farewell with a smile.
farewell with a smile.
kris/suho - pg-15 - angst - 2648 words
longing is the most prevalent emotion in their hearts.
a/n: this is based on the situation with Kris, so if you're not comfortable with reading anything about that, I suggest you turn back now.
Yifan opens the refrigerator door, soft light spilling onto the hardwood floor. It's as empty as always, and there are way too many people in this dorm to make any supply of food last, even with Kyungsoo's insistent rules on limiting the snacks they eat in one day. He bends and takes a can of beer, unsurprised when he only sees a few on the shelf.
He opens it and tilts his head to take a sip. "Wait," a voice calls. Yifan turns to see Joonmyun, eyes bleary and skin paler than usual. He's all wrapped up in one of Yifan's old hoodies, and he pulls it down a little bit lower to cover half of his thigh.
Joonmyun starts walking forward. "Don't drink yet. You know I hate--"
"--the taste of beer. I do know; I just didn't expect you to be awake," explains Yifan. He puts the can down on the counter behind him, metal making a sound as he drops it on the cool marble, and leans forward to give Joonmyun a kiss.
Joonmyun tastes like toothpaste and a bit of chicken soup; like cold nights and warm mornings; like the craving to touch and to be touched, to hold and to be held. He tastes like cheap soju from the night when they first kissed; like sweet nothings whispered in the most random times; like constant love, constant care, constant safety and assurance that when he goes back home, someone's going to be there to love him.
Yifan tastes like airline peanuts and diet soda; like fear, dwelling and striking at the worst times; like the warmth of his mother's lingering hug, telling him that it's okay to want to find happiness; like loss, again and again and again, enough to make everyone around him pack up and leave.
But Joonmyun stays, despite it all.
"Where have you been? I missed you," Yifan whispers, lips still occasionally brushing against Joonmyun's mouth. They smile a little, and Joonmyun tiptoes to kiss him again.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? Don't you think I've missed you more?" Joonmyun's eyes don't look teary or sad or emotional. He looks okay. He looks like he's had his moment of weakness and now he's okay. That's a good thing, a huge relief to Yifan. He's tired of having guilt weigh him down at every step.
"I may be the one who left, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the distance between us too." Yifan takes one of his hands and links their fingers together. Even after a while... some things don't change. Especially not this. Especially not his love for Kim Joonmyun, the only person who has looked at him straight in the eyes without looking like he wants to break his neck or tear him to pieces. It would have been okay. Yifan would have accepted anger. He would have taken it because it's the right thing to feel; it's the way he would feel if someone left him behind, left him in the dark too.
"It's one-thirty AM. How'd you get in?" asks Joonmyun, unbuttoning Yifan's large coat and sliding under the layers, pressing himself firmly against Yifan. They can feel each other now, and Joonmyun craves that intimacy. He craves the feeling of being whole, of having your own area to fill in the world, a crevice that's all yours. No one can fit like this in Yifan's arms. No one can do this for him other than Joonmyun.
"You guys never change your lock. I still had my keys." He kisses he top of Joonmyun's head. "It's been a while."
"It's been four months since we last saw each other. It really has been a while." They remember Tokyo, bright lights casting glares on the slightly damp pavement they were walking on. They remember walking around, not hiding and pretending to be different people, not afraid to hold hands and share a few chaste kisses. Yifan didn't mean to be there on the day of their concert, but there he was and so was Joonmyun. Nothing could have stopped them from meeting up, not even fear or pent-up tension or regrets or resentment from others who they always had in their minds before.
They also met seven months before that, when the situation was still a little tense and Yifan didn't know how to approach Joonmyun yet. It started with a text, a simple "please go outside," and they were face-to-face for the first time in months. There were no camera crews, no reporters asking for a statement. There was only Yifan and there was only Joonmyun.
