XOXO
Title: Stars (5/?)
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is all fiction. I don't own the boys.
Summary: Inspired by this photo at caras_de_pecas. The prompt was "bodyguard Dan, up-and-coming singer Fernando, they spend long nights traveling cross-country on a tour bus and Dan has to use his body as a shield to prevent Fernando from getting trampled by fangirls."
Notes: Previous parts are here.
Previously...
Fernando literally gets sick from touring, and Stevie eventually, reluctantly gives him two days off from work - to be spent on lockdown in the hotel, of course. Daniel tries to stay away, but when Fernando says he needs a distraction, how can he?
Baby, love me lights out.
Even on the second day, Fernando was under close watch. Stevie and Xabi kept him company, and Daniel had to spend his time with Martin and Pepe to avoid suspicion. He checked his phone incessantly, though, waiting for the signal.
Today, the signal came in at around half-past 10 in the evening. Daniel hastily excused himself, and the boys gave him a hard time since it was early and the third round of drinks hadn’t even arrived yet.
Since Daniel had stopped denying that he enjoyed being with Fernando, it was like his need worsened. It flared like a fever in him. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead as he waited for the elevator to take him to Fernando’s floor. And when the blonde opened the door -after one too many knocks for Dan’s liking - Dan had to restrain himself from leaping into him.
“Hey,” he just said, breathless.
Fernando’s smile was too big. “Hey.” He waved his hands spastically to usher Dan in, “Sorry, I told Stevie and Xabi I was gonna go to bed but they insisted they could stay a bit longer and wait for me to fall asleep. I had to lay still in bed with my eyes closed for like half an hour.”
Dan laughed. “I guess they just want to make sure you’re ready to resume work tomorrow.” He paused, “Are you?”
“Fever’s completely gone. Throat’s just a tiny bit sore, but it’ll be fine. I’m just supposed to avoid talking unless I completely have to.”
Dan raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, that means now, right?” Fernando pursed his lips. “I should stop babbling. Fuck, I did it again. I’ll stop now.” He pursed his lips again. “Right now.”
Dan laughed. “Come on, let’s just distract you with video games.”
Fernando opened his mouth to protest, but a stern glare from Dan made him keep quiet.
“No FIFA tonight?” Dan guessed.
Fernando nodded.
“Sick of it already?”
Fernando made a face and shrugged.
Dan snickered. “Good thing you’re not sick of me too.” The remark came so easily, knowing Fernando couldn’t respond. The Spaniard’s flushed cheeks were enough of a validation. Dan was sure he was blushing too.
They sat down on the bed in front of the TV although there was nothing on. And for a moment, they stared at the blank screen in silence.
“So.” Dan scanned the room, “I don’t suppose there’s anything else to do here that doesn’t involve video games or the telly?”
“Trust me. I’ve been locked up here for two days already, I’ve searched the room high and low. There’s nothing else to do,” Fernando said. He shouldn’t have said so much because his throat ended up feeling scratchy again. He took a sip of warm water to soothe the rawness.
Dan stood up and flipped through the hotel directory. “They have a bowling alley downstairs.”
Fernando shrugged, but he didn’t exactly look thrilled.
“We can rent board games too.”
The Spaniard stuck out his tongue.
“Uh, they have an award-winning dim sum restaurant?”
Fernando gagged. Dim sum again!
Dan slapped shut the hotel directory. “Unfortunately, I think it’s gonna be FIFA for us again because there’s nothing to do here unless we go out.”
Fernando’s eyes widened. “Yes.”
Dan’s jaw dropped. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant.”
“Please!” Fernando yelped excitedly and ended up coughing. “Please, please, please,” he repeated, mouthing the words this time.
“Stevie is gonna kill us. No, Stevie is gonna kill me.”
Fernando shook his head vehemently. He didn’t know how else to convey his desperation, so he took Dan’s hands into his own and squeezed them tightly. It took him a second to realise what he had done - it was such a strange feeling, holding hands with Dan.
Nevertheless, it seemed to work. Dan relented. “Okay, how about we just go out but stay within the hotel premises? We can explore the gardens and the pools.”
Fernando didn’t care. He jumped to his feet and ran to his suitcase to change
“And on one condition,” Dan interrupted. He had to establish some sense of control because there were so many ways this could go wrong. “You follow everything I say. You don’t talk to any strangers, you don’t pose for pictures and you don’t sign autographs. Wear something nondescript. Put on a cap.”
Fernando just nodded. Anything Dan wanted. Finally, freedom! He was bouncing on his heels as they rode the elevator. Dan was jiggling his knee nervously.
Since it was late, the hotel lobby wasn’t as busy. They easily slipped through and out the back to the gardens.
Fernando let the night air fill his lungs. The heat and humidity of the afternoon had filtered away. There was a breeze, faintly scented with orchids. He glanced at Dan. “Thanks.”
Dan’s heart was still pounding in his ears, worrying Stevie might jump out of the bushes any second. But seeing Fernando so happy, it made the risk worth it.
They walked around the garden. “So, how are you doing?” Dan asked. They’ve done nothing but talk lately, but there always seemed to be something more to discover about each other. Dan always looked forward to their conversations.
Fernando grinned. “You talk. I have to save my voice.”
He was probably half-joking, but there was also a hint of a challenge. They were both keenly aware that when they talked, they most talked about Fernando - his schedule, his dreams, his fears. He was the star, after all, and Dan, the bodyguard.
Dan wrung his hands. How does one begin? He racked his brain for his ready anecdotes - the ones he whipped out during family reunions and long queues in the pharmacy.
