know i play a victim and i know i freak out over nothing... but i cant allow you to understand what goes on in my head. I just can't believe he had the balls to say, "Stop making shit up.." fuck that i am not going to let him get away with this, and if you read this and its aboot you, and you know who you are. Grow up. It doesnt bother me that he doesnt want to talk to me ever again and pretty much hates me, if i were him i would hate me to i fucked shit up but seriously. You need to tell your girlfriend you fucked up and you need to appologize to me for being a fucking cunt. Alex leaves today. ='( and i am supposed to be at megans right now waking her up and taking bong rips.