Charming Abduction in Development
Title: Charming Abduction in Development
Authors: Sam (jumpertastic / deduction) & Harry
Pairing: Pre-slash John Watson/Sherlock Holmes , mention of past Harry Watson/Clara
Warning: Mention of alcohol abuse
Word Count: 4,186
Spoilers: Series 1
Summary: The last installment where the Watson siblings communicate over IM, cat videos are scary and Harry has found an interesting new sponsor.
Notes: "HERE IS A STORY THAT IS REALLY QUITE GOOD. BUT THE TITLE IS BALLS BECAUSE WE JUST USED A GENERATOR." -The Wise Words of Miss Harry Watson.
This is based off of a very real, very unplanned Omegle conversation that took place between Harry and I on 7/31/11. A Harry-centric universe is planned for the very near future.
John stared at the window that had popped up on his laptop screen. It was some sort of messenger program that Harry begged him to download so that they could communicate through their computers. He had only seen his sister a handful of times after he returned home from the war, each time drunkenly begging John to let her back into his life. She was even nice enough to throw her phone at his face one night at his solitary flat, demand he take it and “remember to keep in touch.” Granted, since he moved in with Sherlock they had kept in touch, enough for a few visits and enough that she could convince him to talk to her through instant messenger.
After an hour of fidgeting around a website and unsuccessfully attempting to download the program on his own and then calling his sister to guide him through it, he created a username and was successfully logged on. He clicked ‘new message’ and typed in Harry’s username: watcatson74, much more creative than his modest jwatson1.
John stared at the screen before typing in his first message, making sure he had typed in her username correctly. Would be awfully embarrassing to send something to someone with a similar name. After checking and rechecking, he typed his first message.
jwatson1: Hi.
John waited for a reply. He waited, and he waited until he was almost convinced that she had fallen asleep or vomited all over her computer. Might as well make a cuppa, he thought, leaving his place from in front of his laptop to the kitchen. When he returned with a hot cup of tea, there was still no reply. In fact, it was almost twenty minutes before he heard a bell sound and received his first reply.
watcatson74: JOHN?
He thought out his response - yes, of course it was John, but shouldn’t he have something else to say before responding? After another minute, the bell sounded again.
watcatson74: You know if you keep this attitude up I’ll tell your flatmate your middle name is Hamish.
jwatson1: With a name like Sherlock I don’t think he has room to talk.
watcatson74: Hammy Hammy Hamish face.
jwatson1: Don’t make fun of me because I have a cool middle name.
Harry’s replies ceased after her bit of teasing. John waited without much to say. He hoped that Harry would somehow lead the conversation - she was the one who tried so hard to convince John to use this program in the first place, even after he told her that he was incapable of proficiently using technology. Bell.
watcatson74: You know, the last time I asked you to come visit me at my house, it wasn’t code for “Hey little brother, come and eat all my jam!"
John shook his head. Of course she would bring that up. Ever since they were teenagers Harry had constantly bugged him for favouring jam over most spreads. Jam on toast was his breakfast of choice for nearly four years.
But perhaps getting completely hammered the last time he visited his sister was a bad idea. The next morning he had regretted it - not just because of the hangover from hell, but because he should be setting an example and encouraging Harry to stay sober.
jwatson1: Harry, I was drunk and hungry. For jam. Lots of it.
watcatson74: Sometimes I like to believe Clara left because my brother was a jam whore.
watcatson74: Excuse me, a jam *addict*
watcatson74: Sticking your fingers in our marmalade jars - I hope Sherlock knows how to deal with you.
Harry replied with lightening speed compared to John. She had already typed out multiple replies before John could even finish one. It seemed that before John could respond to one thing, there was already another topic on the table.
Typing had been one of those skills John had never really picked up on, though he fully believed he was improving.
jwatson1: No, that isn’t why Clara left. And I’m not an addict!
watcatson74: Course, from your blog it looks like you two are doing more things than eating jam. *wink*
jwatson1: And Sherlock knows how to deal with me just fine.