“I love music, but I just don’t have any real talent for it. I can barely cover my ass on Guitar Hero,” Dan said. He glanced at Fernando for some reaction, but the singer was unimpressed.
“What, I’m not yet off the hook?” He demanded.
Fernando just glared at him. He told Daniel more than he told most people. It wasn’t fair that he was the only one baring himself.
Dan sighed and nodded. “Fine, fine. I get it.” But his face was still scrunched up, clearly uncomfortable with talking about himself.
Fernando tried to help him out. “Did you ever give it a try, music?”
“Yeah, I tried to learn playing the drums, the guitar, the bass… God, my mother even enrolled me in piano lessons when I was 10 - made me a fucking dork in school that year.”
Fernando laughed, and it encouraged Dan to go on. “Singing, I was hopeless. My parents were blunt with me early on- they would happily help me learn whatever instrument I wanted, but they told me I was just too tone deaf to sing.”
Before Fernando could even flash his puppy dog eyes, Dan held up his hand. “Don’t feel bad for me. My parents were right.”
They continued to walk, and Dan found himself talking more easily. “Then, I just decided, if I can’t make music, I’ll just surround myself with it. I saved up my allowance to buy records and magazines. As soon as I was old enough - sometimes even before that - I would go and watch gigs and concerts.”
“If I was in love with music before, I became addicted to it now. The entire world of music. Not just the rockstars, but even the bands, the roadies, the producers, the famous venues, from the arenas to the dingy piano bars. I knew I had to be part of it somehow.”
Fernando watched Dan in fascination. He’d never seen him so fired up before. And while Fernando didn’t doubt his own passion for music, Dan’s devotion to it seemed all-consuming, it made him feel insecure. He was good at singing and acceptably good-looking, that’s all it was - all that separated him from everyone else who wanted to lead this life. It was merely a happy coincidence; it was nothing compared to Dan’s deep, profound relationship with music.
Dan stopped, halfway through listing the three albums he would bring with him to a desert island. “What - why are you looking at me that way?” He combed his hair back self-consciously.
Fernando shook his head, using his sore throat as an excuse not to say “I think I like you.”
They reached the edge of the hotel gardens and Fernando continued on outside. He heard Dan’s sharp intake of breath over his shoulder, and before his bodyguard could protest, he pleaded: “Just around the block, I promise.”
Dan was probably going to say no, so Fernando continued walking, not waiting for his approval. He didn’t want to go back to his hotel room just yet. Thankfully, Dan didn’t stop him.
“How’d you join the tour?” Fernando asked. From what he’s heard from Dan, he didn’t seem to be a fan of the WGWG phenomenon - white guys with guitars.
Dan smiled wryly. “My dad is friends with Xabi’s dad.”
Fernando burst out laughing, making Dan blush. “It’s so funny, I’ve always made a big deal about striking out on my own. My parents wanted me to go to university cos I was a pretty good student in high school. I threw this whole strop about wanting to pursue my dreams, and I believed my heart was in music. So, I’ve been slugging it out, volunteering to do work for all these unknown bands and singers. Of course, when I finally land my biggest gig - a tour in Asia - I get it cos my father watched football in the same pub as Xabi’s father.”
“Well, whatever the story, I’m glad you ended up here,” Fernando said.
Dan didn’t know when he began to look at Fernando in a different light. But at that moment, he knew there was no turning back. “Me too.”
He casually dropped his arm around Fernando’s shoulders. “Let’s head back.” Fernando didn’t know if he meant they should return to the hotel or they should return to his room. His heart started pounding loudly in his chest.
It reminded him of that feeling churning in his gut right before his very first concert. He remembered it clearly - the debilitating fear that he’s never done this before and that he wasn’t fooling anyone… and yet at its core, a small seed of truth telling him it would all be alright.
The walk back was quiet, but Dan kept his arm wrapped around Fernando. In his head, he rehearsed what he would say when they reached the hotel. I should bring you to your room. Can I come in? Will you let me kiss you?
“I should bring you to your room,” he said when they were in the elevator. His voice was pitchy and echoed horribly off the walls. Fernando just nodded. He looked just as nervous as Dan felt.
He felt his fingers tingling. He yearned to reach out and touch Fernando. His cheeks were pale and he chewed his bottom lip incessantly. Dan reckoned if he touched his face, it would make the other boy blush. He wanted to see that.
They got to Fernando’s room, and Dan hesitated by the door. Can I come in? He urged himself to say it. Fernando watched him expectantly.
“Can…” Dan felt like his throat was closing up. Once he said those words, there would be no more denying what his intentions were. And if Fernando said no, how was he even going to explain himself?
“Hey, listen, I think you left your jacket inside,” Fernando said.
Dan didn’t have a jacket. It was 30 degrees celsius outside. But that was a pretty good line from Fernando. He always was the better talker.
“Right, right. I’m just gonna grab it.”
“Yeah, it won’t be long.”
It turned out, it didn’t take too long at all because when they entered the room, Stevie and Xabi were waiting for them. And they did not look happy.
*
Fernando buried his face in his hands as Stevie raged. He was yelling so loudly, Fernando was sure the rooms next door could hear them.
“What on earth were you two thinking? Going out into the city without permission? What if someone spotted you? What if you got mobbed? What if you got sick? We’re going back to work tomorrow!”
“But Stevie, nothing happened! We made sure to be careful!”
“The fact that nothing happened was down to luck, not your responsibility!”
Fernando tried to reason with his manager. “Stevie, you’ve kept me in this room for days. I just wanted to go out for a change.”
“Oh, so this is our fault? We drove you to do this?”
