On Top of the World (Part 2)
( Part 1)
“You're not eating.”
It was a very simple observation, not a question. Changmin looked up at Yunho and raised an eyebrow.
“You are confined to this room, whereas, I am not. How do you know I'm just not eating when you can't see me?”
Yunho didn't miss a beat.
“Because you've lost too much weight in the last week to be healthy, you've been looking at my food with a mix of want and disgust and because you're shaking.”
Changmin looked down at himself and made a face. “I'll eat when you're discharged,” Changmin muttered softly.
Yunho would have rolled his eyes if it weren't for the fact that he very much believed that Changmin was being serious.
“No, you're going to eat now because if you don't I'll force feed you. Or better yet, I'll tell Jaejoong you're not eating and let him deal with you.”
Changmin visibly shuddered. An angry mommy Jaejoong was not something Changmin wanted to experience again. Yunho tended to agree with him. With the flip of a switch, Jaejoong could go from being a sweet, kind, angelic, shy beauty to being a loud, sharp, demanding hardass. Not that Yunho didn't love his ass, but he didn't much love when he was being scolded by a sharp tongue and a wagging finger. It reminded him scarily of his actual mother.
“You're cruel,” Changmin said, pouting.
Yunho did roll his eyes this time. “What are you trying to do? Starve yourself? That's not going to help me recover any quicker you know.”
Changmin frowned and looked at his hands.
“I just can't really stomach things much any more... Not after seeing you after the operation. God, I thought you were dead before they hooked you up to the monitor and I realized your heart was beating.”
Yunho touched the scar on the side of his now bald head (Jaejoong had had something to say about the fact that they'd shaved his whole head instead of just the side they needed to, but Yunho had reigned him in) and sighed. It wasn't the nicest looking thing in the world. It didn't help that Yunho's head had swelled up to the size of a balloon for the first week. There was still swelling, but at least he didn't look like a monster now. He shrugged and dropped his hand back to his side. His left hand.
He had completely regained control of his left side from the waist up. He was still having trouble walking for the most part, but he could stand and shuffle around a little if he was holding onto something. His leg just wasn't responding properly. It was because of the part of his brain that the tumour had been pushing against. It had controlled his motor control, apparently, and it had pressed a little too hard. They'd tried to be as careful as they could when removing the tumour, but it was too early to say if this was a lost cause. Yunho was determined to not give up, no matter what. He was not going to be in a chair for the rest of his life.
“Look, just please eat something, Minnie,” Yunho said, pushing his half eaten tray of food towards the younger. “Just a little thing. It would make me feel better.”
Changmin looked at him for a moment before picking up a slice of apple and nibbling at it. Yunho smiled and nodded, satisfied for the moment.
“Mr. Jung?” Yunho looked up when the cute, tiny physical therapy nurse stuck her head into his room. “It's time for your session.” Yunho smiled and nodded, letting Changmin help him into the chair that he'd been using since he'd woken up after the operation.
“Will you come with me to my lesson?” Yunho asked Changmin when he handed Yunho's chair off to the nurse. Changmin smiled and nodded, following behind as the nurse pushed Yunho through the hall towards the physical therapy room.
Yunho was lucky. He was glad that Jaejoong was filthy stinking rich now and could afford to pay a little extra so that Yunho was completely undisturbed by anyone he did not give express permission to see him. He didn't want people seeing him like this. The hospital bill had been covered by a mix of SM and his family. He had outright refused to let Jaejoong pay any of it originally, but the sneaky bastard had gone behind his back and gotten him a private room on the priority floor.
He'd learned from his doctor that his irritability was because of the tumour and the headaches-which had all but disappeared after the tumour had been removed-and that it might come back every now and then but for the most part he would act like his normal self again. Yunho was glad of that.
Every now and then Yunho's left eye would get a little dimmer than the right and it scared him but the doctor had assured him that was just his brain trying to repair itself. He hoped that was all it was. It only ever got bad when he was angry or upset over something.
“Jaejoong said he was going to come by later. Junsu's coming with him.”
“Oh?” Yunho asked, looking up at Changmin who was walking beside his wheelchair.
“Yeah, apparently Yoochun is too busy with filming and can't make it today but he'll stop by tomorrow.”
Yunho couldn't tell from Changmin's expression what he was thinking.
“That's nice of him,” Yunho said softly.
Their relationship with Junsu and Yoochun had healed a lot more over the last week that he'd been in the hospital. It had almost been three weeks since he'd first been admitted. He honestly just wanted to go home and sleep on a more comfortable bed.
“I hope Jaejoong brings me food, I'm getting very tired of hospital food very quickly,” Yunho said with an exaggerated sigh.
Yunho heard the little nurse giggle softly behind him as she turned the corner and pushed his chair into the therapy room.
* * *
Probably the scariest thing about this whole thing and all the side effects and problems was when he forgot things.
He had yet to forget anything big, like someones name, but he'd forgotten what song they'd been singing before he'd had his seizure and what colour his sheets were back at the dorm and how many years it had been since his debut. He'd even forgotten what the house he'd grown up in looked like.
These things came back after a panicked hour or two of confusion unless someone told him. He wasn't losing memories, they were still there, he was just losing the ability to access them all the time. That's what his doctor said at least.
She said a lot of things that pretty much just terrified him.
Yunho realized slowly that when he was worked up about something that he forgot things easier. He'd also developed a tremor in his left hand. He guessed that came from the fact that he wasn't done physical therapy but a very annoyingly loud part of his mind told him that it would probably never go away.
His eye went dark a lot more than it should lately. His doctor had taken a look at it and said that there may be some permanent damage to his brain in that respect if it was getting worse instead of better.
That was terrifying. So many things she said were so scary.
A lot of things were getting worse instead of better.
His eye, his tremor, his memory failure, even his irritable behaviour.
“Just give it time,” she had said to him over and over and over again to the point where the second she opened her mouth he knew she would say it.
Yunho had given an entire month.
* * *
“What the fuck, Changmin!”
Yunho grabbed Changmin's shoulders, shaking him hard.
Changmin's eyes were wide and fearful. Yunho rarely shouted.
“That the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing this?”
Yunho grabbed Changmin's wrist and pushed back his sleeve roughly. He glared down at the claw marks that littered his flesh. Changmin had always had a habit of scratching his arms when he was nervous or upset. He did well of hiding it but Yunho had caught on a couple years ago and tried to get him to break the habit.
Apparently it hadn't worked.
“I didn't mean to,” Changmin said in a small voice, looking down at his arm, eyes tracing the marks. Some were deep. Changmin had dug his nails into his arm, literally tearing his skin away. It killed Yunho on the inside to see them.
“You're hurting yourself, Minnie, why on earth are you doing this?”
Yunho's voice was softer this time. He didn't shout, just pulled Changmin into his arms and held him close.