A flush rose to John’s face. Sherlock was lying across the sitting room on his sofa so he couldn’t actually see what the chat window. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed, he just didn’t know how many times he had to tell Harry that they were not dating, they were not together - Sherlock wasn’t interested in that... he didn’t think. Either way, comments like these were getting old.
jwatson1: Not like that.
jwatson1: No.
jwatson1: No, Harry.
watcatson74: It’s okay, John. Mum had to deal with having a gay daughter. Now she’ll be evened out.
watcatson74: I’LL BE YOUR WINGMAN. We can go to gay bars.
jwatson1: I’m not gay!
It was only half of a lie, when he thought about it.
watcatson74: You say that but it just comes out as “Sherlock does this.”, “Sherlock does that.”
watcatson74: “Sherlock is sooo brilliant I could shag him!”
John sighed at the last message. It was true that he had said it, only once, but it was made even worse because it was said in the presence of his sister who would never let it go. Of all the things she could have remembered that night, from rolling around on the floor meowing like a cat to sobbing to vomiting, it had to be one off-handed, drunken comment made by John.
jwatson1: You can’t hold that against me.
watcatson74: S’like when you used to watch those James Bond movies when we were little and you thought I didn’t notice when you were checking him out.
watcatson74: Doesn’t your detective wear suits too? Posh bloke, isn’t he?
jwatson1: Please stop Harry. Does it matter if I fancy Sherlock a bit?
John looked up from his computer screen to glance at Sherlock. Sherlock was still seemed trapped in his own mind, seemingly unaware of what John was discussing with his sister. He was lucky that Sherlock was bored though, because on any other day, he might have been able to figure it out just by looking at John’s pinkie toe or something equally as asinine.
watcatson74: S’nothing wrong with that.
watcatson74: I mean - I think everyone knows from reading your blog.
watcatson74: D’you really pay that close of attention to his clothing?
jwatson1: He’s a well dressed man. It’s hard not to take notice.
It was true. Sherlock was always dressed in suits that somehow looked as though they were in pristine condition even after running half way around London through dirty alleys and jumping over rooftops in pursuit of killers and the like. He even made his dressing gown look elegant. But that was neither here nor there.
watcatson74: This is cause for CELEBRAAAAATIONNN. Hold on, let me go get my good sherry.
Alcohol, of course. Remember, encourage sobriety.
jwatson1: No. No that’s not a good idea.
watcatson74: Okay, okay I lied!! Hahahaha. I’ve already had a bottle. LOL!
Or... not.
jwatson1: Not funny Harry.
watcatson74: John.
watcatson74: John.
watcatson74: You need a sense of humour John.
watcatson74: Or a good shag. Either one, preferably both. At the same time.
jwatson1: Yeah well it’s hard to have a sense of humour when your sister is always drunk off her arse.
watcatson74: Drunk off my arse is... I don’t even... why do people use that expression?
jwatson1: I don’t know, maybe you could clean yourself up and call Clara?
He knew it was a low blow, to bring up Clara like this - but if she wasn’t going to stop drinking for herself, perhaps there was something external that could motivate her.
watcatson74: I’M PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT CLARA.
watcatson74: GOD JOHN
watcatson74: Why do you have to RUIN everything?
watcatson74: Why can’t I just be happy knowing you’re happy?
watcatson74: Are you happy John???
Oh God, time for the emotional drunk in Harry to rear its ugly head.
jwatson1: Sometimes. Most of the time.
watcatson74: Why does everyone need to remind me of Clara and her posh new girlfriend?
watcatson74: With her red hair?
watcatson74: and manicures?
jwatson1: I wasn’t aware she had found someone else. I’m sorry Harry.
watcatson74: It’s not fair John. I drink and I sleep and I wake up in beds without even remembering what happened the night before. And you - you go and get shot. It’s not right for brothers to get shot John.
jwatson1: I chose to go into the Army. I didn’t ask to get shot, but everyone always knew there was a chance of it happening. It happened, and you know it’s all fine now.
watcatson74: Yeah but then you go and post things like... a study in orange.
Pink.
jwatson1: Pink.
watcatson74: or whatever it is - maroon, plum.
Pink.
jwatson1: A Study in Pink.
watcatson74: Same thing.
watcatson74: What happens if you
watcatson74: If some crazy nutjob comes and I don’t know.
watcatson74: Straps you to a bomb.