Xabi placed a hand on Fernando’s shoulder - a silent warning not to add fuel to the fire. He was in no position to pick a fight now. Fernando gritted his teeth and eked out an apology. “No, no, of course not. I’m not blaming you or Xabi. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Stevie didn’t respond. He just ordered, “Go to bed.” He added, “Xabi will stay with you.” Then, he pointed his finger straight at Daniel, who was standing in a corner without a sound. “You. Come with me.”
Fernando stared from Stevie to Daniel and again to Stevie. The manager was livid, and this was not the first time he had a reason to take it out on Dan.
“No, no, no. Stevie, this was all my fault,” Fernando said. “I begged Dan to take me around. He didn’t want to.”
“This doesn’t concern you, Fernando.”
“Of course, it does! Don’t punish Dan for this.”
Stevie silenced him with a glare. “I said, go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned on his heel and marched out. Fernando tried to catch Dan’s gaze before he left too, but the other boy wouldn’t look his way.
*
As Daniel feared, the screaming, arm-waving, hair-raising phase of Stevie’s anger was done after his sermon to Fernando. That meant he was gonna get the sharp, ice-cold treatment; that scared him more.
Daniel tried to preempt the lecture by owning up to the blame. “I know Fernando says this is his fault, but…”
“It’s your fault,” Stevie said flatly, taking the wind out of Dan’s sails.
“Well, yes.”
Stevie walked to the mini bar and poured himself some scotch. The furrow in his brow was deep. “If I remember correctly, you are a bodyguard. And bodyguards are supposed to protect the talent. Right?”
Dan nodded.
“Right,” Stevie said. He perched on the corner of his desk and sloshed his drink in the glass. “And if the talent decides to do something crazy one day - as they always do, and I suppose I should be happy it took Fernando this long to act out - then the bodyguard’s job is to say no. Right?”
Dan felt his cheeks grow hot. “Right.” He hated this. He would accept being screamed at, but he hated being talked down to.
“Right,” Stevie said. He downed his scotch in two gulps. “And I suppose if Fernando was being really uncontrollable, I think the reasonable thing for you to do was to contact his managers, right? But I highly doubt Fernando was beyond your control…”
Dan had to bite his tongue to keep from cutting off Stevie’s rhetorical bullshit. He kept his head bowed and just repeated: “It really is my fault. I don’t know what else to say except I’m really sorry, Stevie. It won’t happen again.”
The apology didn’t seem to appease the manager. It even seemed to offend him. There was always an undercurrent of tension between Stevie and Daniel, but it looked like tonight was the breaking point.
“Don’t give me this bullshit.” Stevie drew himself to full height, and his voice boomed out of his chest. “What I want you to tell me is why you were even with Fernando when I explicitly told you you were off-duty today. You had no business being with him, much less enabling him to break the rules his managers set for him.”
“He was just bored! I dropped by to play video games.”
“Ever since the two of you became friends, Fernando has been different, and I don’t like it. You have been nothing but a bad influence on him.”
Dan recoiled. He’d been keeping himself in check but he couldn’t let that one pass. “I’ve been the one good thing to Fernando this entire tour. I know so many things that you don’t know about Fernando. You are his boss, but that’s it.”
Stevie laughed, incredulous that Dan was speaking up and that he had the gall to say what he just said. “You know nothing,” he enunciated every word. “You are a punk-ass kid that Xabi picked up from god knows where. You are here on a favour, and it would do you good to remember your place.”
“Do you ever notice how much you take out of him? You run the boy ragged, Stevie,” Dan accused. “You didn’t even stop until he got sick, and even then, you acted like you were doing everyone a favour by giving him a rest day. You treat him like property. Worse, you treat him like a child! For god’s sake, you even left Xabi with him just now to make sure he goes to bed!”
This was not the plan. Dan’s inner voice pleaded for him to stop talking. He was just meant to apologise, take the blame, go back to his room and lay low until Stevie calmed down. Temperance was not his strength.
Stevie matched Dan word for word. “You have not seen the things I have seen. There are artists more talented and more popular than Fernando who have never made it in this business and for no good reason. I’d be damned if the same thing happened to him just because we didn’t work hard enough and make the most of our opportunities.”
“I’m not saying you should - ”
But Stevie just talked over the Dane. His eyes were blazing with a righteous anger. “You say you know Fernando so well. Did you know that when he was starting, he busked on the streets just to get some exposure? He did that every weekend while he was in high school - no parties, no dates, no video games even. Just him and a guitar singing for pedestrians for hours.”
“One of my friends had seen Fernando one day and referred him to me. He’d never had a manager before, and he almost dragged me back to his house to meet his parents and get started. We spent more than a year just meeting with A&R executives. Most of the time, we paid for the travel out of our own pockets. By then, Fernando was in university, but he never once thought about quitting, not until he got signed by a label.”
“And then of course just because you’re signed with a label doesn’t mean you won’t get thrown scraps. We had to perform for the smallest radio stations and the shittiest events for a long time - events that only paid us with food stubs so we could have dinner after the show. And we had to fit all of that around Fernando’s class schedule.”
“So, if you’re telling me I’m overworking Fernando right now… Please. This is not hard work. This is the life. Maybe it’s not pretty or glamorous, like you expected, but this is what it looks like behind the scenes. And the only reason why we got here to begin with is precisely because we never, ever fell short of trying.”
Dan kept his gaze trained on the floor, his eyes starting to burn with tears of humiliation. Of course Stevie wasn’t going to stop until he had comprehensively schooled Dan. He was ready to walk out of the room with his tail between his legs, ego be damned. But then Stevie had to have a parting shot: “This may be just fun and games for you, Daniel, but if you really cared about Fernando, you would do well to let him get on with his job.”