Yunho was sitting on the edge of his bed, Changmin perched precariously on his lap where Yunho had pulled him down. He was almost straddling him.
Yunho held both of Changmin's wrists up, his fingers circling them gently. “You need to stop doing this,” he whispered softly, letting go of one of his wrists to brush Changmin's bangs out of his face. “Seeing you hurting only makes it harder for me to get better.”
Changmin's lip quivered and he nodded. Changmin had cried a lot more than Yunho had ever seen in the last month. He'd always let his guard down when he was alone with Yunho but this was concerning.
“How are you feeling, Changmin?”
Changmin bit his lip and shook his head. “I don't know,” he whispered. “I... I think I'm getting bad again.”
Yunho took a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding. “I thought so,” he whispered, stroking Changmin's hair.
Changmin had struggled with depression for a while now. He'd almost completely conquered it before this had all happened.
“Have you seen Soomi-sshi?”
Changmin shook his head and fiddled with the buttons on Yunho's shirt.
“I thought it would just get better on it's own so I haven't called her,” he whispered softly, looking everything like the small child that Yunho knew he was still on the inside.
Changmin had been forced to grow up entirely too quickly. He was more mature than anyone Changmin's age that Yunho knew but he still had that big part of him that wanted to be babied and taken care of. He was used to being the maknae of four members, all of them two years older than him, all of them taking care of him. Changmin hadn't been ready to become an adult yet when he'd been forced to.
“You should call her,” Yunho said, pulling Changmin into a hug. “I couldn't bare if it got as bad as last time.”
Changmin nodded against Yunho's shirt and let himself be held, his arms pressed against Yunho's chest.
Soomi was Changmin's therapist. Almost no one knew that he had struggled so hard with depression. Soomi was very discreet and incredibly helpful. She helped Changmin a lot and Yunho was forever indebted to her for it.
“I love you, Minnie-ah,” Yunho said, planting a kiss on Changmin's forehead. “I'm going to get better, so don't worry. Everything will be alright.”
* * *
“Yunho, you have to stop freaking out about this,” Changmin said to him, sitting down on the bed beside him. “You're getting better every day. You can stand on your own, walk on your own. You're running around and practically jumping up and down sometimes, I don't understand how you can say you're getting worse.”
Yunho looked at Changmin with large, scared eyes. He didn't want to tell Changmin, who had just barely started to get back on track after talking to Soomi. Yunho hadn't told anyone yet. He was scared to. He was scared what would happen. He was especially scared of what Jaejoong's reaction would be if he found out. No, Yunho was determined that Jaejoong would never learn.
“I forgot his name,” Yunho whispered, his voice hitching.
Changmin froze, his eyes going wide and fearful.
“Who's?” he asked softly, almost as if he was scared to know the answer.
“Jaejoong's,” Yunho whispered, his voice breaking. “Changmin, oh God, I forgot Jaejoong's name. How could I forget that? How could I... Changmin, he's my lover. I love him. I forgot his fucking name, Changmin.”
Changmin put an arm around Yunho's shoulder and pulled him into a tight sideways hug. “It will be okay,” Changmin whispered softly, voice shaking despite his words. “You remembered again. You're not losing memories because they're still there. You'll never forget any of us, don't worry.”
Yunho took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. He hoped more than anything that that was true.
* * *
Sometimes, Yunho's mood swings got really bad. They didn't happen very often any more. Yunho had been in the hospital for a little under two months. Radiation was working well enough, his physical therapy was coming along so well that he felt he would finally be able to get back to his normal life soon.
Sometimes though, Yunho turned into almost a completely different person.
“Hyung, please... please calm down.”
Yunho picked up the glass of water on his bedside table and threw it at the wall, watching with strange satisfaction as it shattered against the wall.
Changmin yelped loudly and covered his head to avoid flying glass. A couple doctors rushed into the room to see what had happened.
Yunho was staring at the space on the wall which was now soaked with the water from the broken glass. His breathing was coming out in rough puffs of air. His left eye darkened and he shook his head.
Fuck, he didn't want to go bloody blind right now. Now was not the time for his eye to act up.
“What the fuck do they thing they're doing?” Yunho shouted, turning his gaze back to Changmin, who looked slightly terrified. “You're not a fucking slave, they can't treat you this way!”
Changmin put his hands up to stop the doctors when the came forwards to try and restrain Yunho who was obviously in one of his worse moods and it was impossible to tell what he would do. The doctors stopped and looked at each other but left the room when Changmin prompted them to. Everyone on this floor knew that the only people who could really calm Yunho down were Changmin, Jaejoong and his sister.
“Yunho-ah, it's not that bad, please calm down.”
Yunho shook his head and smacked Changmin's hand away when he tried to touch Yunho's arm.
“No, Changmin!” he shouted, grabbing Changmin's upper arm harder than he should have. “Even you know that this is out of line.”
Changmin didn't argue that.
SM hadn't dropped Changmin's work load at all. No, they seemed to think that it was reasonable to give him Yunho's as well.
Yunho was staggered to know that Changmin had managed to do all of that work and visit Yunho every day. He'd even taken to staying the night in the bed with Yunho when Jaejoong wasn't there to claim the spot beside him.
“You can't be expected to do that much! Fuck, Min, no wonder you're not eating. God damn it, I swear I'm going to kill every single one of those old bastards when I get out of here.”
Changmin put his hands on Yunho's arms gently, tentatively. Yunho didn't throw him off this time.
“Hyung, really, I'm fine. It's not a big deal.”
Yunho growled lowly. “Not a big deal!” he shouted, pulling away from Changmin and kicking violently at the leg of one of the chairs in his room. It toppled over with a loud crash. “Yes it's a fucking big deal, Changmin! Don't you dare try and tell me otherwise!”
Changmin obviously wasn't sure what to do. He had tears in his eyes. Yunho wanted to both comfort him and kill every single person who ever tried to touch his best friend because, damn it all, Changmin was dealing with enough shit as it was and he didn't need to have to spend every minute he wasn't with Yunho slaving away to satisfy a company who had done nothing for Yunho since being admitted to the hospital except pay the bill, which was in their legal contract anyways.
“I know that this is hard for you to understand but I'm really fine,” Changmin said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and moving forwards to put his hands on Yunho's cheeks. “I've been talking to Soomi and she gave me braces for my arms so I couldn't hurt myself any more. Don't worry, nothing is wrong. I'm perfectly fine. I just want you to focus on getting better.”
Yunho glared up at Changmin and grabbed one of his wrists, pushing his sleeve back to reveal the tight, thick brace around his forearm. Yunho could see scratches where the material had been shredded by Changmin's violent fingers. Yunho had forced him to get his nails practically cut off when he'd started scratching again but Changmin's nails grew abnormally fast.
“You're still scratching,” Yunho said lowly, glaring up at the younger man. “But I'm glad you can't hurt yourself any more.”
