Gift Fic for ryo_pyon
Title: Trails of Tears
Pairing/Group: Takki/Uchi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None besides boy’s-love.
Summary: Uchi feels tired of getting dumped all the time. But when he meets with Takki, he suddenly starts to remember why he’s always choosing the wrong guys.
Note: Dear ryo_pyon, I hope you’ll like this!! I had so much fun writing it for you! And I loved your sign-up, so I wanted to go for one of the rare pairs you mentioned.
The teardrops are building little wet trails on his face, the mascara from his performance earlier that day blurred, making him look almost grotesque. After a look into a mirror he thinks he could be part of a chamber of horrors. He looks pathetic… and it makes him cry even harder.
It’s always the same:
It’s not your fault.
This is casual. Don’t make it any more complicated.
You are a nice guy, but it just doesn’t fit.
I like you, but there is something missing.
And the worst: Let’s stay friends. or This is just sex. Don’t get it mixed up with love
He’s heard these words so often that he should be used to it by now. But he isn’t. Truth is, it still hurts. And he won’t learn: He will always get attached to his affairs, knowing he shouldn’t, but he can’t avoid it. He is not the type for casual affairs. He watches his friends, finding lovers for a few months, having some fun before they go separate ways and search for someone new.
Being an idol means he can’t settle down yet. He can’t hold someone’s hand on the street, he can’t snuggle up to someone.
It’s not that easy.
Thinking about this makes Uchi cry again.
***
Uchi isn’t all that sure if he really fell in love with all the guys he went out with or had sex with. It might not have been love, but he always felt attached to them. And it hurt his pride and his heart that all of them had no problems to break up with him. They weren’t interested in getting to know him or going out with him for real.
It was just sex for them. Friends with a little benefits.
But for Uchi it’s different. Sex is something intimate for him, something he likes to give someone else like a present and receive the same present back. Giving and taking. Showing someone else deep emotions.
Maybe it sounds corny, but for Uchi it’s never just sex.
***
Normally when Uchi has a problem he will call Ryo. Their paths aren’t the same anymore and they aren’t seeing each other that often, but there still is this very special bond between them, from a time where they have sworn to their undying friendship. Being there for each other, always.
They’ve never broken their promise. Ryo was always there for him, through sad times and happy times. And he was there for Ryo when he needed him and when he wanted to share something good with him.
So, Uchi calls Ryo.
“If I jumped now, would you miss me?”
For a moment it’s quiet on the other end of the phone. Uchi almost thinks that the line died, but then he can hear Ryo’s voice, all kind of feelings implied in it. Worry, shock, anger, panic. “I swear,” he hisses. “If you even think of doing something so stupid, I’ll… I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Ryo’s anger and panic has already lightened up Uchi’s mood.
“Tell Subaru that it was you who broke his favourite CD.”
Uchi frowns. “You would tell on me. That’s not fair!”
“I’ll tell you what’s not fair,” Ryo huffs. “Calling your best friend and telling him something like that line before… while he is miles away in Osaka and can’t rush to your side to prevent you from whatever you plan to do.”
“Oh,” Uchi’s voice is soft all of a sudden. “I’m sorry.”
“You better be!”
“Sorry,” Uchi repeats again. “It was a rhetorical question, actually, so nothing to worry about.”
He can hear how Ryo sighs in relief, before he speaks up again. “Why would you ask something like that? Did something happen?”
“I got dumped again.” Saying it breaks the barrier again and Uchi starts crying nervously while he tells his friend exactly what happened. It’s not even all that special. Just the usual: This is supposed to be sex. I don’t want to be together with you. But if you want to continue our fuck-relationship, give me a call.
Uchi is honestly grateful for Ryo’s patience and the way he listens without interrupting him. When Uchi is finished, he sighs deeply. “I’m so sorry, Hiroki! I wish you could find a nice guy… really.”
“I just always find the wrong ones,” Uchi grumbles.