John sat in his chair stone faced. He hadn’t told much of anyone about the night at the pool besides Sarah (who was understandably freaked out and turned down any more offers for dates), Mycroft and the police - at least what really happened, but if they were going to be honest with each other he could at least let on a little bit.
jwatson1: About that. Semtex jacket, darkened swimming pool. But I’m fine, it’s all fine!
watcatson74: Pool?????? Semtex?????
jwatson1: I’m fine. I won’t tell you the things I post on my blog aren’t dangerous. They are. But there isn’t any reason to worry. Sherlock wouldn’t let anything happen to me... I don’t think.
And that was true as well. John was certain after he had looked at John that night at the pool that Sherlock wouldn’t let anything bad come by John-- at least anything that would cause him major harm and / or death.
watcatson74: Well you tell that Sherlock I don’t care how POSH he is. If he hurts you Harry Watson will beat his arse.
watcatson74: All across the continents.
jwatson1: I’ll let him know.
watcatson74: I should sober up... shouldn’t I?
jwatson1: You already know my opinion on that Harry.
watcatson74: Yeah - I’ve ...I’ve actually got a sponsor right now. Technically I’m not supposed to drink - and I’m a bit off the wagon I suppose.
watcatson74: He’s a really nice bloke though - really nice.
jwatson1: That’s great! Really. At least you have a sponsor. I’m glad you’ve at least taken the first step.
watcatson74: Yeah! He’s hilarious!
watcatson74: Watches Glee.
watcatson74: Have you seen Glee? I can’t understand ANY of it.
jwatson1: No, but this woman Molly, down at the morgue, won’t stop talking about it.
watcatson74: It’s like there’s this kid and she’s pregnant. And then there’s THIS kid and she loves this guy. And I don’t even know.
watcatson74: Jim spends the majority of the time explaining it to me.
John froze. It was him. He just knew it. At the mere mention of the name Jim, John Watson knew that it had to be Moriarty. The pieces just fit. John knew that Molly and Moriarty had something going on, with her being obsessed with Glee it would only make sense that Moriarty would watch to somehow appease her. Or maybe he just enjoyed it himself.
watcatson74: You have to be sober to understand this show. LOL.
jwatson1: Your sponsor, his name is Jim?
watcatson74: Yeah. Nice bloke - if I was into that thing.
jwatson1: Does Jim have a last name, or is it just Jim?
watcatson74: You should see some of his trousers, I think they cost more than I make in a month!!
watcatson74: Er- I think he’s got a card somewhere in my flat. He mentioned it once - I usually just call him Jim.
jwatson1: Maybe you should think about another sponsor.
watcatson74: Hang on let me.
watcatson74: It just says Jim M.
watcatson74: But I guess it’s for privacy?? Posh bloke like that probably doesn’t want some crazy drunk person to know where he lives.
John’s heart raced, he thought about calling Sherlock off the sofa and over to his laptop - not that Sherlock didn’t already know he was chatting with his sister. He should make sure though, make sure this was actually Moriarty and not some random nice bloke who volunteered as a sponsor for alcoholics. Maybe it was all a coincidence. Either way, he wasn’t going to let Harry take her chances.
jwatson1: I think you should get a new sponsor. I really think you should.
jwatson1: If by any chance the M stands for Moriarty, then we’ve got a huge, huge problem on our hands. Something you don’t need to get tangled up in.
watcatson74: LOL
watcatson74: You’re so dramatic!!
watcatson74: Who’s Moriarty?
watcatson74: Sounds like a comic book character.
jwatson1: Semtex jacket, darkened swimming pool, remember? All Moriarty.
watcatson74: OH
jwatson1: I shouldn’t be telling you this. I just want you to be safe.
watcatson74: Hold on.
watcatson74: Just got a text!!
watcatson74: It’s Jim! LOL
jwatson1: Don’t answer him Harry.
watcatson74: Should I tell him my brother thinks he’s some crazy super villain??
jwatson1: No!
watcatson74: JK JK!
watcatson74: “Where are you right now? Let’s go to the movies! -Jim”
jwatson1: Harry. Please. Don’t answer him. Block his number.