Changmin nodded slowly and pulled his arm away, moving back a couple steps. Yunho frowned. He watched as Changmin hugged his chest, his hand resting on his upper right arm, gripping it tightly. Yunho let out a soft hissing noise and reached out, grabbing the bottom of Changmin's shirt. He knew the signs.
He yanked the cloth over Changmin's head, ignoring his protests. He forced the shirt off of Changmin's body and stared at his now bare arm. Changmin was trying desperately to cover it. Yunho grabbed Changmin's wrists and pulled them away from his body so he could see what Changmin was trying to hide.
“Damn it, Changmin!” he screamed, throwing Changmin's hands down.
He glared at the red, blue and green bruise on his upper arm, the teeth marks having torn the skin in a couple places.
“You can't fucking scratch yourself any more so you've taken to biting? Do I have to lock you in a damn cage until you get it into your thick skull that hurting yourself isn't fucking helping you?”
Changmin's lip trembled and he snatched his shirt back from Yunho, pulling it over his head as quickly as he could.
“I know that,” he said, sounding like he was trying to be tough but his voice wavered. “I do, I just... Yunho it's so hard sometimes. I can't sit here and watch you struggle. I know that hurting myself isn't the answer and it's not like I want to do it it's just... sometimes scratching and biting is the only thing that brings me back to reality when I get really bad. Yunho-hyung, it's really bad.”
His voice broke on the last sentence, his eyes sliding closed. Changmin's body gave a slight shudder and his knees shook, threatening to give out while he fought with his emotions. Yunho felt the anger slipping from him. He stepped forwards and wrapped Changmin in his arms, shushing him gently.
“You have to fight it, Minnie,” he whispered softly. “You're stronger than this, I know you are. There's no reason to be sad. I'm getting better. I'll be going home soon. The doctor said I would. Soon we'll be back in the dorm and everything will be back to normal.”
Changmin cried softly into Yunho's sweater, his arms gripping the material at Yunho's chest.
Yunho stayed silent for a moment until Changmin stopped crying. He needed to change the subject.
“Did you have fun with Yoochun the other day?”
He felt Changmin smile against his chest. “Yeah,” he whispered softly. “Jaejoong-hyung's cafe makes really good coffee. I can see why Yoochun-hyung goes all the time.”
Yunho chuckled softly and rubbed Changmin's back. “You'll have to take me when I get out of here.”
Changmin moved back from Yunho's chest, straightening to his full height-which was a good 3 or 4 inches taller than Yunho, damn brat was still growing.
“I can get Yoochun-hyung to bring you a latte when he comes over tomorrow.”
Yunho smirked and nodded. “I'd like that, Minnie.”
Changmin seemed to be in a lighter mood now, which Yunho was happy about. He made a mental note to talk to Yoochun and Junsu about Changmin's condition. He needed eyes watching him now more than ever. Jaejoong knew but only because he'd seen one of Changmin's fits first hand a couple days after Yunho's operation.
Changmin's health was even more important to Yunho than his own. If he was going to get better, so was Changmin.
* * *
“I don't want to go.” Changmin sounded as if he wanted to cry. Yunho knew that he wasn't going to-they'd both cried enough in the last two months to last them a lifetime.
Yunho smiled and touched Changmin's cheek.
“I'll be fine, Minnie, it was just a little fall, it's not a big deal.”
Changmin looked as if he very much wanted to protest but Yoochun swiftly walked into the room, hooked his arm around Changmin's waist and spun him around. He walked the man out of the room with nothing other than a fleeting 'but'. Yunho chuckled softly. He was glad they were getting along again.
Yunho sighed and closed his eyes.
Changmin had a concert to do tonight. Alone.
TVXQ had gone far too long without performing, apparently. It wasn't as if one of the members was known to have cancer and was currently recovering after having a very traumatic, very live seizure in the middle of a concert show.
No one saw him unless he let them, but he had let people tell the press things about him-like that he was doing well and it looked like the cancer was beatable. Yunho hoped it would stay beaten.
All of his therapy had been paying off. Mostly, at least, until he'd decided to get cocky and ended up falling down the stairs.
He hadn't hurt himself that badly, except his tremor was worse than ever and he had completely lost sight in his left eye. The fall had left him shaken and completely utterly terrified. He knew now-he wasn't ever going to see out of his left eye ever again. He'd smacked his head on the ground when he'd landed. Whatever that had done to his brain wasn't something they could change. His doctor had said there was nothing she could do. He wasn't surprised.
He'd lost a couple days worth of physical training because his leg had started to act up but his doctor said that was to be expected after a fall like that and that he would be back to running and jumping and dancing in no time.
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. He wished that he could go with Changmin to the concerts so he wouldn't be alone but he had to make sure that he was ready to perform in front of the fans the way he'd done before. Nothing would be halfassed, He would practice with his eye, get used to being blind in one eye. He could do it. He could still see perfectly fine with his right eye.
He could do this.
He could and he would.
He would beat this cancer.
* * *
Yunho let his stylist fuss over him for the first time in months. She was crying but not loudly-just silent tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. Tears of joy and relief. Yunho hadn't realized just how many people had been worried about him until he'd arrived at the concert hall and had seen the reaction on everyone's faces. He almost regretted keeping his time in the hospital so secret.
Everyone knew that he was now blind in his left eye. He'd released a statement to the press via his sister saying that he didn't want anyone to worry, that it was just a price he had to pay but he is happy to be able to live his life still. He was warmed when she'd told him people had wished him well and told him that as long as he was still alive and well, they would be happy.
Yunho took a deep breath and watched the people around him bustling about.
Changmin had no idea he was here.
That was probably the best part of this trip. Not that he was finally out of that blasted hospital. Not that he was going to be able to surprise his fans by suddenly appearing after a full recovery(or as full as it could be, considering that he still had to continue his radiation and Chemo treatments to make sure the cancer stayed gone). Not confidently being able to say that he could perform like he used to again.
No, the best part was that he was going to be able to see Changmin's face when he saw his hyung walking and talking and singing and dancing on stage again. Yunho didn't know whether to expect a hug or a punch.
He smirked to himself and walked towards the entrance to the stage when his stylist was finally done messing with his clothes.
Jaejoong came up beside him and started to fuss with his clothes, obviously deciding that his stylist hadn't done that enough. Yunho looked down at his lover and leaned in for a quick kiss when no one was looking. Jaejoong smiled against his lips and pulled away, giving Yunho the thumbs up sign for good luck and disappearing backstage again. Yunho wondered vaguely how he'd managed to sneak his way back here.
Yunho was still bald from the therapy, much to Jaejoong's dismay, but that didn't stop his stylist from taking a million years to go over him with a fine tooth comb to make sure he was immaculate. He waited for his cue, his breath caught tight in his throat.