“Hm,” Ryo’s voice is shivering slightly and Uchi isn’t sure if he is actually implying something he doesn’t understand when he says: “Maybe it’s not like that. Maybe you would find a good guy, if you searched for real. Look deeper.”
“Deeper?” Uchi blinks. “You mean: more carefully.”
“I’m not sure. It’s just a suggestion,” Ryo pauses. “There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. And it is possible. I’m having one too.”
“But you are dating someone from the agency,” Uchi answers. “Of course this works. But what if it’s someone from outside?”
“But did you already look at all the guys within the agency?” Ryo asks and Uchi can hear the smile in his voice. “You keep looking around and into the distance, but you never take a look at what’s right in front of you.”
Uchi nods his head, warily. He has to admit that Ryo is right. “Maybe it’s me who has the problem, not the guys I meet,” he finally answers sadly. “Maybe I’m afraid of committing myself and instead, I go for someone who I’m sure won’t fall for me.”
“It’s okay to be scared,” Ryo answers softly. “There’s always the fear of being dumped or rejected.”
Uchi flinches. He is glad that Ryo isn’t next to him and sees him now, because he is sure he wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears then. Ryo has basically hit the point. He’s confessed to someone two years ago and got rejected…and never really recovered from it. It’s almost pathetic. He has spent all this time with guys he hardly knew, guys who actually didn’t even like him, instead of going to the core of the problem. Rejection is part of being in love, isn’t it? “You are right…” He chuckles out of a sudden. “Why are you not in love me? Would be perfect…”
Ryo grunts. “Why are you not in love with me?”
Despite his rather gloomy mood Uchi has to laugh. “Right, we are definitely better off as friends. I love you, boy.”
“Me too,” Ryo laughs. “Love you boy. Now go to bed!”
***
It’s early in the morning when someone rings at his door. Uchi half expects it to be a stupid joke from some teenagers or simply someone ringing at the wrong door, when he opens it sleepily. He was deep asleep just a moment ago and not too happy that he had to crawl out of his bed.
The more he is surprised when he opens the door and finds…
“Takki!?” The moment he has blurt these words out, he blushes deeply. “I meant… Takizawa-kun?”
Takki laughs slightly. “Good morning to you too.”
Uchi shifts around, torn between feeling nervous - Takki is his admired Senpai, after all - embarrassed - he is still wearing his pyjamas: black shorts and a shirt with a pink teddy bear on it - and curious - why is Takki here, so early? His curiosity wins. “Why are you here?”
“Ryo-chan called me,” Takki puts his bag and jacket aside, shrugging slightly. Uchi can tell that he wants to sound rather casual and cool, instead of strained and worried.
“Oh,” Uchi blinks, then his eyes widen. “OH!” He rolls his eyes in frustration. “This idiot!! It was meant as a joke…”
“Was it?” Takki wants to make sure. “He was worried and sent me a message to check on you. To be quite honest, after seeing his message I was worried too.”
“Sorry,” Uchi answers, not sure what is requested of him now, but Takki makes this rather easy, because…
“Free today?”
“Yes.”
The older one smiles warmly. “Let’s go for some breakfast then and have some fun.”
***
They end up in a small café at the suburban area around Tokyo, right next to a lake. It’s too cold to sit outside, but the winter garden gives them the same feeling - it’s like sitting outside.
It has taken them almost three hours to drive to this place, so by now, it’s already after lunch, which is fine for Uchi. He doesn’t like breakfasts anyway.
Takki has his hair lighter now, but not really blonde anymore. Uchi kinda likes this color on him, it makes him look edgy but still cute and soft. His Ryuzaki-look for Orthros for example was rather mysterious and hot, he still remembers the dreams he had when he watched this drama… about Ryuzaki pushing him against the wall, kissing him heatedly.
Uchi blushes at his own thoughts. What is he thinking here?
Two years ago he was watching this drama, falling so hard for the plot and for Ryo and Takki’s characters.