It happened too fast. Dan exploded. “Of course I care about Fernando!” When he realised what he said, he clapped his hands over his mouth.
Now, Stevie had said that jibe to hurt. He intended it. He wanted to get a rise out of Dan. But he certainly wasn’t expecting that reaction.
“What was that?”
Dan shook his head furiously, his mouth still covered.
Stevie would have normally let it go. Dan’s words didn’t have to mean anything. It could have just been a slip of the tongue. But the pallor in Dan’s skin, the sweat across his forehead - they told a different story.
His words didn’t have to mean anything. They could have just been a slip of the tongue. But the pallor in his skin, the sweat in his brow, the restless shifting of his weight from foot to foot - they told a different story.
“Daniel!” Stevie barked, trying to get the boy’s attention, but even his order was limp. His anger was draining away, getting replaced by a dread that sat heavily in his stomach and made him feel sick.
Dan looked worse. He stared at Stevie like he was staring at a wall. His gaze was hard but empty.
“Did you mean that?” Stevie tried again.
“No.”
Stevie cleared his throat and tried to soften his tone. “But, are you…”
“No. No. I’m not. Of course not.” Dan went through all the permutations of denial. He sounded almost annoyed, but at himself. Like he had gone through this issue several times already, but he still lost his way before he got to the resolution.
“Daniel.” Stevie’s voice was soft. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth.”
He knew, Dan realised. Stevie knew. He looked at Stevie in the eye for the first time in this conversation, and he nodded.
*
Fernando was too shaken, Xabi couldn’t calm him down. He’s never gotten into trouble with Stevie before, and he vacillated between being guilty and being defensive.
“Do you think Stevie is going to stay mad at me for long? I really didn’t mean to break the rules, Xabi. Can you talk to him? I told him I was sorry, but he didn’t seem to accept it,” Fernando said, pacing the carpet back and forth.
“Stevie’s under a lot of stress right now. We’ve never done a tour this big before, and we’ve never had to cancel days’ worth of appointments either. It’s a tough time, so you have to be patient with him,” Xabi said.
“But you and Stevie know me. You know I wouldn’t do anything to compromise what we have right now.”
“We know that. I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m not mad at you. Just give Stevie time. Once we get back into our normal working schedule, he’ll relax.”
Fernando stomped his foot. “But it was just one time! Jesus. We’ve never even gone out this entire tour. All we’ve done is work. I’m so fucking tired of this.”
Xabi snapped. “It was a flagrant violation of the rules, Fernando. You should have known better. If you wanted to kick back and relax, you could have just told us and we would have given you permission.”
That silenced Fernando. Xabi was a good cop, but he wasn’t a pushover. He mumbled an apology.
Xabi eventually had to give Fernando some sleeping pills to get him to bed. They were going back on the saddle tomorrow, and they couldn’t afford a sleepless night.
“Xabi,” Fernando called out as the manager head for the door. He hesitated before continuing. “Do you think Stevie would fire Daniel?”
Xabi froze, his hand mid-air above the doorknob. “I’ll talk to Stevie.”
“Will you? I’m worried for Dan.”
Xabi turned to glance at the younger boy. “Why?”
A strange expression crossed Fernando’s face. He shrugged, “Just because this is all my fault.”
“Ok. I’ll see what I can do,” Xabi said, although the task of reasoning with his partner was daunting. Stevie had been furious when he left with Daniel, and Xabi had no idea what he could do when he lost his temper. Worse, he didn’t know how to explain his theory to Stevie.
“Honey, I think Dan and Fernando are attracted to each other,” Xabi practised as he made his way back to their hotel room. He heard his own words and even he thought he was crazy. The two boys met only months ago when they formed the tour group. They could very well be just close friends. Xabi couldn’t even confront Fernando or Daniel directly, and both of them evaded the issue altogether. How was Xabi going to convince Stevie?
When he got to the room, Stevie and Daniel were still there. Surprised, Xabi checked his watch. It’s been a while. They weren’t arguing. Their voices were hushed. And they shared a round of whiskey between them.
Xabi rapped his knuckles on the table to announce his presence. “Knock knock.”
Dan, interestingly, kept his head down. It was Stevie who greeted Xabi. “Hey, darling. We were just wrapping up.”
Xabi blinked. We were just wrapping up? That’s not what he expected to hear. Wrapping up firing Daniel? “I’m relieved to see that there didn’t seem to be a brawl,” he pointed out.
Stevie and Dan exchanged glances. “We had a productive talk,” Stevie said.
“A productive talk?”
Dan shrugged. “It only means I still have a job.” He stood up and cleared the glasses, bringing them to the kitchenette. “I’m gonna head out. See you both tomorrow.”
Xabi stood rooted on the spot. “Did I miss something?” He demanded.
Stevie laughed tiredly and approached his lover. “I just gave Dan an assessment of his performance so far, and he promised to do better.”
“Just like that?”
Stevie wrapped his arms around Xabi’s waist and held him close, resting his cheek on the Spaniard’s chest and exhaling slowly. “Just like that,” he murmured.
“Fernando was worried you would fire Dan.”
“As long as they don’t do this again, I’m willing to forget it all happened.”
“You’re acting unlike yourself.”
Stevie pressed a kiss to Xabi’s shoulder. “Well, it’s been a very strange day.” He looked up at his lover and flashed him a smile. He seemed exhausted and yet also more settled. “Let’s go to bed, hmm?”