This was Changmin's third concert alone. He hadn't been doing well with the other two nights. Being onstage alone was lonely but he put on a brave face for the fans. He'd been so busy with the work load that he hadn't been able to see Yunho in two weeks. They'd talked on the phone as much as they could but being so alone wasn't good for Changmin's health right now. He was glad at least Yoochun and Junsu spent as much time with him as they could to keep an eye on him(no more biting, as reported by Yoochun).
He heard Changmin's voice over the loudspeakers. There were questions on the screen asked by the fans for him to answer.
“How is Yunho...” he mumbled into the microphone, reading the question. Yunho could see him on the screen across from his entrance. He wanted to get on the stage that second and crush Changmin in a hug because of the chest fallen look on his face.
“I don't really know,” Changmin started, scratching the back of his neck and staring at his feet. “I haven't seen him since the day of my first concert. Ah... He was doing good at the time I saw him, but I don't have any way of...”
Yunho couldn't bare it any longer. He was supposed to wait until Changmin was done answering to make his appearance but this was close enough. He walked out onstage, microphone to his lips.
“Why don't you just ask him yourself?”
The whole building erupted into screams. Yunho almost didn't notice. He'd never felt his heart burst with so much happiness as it did at this moment, seeing Changmin's eyes go wide when he heard his voice and turn sharpy in his direction. The smile that broke over his face was breathtaking.
And suddenly Changmin was running at him, mic dropped on the stage where he'd been standing. Yunho walked faster to meet Changmin halfway, arms open wide. Changmin let out a loud excited squeal which he would later deny ever producing and threw himself into Yunho's arms.
Yunho spun him around, his long legs flying out before stopping the spin. Changmin's legs hiked up and wrapped themselves around Yunho's waist, attaching himself to Yunho like a child to it's mother.
Yunho held him tightly, one hand under his bum to hold him up and the other tangled in Changmin's hair. The younger man had his face buried in Yunho's neck. It felt like a year passed before Changmin planted his feet back onto the ground and pulled his head back. There were tears glistening in his eyes but his smile was wider than Yunho had ever remembered it being.
Changmin's microphone had been abandoned on the stage about 15 feet away so Yunho lifted his mic to Changmin's mouth so he could speak.
He laughed when he did.
“You jerk!” Changmin shouted into the microphone, slapping his hands against Yunho's chest playfully. “You planned this, didn't you? That is so mean! How long have you been discharged?”
Yunho smirked and brought the mic to his own lips--he still had one arm around Changmin's waist, their hips touching, but it was like the most natural thing in the world for them to be so close.
“Yesterday around noon,” he answered. Before Changmin could argue he removed his arm from around Changmin's waist so he could press his fingers to the younger's mouth. The fans laughed at the indignant look on Changmin's face.
“Before you murder me,” he said, bringing about another bout of laughter, “I want you to know that I wanted to tell you right away but Manager-sshi said that it would be more fun for everyone if I surprised you like this. So kill him, not me.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Like I could harm a hair on your head,” he said, snatching the mic from Yunho and turning his back on him to stride back over to where his own microphone lay. He turned his head to look over his shoulder at Yunho before stooping to pick up the neglected microphone. “Although, there are no hairs on your head.”
The fans made a garbled noise that sounded like some people were laughing and some were letting out sighs of despair. Yunho smirked. He quite agreed-he missed his hair.
Yunho shrugged. “Yeah, but I've got a wicked scar,” he said when Changmin walked back to him and handed him one of the microphones. He pointed at the left side of his head, the one that the audience couldn't see since he had yet to turn to face them completely and was standing in profile.
Changmin looked at his head and frowned.
“Don't remind me. And I forbid you from showing our lovely Cassiopeia. You will disgust them all and I will have to pay for your new found ugliness.”
Yunho laughed and smiled when the fans complained that they would in fact like to see the scar and would not be disgusted. Yunho turned his head towards them a little so just a little of it could be seen coming down across his cheekbone. The scar went from the highest point of his left cheekbone, up across his temple and around his ear down to the base of his skull in a wide half circle. It wasn't nearly as gross as it was when it had first happened. Taking the tumour out had been the least fun part and definitely the most scary. Chemo and radiation he could deal with. The swelling had gone down completely a few weeks after the operation but it still left a rather ugly scar. Changmin was right, it was pretty disgusting. He didn't mind it though. His hair would grow back and cover it.
He turned his head fully when Changmin looked like he wasn't sincerely going to protest. The fans let out gasps and cries. None of them sounded particularly disgusted, just shocked and sad. He actually heard a couple of them start crying. He put his hands up and waved them back and forth a little, trying to calm them.
“No, no, don't be sad. I'm all better now! The doctor said I'm extremely lucky that I didn't lose any of my abilities or memories. It took a little bit of work, but I'm even able to do the dance routines like I used to. I'm fine.”
That seemed to cheer them up a little bit. Yunho smiled and Changmin was suddenly so close to his side that their arms touched.
Yunho turned to look at him. Their eyes met and Changmin smiled the softest smile that Yunho would have missed it had he not known the boy so perfectly well. “I'm so glad you're back,” Changmin whispered so only Yunho could hear. “I missed you.”
Yunho slid his hand down Changmin's wrist and linked their hands together. Normally, at an attempt like that in public, Changmin would have shaken his hand off and made some snappy comment. But he didn't this time. He gave Yunho's hand a squeeze and turned to look back at the fans.
Yunho kept his eyes on Changmin's face. Neither of them said anything. Changmin just stared at the fans and Yunho at Changmin's strong jaw and big eyes and high cheekbones. The audience slowly started to find Yunho was staring a little too hard for a little too long because there was a chorus of 'Ayyyyyyyy' and a lot of muffled laughter. Yunho didn't remove his eyes from Changmin's face, but he did lift the microphone to his lips.
“I love you, Changmin-ah,” he said clearly.
The fans screamed.
Changmin blinked in surprise and looked back at Yunho with a light blush feathering his cheeks. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. Yunho smirked. Flustering Changmin wasn't something easily done.
Changmin took a small, shaky breath and lifted his own mic to his lips.
“I love you too,” he whispered, a breath ghosting over the metal mesh on the microphone. Yunho swore he could have gone deaf from the screams that sounded at Changmin's confession.
Saying I love you wasn't something Changmin did... ever. He hadn't said it our loud to Yunho in years.
He never had to though, Yunho knew how much Changmin cared for and needed him. They were brothers, soul mates, best friends. They were each other's back bone and one being hurt meant the other felt pain.
Yunho beamed and finally tore his eyes away from his maknae. He pressed the mic to his lips again.
“Let me hear you!” He shouted. “We are--?”
His face hurt from smiling when the audience's loud, physical reply echoed around the room.
“T!”
This is where Yunho felt most at home. On a wide stage, his best friend beside him, his wonderful caring fans in front of him and the solid microphone in his hand. This was what he was born to do.