Two years ago he confessed to someone who rejected him…
Ryo doesn’t know who it was, does he? If he knew, he never would have sent Takki to him to look after him. Why should he?
Uchi gulps. He hates that all these thoughts and the memory of this incident two years ago suddenly come to his mind again.
***
Uchi gets wasted. Completely. And it’s just lunch time which makes this totally embarrassing.
And in front of Takki… which makes it even more embarrassing. Before he even knows what’s going on he is already sitting in Takki’s car, on their way back.
He feels unbelievably sick all of a sudden.
***
“I don’t believe it,” Takki shakes his head as he helps Uchi to lie down on the sofa (right after he threw up for the third - and hopefully last - time.) “You hardly drank anything.”
“I hardly drink at all,” Uchi admits tiredly. “Generally. Most of my shitty memories come from times when I was drunk. So, I’m normally not drinking anything at all.”
“Ah,” Takki nods his head, smiling fondly. “I understand.”
“No,” Uchi shakes his head. “I don’t think you do…”
“Alright then,” Takki sits down next to Uchi, looking at him patiently. “Explain it to me.”
Later Uchi will blame it on the alcohol and his weak state that he gave into Takki’s request. Or he’ll say that he simply wasn’t thinking, but fact is… he tells him why. “Two years ago I got drunk and confessed to someone and got dumped. Or rather: ignored. That’s how worthless I was to this person.”
“Really?” Takki looks at him in surprise, shaking his head in disapproval. “The other person didn’t react? That’s mean! Who would do something like that!?”
Uchi looks at Takki in surprise and annoyance. Is this some kind of joke or what? Was his confession so unimportant that Takki already forgot? “You,” he blurts out, mainly because he is really upset about Takki right now. How else can he explain, why he tells this to Takki so directly?
“You confessed to me?” Takki looks at Uchi in plain surprise. “But… when?”
For a moment Uchi thinks that this is some kind of weird joke, that Takki is making fun of him, but then he remembers that this is Takki he is talking to… he would never do something so cruel. He sits up, feeling totally sober all of a sudden. “But I did,” he stutters. “Confess.”
“When?” Takki presses his question again. “When did you confess? Tell me.”
“Two years ago, on your Christmas party. The one where Tsubasa actually made soya cookies instead of chocolate ones.”
“Ah, the Christmas party with the horrible cookies, I remember that one,” Takki frowns. “But I’m sorry Uchi-kun… was I so drunk that night? I’m sure I would have remembered a confession.”
Uchi blushes deeply. “You just turned away and didn’t answer anything.”
“Uchi-kun, really,” Takki sounds frustrated now. “I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t that wasted not to remember this. Was there maybe the possibility that the music was so loud that I couldn’t hear you?”
“No, someone was switching a CD, so there was no loud music.” Uchi shrugs. “I still remember it clearly. I got drunk a bit and found the courage to confess to you. Turned out to be my most embarrassing moment later. I was facing your back. You were standing right in front of me, putting some dishes aside… your black hair-“
“Blonde.”
“Sorry?” Uchi blinks. “What did you say?”
“Uchi-kun,” Takki’s expression is something between annoyed and amused. “I didn’t have my black hair anymore at that time. I switched it back to blonde right after Orthros was finished. You were talking to someone else. And I bet you said my name so this person didn’t even realize you were speaking to him.”
“It wasn’t you?” Uchi’s eyes widened in shock. Does that mean that all these years he has been trying to get over something…that didn’t even happen? Or rather: It did happen, but not like he remembered it. “I was right…” he buries his head in his hands. “I should never drink again.”
Silence spreads between them, both of them dwelling in their own thoughts, then all of a sudden Takki turns around to face Uchi directly. “So you like me?” he finally concludes. “Or liked me?”
“Where is the difference?” Uchi mumbles warily, mainly because he can’t lie into Takki’s face like that. If Takki looks at him through these dark intense eyes, he just has to answer the truth… and he really doesn’t want to!