To be continued!
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is all fiction. I don't own the boys.
Summary: Inspired by this photo at caras_de_pecas. The prompt was "bodyguard Dan, up-and-coming singer Fernando, they spend long nights traveling cross-country on a tour bus and Dan has to use his body as a shield to prevent Fernando from getting trampled by fangirls."
Notes: Previous parts are here.
Previously...
Fernando literally gets sick from touring, and Stevie eventually, reluctantly gives him two days off from work - to be spent on lockdown in the hotel, of course. Daniel tries to stay away, but when Fernando says he needs a distraction, how can he?
Baby, love me lights out.
Even on the second day, Fernando was under close watch. Stevie and Xabi kept him company, and Daniel had to spend his time with Martin and Pepe to avoid suspicion. He checked his phone incessantly, though, waiting for the signal.
Today, the signal came in at around half-past 10 in the evening. Daniel hastily excused himself, and the boys gave him a hard time since it was early and the third round of drinks hadn’t even arrived yet.
Since Daniel had stopped denying that he enjoyed being with Fernando, it was like his need worsened. It flared like a fever in him. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead as he waited for the elevator to take him to Fernando’s floor. And when the blonde opened the door -after one too many knocks for Dan’s liking - Dan had to restrain himself from leaping into him.
“Hey,” he just said, breathless.
Fernando’s smile was too big. “Hey.” He waved his hands spastically to usher Dan in, “Sorry, I told Stevie and Xabi I was gonna go to bed but they insisted they could stay a bit longer and wait for me to fall asleep. I had to lay still in bed with my eyes closed for like half an hour.”
Dan laughed. “I guess they just want to make sure you’re ready to resume work tomorrow.” He paused, “Are you?”
“Fever’s completely gone. Throat’s just a tiny bit sore, but it’ll be fine. I’m just supposed to avoid talking unless I completely have to.”
Dan raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, that means now, right?” Fernando pursed his lips. “I should stop babbling. Fuck, I did it again. I’ll stop now.” He pursed his lips again. “Right now.”
Dan laughed. “Come on, let’s just distract you with video games.”
Fernando opened his mouth to protest, but a stern glare from Dan made him keep quiet.
“No FIFA tonight?” Dan guessed.
Fernando nodded.
“Sick of it already?”
Fernando made a face and shrugged.
Dan snickered. “Good thing you’re not sick of me too.” The remark came so easily, knowing Fernando couldn’t respond. The Spaniard’s flushed cheeks were enough of a validation. Dan was sure he was blushing too.
They sat down on the bed in front of the TV although there was nothing on. And for a moment, they stared at the blank screen in silence.
“So.” Dan scanned the room, “I don’t suppose there’s anything else to do here that doesn’t involve video games or the telly?”
“Trust me. I’ve been locked up here for two days already, I’ve searched the room high and low. There’s nothing else to do,” Fernando said. He shouldn’t have said so much because his throat ended up feeling scratchy again. He took a sip of warm water to soothe the rawness.
Dan stood up and flipped through the hotel directory. “They have a bowling alley downstairs.”
Fernando shrugged, but he didn’t exactly look thrilled.
“We can rent board games too.”
The Spaniard stuck out his tongue.
“Uh, they have an award-winning dim sum restaurant?”
Fernando gagged. Dim sum again!
Dan slapped shut the hotel directory. “Unfortunately, I think it’s gonna be FIFA for us again because there’s nothing to do here unless we go out.”
Fernando’s eyes widened. “Yes.”
Dan’s jaw dropped. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant.”
“Please!” Fernando yelped excitedly and ended up coughing. “Please, please, please,” he repeated, mouthing the words this time.
“Stevie is gonna kill us. No, Stevie is gonna kill me.”
Fernando shook his head vehemently. He didn’t know how else to convey his desperation, so he took Dan’s hands into his own and squeezed them tightly. It took him a second to realise what he had done - it was such a strange feeling, holding hands with Dan.
Nevertheless, it seemed to work. Dan relented. “Okay, how about we just go out but stay within the hotel premises? We can explore the gardens and the pools.”
Fernando didn’t care. He jumped to his feet and ran to his suitcase to change
“And on one condition,” Dan interrupted. He had to establish some sense of control because there were so many ways this could go wrong. “You follow everything I say. You don’t talk to any strangers, you don’t pose for pictures and you don’t sign autographs. Wear something nondescript. Put on a cap.”
Fernando just nodded. Anything Dan wanted. Finally, freedom! He was bouncing on his heels as they rode the elevator. Dan was jiggling his knee nervously.
Since it was late, the hotel lobby wasn’t as busy. They easily slipped through and out the back to the gardens.
Fernando let the night air fill his lungs. The heat and humidity of the afternoon had filtered away. There was a breeze, faintly scented with orchids. He glanced at Dan. “Thanks.”
Dan’s heart was still pounding in his ears, worrying Stevie might jump out of the bushes any second. But seeing Fernando so happy, it made the risk worth it.
They walked around the garden. “So, how are you doing?” Dan asked. They’ve done nothing but talk lately, but there always seemed to be something more to discover about each other. Dan always looked forward to their conversations.
Fernando grinned. “You talk. I have to save my voice.”
He was probably half-joking, but there was also a hint of a challenge. They were both keenly aware that when they talked, they most talked about Fernando - his schedule, his dreams, his fears. He was the star, after all, and Dan, the bodyguard.
Dan wrung his hands. How does one begin? He racked his brain for his ready anecdotes - the ones he whipped out during family reunions and long queues in the pharmacy.