watcatson74: Oooh, have you see Stupid, Crazy Love?
watcatson74: It’s got that red head in it.
jwatson1: No, I haven’t. Sherlock hates movies. Always spoils the ending when the trailers begin.
watcatson74: HOW DOES HE DO THAT.
watcatson74: Ugh - I watched this one movie
watcatson74: what’s it...
watcatson74: Cat Fish.
watcatson74: MIND BLOWN.
jwatson1: I can’t explain his deduction skills. But somehow he knows the movie before it starts. And Cat Fish? Never heard of it.
watcatson74: Ellen Page is like 20 something so it’s perfectly legal to think she’s cute in Inception right????
jwatson1: Sure?
watcatson74: Hey.
watcatson74: I’m sorry our conversations always end with us fighting or having some row.
watcatson74: I love you, you know that right?
jwatson1: Yes Harry. I do know that. I want you to be safe though.
watcatson74: If it makes you happy I won’t talk to him anymore.
watcatson74: <33333333333
watcatson74: See it’s a heart. Multiple hearts. LOL
jwatson1: Good.
jwatson1: How do you do that? What buttons? Sorry my computer skills aren’t as good as yours.
watcatson74: Ummmm.
watcatson74: It’s the thingy on the left with the arrow going up.
watcatson74: SHIFT
watcatson74: And then you hit the um
watcatson74: Hang on I have to look
watcatson74: comma
watcatson74: And then it’s a three.
watcatson74: LOL you just do it naturally!!!!
watcatson74: Are you still typing with two fingers?? LOL
jwatson1: Yes. Don’t make fun of me.
watcatson74: LOL
jwatson1: ,3
watcatson74: You have to hit the comma with the shift at the same time John!
watcatson74: LOL this is me
watcatson74: being you
watcatson74: my
watcatson74: name
watcatson74: is
watcatson74: john
watcatson74: watson
watcatson74: Except I’m doing it too fast.
watcatson74: ...that sounds oddly dirty. Keyboard sex.
jwatson1: Harry, no, I have learned to type faster with just two fingers. Sherlock got annoyed with two finger typing and told me to either speed up, learn how to type correctly or stop all together. I can’t just stop, I’ve got a blog to write and I can’t just learn, so I am learning to type faster.
jwatson1: And no, not keyboard sex.
jwatson1: Don’t say those words.
jwatson1: Together.
watcatson74: KEYBOARD CAT SEX
watcatson74: OMG
watcatson74: Have you seen keyboard cat?
watcatson74: It’s hilarious!
jwatson1: Yes it is hilarious!
jwatson1: With the cat and the keyboard. I’ve watched it at least twelve times.
watcatson74: Cat videos are awesome.
watcatson74: The one where they play patty cake? !!!!!!
watcatson74: Does Sherlock like cat videos? You two can bond.
jwatson1: No, he hates them actually. He doesn’t find them as funny as I do.
watcatson74: WHATEVER YOU DO
watcatson74: DO NOT WATCH CAT WITH HANDS.
watcatson74: I thought it was going to be cute and funny about a cat with hands. I HAD TO SLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
jwatson1: Why not?
jwatson1: It’s not about a cat with hands?
watcatson74: It is but everything is SCARY!!!
watcatson74: When you’ve had a few cups...
jwatson1: You know that I have to go watch this Cat with Hands now, right?
watcatson74: NO JOHN
watcatson74: NO
watcatson74: ;___; look see, my semicolons are crying.
jwatson1: Okay found it. Cat with hands.
jwatson1: I can do that too ;--------;
watcatson74: That looks like a crab.
watcatson74: Or something with a zipper mouth.
watcatson74: Or that thingy from Star Trek.
watcatson74: No. Star Wars. That goes IT’S A TRAP.
jwatson1: No, it looks like someone crying. Don’t make fun of me.
watcatson74: I make fun of you all the time.
watcatson74: Since we were little.
watcatson74: How is this different?
jwatson1: I don’t see a cat yet. Just a rope.
jwatson1: Does the cat have hands?
watcatson74: OMG NO NO NO
watcatson74: NO
watcatson74: Y JOHN Y.
jwatson1: You’re the one who told me not to! I have to now.
watcatson74: UGH. Fine then.
watcatson74: Don’t have gloriously hot gay sex with your flatmate.
jwatson1: Don’t tell me what to do Harry! I’ll have gloriously hot gay sex with my flatmate if I want to!
watcatson74: :”)
jwatson1: Damn it.