Yunho was on top of the world.
“You're not eating.”
It was a very simple observation, not a question. Changmin looked up at Yunho and raised an eyebrow.
“You are confined to this room, whereas, I am not. How do you know I'm just not eating when you can't see me?”
Yunho didn't miss a beat.
“Because you've lost too much weight in the last week to be healthy, you've been looking at my food with a mix of want and disgust and because you're shaking.”
Changmin looked down at himself and made a face. “I'll eat when you're discharged,” Changmin muttered softly.
Yunho would have rolled his eyes if it weren't for the fact that he very much believed that Changmin was being serious.
“No, you're going to eat now because if you don't I'll force feed you. Or better yet, I'll tell Jaejoong you're not eating and let him deal with you.”
Changmin visibly shuddered. An angry mommy Jaejoong was not something Changmin wanted to experience again. Yunho tended to agree with him. With the flip of a switch, Jaejoong could go from being a sweet, kind, angelic, shy beauty to being a loud, sharp, demanding hardass. Not that Yunho didn't love his ass, but he didn't much love when he was being scolded by a sharp tongue and a wagging finger. It reminded him scarily of his actual mother.
“You're cruel,” Changmin said, pouting.
Yunho did roll his eyes this time. “What are you trying to do? Starve yourself? That's not going to help me recover any quicker you know.”
Changmin frowned and looked at his hands.
“I just can't really stomach things much any more... Not after seeing you after the operation. God, I thought you were dead before they hooked you up to the monitor and I realized your heart was beating.”
Yunho touched the scar on the side of his now bald head (Jaejoong had had something to say about the fact that they'd shaved his whole head instead of just the side they needed to, but Yunho had reigned him in) and sighed. It wasn't the nicest looking thing in the world. It didn't help that Yunho's head had swelled up to the size of a balloon for the first week. There was still swelling, but at least he didn't look like a monster now. He shrugged and dropped his hand back to his side. His left hand.
He had completely regained control of his left side from the waist up. He was still having trouble walking for the most part, but he could stand and shuffle around a little if he was holding onto something. His leg just wasn't responding properly. It was because of the part of his brain that the tumour had been pushing against. It had controlled his motor control, apparently, and it had pressed a little too hard. They'd tried to be as careful as they could when removing the tumour, but it was too early to say if this was a lost cause. Yunho was determined to not give up, no matter what. He was not going to be in a chair for the rest of his life.
“Look, just please eat something, Minnie,” Yunho said, pushing his half eaten tray of food towards the younger. “Just a little thing. It would make me feel better.”
Changmin looked at him for a moment before picking up a slice of apple and nibbling at it. Yunho smiled and nodded, satisfied for the moment.
“Mr. Jung?” Yunho looked up when the cute, tiny physical therapy nurse stuck her head into his room. “It's time for your session.” Yunho smiled and nodded, letting Changmin help him into the chair that he'd been using since he'd woken up after the operation.
“Will you come with me to my lesson?” Yunho asked Changmin when he handed Yunho's chair off to the nurse. Changmin smiled and nodded, following behind as the nurse pushed Yunho through the hall towards the physical therapy room.
Yunho was lucky. He was glad that Jaejoong was filthy stinking rich now and could afford to pay a little extra so that Yunho was completely undisturbed by anyone he did not give express permission to see him. He didn't want people seeing him like this. The hospital bill had been covered by a mix of SM and his family. He had outright refused to let Jaejoong pay any of it originally, but the sneaky bastard had gone behind his back and gotten him a private room on the priority floor.
He'd learned from his doctor that his irritability was because of the tumour and the headaches-which had all but disappeared after the tumour had been removed-and that it might come back every now and then but for the most part he would act like his normal self again. Yunho was glad of that.
Every now and then Yunho's left eye would get a little dimmer than the right and it scared him but the doctor had assured him that was just his brain trying to repair itself. He hoped that was all it was. It only ever got bad when he was angry or upset over something.
“Jaejoong said he was going to come by later. Junsu's coming with him.”
“Oh?” Yunho asked, looking up at Changmin who was walking beside his wheelchair.
“Yeah, apparently Yoochun is too busy with filming and can't make it today but he'll stop by tomorrow.”
Yunho couldn't tell from Changmin's expression what he was thinking.
“That's nice of him,” Yunho said softly.
Their relationship with Junsu and Yoochun had healed a lot more over the last week that he'd been in the hospital. It had almost been three weeks since he'd first been admitted. He honestly just wanted to go home and sleep on a more comfortable bed.
“I hope Jaejoong brings me food, I'm getting very tired of hospital food very quickly,” Yunho said with an exaggerated sigh.
Yunho heard the little nurse giggle softly behind him as she turned the corner and pushed his chair into the therapy room.
* * *
Probably the scariest thing about this whole thing and all the side effects and problems was when he forgot things.
He had yet to forget anything big, like someones name, but he'd forgotten what song they'd been singing before he'd had his seizure and what colour his sheets were back at the dorm and how many years it had been since his debut. He'd even forgotten what the house he'd grown up in looked like.
These things came back after a panicked hour or two of confusion unless someone told him. He wasn't losing memories, they were still there, he was just losing the ability to access them all the time. That's what his doctor said at least.
She said a lot of things that pretty much just terrified him.
Yunho realized slowly that when he was worked up about something that he forgot things easier. He'd also developed a tremor in his left hand. He guessed that came from the fact that he wasn't done physical therapy but a very annoyingly loud part of his mind told him that it would probably never go away.
His eye went dark a lot more than it should lately. His doctor had taken a look at it and said that there may be some permanent damage to his brain in that respect if it was getting worse instead of better.
That was terrifying. So many things she said were so scary.
A lot of things were getting worse instead of better.
His eye, his tremor, his memory failure, even his irritable behaviour.
“Just give it time,” she had said to him over and over and over again to the point where the second she opened her mouth he knew she would say it.
Yunho had given an entire month.
* * *
“What the fuck, Changmin!”
Yunho grabbed Changmin's shoulders, shaking him hard.
Changmin's eyes were wide and fearful. Yunho rarely shouted.
“That the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing this?”
Yunho grabbed Changmin's wrist and pushed back his sleeve roughly. He glared down at the claw marks that littered his flesh. Changmin had always had a habit of scratching his arms when he was nervous or upset. He did well of hiding it but Yunho had caught on a couple years ago and tried to get him to break the habit.
Apparently it hadn't worked.
“I didn't mean to,” Changmin said in a small voice, looking down at his arm, eyes tracing the marks. Some were deep. Changmin had dug his nails into his arm, literally tearing his skin away. It killed Yunho on the inside to see them.
“You're hurting yourself, Minnie, why on earth are you doing this?”
Yunho's voice was softer this time. He didn't shout, just pulled Changmin into his arms and held him close.