“I love music, but I just don’t have any real talent for it. I can barely cover my ass on Guitar Hero,” Dan said. He glanced at Fernando for some reaction, but the singer was unimpressed.
“What, I’m not yet off the hook?” He demanded.
Fernando just glared at him. He told Daniel more than he told most people. It wasn’t fair that he was the only one baring himself.
Dan sighed and nodded. “Fine, fine. I get it.” But his face was still scrunched up, clearly uncomfortable with talking about himself.
Fernando tried to help him out. “Did you ever give it a try, music?”
“Yeah, I tried to learn playing the drums, the guitar, the bass… God, my mother even enrolled me in piano lessons when I was 10 - made me a fucking dork in school that year.”
Fernando laughed, and it encouraged Dan to go on. “Singing, I was hopeless. My parents were blunt with me early on- they would happily help me learn whatever instrument I wanted, but they told me I was just too tone deaf to sing.”
Before Fernando could even flash his puppy dog eyes, Dan held up his hand. “Don’t feel bad for me. My parents were right.”
They continued to walk, and Dan found himself talking more easily. “Then, I just decided, if I can’t make music, I’ll just surround myself with it. I saved up my allowance to buy records and magazines. As soon as I was old enough - sometimes even before that - I would go and watch gigs and concerts.”
“If I was in love with music before, I became addicted to it now. The entire world of music. Not just the rockstars, but even the bands, the roadies, the producers, the famous venues, from the arenas to the dingy piano bars. I knew I had to be part of it somehow.”
Fernando watched Dan in fascination. He’d never seen him so fired up before. And while Fernando didn’t doubt his own passion for music, Dan’s devotion to it seemed all-consuming, it made him feel insecure. He was good at singing and acceptably good-looking, that’s all it was - all that separated him from everyone else who wanted to lead this life. It was merely a happy coincidence; it was nothing compared to Dan’s deep, profound relationship with music.
Dan stopped, halfway through listing the three albums he would bring with him to a desert island. “What - why are you looking at me that way?” He combed his hair back self-consciously.
Fernando shook his head, using his sore throat as an excuse not to say “I think I like you.”
They reached the edge of the hotel gardens and Fernando continued on outside. He heard Dan’s sharp intake of breath over his shoulder, and before his bodyguard could protest, he pleaded: “Just around the block, I promise.”
Dan was probably going to say no, so Fernando continued walking, not waiting for his approval. He didn’t want to go back to his hotel room just yet. Thankfully, Dan didn’t stop him.
“How’d you join the tour?” Fernando asked. From what he’s heard from Dan, he didn’t seem to be a fan of the WGWG phenomenon - white guys with guitars.
Dan smiled wryly. “My dad is friends with Xabi’s dad.”
Fernando burst out laughing, making Dan blush. “It’s so funny, I’ve always made a big deal about striking out on my own. My parents wanted me to go to university cos I was a pretty good student in high school. I threw this whole strop about wanting to pursue my dreams, and I believed my heart was in music. So, I’ve been slugging it out, volunteering to do work for all these unknown bands and singers. Of course, when I finally land my biggest gig - a tour in Asia - I get it cos my father watched football in the same pub as Xabi’s father.”
“Well, whatever the story, I’m glad you ended up here,” Fernando said.
Dan didn’t know when he began to look at Fernando in a different light. But at that moment, he knew there was no turning back. “Me too.”
He casually dropped his arm around Fernando’s shoulders. “Let’s head back.” Fernando didn’t know if he meant they should return to the hotel or they should return to his room. His heart started pounding loudly in his chest.
It reminded him of that feeling churning in his gut right before his very first concert. He remembered it clearly - the debilitating fear that he’s never done this before and that he wasn’t fooling anyone… and yet at its core, a small seed of truth telling him it would all be alright.
The walk back was quiet, but Dan kept his arm wrapped around Fernando. In his head, he rehearsed what he would say when they reached the hotel. I should bring you to your room. Can I come in? Will you let me kiss you?
“I should bring you to your room,” he said when they were in the elevator. His voice was pitchy and echoed horribly off the walls. Fernando just nodded. He looked just as nervous as Dan felt.
He felt his fingers tingling. He yearned to reach out and touch Fernando. His cheeks were pale and he chewed his bottom lip incessantly. Dan reckoned if he touched his face, it would make the other boy blush. He wanted to see that.
They got to Fernando’s room, and Dan hesitated by the door. Can I come in? He urged himself to say it. Fernando watched him expectantly.
“Can…” Dan felt like his throat was closing up. Once he said those words, there would be no more denying what his intentions were. And if Fernando said no, how was he even going to explain himself?
“Hey, listen, I think you left your jacket inside,” Fernando said.
Dan didn’t have a jacket. It was 30 degrees celsius outside. But that was a pretty good line from Fernando. He always was the better talker.
“Right, right. I’m just gonna grab it.”
“Yeah, it won’t be long.”
It turned out, it didn’t take too long at all because when they entered the room, Stevie and Xabi were waiting for them. And they did not look happy.
*
Fernando buried his face in his hands as Stevie raged. He was yelling so loudly, Fernando was sure the rooms next door could hear them.
“What on earth were you two thinking? Going out into the city without permission? What if someone spotted you? What if you got mobbed? What if you got sick? We’re going back to work tomorrow!”
“But Stevie, nothing happened! We made sure to be careful!”
“The fact that nothing happened was down to luck, not your responsibility!”
Fernando tried to reason with his manager. “Stevie, you’ve kept me in this room for days. I just wanted to go out for a change.”
“Oh, so this is our fault? We drove you to do this?”
