A cloud hangs over and mutes my happiness..
..but at least I have someone to go with me to the Incubus concert!!!
In other news, Friday Night Lights was not interrupted by Bush and very very good. GOODNESS I love Matt and Julie together! They are just adorable. I almost felt bad for Tyra for a sec, but then I felt bad for Tim. I love this show big time. I have to suffer through another week without it since I'm all caught up! :o( Oh well. It looks really good for next week though!
Can't even tell I was just crying, can ya? Man.. I'm trying out this new thing. I'm not going to freak out all the time. There's nothing I can do about any of this. Wasn't my fault, wasn't my mom's fault I guess. We have no way of finding out what happened, so there's no need to get psycho about it. I'm letting it go. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed off and upset about it, but I'm not going to freak out. It's not in my control. Yeah. It feels good to just let things happen. Now I need to take this on with the pupster.
Speaking of.. she pissed in the house twice today. It happens more and more lately, and only when we're home, which got me thinking to maybe she really is going while we're gone; we just can't see it! It might be dried up by then, but don't ya think you'd see the dried up pee? I don't know. Ugh. I know she's not doing it at night because she sleeps in our room, and we'd smell and feel the urine in the carpet. Ugh. I don't know what to do with her.
I just don't know if I want to do this anymore. I don't feel like I can handle it. Here's one thing screwed up and I'm afraid of screwing it all up. I'm a people pleaser. I can't help that. Sometimes I hate it about myself, but that's what makes me friendly. It's a part of me. I can't help having all these feelings. I don't feel like they should be surpressed.. if I'm freaking out, I should freak out. It's part of my personality. But that doesn't mean that I like that part of me. It's just so hard to change. It's not an overnight thing; that I know. Spazzing about something never helps the situation. Doesn't do any good. But I still feel it. How do I change?
I made sloppy joes, chicken salad, and bread with my new breadmaker today. I feel unappreciated. I need to finish the laundry, but I don't feel motivated to do it. I suppose I shouldn't have to feel appreciated, because that's selfish, but it's hard to break old habits and hard to change the things I feel like I need. I need to know that I'm doing a good job, and I need to know that what I do isn't taken for granted. I feel like if the laundry wasn't getting done, he'd be riding my ass about it, not saying, "Wow honey, I'm so glad that you do the laundry because I sure couldn't do it." Something like that. Man, I'm a complainer. It's just that.. I'm me, but I don't know who I am. The kid Matt on the show.. he's the man of the house. He cooks, cleans, pays the bills, takes care of his sick grandma, works, goes to school, AND is the QB on the football team.. all without any of it being asked of him. And he's only 16! Sure, it's just a show, but I'm sure it happens somewhere. And here I am wondering if it's all a waste.. wondering why I do the things that I do because I don't feel like anyone notices or cares. Shame on me.
In other news, Friday Night Lights was not interrupted by Bush and very very good. GOODNESS I love Matt and Julie together! They are just adorable. I almost felt bad for Tyra for a sec, but then I felt bad for Tim. I love this show big time. I have to suffer through another week without it since I'm all caught up! :o( Oh well. It looks really good for next week though!
Can't even tell I was just crying, can ya? Man.. I'm trying out this new thing. I'm not going to freak out all the time. There's nothing I can do about any of this. Wasn't my fault, wasn't my mom's fault I guess. We have no way of finding out what happened, so there's no need to get psycho about it. I'm letting it go. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed off and upset about it, but I'm not going to freak out. It's not in my control. Yeah. It feels good to just let things happen. Now I need to take this on with the pupster.
Speaking of.. she pissed in the house twice today. It happens more and more lately, and only when we're home, which got me thinking to maybe she really is going while we're gone; we just can't see it! It might be dried up by then, but don't ya think you'd see the dried up pee? I don't know. Ugh. I know she's not doing it at night because she sleeps in our room, and we'd smell and feel the urine in the carpet. Ugh. I don't know what to do with her.
I just don't know if I want to do this anymore. I don't feel like I can handle it. Here's one thing screwed up and I'm afraid of screwing it all up. I'm a people pleaser. I can't help that. Sometimes I hate it about myself, but that's what makes me friendly. It's a part of me. I can't help having all these feelings. I don't feel like they should be surpressed.. if I'm freaking out, I should freak out. It's part of my personality. But that doesn't mean that I like that part of me. It's just so hard to change. It's not an overnight thing; that I know. Spazzing about something never helps the situation. Doesn't do any good. But I still feel it. How do I change?
I made sloppy joes, chicken salad, and bread with my new breadmaker today. I feel unappreciated. I need to finish the laundry, but I don't feel motivated to do it. I suppose I shouldn't have to feel appreciated, because that's selfish, but it's hard to break old habits and hard to change the things I feel like I need. I need to know that I'm doing a good job, and I need to know that what I do isn't taken for granted. I feel like if the laundry wasn't getting done, he'd be riding my ass about it, not saying, "Wow honey, I'm so glad that you do the laundry because I sure couldn't do it." Something like that. Man, I'm a complainer. It's just that.. I'm me, but I don't know who I am. The kid Matt on the show.. he's the man of the house. He cooks, cleans, pays the bills, takes care of his sick grandma, works, goes to school, AND is the QB on the football team.. all without any of it being asked of him. And he's only 16! Sure, it's just a show, but I'm sure it happens somewhere. And here I am wondering if it's all a waste.. wondering why I do the things that I do because I don't feel like anyone notices or cares. Shame on me.