Sherlock shifted on the sofa and looked at John. Perfect timing, he thought, his face was probably ten different shades of red at the moment and the most observant man on the planet is now staring at him. Just ignore it and watch the video.
jwatson1: I don’t have a good feeling about this. I don’t see any funny cats yet.
watcatson74: :( BECAUSE IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S SCARY.
jwatson1: Fine. Just because I don’t feel like having any nightmares tonight I’ll stop talking about it.
watcatson74: But then how will you know what happens to the cat with hands?
jwatson1: Fine then I’ll watch it.
watcatson74: Well it’s scary.
jwatson1: Then I won’t.
watcatson74: But it’s the cat with hands.
jwatson1: Harry I’m not watching it. No matter how much a cat with hands tempts me.
watcatson74: Well
watcatson74: Fine
watcatson74: Spoiler alert
watcatson74: It kills everyone.
jwatson1: The cat... with hands?
watcatson74: LOL I forwarded it to Jim and he thought it was hilarious!!!
jwatson1: No. Stop with Jim. Don’t talk to Jim. Don’t text Jim. Don’t send Jim videos.
jwatson1: But of course Jim would find it hilarious.
watcatson74: He’s funny like that haha!!
watcatson74: OMG you should hear him when he says
watcatson74: “HIIIIII”
watcatson74: It’s so funny!
jwatson1: So I’ve heard.
watcatson74: Funniest Irish bloke I’ve met.
watcatson74: Definitely camp though.
jwatson1: Stop it.
watcatson74: Why? Just because you don’t like him? You haven’t even met him!!
jwatson1: Let me guess. Hair gel, tinted eyebrows, underwear that sticks out just a bit?
jwatson1: Although I guess I could be describing a lot of people, but Jim, no, you just need to stop. Don’t talk to him.
watcatson74: Yeah every guy I know! He helps me John. I thought you’d like that!
watcatson74: I mean - I was doing well - well besides tonight but it was for fun!!!
watcatson74: He’s a really good sponsor.
jwatson1: I do want you to get help, you know that. It’s just Jim isn’t who you think he is.
watcatson74: He works with IT! He help set up my computer for me when it crashed.
jwatson1: So Jim has been on your computer? Great.
jwatson1: He can probably see this whole conversation right now!
watcatson74: Um no
watcatson74: This is only for two people
watcatson74: If you want a convo you have to do a conference!!
watcatson74: and he’s driving. So he’s not even on a computer. What is with you?
jwatson1: Nothing. You just don’t need to get wrapped up in all the dangerous things that happen to me. So you just need to stop talking to him. You need to stay safe too.
Nearly ten minutes passed without a reply from Harry. They had been carrying on a steady conversation for nearly an hour and a half so the sudden halt was troubling to say the least.
jwatson1: Harry?
jwatson1: If you don’t answer I’m going to assume something happened.
jwatson1: If Jim is there then I’m going to have an interesting night. So I hope that’s not the case Harry.
jwatson1: Harry.
jwatson1: I can’t have gloriously hot gay sex if I’m out saving you.
“Sherlock, come here.” John looked up towards the sofa to find the man still staring at him and motioned towards his laptop. Sherlock just looked at John, probably deeming him unworthy of any movement on his end.
“I think Mori---” Sherlock stood up before his name could escape his mouth and was looking over John’s shoulder only a second later. “---arty is posing as Harry’s AA sponsor.” Sherlock’s eyes scanned the chat window as John scrolled through the evidence. John knew that he had said a few colourful things - but right now he didn’t care if Sherlock saw that John possibly wanted to have gloriously hot gay sex with him.
watcatson74: JOHN
watcatson74: LOL
watcatson74: Stop being paranoid! I had to get the door!
“John, he’s there. Let’s go.” Sherlock insisted, attempting to close John’s laptop. “Now.”