Xabi placed a hand on Fernando’s shoulder - a silent warning not to add fuel to the fire. He was in no position to pick a fight now. Fernando gritted his teeth and eked out an apology. “No, no, of course not. I’m not blaming you or Xabi. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Stevie didn’t respond. He just ordered, “Go to bed.” He added, “Xabi will stay with you.” Then, he pointed his finger straight at Daniel, who was standing in a corner without a sound. “You. Come with me.”
Fernando stared from Stevie to Daniel and again to Stevie. The manager was livid, and this was not the first time he had a reason to take it out on Dan.
“No, no, no. Stevie, this was all my fault,” Fernando said. “I begged Dan to take me around. He didn’t want to.”
“This doesn’t concern you, Fernando.”
“Of course, it does! Don’t punish Dan for this.”
Stevie silenced him with a glare. “I said, go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned on his heel and marched out. Fernando tried to catch Dan’s gaze before he left too, but the other boy wouldn’t look his way.
*
As Daniel feared, the screaming, arm-waving, hair-raising phase of Stevie’s anger was done after his sermon to Fernando. That meant he was gonna get the sharp, ice-cold treatment; that scared him more.
Daniel tried to preempt the lecture by owning up to the blame. “I know Fernando says this is his fault, but…”
“It’s your fault,” Stevie said flatly, taking the wind out of Dan’s sails.
“Well, yes.”
Stevie walked to the mini bar and poured himself some scotch. The furrow in his brow was deep. “If I remember correctly, you are a bodyguard. And bodyguards are supposed to protect the talent. Right?”
Dan nodded.
“Right,” Stevie said. He perched on the corner of his desk and sloshed his drink in the glass. “And if the talent decides to do something crazy one day - as they always do, and I suppose I should be happy it took Fernando this long to act out - then the bodyguard’s job is to say no. Right?”
Dan felt his cheeks grow hot. “Right.” He hated this. He would accept being screamed at, but he hated being talked down to.
“Right,” Stevie said. He downed his scotch in two gulps. “And I suppose if Fernando was being really uncontrollable, I think the reasonable thing for you to do was to contact his managers, right? But I highly doubt Fernando was beyond your control…”
Dan had to bite his tongue to keep from cutting off Stevie’s rhetorical bullshit. He kept his head bowed and just repeated: “It really is my fault. I don’t know what else to say except I’m really sorry, Stevie. It won’t happen again.”
The apology didn’t seem to appease the manager. It even seemed to offend him. There was always an undercurrent of tension between Stevie and Daniel, but it looked like tonight was the breaking point.
“Don’t give me this bullshit.” Stevie drew himself to full height, and his voice boomed out of his chest. “What I want you to tell me is why you were even with Fernando when I explicitly told you you were off-duty today. You had no business being with him, much less enabling him to break the rules his managers set for him.”
“He was just bored! I dropped by to play video games.”
“Ever since the two of you became friends, Fernando has been different, and I don’t like it. You have been nothing but a bad influence on him.”
Dan recoiled. He’d been keeping himself in check but he couldn’t let that one pass. “I’ve been the one good thing to Fernando this entire tour. I know so many things that you don’t know about Fernando. You are his boss, but that’s it.”
Stevie laughed, incredulous that Dan was speaking up and that he had the gall to say what he just said. “You know nothing,” he enunciated every word. “You are a punk-ass kid that Xabi picked up from god knows where. You are here on a favour, and it would do you good to remember your place.”
“Do you ever notice how much you take out of him? You run the boy ragged, Stevie,” Dan accused. “You didn’t even stop until he got sick, and even then, you acted like you were doing everyone a favour by giving him a rest day. You treat him like property. Worse, you treat him like a child! For god’s sake, you even left Xabi with him just now to make sure he goes to bed!”
This was not the plan. Dan’s inner voice pleaded for him to stop talking. He was just meant to apologise, take the blame, go back to his room and lay low until Stevie calmed down. Temperance was not his strength.
Stevie matched Dan word for word. “You have not seen the things I have seen. There are artists more talented and more popular than Fernando who have never made it in this business and for no good reason. I’d be damned if the same thing happened to him just because we didn’t work hard enough and make the most of our opportunities.”
“I’m not saying you should - ”
But Stevie just talked over the Dane. His eyes were blazing with a righteous anger. “You say you know Fernando so well. Did you know that when he was starting, he busked on the streets just to get some exposure? He did that every weekend while he was in high school - no parties, no dates, no video games even. Just him and a guitar singing for pedestrians for hours.”
“One of my friends had seen Fernando one day and referred him to me. He’d never had a manager before, and he almost dragged me back to his house to meet his parents and get started. We spent more than a year just meeting with A&R executives. Most of the time, we paid for the travel out of our own pockets. By then, Fernando was in university, but he never once thought about quitting, not until he got signed by a label.”
“And then of course just because you’re signed with a label doesn’t mean you won’t get thrown scraps. We had to perform for the smallest radio stations and the shittiest events for a long time - events that only paid us with food stubs so we could have dinner after the show. And we had to fit all of that around Fernando’s class schedule.”
“So, if you’re telling me I’m overworking Fernando right now… Please. This is not hard work. This is the life. Maybe it’s not pretty or glamorous, like you expected, but this is what it looks like behind the scenes. And the only reason why we got here to begin with is precisely because we never, ever fell short of trying.”
Dan kept his gaze trained on the floor, his eyes starting to burn with tears of humiliation. Of course Stevie wasn’t going to stop until he had comprehensively schooled Dan. He was ready to walk out of the room with his tail between his legs, ego be damned. But then Stevie had to have a parting shot: “This may be just fun and games for you, Daniel, but if you really cared about Fernando, you would do well to let him get on with his job.”
