Where has life taken me?
So its about 10 till 7 in the morning, I couldnt sleep because something feels wrong. Something I have yet to figure out, I have felt sick for over a month but its a worried sick like I fucked something up and its hiding around the corner to slap me in the face and be like "moron" but it hasent so im grateful. I have not written in LJ forever and I dont really care its something to do, I guess im broadcasting to nobody but for somereason the key strokes make me feel calm and at peace for now.
I was driving around tiffin today with sully and everything looked just empty and we got to talking about life and where the hell we are going. It started just a joke but I feel troubled by it, well not troubled but I cant stop thinking about my past and now and what my future is. God I have been dwelling in the past so much I keep waiting for jess to tell me to perk the fuck up lol. I was thinking about all the people I have met and what they meant to me, like regal people we were so close and now they are a distant memory like it was just a dream.... I was thinking about when I was at Tri-c and I screwed things up, or how me and dan used to skip econ to get China Max mmmmmmmm orange chicken. Haha wow my mind is open now I just keep reaching in and pulling things out and laughing but theres something heavy I cant freaking figure out! regardless I remember when I beat up robbie (sort of), I remember coming to visit the berg before I decided to indefinatly attend TU. Im glad I came here, except when everyone leaves then it gets kinda lonely but I have made some damn good friends. Bernard, Sully, and Nester. I guess I miss alot of things I guess I want to know what my life would have been like if I had made different choices like school, friends, love.....where would I be...would I be better off would I be worse? I dunno just alot on my mind lately.
I have been trying to be optimistic just because sadness is just overrated. I guess I like where im at sort of, I mean I have a truck thats paid for, Im going to school on my own credit, I have some great friends, and a job. I want more though I always want more but I dont know what I want. There it is thats the thing I couldnt figure out!!!! I guess im so stressed because I dont know what I want I dont know what to do. Like with girls sully was talking to me about a girl he is talking to and how he is falling in love and he is all for it, I said to him "I think im ready to fall in love again" but then I thought about it and psyched myself out of it. I had a chance with 2 girls and I blew them both, the first one was because I was afraid. I was afraid I wouldnt compare or I couldnt compete, I thought that because she went to a different school everything was doomed. God im dumb.... The other one I just dont think would work right now, we both have stuff to take care of.... Then there is school I dont know what im doing here....im just going throught the motions and I feel like I want to be here, but where am I going what is this building to? Most people have a specific vision of what they want to be but then there is me......im just kinda going im not worried where I end up because I know im going to be ok but its just unsettling not being sure sometimes..... Hmmmmmm its now 10 after 7am and I feel a litte better because I have identified the culprit now I just have to arrest the bastard and lock it away for life without parole ha..........
I wrote another song its been a long time since I wrote anything.....I try to keep up on the beats with bernard but since he isnt in tiffin its hard to work... Yes I make hip hop, rap beats with my friend bernard and they are damn good so dont judge :). So here is what I got so far
Drivin along with the sun on my back
waiting for a girl to put me back on track
I have been lost a long time now,
Driving blind under broken skies on this road where heart break lies
I'm on the road of broken hearts, shattered dreams and some real bad starts
I will drive on through..... Yes I will drive on through......
Just takin a detour in life full of pain, loss and strife but I'll drive on through
I WILL DRIVE ON THROUGH!
Live my life how I want it to be
finally get the good that's comin to me
Give myself a brand new start without shattered dreams or my broken heart
A life thats fun a life with one.......
thats all i got for now im kinda havin writers block......
Yeah this is a random journal update....OH I came up with a quote like a couple of weeks ago its already spreading, im on a few facebook quote walls :) Hope is like a penis whats the point in having it if you cant get it up and have a little fun?-Jerry Branco
Well I think im gonna go get some breakfast and wait for my 11am class sooooooo yeah. Some times I wonder what the fuck happened, still bothers me.
I was driving around tiffin today with sully and everything looked just empty and we got to talking about life and where the hell we are going. It started just a joke but I feel troubled by it, well not troubled but I cant stop thinking about my past and now and what my future is. God I have been dwelling in the past so much I keep waiting for jess to tell me to perk the fuck up lol. I was thinking about all the people I have met and what they meant to me, like regal people we were so close and now they are a distant memory like it was just a dream.... I was thinking about when I was at Tri-c and I screwed things up, or how me and dan used to skip econ to get China Max mmmmmmmm orange chicken. Haha wow my mind is open now I just keep reaching in and pulling things out and laughing but theres something heavy I cant freaking figure out! regardless I remember when I beat up robbie (sort of), I remember coming to visit the berg before I decided to indefinatly attend TU. Im glad I came here, except when everyone leaves then it gets kinda lonely but I have made some damn good friends. Bernard, Sully, and Nester. I guess I miss alot of things I guess I want to know what my life would have been like if I had made different choices like school, friends, love.....where would I be...would I be better off would I be worse? I dunno just alot on my mind lately.
I have been trying to be optimistic just because sadness is just overrated. I guess I like where im at sort of, I mean I have a truck thats paid for, Im going to school on my own credit, I have some great friends, and a job. I want more though I always want more but I dont know what I want. There it is thats the thing I couldnt figure out!!!! I guess im so stressed because I dont know what I want I dont know what to do. Like with girls sully was talking to me about a girl he is talking to and how he is falling in love and he is all for it, I said to him "I think im ready to fall in love again" but then I thought about it and psyched myself out of it. I had a chance with 2 girls and I blew them both, the first one was because I was afraid. I was afraid I wouldnt compare or I couldnt compete, I thought that because she went to a different school everything was doomed. God im dumb.... The other one I just dont think would work right now, we both have stuff to take care of.... Then there is school I dont know what im doing here....im just going throught the motions and I feel like I want to be here, but where am I going what is this building to? Most people have a specific vision of what they want to be but then there is me......im just kinda going im not worried where I end up because I know im going to be ok but its just unsettling not being sure sometimes..... Hmmmmmm its now 10 after 7am and I feel a litte better because I have identified the culprit now I just have to arrest the bastard and lock it away for life without parole ha..........
I wrote another song its been a long time since I wrote anything.....I try to keep up on the beats with bernard but since he isnt in tiffin its hard to work... Yes I make hip hop, rap beats with my friend bernard and they are damn good so dont judge :). So here is what I got so far
Drivin along with the sun on my back
waiting for a girl to put me back on track
I have been lost a long time now,
Driving blind under broken skies on this road where heart break lies
I'm on the road of broken hearts, shattered dreams and some real bad starts
I will drive on through..... Yes I will drive on through......
Just takin a detour in life full of pain, loss and strife but I'll drive on through
I WILL DRIVE ON THROUGH!
Live my life how I want it to be
finally get the good that's comin to me
Give myself a brand new start without shattered dreams or my broken heart
A life thats fun a life with one.......
thats all i got for now im kinda havin writers block......
Yeah this is a random journal update....OH I came up with a quote like a couple of weeks ago its already spreading, im on a few facebook quote walls :) Hope is like a penis whats the point in having it if you cant get it up and have a little fun?-Jerry Branco
Well I think im gonna go get some breakfast and wait for my 11am class sooooooo yeah. Some times I wonder what the fuck happened, still bothers me.