Takki chuckles. “You know the difference.”
“What would you have answered?” Uchi wants to know, deciding that it would be best to give them some more time. Maybe Takki will forget his other question? There isn’t really a high chance that he will, but one can still hope, right?
Takki tilts his head, frowning slightly. “Most likely I’d have said that I need some time to think about it. I didn’t see you as a possible partner back then, so I guess I would have needed some proper thinking.”
“Back then?” Takki’s words hit Uchi off-guard and he stares at the older one in surprise. “What about now? Would you think of me as a possible partner for you now?”
“I don’t know, you certainly grew up into a fine man now, but…” Takki stutters, obviously taken aback by this question a bit. He shakes his head. “Uchi-kun, what’s this even about?”
Uchi doesn’t say anything, just eyeing the older one carefully. Then he decides he should give it a try, after all… he can always blame it on the alcohol later. It’s not like his love life can get even more messed up. He leans forward, using Takki’s moment of surprise and kissing him softly.
His heart jumps happily when he feels how Takki is kissing him back. He has soft lips… they are rather small compared to Uchi’s but so soft. And skilled. Takki knows how to kiss, definitely. It makes Uchi feel even happier.
Takki draws back from the kiss, gasping for air. “Don’t take this as an offence, Uchi-kun, but are you always doing things that way?”
“What do you mean?”
“Jumping someone right away.”
Uchi shrugs. “Yes, I guess.”
Takki sighs in slight frustration. “Did it ever cross your mind to go out with someone first?”
“No, after you broke my heart I just tried to get over it. Desperately.” Uchi grins slyly when he sees Takki’s surprised and annoyed expression.
“I didn’t dump you!”
“Ah, unimportant details,” Uchi shrugs. He tries to sound cool, but his voice shivers slightly. “We can blame the alcohol.”
For a moment Takki looks at Uchi in surprise, then he chuckles. “I’m not drunk. And slowly I’m starting to think that you aren’t either.”
Uchi blushes slightly, but then he shakes his head fiercely. “Takizawa-kun… I… This is not a boy-crush I have. It’s not some fanboying. The last two years I only had affairs. I wondered why no one wants to be together with me for real. Then I realized it’s not their fault, it’s mine. I never really tried to get to know someone - I subconsciously searched for those who would definitely not fall for me. It was like a defence mechanism, a reflex, to protect myself. Now I know it wasn’t you back then, but at that time… I was so shocked, because I admired you so much. Being rejected by you was a blow.”
“I see,” Takki nods his head, smiling slightly. “Ryo said the same.”
“Ryo!?” Uchi almost jumps in his seat. He looks at Takki in horror. “What did he say!?”
“Oh, we had an interesting talk last week,” Takki explains. “Don’t blame him. He didn’t tell me any secrets… Let’s say: He just pushed me into the right direction.”
“What did he say?” Uchi asks again.
Takki chuckles. “Secret.” When Uchi wants to say something, he shakes his head, smiling slightly. “Listen, Uchi-kun. I have to be honest with you. I like to take things slow. I like dates and going out with my potential partner to get to know him better. I don’t like to have affairs. And I’m not the type to have random sex with. You should really think properly about what you want, because I’m not the type of guy who wants casual sex. I want a real relationship. Think properly about his… if you are ready for such a relationship. I can’t promise you anything yet, but we can go out and get to know each other like everyone, who dates, does.”
Uchi looks at Takki in surprise - surprised that this means he has a chance - then he nods his head. “I’ll think about everything,” he answers. “For now, can I rest my head in your lap? I need to take a nap. Still hangoverish.”
Takki pulls an eyebrow up. “In my lap? So much about taking things slow.”
Uchi chuckles teasingly. “Now you are the one with dirty thoughts, not me.” He sighs contently when he lies down, resting his head in Takki’s lap. He can feel the other’s fingers, playing with his hair and curling some strands between his fingers.
