Fear
from my facebook note:
i've been dropped from 111 feet in the air with nothing between me and What Comes After but a cord,a safety harness,and someone else's word it would hold.it scared me absolutely shitless.it scared me so much,in fact,that i did it three more times because i believe that staring down your fears is critical to making your life what you want it to be.i never once enjoyed it.i did it only until i felt like i had nothing more to prove to myself.
so tonight,in the course of going through my profile on a silly dating site,it occurred to me:why am i so willing to pardon some fears while i almost obessesively beat down every other? I'm willing to risk death to make myself a better person,but i'm not willing to make the first move with men?what other silly fear that's holding me back am i letting slide? is it because i'm relatively unafraid of death (make no mistake,the means of death is terrifying) while other things are just too hard to face? is sacrificing my pride (not in the sense of vanity) or the respect of people i respect really any worse than permanently exiting this life? what else am i excusing myself from that i haven't even noticed?there's a lot more to this than men,obviously,but that's what brought my attention to this particular hypocrisy in myself.
feel free to share comments,insights,and your own experiences,even anonymously.