Yunho was sitting on the edge of his bed, Changmin perched precariously on his lap where Yunho had pulled him down. He was almost straddling him.
Yunho held both of Changmin's wrists up, his fingers circling them gently. “You need to stop doing this,” he whispered softly, letting go of one of his wrists to brush Changmin's bangs out of his face. “Seeing you hurting only makes it harder for me to get better.”
Changmin's lip quivered and he nodded. Changmin had cried a lot more than Yunho had ever seen in the last month. He'd always let his guard down when he was alone with Yunho but this was concerning.
“How are you feeling, Changmin?”
Changmin bit his lip and shook his head. “I don't know,” he whispered. “I... I think I'm getting bad again.”
Yunho took a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding. “I thought so,” he whispered, stroking Changmin's hair.
Changmin had struggled with depression for a while now. He'd almost completely conquered it before this had all happened.
“Have you seen Soomi-sshi?”
Changmin shook his head and fiddled with the buttons on Yunho's shirt.
“I thought it would just get better on it's own so I haven't called her,” he whispered softly, looking everything like the small child that Yunho knew he was still on the inside.
Changmin had been forced to grow up entirely too quickly. He was more mature than anyone Changmin's age that Yunho knew but he still had that big part of him that wanted to be babied and taken care of. He was used to being the maknae of four members, all of them two years older than him, all of them taking care of him. Changmin hadn't been ready to become an adult yet when he'd been forced to.
“You should call her,” Yunho said, pulling Changmin into a hug. “I couldn't bare if it got as bad as last time.”
Changmin nodded against Yunho's shirt and let himself be held, his arms pressed against Yunho's chest.
Soomi was Changmin's therapist. Almost no one knew that he had struggled so hard with depression. Soomi was very discreet and incredibly helpful. She helped Changmin a lot and Yunho was forever indebted to her for it.
“I love you, Minnie-ah,” Yunho said, planting a kiss on Changmin's forehead. “I'm going to get better, so don't worry. Everything will be alright.”
* * *
“Yunho, you have to stop freaking out about this,” Changmin said to him, sitting down on the bed beside him. “You're getting better every day. You can stand on your own, walk on your own. You're running around and practically jumping up and down sometimes, I don't understand how you can say you're getting worse.”
Yunho looked at Changmin with large, scared eyes. He didn't want to tell Changmin, who had just barely started to get back on track after talking to Soomi. Yunho hadn't told anyone yet. He was scared to. He was scared what would happen. He was especially scared of what Jaejoong's reaction would be if he found out. No, Yunho was determined that Jaejoong would never learn.
“I forgot his name,” Yunho whispered, his voice hitching.
Changmin froze, his eyes going wide and fearful.
“Who's?” he asked softly, almost as if he was scared to know the answer.
“Jaejoong's,” Yunho whispered, his voice breaking. “Changmin, oh God, I forgot Jaejoong's name. How could I forget that? How could I... Changmin, he's my lover. I love him. I forgot his fucking name, Changmin.”
Changmin put an arm around Yunho's shoulder and pulled him into a tight sideways hug. “It will be okay,” Changmin whispered softly, voice shaking despite his words. “You remembered again. You're not losing memories because they're still there. You'll never forget any of us, don't worry.”
Yunho took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. He hoped more than anything that that was true.
* * *
Sometimes, Yunho's mood swings got really bad. They didn't happen very often any more. Yunho had been in the hospital for a little under two months. Radiation was working well enough, his physical therapy was coming along so well that he felt he would finally be able to get back to his normal life soon.
Sometimes though, Yunho turned into almost a completely different person.
“Hyung, please... please calm down.”
Yunho picked up the glass of water on his bedside table and threw it at the wall, watching with strange satisfaction as it shattered against the wall.
Changmin yelped loudly and covered his head to avoid flying glass. A couple doctors rushed into the room to see what had happened.
Yunho was staring at the space on the wall which was now soaked with the water from the broken glass. His breathing was coming out in rough puffs of air. His left eye darkened and he shook his head.
Fuck, he didn't want to go bloody blind right now. Now was not the time for his eye to act up.
“What the fuck do they thing they're doing?” Yunho shouted, turning his gaze back to Changmin, who looked slightly terrified. “You're not a fucking slave, they can't treat you this way!”
Changmin put his hands up to stop the doctors when the came forwards to try and restrain Yunho who was obviously in one of his worse moods and it was impossible to tell what he would do. The doctors stopped and looked at each other but left the room when Changmin prompted them to. Everyone on this floor knew that the only people who could really calm Yunho down were Changmin, Jaejoong and his sister.
“Yunho-ah, it's not that bad, please calm down.”
Yunho shook his head and smacked Changmin's hand away when he tried to touch Yunho's arm.
“No, Changmin!” he shouted, grabbing Changmin's upper arm harder than he should have. “Even you know that this is out of line.”
Changmin didn't argue that.
SM hadn't dropped Changmin's work load at all. No, they seemed to think that it was reasonable to give him Yunho's as well.
Yunho was staggered to know that Changmin had managed to do all of that work and visit Yunho every day. He'd even taken to staying the night in the bed with Yunho when Jaejoong wasn't there to claim the spot beside him.
“You can't be expected to do that much! Fuck, Min, no wonder you're not eating. God damn it, I swear I'm going to kill every single one of those old bastards when I get out of here.”
Changmin put his hands on Yunho's arms gently, tentatively. Yunho didn't throw him off this time.
“Hyung, really, I'm fine. It's not a big deal.”
Yunho growled lowly. “Not a big deal!” he shouted, pulling away from Changmin and kicking violently at the leg of one of the chairs in his room. It toppled over with a loud crash. “Yes it's a fucking big deal, Changmin! Don't you dare try and tell me otherwise!”
Changmin obviously wasn't sure what to do. He had tears in his eyes. Yunho wanted to both comfort him and kill every single person who ever tried to touch his best friend because, damn it all, Changmin was dealing with enough shit as it was and he didn't need to have to spend every minute he wasn't with Yunho slaving away to satisfy a company who had done nothing for Yunho since being admitted to the hospital except pay the bill, which was in their legal contract anyways.
“I know that this is hard for you to understand but I'm really fine,” Changmin said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and moving forwards to put his hands on Yunho's cheeks. “I've been talking to Soomi and she gave me braces for my arms so I couldn't hurt myself any more. Don't worry, nothing is wrong. I'm perfectly fine. I just want you to focus on getting better.”
Yunho glared up at Changmin and grabbed one of his wrists, pushing his sleeve back to reveal the tight, thick brace around his forearm. Yunho could see scratches where the material had been shredded by Changmin's violent fingers. Yunho had forced him to get his nails practically cut off when he'd started scratching again but Changmin's nails grew abnormally fast.
“You're still scratching,” Yunho said lowly, glaring up at the younger man. “But I'm glad you can't hurt yourself any more.”