It happened too fast. Dan exploded. “Of course I care about Fernando!” When he realised what he said, he clapped his hands over his mouth.
Now, Stevie had said that jibe to hurt. He intended it. He wanted to get a rise out of Dan. But he certainly wasn’t expecting that reaction.
“What was that?”
Dan shook his head furiously, his mouth still covered.
Stevie would have normally let it go. Dan’s words didn’t have to mean anything. It could have just been a slip of the tongue. But the pallor in Dan’s skin, the sweat across his forehead - they told a different story.
His words didn’t have to mean anything. They could have just been a slip of the tongue. But the pallor in his skin, the sweat in his brow, the restless shifting of his weight from foot to foot - they told a different story.
“Daniel!” Stevie barked, trying to get the boy’s attention, but even his order was limp. His anger was draining away, getting replaced by a dread that sat heavily in his stomach and made him feel sick.
Dan looked worse. He stared at Stevie like he was staring at a wall. His gaze was hard but empty.
“Did you mean that?” Stevie tried again.
“No.”
Stevie cleared his throat and tried to soften his tone. “But, are you…”
“No. No. I’m not. Of course not.” Dan went through all the permutations of denial. He sounded almost annoyed, but at himself. Like he had gone through this issue several times already, but he still lost his way before he got to the resolution.
“Daniel.” Stevie’s voice was soft. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth.”
He knew, Dan realised. Stevie knew. He looked at Stevie in the eye for the first time in this conversation, and he nodded.
*
Fernando was too shaken, Xabi couldn’t calm him down. He’s never gotten into trouble with Stevie before, and he vacillated between being guilty and being defensive.
“Do you think Stevie is going to stay mad at me for long? I really didn’t mean to break the rules, Xabi. Can you talk to him? I told him I was sorry, but he didn’t seem to accept it,” Fernando said, pacing the carpet back and forth.
“Stevie’s under a lot of stress right now. We’ve never done a tour this big before, and we’ve never had to cancel days’ worth of appointments either. It’s a tough time, so you have to be patient with him,” Xabi said.
“But you and Stevie know me. You know I wouldn’t do anything to compromise what we have right now.”
“We know that. I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m not mad at you. Just give Stevie time. Once we get back into our normal working schedule, he’ll relax.”
Fernando stomped his foot. “But it was just one time! Jesus. We’ve never even gone out this entire tour. All we’ve done is work. I’m so fucking tired of this.”
Xabi snapped. “It was a flagrant violation of the rules, Fernando. You should have known better. If you wanted to kick back and relax, you could have just told us and we would have given you permission.”
That silenced Fernando. Xabi was a good cop, but he wasn’t a pushover. He mumbled an apology.
Xabi eventually had to give Fernando some sleeping pills to get him to bed. They were going back on the saddle tomorrow, and they couldn’t afford a sleepless night.
“Xabi,” Fernando called out as the manager head for the door. He hesitated before continuing. “Do you think Stevie would fire Daniel?”
Xabi froze, his hand mid-air above the doorknob. “I’ll talk to Stevie.”
“Will you? I’m worried for Dan.”
Xabi turned to glance at the younger boy. “Why?”
A strange expression crossed Fernando’s face. He shrugged, “Just because this is all my fault.”
“Ok. I’ll see what I can do,” Xabi said, although the task of reasoning with his partner was daunting. Stevie had been furious when he left with Daniel, and Xabi had no idea what he could do when he lost his temper. Worse, he didn’t know how to explain his theory to Stevie.
“Honey, I think Dan and Fernando are attracted to each other,” Xabi practised as he made his way back to their hotel room. He heard his own words and even he thought he was crazy. The two boys met only months ago when they formed the tour group. They could very well be just close friends. Xabi couldn’t even confront Fernando or Daniel directly, and both of them evaded the issue altogether. How was Xabi going to convince Stevie?
When he got to the room, Stevie and Daniel were still there. Surprised, Xabi checked his watch. It’s been a while. They weren’t arguing. Their voices were hushed. And they shared a round of whiskey between them.
Xabi rapped his knuckles on the table to announce his presence. “Knock knock.”
Dan, interestingly, kept his head down. It was Stevie who greeted Xabi. “Hey, darling. We were just wrapping up.”
Xabi blinked. We were just wrapping up? That’s not what he expected to hear. Wrapping up firing Daniel? “I’m relieved to see that there didn’t seem to be a brawl,” he pointed out.
Stevie and Dan exchanged glances. “We had a productive talk,” Stevie said.
“A productive talk?”
Dan shrugged. “It only means I still have a job.” He stood up and cleared the glasses, bringing them to the kitchenette. “I’m gonna head out. See you both tomorrow.”
Xabi stood rooted on the spot. “Did I miss something?” He demanded.
Stevie laughed tiredly and approached his lover. “I just gave Dan an assessment of his performance so far, and he promised to do better.”
“Just like that?”
Stevie wrapped his arms around Xabi’s waist and held him close, resting his cheek on the Spaniard’s chest and exhaling slowly. “Just like that,” he murmured.
“Fernando was worried you would fire Dan.”
“As long as they don’t do this again, I’m willing to forget it all happened.”
“You’re acting unlike yourself.”
Stevie pressed a kiss to Xabi’s shoulder. “Well, it’s been a very strange day.” He looked up at his lover and flashed him a smile. He seemed exhausted and yet also more settled. “Let’s go to bed, hmm?”
To be continued!