omg, i get this e-mail from my cousin and it's fucking great!

Nov 06, 2006 10:35

These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all? WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget things.
ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot? _____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNES S: Because my name is Susan
________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is
he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
W ITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th? WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: And how many were girls?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS:
No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people? WITNESS: Dah, all of them.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
WITNESS: OK.
ATTORNEY: What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started a round 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless
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