Changmin nodded slowly and pulled his arm away, moving back a couple steps. Yunho frowned. He watched as Changmin hugged his chest, his hand resting on his upper right arm, gripping it tightly. Yunho let out a soft hissing noise and reached out, grabbing the bottom of Changmin's shirt. He knew the signs.
He yanked the cloth over Changmin's head, ignoring his protests. He forced the shirt off of Changmin's body and stared at his now bare arm. Changmin was trying desperately to cover it. Yunho grabbed Changmin's wrists and pulled them away from his body so he could see what Changmin was trying to hide.
“Damn it, Changmin!” he screamed, throwing Changmin's hands down.
He glared at the red, blue and green bruise on his upper arm, the teeth marks having torn the skin in a couple places.
“You can't fucking scratch yourself any more so you've taken to biting? Do I have to lock you in a damn cage until you get it into your thick skull that hurting yourself isn't fucking helping you?”
Changmin's lip trembled and he snatched his shirt back from Yunho, pulling it over his head as quickly as he could.
“I know that,” he said, sounding like he was trying to be tough but his voice wavered. “I do, I just... Yunho it's so hard sometimes. I can't sit here and watch you struggle. I know that hurting myself isn't the answer and it's not like I want to do it it's just... sometimes scratching and biting is the only thing that brings me back to reality when I get really bad. Yunho-hyung, it's really bad.”
His voice broke on the last sentence, his eyes sliding closed. Changmin's body gave a slight shudder and his knees shook, threatening to give out while he fought with his emotions. Yunho felt the anger slipping from him. He stepped forwards and wrapped Changmin in his arms, shushing him gently.
“You have to fight it, Minnie,” he whispered softly. “You're stronger than this, I know you are. There's no reason to be sad. I'm getting better. I'll be going home soon. The doctor said I would. Soon we'll be back in the dorm and everything will be back to normal.”
Changmin cried softly into Yunho's sweater, his arms gripping the material at Yunho's chest.
Yunho stayed silent for a moment until Changmin stopped crying. He needed to change the subject.
“Did you have fun with Yoochun the other day?”
He felt Changmin smile against his chest. “Yeah,” he whispered softly. “Jaejoong-hyung's cafe makes really good coffee. I can see why Yoochun-hyung goes all the time.”
Yunho chuckled softly and rubbed Changmin's back. “You'll have to take me when I get out of here.”
Changmin moved back from Yunho's chest, straightening to his full height-which was a good 3 or 4 inches taller than Yunho, damn brat was still growing.
“I can get Yoochun-hyung to bring you a latte when he comes over tomorrow.”
Yunho smirked and nodded. “I'd like that, Minnie.”
Changmin seemed to be in a lighter mood now, which Yunho was happy about. He made a mental note to talk to Yoochun and Junsu about Changmin's condition. He needed eyes watching him now more than ever. Jaejoong knew but only because he'd seen one of Changmin's fits first hand a couple days after Yunho's operation.
Changmin's health was even more important to Yunho than his own. If he was going to get better, so was Changmin.
* * *
“I don't want to go.” Changmin sounded as if he wanted to cry. Yunho knew that he wasn't going to-they'd both cried enough in the last two months to last them a lifetime.
Yunho smiled and touched Changmin's cheek.
“I'll be fine, Minnie, it was just a little fall, it's not a big deal.”
Changmin looked as if he very much wanted to protest but Yoochun swiftly walked into the room, hooked his arm around Changmin's waist and spun him around. He walked the man out of the room with nothing other than a fleeting 'but'. Yunho chuckled softly. He was glad they were getting along again.
Yunho sighed and closed his eyes.
Changmin had a concert to do tonight. Alone.
TVXQ had gone far too long without performing, apparently. It wasn't as if one of the members was known to have cancer and was currently recovering after having a very traumatic, very live seizure in the middle of a concert show.
No one saw him unless he let them, but he had let people tell the press things about him-like that he was doing well and it looked like the cancer was beatable. Yunho hoped it would stay beaten.
All of his therapy had been paying off. Mostly, at least, until he'd decided to get cocky and ended up falling down the stairs.
He hadn't hurt himself that badly, except his tremor was worse than ever and he had completely lost sight in his left eye. The fall had left him shaken and completely utterly terrified. He knew now-he wasn't ever going to see out of his left eye ever again. He'd smacked his head on the ground when he'd landed. Whatever that had done to his brain wasn't something they could change. His doctor had said there was nothing she could do. He wasn't surprised.
He'd lost a couple days worth of physical training because his leg had started to act up but his doctor said that was to be expected after a fall like that and that he would be back to running and jumping and dancing in no time.
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. He wished that he could go with Changmin to the concerts so he wouldn't be alone but he had to make sure that he was ready to perform in front of the fans the way he'd done before. Nothing would be halfassed, He would practice with his eye, get used to being blind in one eye. He could do it. He could still see perfectly fine with his right eye.
He could do this.
He could and he would.
He would beat this cancer.
* * *
Yunho let his stylist fuss over him for the first time in months. She was crying but not loudly-just silent tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. Tears of joy and relief. Yunho hadn't realized just how many people had been worried about him until he'd arrived at the concert hall and had seen the reaction on everyone's faces. He almost regretted keeping his time in the hospital so secret.
Everyone knew that he was now blind in his left eye. He'd released a statement to the press via his sister saying that he didn't want anyone to worry, that it was just a price he had to pay but he is happy to be able to live his life still. He was warmed when she'd told him people had wished him well and told him that as long as he was still alive and well, they would be happy.
Yunho took a deep breath and watched the people around him bustling about.
Changmin had no idea he was here.
That was probably the best part of this trip. Not that he was finally out of that blasted hospital. Not that he was going to be able to surprise his fans by suddenly appearing after a full recovery(or as full as it could be, considering that he still had to continue his radiation and Chemo treatments to make sure the cancer stayed gone). Not confidently being able to say that he could perform like he used to again.
No, the best part was that he was going to be able to see Changmin's face when he saw his hyung walking and talking and singing and dancing on stage again. Yunho didn't know whether to expect a hug or a punch.
He smirked to himself and walked towards the entrance to the stage when his stylist was finally done messing with his clothes.
Jaejoong came up beside him and started to fuss with his clothes, obviously deciding that his stylist hadn't done that enough. Yunho looked down at his lover and leaned in for a quick kiss when no one was looking. Jaejoong smiled against his lips and pulled away, giving Yunho the thumbs up sign for good luck and disappearing backstage again. Yunho wondered vaguely how he'd managed to sneak his way back here.
Yunho was still bald from the therapy, much to Jaejoong's dismay, but that didn't stop his stylist from taking a million years to go over him with a fine tooth comb to make sure he was immaculate. He waited for his cue, his breath caught tight in his throat.