“Wait, now wait... she’s replying, let me just see what’s happening. Could have been anyone at the door.”
watcatson74: I promise you, John - if you REALLY REALLY don’t want Jim to be my sponsor, then I’ll find a new one.
watcatson74: I’ll even write him a proper letter if it means that much to you.
jwatson1: Thank you. And it’s not paranoia. This is real.
watcatson74: “Dear Jim, sorry we can’t be friends anymore!”
Dear Jim, Please will you fix it for me to get rid of my lover’s nasty sister. Dear Jim, Please will you fix it for me to disappear to South America.
jwatson1: No. Don’t do this Dear Jim thing.
watcatson74: I’ll break it off tomorrow - or Tuesday when I’ve got my meetings.
watcatson74: Anyway though, since I already answered him earlier
watcatson74: I’m just gonna go see the film - eat some crap popcorn.
John’s stomach dropped. No, no, no, no, no.
Sherlock, still looking over his shoulder tried to shut his laptop once more, but John resisted. He needed answers before they ran off into the London night.
jwatson1: Harry! I told you not to answer him.
watcatson74: Well I can’t UNSEND a text! S’bit rude don’t you think?
jwatson1: Great.
jwatson1: Just great.
“If we go now we’ll be able to anticipate where they’re heading - if they are indeed going to the movie theatre. Stupid, Crazy Love, did she say?” Sherlock fidgeted with his cell phone, possibly looking through movie theatres playing the film within a few mile radius from Harry’s flat. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we will find him.”
John nodded and Sherlock paced off to grab his coat. He just had to quickly wrap up his conversation - he couldn’t just leave, that would probably worry Harry - and she had her own problems to worry about right now. Specifically an eccentric Irish madman.
Right, keep calm and carry on.
jwatson1: Fine. You go along to your movie, but do not mention my name. Do not mention Sherlock’s name and remember what I said. I can’t have gloriously hot gay sex if I have to go out saving your arse.
watcatson74: Johnny Boy is a bit bitter isn’t he?
jwatson1: Don’t call me Johnny Boy.
watcatson74: Nasty pets should be put down.
“Sherlock! He’s there.” John’s breath became sporadic - “He’s typing.”
jwatson1: NO.
watcatson74: Harriet is a bit “occupied” right now.
“Hmmm?” he heard Sherlock hum from across the room.
“Bottom...” John began.
“...drawer of your nightstand, got it. Do you really think you could hide this from me?” Sherlock whipped John’s gun out of his coat pocket. What... when? No, irrelevant right now.
jwatson1: Let Harry go. She has nothing to do with this. Come get me instead. Don’t you dare even touch her.
watcatson74: Well she’s not really my *type*, Johnny.
watcatson74: But I’m already here, and why go all the way to get *you* when I can have the next best thing?
watcatson74: Aren’t the movies great, Johnny? I love it when they end with a bang.
“John.” Sherlock said, one foot already out the door leading to the stairs.
John stood up, but leaned over to type one more message out. As an older brother, he felt responsible, he had to let her know that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
jwatson1: HARRY. Harry, if you see this I’m coming to get you. Right now. Sherlock and I. And Moriarty, You’re right. This will end with a bang.
watcatson74: I can’t wait!
watcatson74: Toodles!
watcatson74: XOXOXO
jwatson1 has disconnected.
Authors: Sam (jumpertastic / deduction) & Harry
Pairing: Pre-slash John Watson/Sherlock Holmes , mention of past Harry Watson/Clara
Warning: Mention of alcohol abuse
Word Count: 4,186
Spoilers: Series 1
Summary: The last installment where the Watson siblings communicate over IM, cat videos are scary and Harry has found an interesting new sponsor.
Notes: "HERE IS A STORY THAT IS REALLY QUITE GOOD. BUT THE TITLE IS BALLS BECAUSE WE JUST USED A GENERATOR." -The Wise Words of Miss Harry Watson.
This is based off of a very real, very unplanned Omegle conversation that took place between Harry and I on 7/31/11. A Harry-centric universe is planned for the very near future.
