sad eyes
Today I am sad. I am so ready to be home that it hurts and I miss my parents so badly that every time I think of them I tear up. I never usually get homesick - but today I am, without a doubt. I don't even know why I miss my parents so much. I saw them a month ago and I talked to my mom just last night. She called me to tell me that my grandma was taken to the hospital for congestive heart failure and pneumonia. I am ready for this week to be over so I can get the hell out of this place. I was wondering, earlier, if people can look into my eyes and see that I am sad - if, in passing, they can tell. My eyes feel sad. I was just curious if they look as sad as they feel.
I saw twin today. I was walking back from History of Landscape Architecture and she turned the corner right as I was walking down the sidewalk. I waved at her and she waved back. We stopped to talk. She is visiting her mom for spring break and her mom is getting married. I wonder how twin feels about it. She never really got close to the man her mom was dating, so I was wondering how all of this makes her feel. I wonder if those are the kinds of things that she tells Audrey now. When you are best friends with someone you are privy to information about them that no one else in the world knows. It makes me sad to think that I am no longer privy to twin's secrets.
It is hard to replace a best friend. I understand that you can't just go looking for one; that a best friend is like a good day - you can't make it happen, it just has to be there. And, like a good day, best friendship doesn't always happen all at once. It is a gradual process, and at the end of the day, when you are reflecting on each event, you realize that cumulatively, it was good. You don't just become best friends with someone overnight. Slowly you become best friends, but you don't know it is happening. You just kind of realize one day that this person you have been telling all of your secrets and all of your problems and all of your gossip and all of your lame jokes to is, in fact, your best friend because you've shared all of those things with them. So you can't just go looking for a best friend. But sometimes, I find myself looking at people and wondering if they could, potentially, be my new best friend or if they would make a good best friend.
People make mistakes. They do, they make mistakes. But people also forgive. I know that forgiveness may take some time, but I do think that it should occur. I am so sad.