You Win Some, You Lose Some.
I love my job. I really do. It's pretty sweet. I work with people I like, I make money and I get to take home money every night with me. It's like payday every time I work. Granted the customers can get kind of annoying, but for the most part I have a lot of fun. I don't know what it is, but whenever I work in section 2 I just have a blast with my customers. I'm all smiles and laughing all the time. But whenever I have Section 5 I swear to God I get the stupidest fucking tables ever.
Here's just two examples.
1) Friday night, table 20, party of six, 4 adults, 2 kids: The mother of the two kids ordered two kids cheese pizzas for her children and asked me "I know it's impossible, but could you have the pizzas not get so hot? I know it's impossible, but could you do that?" Instead of me trying to explain how fucking stupid she just sounded and how it IS impossible and I refuse to blow on her kids pizza just so it doesn't come out "so hot" I just gave her the biggest smile I could and said "Sure!!!" I brought the pizza out piping hot. I'm sorry, but they cook the pizzas at 450 degrees. What the fuck do you want me to do? I'm not going to fucking blow on your kids pizza. Don't ask me to do stupid things. You're perfectly capable of cutting it up and telling your kid to blow on each bite just like everyone else. Seriously.
2) Friday night, same table, different set of customers, six adults, zero kids: If you're old or getting old don't make a big deal out of me NOT checking your ID. Seriously. Three of the women at this table ordered drinks. Two of the women were young and therefore I asked for their ID. The other woman, well, she was old, and I didn't ask for her ID. I mean for Christ sake she had a head full of gray hair. And I'm not one to try and flatter someone. The woman made this huge deal out of how oh no she's starting to look old because I didn't ask for her ID. I just laughed it off, but seriously lady, let it go. I'm really sorry for the loss of your youth, but you don't look 19. You don't even look 26 for that matter and the rule is, if you look 26 or younger, I check your ID. If you look older than 26 and ESPECIALLY if you look older than 35, I sure as shit am not going to bother checking your ID just so you don't feel like you have to go on a shopping binge for anti-wrinkle cream, new foundation, hair dye, and botox. ALL YOUR HAIR IS GRAY AND YOU LOOK OLD. NO I DO NOT NEED TO CHECK YOUR ID. I'm sorry, but age happens to all of us. Get over it.
Ahem. Anyway. Those two situations were pretty funny and as soon as I was done taking their order I marched my ass in the back and you better believe I told the whole staff what a couple of idiots they are and we had a good laugh about it.
I do get some great tables though. Last night (section 2) I had this party of three. They were awesome. I was opening a bottle of wine for them and overheard (okay I was evesdropping, but what else am I supposed to do when I'm standing right there?) them talking about Wicked. You know, the play. So, I immediately chimed in "Did you guys just go see it?!" I was very excited. I love Wicked. More accurately, I'm obsessed with Wicked. So they are excited too because they have just seen it. I say I saw it in NYC and I just saw it here too and wasn't it SO GOOD, that I would see it every night if I could. I cracked a few jokes about how I would totally try out for it if I could act. The guy said "Can you sing and dance then if you can't act?" I said "Well. I can't dance, that's for sure." They laughed. We exchanged some playful banter, and before I knew it I was in the weeds and had to excuse myself so I could actually tend to my other tables. They left me an awesome tip. So, really, customers can be fun. But they can also be really fucking stupid.
Here's just two examples.
1) Friday night, table 20, party of six, 4 adults, 2 kids: The mother of the two kids ordered two kids cheese pizzas for her children and asked me "I know it's impossible, but could you have the pizzas not get so hot? I know it's impossible, but could you do that?" Instead of me trying to explain how fucking stupid she just sounded and how it IS impossible and I refuse to blow on her kids pizza just so it doesn't come out "so hot" I just gave her the biggest smile I could and said "Sure!!!" I brought the pizza out piping hot. I'm sorry, but they cook the pizzas at 450 degrees. What the fuck do you want me to do? I'm not going to fucking blow on your kids pizza. Don't ask me to do stupid things. You're perfectly capable of cutting it up and telling your kid to blow on each bite just like everyone else. Seriously.
2) Friday night, same table, different set of customers, six adults, zero kids: If you're old or getting old don't make a big deal out of me NOT checking your ID. Seriously. Three of the women at this table ordered drinks. Two of the women were young and therefore I asked for their ID. The other woman, well, she was old, and I didn't ask for her ID. I mean for Christ sake she had a head full of gray hair. And I'm not one to try and flatter someone. The woman made this huge deal out of how oh no she's starting to look old because I didn't ask for her ID. I just laughed it off, but seriously lady, let it go. I'm really sorry for the loss of your youth, but you don't look 19. You don't even look 26 for that matter and the rule is, if you look 26 or younger, I check your ID. If you look older than 26 and ESPECIALLY if you look older than 35, I sure as shit am not going to bother checking your ID just so you don't feel like you have to go on a shopping binge for anti-wrinkle cream, new foundation, hair dye, and botox. ALL YOUR HAIR IS GRAY AND YOU LOOK OLD. NO I DO NOT NEED TO CHECK YOUR ID. I'm sorry, but age happens to all of us. Get over it.
Ahem. Anyway. Those two situations were pretty funny and as soon as I was done taking their order I marched my ass in the back and you better believe I told the whole staff what a couple of idiots they are and we had a good laugh about it.
I do get some great tables though. Last night (section 2) I had this party of three. They were awesome. I was opening a bottle of wine for them and overheard (okay I was evesdropping, but what else am I supposed to do when I'm standing right there?) them talking about Wicked. You know, the play. So, I immediately chimed in "Did you guys just go see it?!" I was very excited. I love Wicked. More accurately, I'm obsessed with Wicked. So they are excited too because they have just seen it. I say I saw it in NYC and I just saw it here too and wasn't it SO GOOD, that I would see it every night if I could. I cracked a few jokes about how I would totally try out for it if I could act. The guy said "Can you sing and dance then if you can't act?" I said "Well. I can't dance, that's for sure." They laughed. We exchanged some playful banter, and before I knew it I was in the weeds and had to excuse myself so I could actually tend to my other tables. They left me an awesome tip. So, really, customers can be fun. But they can also be really fucking stupid.