Seoul was cold and the air between them was colder. Before the night ended, Joonmyun reached out for Yifan's hand and smiled shakily. He whispered, "I missed you," and then things started to go back to normal. It became a meeting between two friends, very good friends who were deeply in love with each other without having to say it that much, instead of a meeting between two halves that were forcefully separated from each other by fate and the and pitted against each other because of life. It wasn't pleasant at first, but they learned to go back to where they started. They learned to look at each other directly instead of the situations they've been placed in.
Yifan cards his long fingers through Joonmyun's hair. "I miss the black hair. The blond really isn't coming back?"
Joonmyun chuckles. "The stylists said they'd make sure of that."
"It wasn't that bad," Yifan assures him.
"I know it wasn't, Yifan." He places a finger on Yifan's lips. "Now don't go on saying that I look good no matter what. I'm not in the mood for being cheesy."
"Sorry. I can't keep the truth from you." Yifan grins cheekily. Joonmyun swats his arm and leans his head on his shoulder. It would be nice to stay like this forever, warm and comfortable, happy to simply be in the presence of each other again. In another world, nothing would have happened in their past. Nothing would stop them from being like this every single day, and they'd get the happily ever after that both of them know they want even if they never say it out loud. It would be a nice world, a nice life that they would live.
"Let's go out," Yifan says. Joonmyun looks apprehensive, gently pulling away from Yifan's embrace. "I know it's late--"
"It's one-thirty-three," Joonmyun deadpans. "It's more than late."
"I know. But let's go out. Please." Yifan doesn't hide the desperation. He doesn't hide the fact that he needs Joonmyun right now more than ever.
Joonmyun sighs. "Let me put on some shoes first."
The smile on Yifan's face is something Joonmyun has missed. He missed it a lot.
They sneak out of the dorms and wander around Seoul like young, teenage boys. They walk hand in hand, pressed against each other to fight off the early autumn cold, strolling along the streets with nowhere in mind. This isn't about the destination nor the journey. This is about the company that they have right now, company that they rarely get to enjoy.
They have lots of memories during the dead of night. They had samgyetang dates after tiring dance practices. They had cheap soju when they were both legally allowed to drink, laughing at random things and eventually, finally, having courage to pull each other close for a sloppy kiss. They had other midnight activities, rushed and frantic, desperate to not be caught and still enjoy the moment in the glory of what it is.
Those memories are unforgettable, and Joonmyun laughs when he remembers that first night they had: Joonmyun pressing his body against Yifan's and reveling in the sudden sensations that they've never had the privilege to truly enjoy; Yifan's hands shaking as he placed them around Joonmyun's bare waist; both of them holding their breaths at the first few movements; Yifan being too afraid that he'd break Joonmyun; Joonmyun being too afraid that he'd seem too needy, too desperate to have Yifan let go and give them what they both really need; the afterglow that left them both incredibly sated and incredibly happy, just thankful that they has this one moment with each other.
Unforgettable, indeed.
"What are you laughing about?" Yifan asks. He looks like he's thinking of the same thing too, but he has better self-control that Joonmyun.
"Nothing, really. I was just thinking of the samgyetang stall we always ate in before." Joonmyun unconsciously leads them to the street where that stall was supposed to be. "Do you think it's still there?"
"I hope so," answers Yifan. He doesn't want to say, "I haven't been to Seoul in a while," and ruin everything. Not when Joonmyun looks like he's in a good mood. Not when he looks happy, and that's all Joonmyun deserves to be.
It's still there, and they never close at night. Joonmyun grins at the familiar plastic chairs and tables, and he takes a seat as soon as the old lady sees them. Her eyes smile kindly, brief recognition flashing in her eyes.
"I don't think I've seen you two in a while," she says. She looks older, more tired, but she still manages to stay up for this stall of hers.
"It's been a while since we were here," Yifan replies, linking his fingers with Joonmyun's on top of the table. The lady knows about them, witnessed their first kiss even, but she doesn't mind. She grew up in another country and learned to understand that love is love, no matter what the gender is. Even better, she probably has no idea that they're idols, that they've had a huge problem and now nothing's ever going to be the same again. She sees them as a simple young couple wanting to enjoy a bowl of her amazing samgyetang in the dead of night, and they're more than happy with that.