John stared at the window that had popped up on his laptop screen. It was some sort of messenger program that Harry begged him to download so that they could communicate through their computers. He had only seen his sister a handful of times after he returned home from the war, each time drunkenly begging John to let her back into his life. She was even nice enough to throw her phone at his face one night at his solitary flat, demand he take it and “remember to keep in touch.” Granted, since he moved in with Sherlock they had kept in touch, enough for a few visits and enough that she could convince him to talk to her through instant messenger.
After an hour of fidgeting around a website and unsuccessfully attempting to download the program on his own and then calling his sister to guide him through it, he created a username and was successfully logged on. He clicked ‘new message’ and typed in Harry’s username: watcatson74, much more creative than his modest jwatson1.
John stared at the screen before typing in his first message, making sure he had typed in her username correctly. Would be awfully embarrassing to send something to someone with a similar name. After checking and rechecking, he typed his first message.
jwatson1: Hi.
John waited for a reply. He waited, and he waited until he was almost convinced that she had fallen asleep or vomited all over her computer. Might as well make a cuppa, he thought, leaving his place from in front of his laptop to the kitchen. When he returned with a hot cup of tea, there was still no reply. In fact, it was almost twenty minutes before he heard a bell sound and received his first reply.
watcatson74: JOHN?
He thought out his response - yes, of course it was John, but shouldn’t he have something else to say before responding? After another minute, the bell sounded again.
watcatson74: You know if you keep this attitude up I’ll tell your flatmate your middle name is Hamish.
jwatson1: With a name like Sherlock I don’t think he has room to talk.
watcatson74: Hammy Hammy Hamish face.
jwatson1: Don’t make fun of me because I have a cool middle name.
Harry’s replies ceased after her bit of teasing. John waited without much to say. He hoped that Harry would somehow lead the conversation - she was the one who tried so hard to convince John to use this program in the first place, even after he told her that he was incapable of proficiently using technology. Bell.
watcatson74: You know, the last time I asked you to come visit me at my house, it wasn’t code for “Hey little brother, come and eat all my jam!"
John shook his head. Of course she would bring that up. Ever since they were teenagers Harry had constantly bugged him for favouring jam over most spreads. Jam on toast was his breakfast of choice for nearly four years.
But perhaps getting completely hammered the last time he visited his sister was a bad idea. The next morning he had regretted it - not just because of the hangover from hell, but because he should be setting an example and encouraging Harry to stay sober.
jwatson1: Harry, I was drunk and hungry. For jam. Lots of it.
watcatson74: Sometimes I like to believe Clara left because my brother was a jam whore.
watcatson74: Excuse me, a jam *addict*
watcatson74: Sticking your fingers in our marmalade jars - I hope Sherlock knows how to deal with you.
Harry replied with lightening speed compared to John. She had already typed out multiple replies before John could even finish one. It seemed that before John could respond to one thing, there was already another topic on the table.
Typing had been one of those skills John had never really picked up on, though he fully believed he was improving.
jwatson1: No, that isn’t why Clara left. And I’m not an addict!
watcatson74: Course, from your blog it looks like you two are doing more things than eating jam. *wink*
jwatson1: And Sherlock knows how to deal with me just fine.
A flush rose to John’s face. Sherlock was lying across the sitting room on his sofa so he couldn’t actually see what the chat window. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed, he just didn’t know how many times he had to tell Harry that they were not dating, they were not together - Sherlock wasn’t interested in that... he didn’t think. Either way, comments like these were getting old.
jwatson1: Not like that.
jwatson1: No.
jwatson1: No, Harry.
watcatson74: It’s okay, John. Mum had to deal with having a gay daughter. Now she’ll be evened out.
watcatson74: I’LL BE YOUR WINGMAN. We can go to gay bars.
jwatson1: I’m not gay!
It was only half of a lie, when he thought about it.
watcatson74: You say that but it just comes out as “Sherlock does this.”, “Sherlock does that.”
watcatson74: “Sherlock is sooo brilliant I could shag him!”
