happy mothers day
Good morning.
So me and skippy broke up yesterday. Weeeeird. Don't want to go into that. Umm so Im home and I havent seen my mom in awhile. Like a couple months. And her and my sister are worried about me. I would be too if i were them, comsidering ive been fired from a job and totaled a car in the last month. Im starting to realise that parties control my life. Its an addiction. I used to get psyched when I had something fun planned, now if I dont go out 4 nites a week I feel like empty. It sucks.
Too much of a good thing cant be good. I really enjoy dancing and partying and promoting, and Im sure I could continue to do it and keep it in the same spot it is, #1 in my mind. But I think I have to be pickier. I got promoter of the month, lol, so I know I can do it, lol. I need to do other things. Like work, obviously.
Theres so many other things that I enjoy doing. Hiking, camping, swimming, road trips, whatever. But I have to make a choice, because when I started partying I definately made a choice. I have lost touch with alot of my friends outside parties. And I want to re-connect. I want a variety of things in my life, because if ive learned anything, its that moderation is key.
Im definately not going to stop partying. I couldnt do that. It would suck all of the life out of me. But I need that sense of happiness back that isnt instant gratification. I need a sense of self worth from working my ass off to pay bills. Ive been jobless for the past month, and ive been working nonstop since I was 14. This is weird, unproductivity is unsettling, can you tell?
So today I turn the page. Im setting goals.
The biggest decision I need to make now is wether or not I want to move home. I havent been here in months, but the truth is, its peaceful. I havent stopped going in so long. Like relaxed, read a book, chill... Im not sure I remember how to relax. Terry's isnt bad, but I know that I could be so much more productive here. And I'm not him and his families responsibility. I kinda just need to rely on myself right now, or learn how.
The best things in life are the hardest to obtain.
We're worth it tho.
To all of the people reading this, and to those I know having a hard time, just realise that you're worth it, and it'll be a little easier. Were not bad people, we just stand behind the bad things we do. I could go on forever.
I love you all, and to those I've neglected, call me :)
Especially my concord crew... allyson, bri, myke
any suggestions? post comment.
PEACE!
~maria
So me and skippy broke up yesterday. Weeeeird. Don't want to go into that. Umm so Im home and I havent seen my mom in awhile. Like a couple months. And her and my sister are worried about me. I would be too if i were them, comsidering ive been fired from a job and totaled a car in the last month. Im starting to realise that parties control my life. Its an addiction. I used to get psyched when I had something fun planned, now if I dont go out 4 nites a week I feel like empty. It sucks.
Too much of a good thing cant be good. I really enjoy dancing and partying and promoting, and Im sure I could continue to do it and keep it in the same spot it is, #1 in my mind. But I think I have to be pickier. I got promoter of the month, lol, so I know I can do it, lol. I need to do other things. Like work, obviously.
Theres so many other things that I enjoy doing. Hiking, camping, swimming, road trips, whatever. But I have to make a choice, because when I started partying I definately made a choice. I have lost touch with alot of my friends outside parties. And I want to re-connect. I want a variety of things in my life, because if ive learned anything, its that moderation is key.
Im definately not going to stop partying. I couldnt do that. It would suck all of the life out of me. But I need that sense of happiness back that isnt instant gratification. I need a sense of self worth from working my ass off to pay bills. Ive been jobless for the past month, and ive been working nonstop since I was 14. This is weird, unproductivity is unsettling, can you tell?
So today I turn the page. Im setting goals.
The biggest decision I need to make now is wether or not I want to move home. I havent been here in months, but the truth is, its peaceful. I havent stopped going in so long. Like relaxed, read a book, chill... Im not sure I remember how to relax. Terry's isnt bad, but I know that I could be so much more productive here. And I'm not him and his families responsibility. I kinda just need to rely on myself right now, or learn how.
The best things in life are the hardest to obtain.
We're worth it tho.
To all of the people reading this, and to those I know having a hard time, just realise that you're worth it, and it'll be a little easier. Were not bad people, we just stand behind the bad things we do. I could go on forever.
I love you all, and to those I've neglected, call me :)
Especially my concord crew... allyson, bri, myke
any suggestions? post comment.
PEACE!
~maria