It feels so good.
Pairing/Group: Takki/Uchi
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None besides boy’s-love.
Summary: Uchi feels tired of getting dumped all the time. But when he meets with Takki, he suddenly starts to remember why he’s always choosing the wrong guys.
Note: Dear ryo_pyon, I hope you’ll like this!! I had so much fun writing it for you! And I loved your sign-up, so I wanted to go for one of the rare pairs you mentioned.
The teardrops are building little wet trails on his face, the mascara from his performance earlier that day blurred, making him look almost grotesque. After a look into a mirror he thinks he could be part of a chamber of horrors. He looks pathetic… and it makes him cry even harder.
It’s always the same:
It’s not your fault.
This is casual. Don’t make it any more complicated.
You are a nice guy, but it just doesn’t fit.
I like you, but there is something missing.
And the worst: Let’s stay friends. or This is just sex. Don’t get it mixed up with love
He’s heard these words so often that he should be used to it by now. But he isn’t. Truth is, it still hurts. And he won’t learn: He will always get attached to his affairs, knowing he shouldn’t, but he can’t avoid it. He is not the type for casual affairs. He watches his friends, finding lovers for a few months, having some fun before they go separate ways and search for someone new.
Being an idol means he can’t settle down yet. He can’t hold someone’s hand on the street, he can’t snuggle up to someone.
It’s not that easy.
Thinking about this makes Uchi cry again.
***
Uchi isn’t all that sure if he really fell in love with all the guys he went out with or had sex with. It might not have been love, but he always felt attached to them. And it hurt his pride and his heart that all of them had no problems to break up with him. They weren’t interested in getting to know him or going out with him for real.
It was just sex for them. Friends with a little benefits.
But for Uchi it’s different. Sex is something intimate for him, something he likes to give someone else like a present and receive the same present back. Giving and taking. Showing someone else deep emotions.
Maybe it sounds corny, but for Uchi it’s never just sex.
***
Normally when Uchi has a problem he will call Ryo. Their paths aren’t the same anymore and they aren’t seeing each other that often, but there still is this very special bond between them, from a time where they have sworn to their undying friendship. Being there for each other, always.
They’ve never broken their promise. Ryo was always there for him, through sad times and happy times. And he was there for Ryo when he needed him and when he wanted to share something good with him.
So, Uchi calls Ryo.
“If I jumped now, would you miss me?”
For a moment it’s quiet on the other end of the phone. Uchi almost thinks that the line died, but then he can hear Ryo’s voice, all kind of feelings implied in it. Worry, shock, anger, panic. “I swear,” he hisses. “If you even think of doing something so stupid, I’ll… I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Ryo’s anger and panic has already lightened up Uchi’s mood.
“Tell Subaru that it was you who broke his favourite CD.”
Uchi frowns. “You would tell on me. That’s not fair!”
“I’ll tell you what’s not fair,” Ryo huffs. “Calling your best friend and telling him something like that line before… while he is miles away in Osaka and can’t rush to your side to prevent you from whatever you plan to do.”
“Oh,” Uchi’s voice is soft all of a sudden. “I’m sorry.”
“You better be!”
“Sorry,” Uchi repeats again. “It was a rhetorical question, actually, so nothing to worry about.”
He can hear how Ryo sighs in relief, before he speaks up again. “Why would you ask something like that? Did something happen?”
“I got dumped again.” Saying it breaks the barrier again and Uchi starts crying nervously while he tells his friend exactly what happened. It’s not even all that special. Just the usual: This is supposed to be sex. I don’t want to be together with you. But if you want to continue our fuck-relationship, give me a call.
Uchi is honestly grateful for Ryo’s patience and the way he listens without interrupting him. When Uchi is finished, he sighs deeply. “I’m so sorry, Hiroki! I wish you could find a nice guy… really.”
“I just always find the wrong ones,” Uchi grumbles.