This was Changmin's third concert alone. He hadn't been doing well with the other two nights. Being onstage alone was lonely but he put on a brave face for the fans. He'd been so busy with the work load that he hadn't been able to see Yunho in two weeks. They'd talked on the phone as much as they could but being so alone wasn't good for Changmin's health right now. He was glad at least Yoochun and Junsu spent as much time with him as they could to keep an eye on him(no more biting, as reported by Yoochun).
He heard Changmin's voice over the loudspeakers. There were questions on the screen asked by the fans for him to answer.
“How is Yunho...” he mumbled into the microphone, reading the question. Yunho could see him on the screen across from his entrance. He wanted to get on the stage that second and crush Changmin in a hug because of the chest fallen look on his face.
“I don't really know,” Changmin started, scratching the back of his neck and staring at his feet. “I haven't seen him since the day of my first concert. Ah... He was doing good at the time I saw him, but I don't have any way of...”
Yunho couldn't bare it any longer. He was supposed to wait until Changmin was done answering to make his appearance but this was close enough. He walked out onstage, microphone to his lips.
“Why don't you just ask him yourself?”
The whole building erupted into screams. Yunho almost didn't notice. He'd never felt his heart burst with so much happiness as it did at this moment, seeing Changmin's eyes go wide when he heard his voice and turn sharpy in his direction. The smile that broke over his face was breathtaking.
And suddenly Changmin was running at him, mic dropped on the stage where he'd been standing. Yunho walked faster to meet Changmin halfway, arms open wide. Changmin let out a loud excited squeal which he would later deny ever producing and threw himself into Yunho's arms.
Yunho spun him around, his long legs flying out before stopping the spin. Changmin's legs hiked up and wrapped themselves around Yunho's waist, attaching himself to Yunho like a child to it's mother.
Yunho held him tightly, one hand under his bum to hold him up and the other tangled in Changmin's hair. The younger man had his face buried in Yunho's neck. It felt like a year passed before Changmin planted his feet back onto the ground and pulled his head back. There were tears glistening in his eyes but his smile was wider than Yunho had ever remembered it being.
Changmin's microphone had been abandoned on the stage about 15 feet away so Yunho lifted his mic to Changmin's mouth so he could speak.
He laughed when he did.
“You jerk!” Changmin shouted into the microphone, slapping his hands against Yunho's chest playfully. “You planned this, didn't you? That is so mean! How long have you been discharged?”
Yunho smirked and brought the mic to his own lips--he still had one arm around Changmin's waist, their hips touching, but it was like the most natural thing in the world for them to be so close.
“Yesterday around noon,” he answered. Before Changmin could argue he removed his arm from around Changmin's waist so he could press his fingers to the younger's mouth. The fans laughed at the indignant look on Changmin's face.
“Before you murder me,” he said, bringing about another bout of laughter, “I want you to know that I wanted to tell you right away but Manager-sshi said that it would be more fun for everyone if I surprised you like this. So kill him, not me.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Like I could harm a hair on your head,” he said, snatching the mic from Yunho and turning his back on him to stride back over to where his own microphone lay. He turned his head to look over his shoulder at Yunho before stooping to pick up the neglected microphone. “Although, there are no hairs on your head.”
The fans made a garbled noise that sounded like some people were laughing and some were letting out sighs of despair. Yunho smirked. He quite agreed-he missed his hair.
Yunho shrugged. “Yeah, but I've got a wicked scar,” he said when Changmin walked back to him and handed him one of the microphones. He pointed at the left side of his head, the one that the audience couldn't see since he had yet to turn to face them completely and was standing in profile.
Changmin looked at his head and frowned.
“Don't remind me. And I forbid you from showing our lovely Cassiopeia. You will disgust them all and I will have to pay for your new found ugliness.”
Yunho laughed and smiled when the fans complained that they would in fact like to see the scar and would not be disgusted. Yunho turned his head towards them a little so just a little of it could be seen coming down across his cheekbone. The scar went from the highest point of his left cheekbone, up across his temple and around his ear down to the base of his skull in a wide half circle. It wasn't nearly as gross as it was when it had first happened. Taking the tumour out had been the least fun part and definitely the most scary. Chemo and radiation he could deal with. The swelling had gone down completely a few weeks after the operation but it still left a rather ugly scar. Changmin was right, it was pretty disgusting. He didn't mind it though. His hair would grow back and cover it.
He turned his head fully when Changmin looked like he wasn't sincerely going to protest. The fans let out gasps and cries. None of them sounded particularly disgusted, just shocked and sad. He actually heard a couple of them start crying. He put his hands up and waved them back and forth a little, trying to calm them.
“No, no, don't be sad. I'm all better now! The doctor said I'm extremely lucky that I didn't lose any of my abilities or memories. It took a little bit of work, but I'm even able to do the dance routines like I used to. I'm fine.”
That seemed to cheer them up a little bit. Yunho smiled and Changmin was suddenly so close to his side that their arms touched.
Yunho turned to look at him. Their eyes met and Changmin smiled the softest smile that Yunho would have missed it had he not known the boy so perfectly well. “I'm so glad you're back,” Changmin whispered so only Yunho could hear. “I missed you.”
Yunho slid his hand down Changmin's wrist and linked their hands together. Normally, at an attempt like that in public, Changmin would have shaken his hand off and made some snappy comment. But he didn't this time. He gave Yunho's hand a squeeze and turned to look back at the fans.
Yunho kept his eyes on Changmin's face. Neither of them said anything. Changmin just stared at the fans and Yunho at Changmin's strong jaw and big eyes and high cheekbones. The audience slowly started to find Yunho was staring a little too hard for a little too long because there was a chorus of 'Ayyyyyyyy' and a lot of muffled laughter. Yunho didn't remove his eyes from Changmin's face, but he did lift the microphone to his lips.
“I love you, Changmin-ah,” he said clearly.
The fans screamed.
Changmin blinked in surprise and looked back at Yunho with a light blush feathering his cheeks. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. Yunho smirked. Flustering Changmin wasn't something easily done.
Changmin took a small, shaky breath and lifted his own mic to his lips.
“I love you too,” he whispered, a breath ghosting over the metal mesh on the microphone. Yunho swore he could have gone deaf from the screams that sounded at Changmin's confession.
Saying I love you wasn't something Changmin did... ever. He hadn't said it our loud to Yunho in years.
He never had to though, Yunho knew how much Changmin cared for and needed him. They were brothers, soul mates, best friends. They were each other's back bone and one being hurt meant the other felt pain.
Yunho beamed and finally tore his eyes away from his maknae. He pressed the mic to his lips again.
“Let me hear you!” He shouted. “We are--?”
His face hurt from smiling when the audience's loud, physical reply echoed around the room.
“T!”
This is where Yunho felt most at home. On a wide stage, his best friend beside him, his wonderful caring fans in front of him and the solid microphone in his hand. This was what he was born to do.
Yunho was on top of the world.