The soup is warm and so is their laughter while openly conversing with the old lady as she sits on their table and asks them about the busy lives of young men. Joonmyun has to admit that he hasn't had that much run in a while. He hasn't felt free and normal and unburdened by the lives of ten other men on his back. He has to admit that he wants to stay as this nameless, normal person with Yifan and eat samgyetang in this old lady's stall every night and talk and laugh and kiss his partner when nobody's looking and be alive for the first time since he joined that company.
Yifan is smiling as they walk back to the dorms. Of course it slowly dims as he faces the reality that this is it, that he has to let go of Joonmyun again and hope that they'll have time for each other once again. Maybe one day, months or years away from now, maybe they'll be able to eat and hug and laugh and kiss like every other person. Certainly not any time soon.
They're leaning against the door, bathed in the darkness of the hallway. Joonmyun toes off his shoes and expects Yifan to do the same, but then he remembers that this is his home, not Yifan's. Not anymore.
"Don't leave," Joonmyun whispers. He clutches the lapels of Yifan's coat and pulls him close, hoping that his warmth would convince Yifan that there's hope in here and he can stay, he should stay. "Please don't leave me again."
"I can't stay. You know that." Just by being here, they're back to whispers and secrets and fear. They're back to hiding from everyone, and that's another reason why Yifan couldn't stay. He couldn't take it anymore.
"I love you," says Joonmyun, firm and steady. He didn't hesitate at all. He didn't look around in fear of a crack in the doorway where a disgruntled member would be secretly listening to their conversation. He didn't stare at the floor or at the ceiling or anywhere besides Yifan's clear eyes. This is the full truth, and Yifan's hearing it from Joonmyun himself.
"I love you too," he replies, and it's as truthful as Joonmyun's declaration. It feels like ages before they stop staring into each other's eyes. It feels like ages, but it's actually just a few seconds before they kiss and hold each other closely.
Now there's fear in their minds, not of anyone else, but of what they're feeling at the moment. They're both familiar with the fear of feeling too much all at once; the fear of wanting everything that they can't have; the fear of being completely in love at the worst time possible. But that's always been their situation, and they've gotten tired of wishing that they met in another world where they could have fallen in love in peace, without the world's eyes on them.
"I have to go," Yifan finally says. They pull away hesitantly, and Joonmyun misses the warmth of Yifan's arms around him right away. "I have to go," he repeats.
"Let's find a time, Yifan. Let's try to make this work. I hate having a taste of the happiness that we deserve and then having to go back to the hell that we live in," Joonmyun grits his teeth, "the hell that I can't believe you left me in."
Yifan bows his head, honestly ashamed and afraid of the anger that Joonmyun must have hidden from him all this time. It's anger that he deserves, so he says nothing.
"Let's make this work, okay?" Joonmyun holds Yifan's hands and smiles up at him. Shaky, hesitant, afraid. This is the part that Joonmyun needs Yifan the most, the part where they're trying to consider the future in their lives even if it's still a complete mystery to them.
"Okay. We'll make this work." And with that, Yifan kisses him one last time and leaves.
Joonmyun walks into the kitchen, throws away the untouched can of beer, erases the thought of Yifan on his mind and goes to sleep.
The next day, Joonmyun sees pictures and articles of himself with another man. The only blessing in the world is that no one recognized Yifan. That would create a whole new set of problems that he wouldn't know how to deal with.
The members and managers bombard him with questions, but it's okay. He won't crack. He won't break again. He'll stay strong because that's what's good for him. It's what's good for him too.
Joonmyun suddenly wakes up in the middle of another scolding from their managers. He realizes that it's all been a dream a few minutes after, smiling when he sees everyone eating breakfast and trying to wake up before another grueling day of practices. He counts ten heads and sighs. He doesn't know what reality is anymore.