“Hm,” Ryo’s voice is shivering slightly and Uchi isn’t sure if he is actually implying something he doesn’t understand when he says: “Maybe it’s not like that. Maybe you would find a good guy, if you searched for real. Look deeper.”
“Deeper?” Uchi blinks. “You mean: more carefully.”
“I’m not sure. It’s just a suggestion,” Ryo pauses. “There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. And it is possible. I’m having one too.”
“But you are dating someone from the agency,” Uchi answers. “Of course this works. But what if it’s someone from outside?”
“But did you already look at all the guys within the agency?” Ryo asks and Uchi can hear the smile in his voice. “You keep looking around and into the distance, but you never take a look at what’s right in front of you.”
Uchi nods his head, warily. He has to admit that Ryo is right. “Maybe it’s me who has the problem, not the guys I meet,” he finally answers sadly. “Maybe I’m afraid of committing myself and instead, I go for someone who I’m sure won’t fall for me.”
“It’s okay to be scared,” Ryo answers softly. “There’s always the fear of being dumped or rejected.”
Uchi flinches. He is glad that Ryo isn’t next to him and sees him now, because he is sure he wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears then. Ryo has basically hit the point. He’s confessed to someone two years ago and got rejected…and never really recovered from it. It’s almost pathetic. He has spent all this time with guys he hardly knew, guys who actually didn’t even like him, instead of going to the core of the problem. Rejection is part of being in love, isn’t it? “You are right…” He chuckles out of a sudden. “Why are you not in love me? Would be perfect…”
Ryo grunts. “Why are you not in love with me?”
Despite his rather gloomy mood Uchi has to laugh. “Right, we are definitely better off as friends. I love you, boy.”
“Me too,” Ryo laughs. “Love you boy. Now go to bed!”
***
It’s early in the morning when someone rings at his door. Uchi half expects it to be a stupid joke from some teenagers or simply someone ringing at the wrong door, when he opens it sleepily. He was deep asleep just a moment ago and not too happy that he had to crawl out of his bed.
The more he is surprised when he opens the door and finds…
“Takki!?” The moment he has blurt these words out, he blushes deeply. “I meant… Takizawa-kun?”
Takki laughs slightly. “Good morning to you too.”
Uchi shifts around, torn between feeling nervous - Takki is his admired Senpai, after all - embarrassed - he is still wearing his pyjamas: black shorts and a shirt with a pink teddy bear on it - and curious - why is Takki here, so early? His curiosity wins. “Why are you here?”
“Ryo-chan called me,” Takki puts his bag and jacket aside, shrugging slightly. Uchi can tell that he wants to sound rather casual and cool, instead of strained and worried.
“Oh,” Uchi blinks, then his eyes widen. “OH!” He rolls his eyes in frustration. “This idiot!! It was meant as a joke…”
“Was it?” Takki wants to make sure. “He was worried and sent me a message to check on you. To be quite honest, after seeing his message I was worried too.”
“Sorry,” Uchi answers, not sure what is requested of him now, but Takki makes this rather easy, because…
“Free today?”
“Yes.”
The older one smiles warmly. “Let’s go for some breakfast then and have some fun.”
***
They end up in a small café at the suburban area around Tokyo, right next to a lake. It’s too cold to sit outside, but the winter garden gives them the same feeling - it’s like sitting outside.
It has taken them almost three hours to drive to this place, so by now, it’s already after lunch, which is fine for Uchi. He doesn’t like breakfasts anyway.
Takki has his hair lighter now, but not really blonde anymore. Uchi kinda likes this color on him, it makes him look edgy but still cute and soft. His Ryuzaki-look for Orthros for example was rather mysterious and hot, he still remembers the dreams he had when he watched this drama… about Ryuzaki pushing him against the wall, kissing him heatedly.
Uchi blushes at his own thoughts. What is he thinking here?
Two years ago he was watching this drama, falling so hard for the plot and for Ryo and Takki’s characters.
