(no subject)
So here I am, back at the drawing table.
My grandfather passed away today.. I was there with him the whole time. It was among one of the saddest things in the world... to just watch someone die. It should have been in a movie it was so sad.
Everyone was there. My mom and I were really close to him the whole time, on the bed. I havent cried that hard in a while. My nose was all running, my eyes were bloodshot, my head started to pound along with my ears.. it was just horrible. Half the time I had to leave the room because I didnt want my grandfather to see me like that. I couldnt bear to look at his face grimace in pain.. I couldnt bear to see him practically gasp for air.
One time, I actually went outside and started to cry and shake. I was so pissed off that I started to scream at the sky. I was mad that God always seemed to single me out. Everything that I held dear, it just seemed to slip away. I started punching the ground, kicking my moms Jeep, and waving like a madman. Finally, I just dropped to the ground.
I realize now, how insanely selfish that is. Death is something funny.. it does crazy things to you. I practically went insane for 5 minutes.
Anyway, back in my grandfathers room, everyone was there.. everyone was saying goodbye.
When my mom was saying goodbye, he looked right past her. My mom started to cry and she asked, "Who do you see.. Dad.. who do you see?!" He replied that he saw Murphy.. which is what he called his dad. He said he saw his mother, too. My mom asked him if he saw Uncle Tim, and he squeezed her hand. Then, he said "I'm leaving."
My mom asked him if they were reaching out to him, and he reached out to the wall. Then she said to go to them. Dont fight anymore.
When it was my turn to say something.. I looked at him. I started to cry really hard. My eyes burn now when I close them. Anyway.. when I looked at him, he said he had to go. That made me cry harder. I squeezed his hand.. and started to whisper in his ear.. I told him I loved him, and to not fight it anymore. I also told him to say hi to Dad and Uncle Tim for Jess and I. Finally, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, complete with me soaking his shirt with my tears.. and I said goodbye, I'll miss you.
A couple of minutes later he was dead.
I'll miss his jokes. I'll miss his presence even more.
It's a really cold December guys..
My grandfather passed away today.. I was there with him the whole time. It was among one of the saddest things in the world... to just watch someone die. It should have been in a movie it was so sad.
Everyone was there. My mom and I were really close to him the whole time, on the bed. I havent cried that hard in a while. My nose was all running, my eyes were bloodshot, my head started to pound along with my ears.. it was just horrible. Half the time I had to leave the room because I didnt want my grandfather to see me like that. I couldnt bear to look at his face grimace in pain.. I couldnt bear to see him practically gasp for air.
One time, I actually went outside and started to cry and shake. I was so pissed off that I started to scream at the sky. I was mad that God always seemed to single me out. Everything that I held dear, it just seemed to slip away. I started punching the ground, kicking my moms Jeep, and waving like a madman. Finally, I just dropped to the ground.
I realize now, how insanely selfish that is. Death is something funny.. it does crazy things to you. I practically went insane for 5 minutes.
Anyway, back in my grandfathers room, everyone was there.. everyone was saying goodbye.
When my mom was saying goodbye, he looked right past her. My mom started to cry and she asked, "Who do you see.. Dad.. who do you see?!" He replied that he saw Murphy.. which is what he called his dad. He said he saw his mother, too. My mom asked him if he saw Uncle Tim, and he squeezed her hand. Then, he said "I'm leaving."
My mom asked him if they were reaching out to him, and he reached out to the wall. Then she said to go to them. Dont fight anymore.
When it was my turn to say something.. I looked at him. I started to cry really hard. My eyes burn now when I close them. Anyway.. when I looked at him, he said he had to go. That made me cry harder. I squeezed his hand.. and started to whisper in his ear.. I told him I loved him, and to not fight it anymore. I also told him to say hi to Dad and Uncle Tim for Jess and I. Finally, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, complete with me soaking his shirt with my tears.. and I said goodbye, I'll miss you.
A couple of minutes later he was dead.
I'll miss his jokes. I'll miss his presence even more.
It's a really cold December guys..