And it explains why he's so surprised to look up and see Yifan emerging from the bathroom, drying off his newly-dyed brown hair with a towel. Yifan smiles at him when their eyes meet.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," teases Yifan. "You were tossing and turning all night. Did you have a bad--"
He's interrupted by Joonmyun linking his arms around his neck. Yifan throws the towel aside and hugs Joonmyun back, shrugging when the others stare at them oddly. Joonmyun pulls back and holds Yifan's large hands in his.
"I had the strangest dream," Joonmyun breathes out. Relief floods his senses, and the need to pull Yifan in for another hug or a desperate kiss is getting more and more intense. He's here. It's all okay, he thinks to himself.
Joonmyun grins at him and tugs Yifan towards the table where everyone's looking at them. "I'll tell you all about it later."
a/n: I was feeling upset one night and I decided to write this, not realizing how therapeutic it felt to finally let out some of the feelings I still have about the situation. If this has hurt anyone, I'm sorry. But everyone knew that it would be a canon fic and I already stated that it would be angsty. It was a read-at-your-own-risk thing.
also, happy birthday to me, I guess? I didn't mean to write this for my birthday or anything, but I guess I wanted to give myself the satisfaction of writing pretty decent krisho angst. If it isn't obvious, I do really love krisho. And krisho angst. Very, very much.
Thank you to my lovely tlist for always being there for me when I need it. I love you all ♡
Special mention to my resident krisho spammers, ate Kichie (torakiss) and ate Coney (mochkee). You guys are the most cruel to me and my krisho feels and yet the best people ever. I love you so, so much; thank you for taking care of me always ♡♡
title from Kim Sunggyu's "I Need You" (because it's my ultimate fave sad song) and cut from his version of "60 Seconds" (another one of my favorite sad songs) ((if it isn't obvious, I really love Infinite)) (((and because I'm pretty shameless, I'll be writing Infinite fics from now on so here's my comm: dorawow. Please anticipate more fics soon!!)))
I'll be locking this in 3 days, but my friending post will be open if you want to see my old fics. I hope you enjoyed the fic (and my novel-length a/n ahaha)
Goodbye! ^___^
kris/suho - pg-15 - angst - 2648 words
longing is the most prevalent emotion in their hearts.
a/n: this is based on the situation with Kris, so if you're not comfortable with reading anything about that, I suggest you turn back now.
Yifan opens the refrigerator door, soft light spilling onto the hardwood floor. It's as empty as always, and there are way too many people in this dorm to make any supply of food last, even with Kyungsoo's insistent rules on limiting the snacks they eat in one day. He bends and takes a can of beer, unsurprised when he only sees a few on the shelf.
He opens it and tilts his head to take a sip. "Wait," a voice calls. Yifan turns to see Joonmyun, eyes bleary and skin paler than usual. He's all wrapped up in one of Yifan's old hoodies, and he pulls it down a little bit lower to cover half of his thigh.
Joonmyun starts walking forward. "Don't drink yet. You know I hate--"
"--the taste of beer. I do know; I just didn't expect you to be awake," explains Yifan. He puts the can down on the counter behind him, metal making a sound as he drops it on the cool marble, and leans forward to give Joonmyun a kiss.
Joonmyun tastes like toothpaste and a bit of chicken soup; like cold nights and warm mornings; like the craving to touch and to be touched, to hold and to be held. He tastes like cheap soju from the night when they first kissed; like sweet nothings whispered in the most random times; like constant love, constant care, constant safety and assurance that when he goes back home, someone's going to be there to love him.
Yifan tastes like airline peanuts and diet soda; like fear, dwelling and striking at the worst times; like the warmth of his mother's lingering hug, telling him that it's okay to want to find happiness; like loss, again and again and again, enough to make everyone around him pack up and leave.
But Joonmyun stays, despite it all.
"Where have you been? I missed you," Yifan whispers, lips still occasionally brushing against Joonmyun's mouth. They smile a little, and Joonmyun tiptoes to kiss him again.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? Don't you think I've missed you more?" Joonmyun's eyes don't look teary or sad or emotional. He looks okay. He looks like he's had his moment of weakness and now he's okay. That's a good thing, a huge relief to Yifan. He's tired of having guilt weigh him down at every step.