Two years ago he confessed to someone who rejected him…
Ryo doesn’t know who it was, does he? If he knew, he never would have sent Takki to him to look after him. Why should he?
Uchi gulps. He hates that all these thoughts and the memory of this incident two years ago suddenly come to his mind again.
***
Uchi gets wasted. Completely. And it’s just lunch time which makes this totally embarrassing.
And in front of Takki… which makes it even more embarrassing. Before he even knows what’s going on he is already sitting in Takki’s car, on their way back.
He feels unbelievably sick all of a sudden.
***
“I don’t believe it,” Takki shakes his head as he helps Uchi to lie down on the sofa (right after he threw up for the third - and hopefully last - time.) “You hardly drank anything.”
“I hardly drink at all,” Uchi admits tiredly. “Generally. Most of my shitty memories come from times when I was drunk. So, I’m normally not drinking anything at all.”
“Ah,” Takki nods his head, smiling fondly. “I understand.”
“No,” Uchi shakes his head. “I don’t think you do…”
“Alright then,” Takki sits down next to Uchi, looking at him patiently. “Explain it to me.”
Later Uchi will blame it on the alcohol and his weak state that he gave into Takki’s request. Or he’ll say that he simply wasn’t thinking, but fact is… he tells him why. “Two years ago I got drunk and confessed to someone and got dumped. Or rather: ignored. That’s how worthless I was to this person.”
“Really?” Takki looks at him in surprise, shaking his head in disapproval. “The other person didn’t react? That’s mean! Who would do something like that!?”
Uchi looks at Takki in surprise and annoyance. Is this some kind of joke or what? Was his confession so unimportant that Takki already forgot? “You,” he blurts out, mainly because he is really upset about Takki right now. How else can he explain, why he tells this to Takki so directly?
“You confessed to me?” Takki looks at Uchi in plain surprise. “But… when?”
For a moment Uchi thinks that this is some kind of weird joke, that Takki is making fun of him, but then he remembers that this is Takki he is talking to… he would never do something so cruel. He sits up, feeling totally sober all of a sudden. “But I did,” he stutters. “Confess.”
“When?” Takki presses his question again. “When did you confess? Tell me.”
“Two years ago, on your Christmas party. The one where Tsubasa actually made soya cookies instead of chocolate ones.”
“Ah, the Christmas party with the horrible cookies, I remember that one,” Takki frowns. “But I’m sorry Uchi-kun… was I so drunk that night? I’m sure I would have remembered a confession.”
Uchi blushes deeply. “You just turned away and didn’t answer anything.”
“Uchi-kun, really,” Takki sounds frustrated now. “I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t that wasted not to remember this. Was there maybe the possibility that the music was so loud that I couldn’t hear you?”
“No, someone was switching a CD, so there was no loud music.” Uchi shrugs. “I still remember it clearly. I got drunk a bit and found the courage to confess to you. Turned out to be my most embarrassing moment later. I was facing your back. You were standing right in front of me, putting some dishes aside… your black hair-“
“Blonde.”
“Sorry?” Uchi blinks. “What did you say?”
“Uchi-kun,” Takki’s expression is something between annoyed and amused. “I didn’t have my black hair anymore at that time. I switched it back to blonde right after Orthros was finished. You were talking to someone else. And I bet you said my name so this person didn’t even realize you were speaking to him.”
“It wasn’t you?” Uchi’s eyes widened in shock. Does that mean that all these years he has been trying to get over something…that didn’t even happen? Or rather: It did happen, but not like he remembered it. “I was right…” he buries his head in his hands. “I should never drink again.”
Silence spreads between them, both of them dwelling in their own thoughts, then all of a sudden Takki turns around to face Uchi directly. “So you like me?” he finally concludes. “Or liked me?”
“Where is the difference?” Uchi mumbles warily, mainly because he can’t lie into Takki’s face like that. If Takki looks at him through these dark intense eyes, he just has to answer the truth… and he really doesn’t want to!
