This is what no sleep will do to you....CRACK FIC

May 25, 2007 23:07

Title: Once Upon A Time, Amanda and Amber Did Not Have Enough Sleep
Fandom:Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring/LOST/Pirates of the Caribbean/Harry Potter
Authors: taraamber and juniorfan29
Pairings: You name it, we got it.
Rating: S for silly
Crossposted in: taraamber and leprechaunmuse
Spoilers: Pirate of the Caribbean At World's End
Disclaimer: Not ours. Though they should be. We do it better.


Once upon a time, Gandalf found Sam in grass underneath the window. Sam said to Gandalf, "Don't turn me into anything...unnatural."

Gandalf said, "I have another plan for you. You gonna be my sex slave."

The horses went doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo dooooo doo doo doot doot doot.

So then, Merry, the hobbit, while sitting by the campfire and later, while in the woods with a torch keept thinking, "Why do I feel like my name is Charlie, and I keep looking for a baby named Aaron."

Just then, Sawyer went running through the woods. A polar bear was following. Polar bear subtitles: But baby, come back! I'm pregnant!

Then the pretty elf lady, who glowed, came to get Frodo to make him all better. The pretty elf lady made the water turn into sea horsies, and they went doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doo doo doot doot doot doo doo doooooo doo doo doot doot doot!

Frodo was allllll better. Sam, his hobbity loooove, had been by his side the whole time. Sadly, Frodo started cheating on Sam with the one ring.

Later Will/Legolas met the other love of his life. Their eyes met over the one ring of power during the big meeting with the elves. It turns out Will was lying to Elizabeth about that whole every ten years thing. The truth is, he runs off to dye his hair blonde, put on his pretty elf dress and make goggily eyes at Aragorn.

All the people at the meeting fought over the ring, and it became apparent that Will cannot sit down and shut up. He likes to stand up for his boyfriend, which embarrasses Aragorn. Frodo's affair with the ring was also apparent at this time. He was going withdrawal.

His hobbity love, Sam, got jealous. "What can that piece of metal do for you that I can't?"

They set off on a road trip, and Will shot the Kraken with his bow and arrow to save Frodo. Then Frodo was getting jiggy with Will. Then Frodo got jiggy with Aragorn, because Aragorn carried him. Then Will caught his boyfriend Aragorn when the bridge went boom.

Then distant relatives of the Malfoy family, pretty elves, let them stay with them. Frodo has a love connection with this blond pretty elf lady who is distantly related to the Malfoy family.

Frodo looked in the pretty elf lady's pensieve and suddenly we have stumbled into a LOST flash forward.

After they have left the pretty elf lady, Boromir threw hissy fit, because Frodo has not gotton jiggy with him yet. He was very upset, and felt left out. Frodo ran away, which makes Boromir cry. "Frodo, come back, I love you!"

Upset that Boromir wanted to get in on the action, Frodo rebuffed Aragorn when he came around for a little fun. Aragorn was sad, but lets Frodo go back to his hobbity love, Sam. After all, Aragorn still had Will.

Moral of the story, Frodo gets around.

The End

Credits Roll

Dead guy goes over a waterfall, and Amanda says, "Didn't I just watch this movie last night?"
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