"I may be the one who left, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the distance between us too." Yifan takes one of his hands and links their fingers together. Even after a while... some things don't change. Especially not this. Especially not his love for Kim Joonmyun, the only person who has looked at him straight in the eyes without looking like he wants to break his neck or tear him to pieces. It would have been okay. Yifan would have accepted anger. He would have taken it because it's the right thing to feel; it's the way he would feel if someone left him behind, left him in the dark too.
"It's one-thirty AM. How'd you get in?" asks Joonmyun, unbuttoning Yifan's large coat and sliding under the layers, pressing himself firmly against Yifan. They can feel each other now, and Joonmyun craves that intimacy. He craves the feeling of being whole, of having your own area to fill in the world, a crevice that's all yours. No one can fit like this in Yifan's arms. No one can do this for him other than Joonmyun.
"You guys never change your lock. I still had my keys." He kisses he top of Joonmyun's head. "It's been a while."
"It's been four months since we last saw each other. It really has been a while." They remember Tokyo, bright lights casting glares on the slightly damp pavement they were walking on. They remember walking around, not hiding and pretending to be different people, not afraid to hold hands and share a few chaste kisses. Yifan didn't mean to be there on the day of their concert, but there he was and so was Joonmyun. Nothing could have stopped them from meeting up, not even fear or pent-up tension or regrets or resentment from others who they always had in their minds before.
They also met seven months before that, when the situation was still a little tense and Yifan didn't know how to approach Joonmyun yet. It started with a text, a simple "please go outside," and they were face-to-face for the first time in months. There were no camera crews, no reporters asking for a statement. There was only Yifan and there was only Joonmyun.
Seoul was cold and the air between them was colder. Before the night ended, Joonmyun reached out for Yifan's hand and smiled shakily. He whispered, "I missed you," and then things started to go back to normal. It became a meeting between two friends, very good friends who were deeply in love with each other without having to say it that much, instead of a meeting between two halves that were forcefully separated from each other by fate and the and pitted against each other because of life. It wasn't pleasant at first, but they learned to go back to where they started. They learned to look at each other directly instead of the situations they've been placed in.
Yifan cards his long fingers through Joonmyun's hair. "I miss the black hair. The blond really isn't coming back?"
Joonmyun chuckles. "The stylists said they'd make sure of that."
"It wasn't that bad," Yifan assures him.
"I know it wasn't, Yifan." He places a finger on Yifan's lips. "Now don't go on saying that I look good no matter what. I'm not in the mood for being cheesy."
"Sorry. I can't keep the truth from you." Yifan grins cheekily. Joonmyun swats his arm and leans his head on his shoulder. It would be nice to stay like this forever, warm and comfortable, happy to simply be in the presence of each other again. In another world, nothing would have happened in their past. Nothing would stop them from being like this every single day, and they'd get the happily ever after that both of them know they want even if they never say it out loud. It would be a nice world, a nice life that they would live.
"Let's go out," Yifan says. Joonmyun looks apprehensive, gently pulling away from Yifan's embrace. "I know it's late--"
"It's one-thirty-three," Joonmyun deadpans. "It's more than late."
"I know. But let's go out. Please." Yifan doesn't hide the desperation. He doesn't hide the fact that he needs Joonmyun right now more than ever.
Joonmyun sighs. "Let me put on some shoes first."
The smile on Yifan's face is something Joonmyun has missed. He missed it a lot.
They sneak out of the dorms and wander around Seoul like young, teenage boys. They walk hand in hand, pressed against each other to fight off the early autumn cold, strolling along the streets with nowhere in mind. This isn't about the destination nor the journey. This is about the company that they have right now, company that they rarely get to enjoy.
They have lots of memories during the dead of night. They had samgyetang dates after tiring dance practices. They had cheap soju when they were both legally allowed to drink, laughing at random things and eventually, finally, having courage to pull each other close for a sloppy kiss. They had other midnight activities, rushed and frantic, desperate to not be caught and still enjoy the moment in the glory of what it is.