Takki chuckles. “You know the difference.”
“What would you have answered?” Uchi wants to know, deciding that it would be best to give them some more time. Maybe Takki will forget his other question? There isn’t really a high chance that he will, but one can still hope, right?
Takki tilts his head, frowning slightly. “Most likely I’d have said that I need some time to think about it. I didn’t see you as a possible partner back then, so I guess I would have needed some proper thinking.”
“Back then?” Takki’s words hit Uchi off-guard and he stares at the older one in surprise. “What about now? Would you think of me as a possible partner for you now?”
“I don’t know, you certainly grew up into a fine man now, but…” Takki stutters, obviously taken aback by this question a bit. He shakes his head. “Uchi-kun, what’s this even about?”
Uchi doesn’t say anything, just eyeing the older one carefully. Then he decides he should give it a try, after all… he can always blame it on the alcohol later. It’s not like his love life can get even more messed up. He leans forward, using Takki’s moment of surprise and kissing him softly.
His heart jumps happily when he feels how Takki is kissing him back. He has soft lips… they are rather small compared to Uchi’s but so soft. And skilled. Takki knows how to kiss, definitely. It makes Uchi feel even happier.
Takki draws back from the kiss, gasping for air. “Don’t take this as an offence, Uchi-kun, but are you always doing things that way?”
“What do you mean?”
“Jumping someone right away.”
Uchi shrugs. “Yes, I guess.”
Takki sighs in slight frustration. “Did it ever cross your mind to go out with someone first?”
“No, after you broke my heart I just tried to get over it. Desperately.” Uchi grins slyly when he sees Takki’s surprised and annoyed expression.
“I didn’t dump you!”
“Ah, unimportant details,” Uchi shrugs. He tries to sound cool, but his voice shivers slightly. “We can blame the alcohol.”
For a moment Takki looks at Uchi in surprise, then he chuckles. “I’m not drunk. And slowly I’m starting to think that you aren’t either.”
Uchi blushes slightly, but then he shakes his head fiercely. “Takizawa-kun… I… This is not a boy-crush I have. It’s not some fanboying. The last two years I only had affairs. I wondered why no one wants to be together with me for real. Then I realized it’s not their fault, it’s mine. I never really tried to get to know someone - I subconsciously searched for those who would definitely not fall for me. It was like a defence mechanism, a reflex, to protect myself. Now I know it wasn’t you back then, but at that time… I was so shocked, because I admired you so much. Being rejected by you was a blow.”
“I see,” Takki nods his head, smiling slightly. “Ryo said the same.”
“Ryo!?” Uchi almost jumps in his seat. He looks at Takki in horror. “What did he say!?”
“Oh, we had an interesting talk last week,” Takki explains. “Don’t blame him. He didn’t tell me any secrets… Let’s say: He just pushed me into the right direction.”
“What did he say?” Uchi asks again.
Takki chuckles. “Secret.” When Uchi wants to say something, he shakes his head, smiling slightly. “Listen, Uchi-kun. I have to be honest with you. I like to take things slow. I like dates and going out with my potential partner to get to know him better. I don’t like to have affairs. And I’m not the type to have random sex with. You should really think properly about what you want, because I’m not the type of guy who wants casual sex. I want a real relationship. Think properly about his… if you are ready for such a relationship. I can’t promise you anything yet, but we can go out and get to know each other like everyone, who dates, does.”
Uchi looks at Takki in surprise - surprised that this means he has a chance - then he nods his head. “I’ll think about everything,” he answers. “For now, can I rest my head in your lap? I need to take a nap. Still hangoverish.”
Takki pulls an eyebrow up. “In my lap? So much about taking things slow.”
Uchi chuckles teasingly. “Now you are the one with dirty thoughts, not me.” He sighs contently when he lies down, resting his head in Takki’s lap. He can feel the other’s fingers, playing with his hair and curling some strands between his fingers.
It feels so good.