Those memories are unforgettable, and Joonmyun laughs when he remembers that first night they had: Joonmyun pressing his body against Yifan's and reveling in the sudden sensations that they've never had the privilege to truly enjoy; Yifan's hands shaking as he placed them around Joonmyun's bare waist; both of them holding their breaths at the first few movements; Yifan being too afraid that he'd break Joonmyun; Joonmyun being too afraid that he'd seem too needy, too desperate to have Yifan let go and give them what they both really need; the afterglow that left them both incredibly sated and incredibly happy, just thankful that they has this one moment with each other.
Unforgettable, indeed.
"What are you laughing about?" Yifan asks. He looks like he's thinking of the same thing too, but he has better self-control that Joonmyun.
"Nothing, really. I was just thinking of the samgyetang stall we always ate in before." Joonmyun unconsciously leads them to the street where that stall was supposed to be. "Do you think it's still there?"
"I hope so," answers Yifan. He doesn't want to say, "I haven't been to Seoul in a while," and ruin everything. Not when Joonmyun looks like he's in a good mood. Not when he looks happy, and that's all Joonmyun deserves to be.
It's still there, and they never close at night. Joonmyun grins at the familiar plastic chairs and tables, and he takes a seat as soon as the old lady sees them. Her eyes smile kindly, brief recognition flashing in her eyes.
"I don't think I've seen you two in a while," she says. She looks older, more tired, but she still manages to stay up for this stall of hers.
"It's been a while since we were here," Yifan replies, linking his fingers with Joonmyun's on top of the table. The lady knows about them, witnessed their first kiss even, but she doesn't mind. She grew up in another country and learned to understand that love is love, no matter what the gender is. Even better, she probably has no idea that they're idols, that they've had a huge problem and now nothing's ever going to be the same again. She sees them as a simple young couple wanting to enjoy a bowl of her amazing samgyetang in the dead of night, and they're more than happy with that.
The soup is warm and so is their laughter while openly conversing with the old lady as she sits on their table and asks them about the busy lives of young men. Joonmyun has to admit that he hasn't had that much run in a while. He hasn't felt free and normal and unburdened by the lives of ten other men on his back. He has to admit that he wants to stay as this nameless, normal person with Yifan and eat samgyetang in this old lady's stall every night and talk and laugh and kiss his partner when nobody's looking and be alive for the first time since he joined that company.
Yifan is smiling as they walk back to the dorms. Of course it slowly dims as he faces the reality that this is it, that he has to let go of Joonmyun again and hope that they'll have time for each other once again. Maybe one day, months or years away from now, maybe they'll be able to eat and hug and laugh and kiss like every other person. Certainly not any time soon.
They're leaning against the door, bathed in the darkness of the hallway. Joonmyun toes off his shoes and expects Yifan to do the same, but then he remembers that this is his home, not Yifan's. Not anymore.
"Don't leave," Joonmyun whispers. He clutches the lapels of Yifan's coat and pulls him close, hoping that his warmth would convince Yifan that there's hope in here and he can stay, he should stay. "Please don't leave me again."
"I can't stay. You know that." Just by being here, they're back to whispers and secrets and fear. They're back to hiding from everyone, and that's another reason why Yifan couldn't stay. He couldn't take it anymore.
"I love you," says Joonmyun, firm and steady. He didn't hesitate at all. He didn't look around in fear of a crack in the doorway where a disgruntled member would be secretly listening to their conversation. He didn't stare at the floor or at the ceiling or anywhere besides Yifan's clear eyes. This is the full truth, and Yifan's hearing it from Joonmyun himself.
"I love you too," he replies, and it's as truthful as Joonmyun's declaration. It feels like ages before they stop staring into each other's eyes. It feels like ages, but it's actually just a few seconds before they kiss and hold each other closely.
Now there's fear in their minds, not of anyone else, but of what they're feeling at the moment. They're both familiar with the fear of feeling too much all at once; the fear of wanting everything that they can't have; the fear of being completely in love at the worst time possible. But that's always been their situation, and they've gotten tired of wishing that they met in another world where they could have fallen in love in peace, without the world's eyes on them.
"I have to go," Yifan finally says. They pull away hesitantly, and Joonmyun misses the warmth of Yifan's arms around him right away. "I have to go," he repeats.
"Let's find a time, Yifan. Let's try to make this work. I hate having a taste of the happiness that we deserve and then having to go back to the hell that we live in," Joonmyun grits his teeth, "the hell that I can't believe you left me in."
Yifan bows his head, honestly ashamed and afraid of the anger that Joonmyun must have hidden from him all this time. It's anger that he deserves, so he says nothing.
"Let's make this work, okay?" Joonmyun holds Yifan's hands and smiles up at him. Shaky, hesitant, afraid. This is the part that Joonmyun needs Yifan the most, the part where they're trying to consider the future in their lives even if it's still a complete mystery to them.
"Okay. We'll make this work." And with that, Yifan kisses him one last time and leaves.
Joonmyun walks into the kitchen, throws away the untouched can of beer, erases the thought of Yifan on his mind and goes to sleep.
The next day, Joonmyun sees pictures and articles of himself with another man. The only blessing in the world is that no one recognized Yifan. That would create a whole new set of problems that he wouldn't know how to deal with.
The members and managers bombard him with questions, but it's okay. He won't crack. He won't break again. He'll stay strong because that's what's good for him. It's what's good for him too.
Joonmyun suddenly wakes up in the middle of another scolding from their managers. He realizes that it's all been a dream a few minutes after, smiling when he sees everyone eating breakfast and trying to wake up before another grueling day of practices. He counts ten heads and sighs. He doesn't know what reality is anymore.
And it explains why he's so surprised to look up and see Yifan emerging from the bathroom, drying off his newly-dyed brown hair with a towel. Yifan smiles at him when their eyes meet.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," teases Yifan. "You were tossing and turning all night. Did you have a bad--"
He's interrupted by Joonmyun linking his arms around his neck. Yifan throws the towel aside and hugs Joonmyun back, shrugging when the others stare at them oddly. Joonmyun pulls back and holds Yifan's large hands in his.
"I had the strangest dream," Joonmyun breathes out. Relief floods his senses, and the need to pull Yifan in for another hug or a desperate kiss is getting more and more intense. He's here. It's all okay, he thinks to himself.
Joonmyun grins at him and tugs Yifan towards the table where everyone's looking at them. "I'll tell you all about it later."
a/n: I was feeling upset one night and I decided to write this, not realizing how therapeutic it felt to finally let out some of the feelings I still have about the situation. If this has hurt anyone, I'm sorry. But everyone knew that it would be a canon fic and I already stated that it would be angsty. It was a read-at-your-own-risk thing.
also, happy birthday to me, I guess? I didn't mean to write this for my birthday or anything, but I guess I wanted to give myself the satisfaction of writing pretty decent krisho angst. If it isn't obvious, I do really love krisho. And krisho angst. Very, very much.
Thank you to my lovely tlist for always being there for me when I need it. I love you all ♡
Special mention to my resident krisho spammers, ate Kichie (torakiss) and ate Coney (mochkee). You guys are the most cruel to me and my krisho feels and yet the best people ever. I love you so, so much; thank you for taking care of me always ♡♡
title from Kim Sunggyu's "I Need You" (because it's my ultimate fave sad song) and cut from his version of "60 Seconds" (another one of my favorite sad songs) ((if it isn't obvious, I really love Infinite)) (((and because I'm pretty shameless, I'll be writing Infinite fics from now on so here's my comm: dorawow. Please anticipate more fics soon!!)))
I'll be locking this in 3 days, but my friending post will be open if you want to see my old fics. I hope you enjoyed the fic (and my novel-length a/n ahaha)
Goodbye! ^___^