John sighed at the last message. It was true that he had said it, only once, but it was made even worse because it was said in the presence of his sister who would never let it go. Of all the things she could have remembered that night, from rolling around on the floor meowing like a cat to sobbing to vomiting, it had to be one off-handed, drunken comment made by John.
jwatson1: You can’t hold that against me.
watcatson74: S’like when you used to watch those James Bond movies when we were little and you thought I didn’t notice when you were checking him out.
watcatson74: Doesn’t your detective wear suits too? Posh bloke, isn’t he?
jwatson1: Please stop Harry. Does it matter if I fancy Sherlock a bit?
John looked up from his computer screen to glance at Sherlock. Sherlock was still seemed trapped in his own mind, seemingly unaware of what John was discussing with his sister. He was lucky that Sherlock was bored though, because on any other day, he might have been able to figure it out just by looking at John’s pinkie toe or something equally as asinine.
watcatson74: S’nothing wrong with that.
watcatson74: I mean - I think everyone knows from reading your blog.
watcatson74: D’you really pay that close of attention to his clothing?
jwatson1: He’s a well dressed man. It’s hard not to take notice.
It was true. Sherlock was always dressed in suits that somehow looked as though they were in pristine condition even after running half way around London through dirty alleys and jumping over rooftops in pursuit of killers and the like. He even made his dressing gown look elegant. But that was neither here nor there.
watcatson74: This is cause for CELEBRAAAAATIONNN. Hold on, let me go get my good sherry.
Alcohol, of course. Remember, encourage sobriety.
jwatson1: No. No that’s not a good idea.
watcatson74: Okay, okay I lied!! Hahahaha. I’ve already had a bottle. LOL!
Or... not.
jwatson1: Not funny Harry.
watcatson74: John.
watcatson74: John.
watcatson74: You need a sense of humour John.
watcatson74: Or a good shag. Either one, preferably both. At the same time.
jwatson1: Yeah well it’s hard to have a sense of humour when your sister is always drunk off her arse.
watcatson74: Drunk off my arse is... I don’t even... why do people use that expression?
jwatson1: I don’t know, maybe you could clean yourself up and call Clara?
He knew it was a low blow, to bring up Clara like this - but if she wasn’t going to stop drinking for herself, perhaps there was something external that could motivate her.
watcatson74: I’M PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT CLARA.
watcatson74: GOD JOHN
watcatson74: Why do you have to RUIN everything?
watcatson74: Why can’t I just be happy knowing you’re happy?
watcatson74: Are you happy John???
Oh God, time for the emotional drunk in Harry to rear its ugly head.
jwatson1: Sometimes. Most of the time.
watcatson74: Why does everyone need to remind me of Clara and her posh new girlfriend?
watcatson74: With her red hair?
watcatson74: and manicures?
jwatson1: I wasn’t aware she had found someone else. I’m sorry Harry.
watcatson74: It’s not fair John. I drink and I sleep and I wake up in beds without even remembering what happened the night before. And you - you go and get shot. It’s not right for brothers to get shot John.
jwatson1: I chose to go into the Army. I didn’t ask to get shot, but everyone always knew there was a chance of it happening. It happened, and you know it’s all fine now.
watcatson74: Yeah but then you go and post things like... a study in orange.
Pink.
jwatson1: Pink.
watcatson74: or whatever it is - maroon, plum.
Pink.
jwatson1: A Study in Pink.
watcatson74: Same thing.
watcatson74: What happens if you
watcatson74: If some crazy nutjob comes and I don’t know.
watcatson74: Straps you to a bomb.
John sat in his chair stone faced. He hadn’t told much of anyone about the night at the pool besides Sarah (who was understandably freaked out and turned down any more offers for dates), Mycroft and the police - at least what really happened, but if they were going to be honest with each other he could at least let on a little bit.
jwatson1: About that. Semtex jacket, darkened swimming pool. But I’m fine, it’s all fine!
watcatson74: Pool?????? Semtex?????
jwatson1: I’m fine. I won’t tell you the things I post on my blog aren’t dangerous. They are. But there isn’t any reason to worry. Sherlock wouldn’t let anything happen to me... I don’t think.
And that was true as well. John was certain after he had looked at John that night at the pool that Sherlock wouldn’t let anything bad come by John-- at least anything that would cause him major harm and / or death.
watcatson74: Well you tell that Sherlock I don’t care how POSH he is. If he hurts you Harry Watson will beat his arse.
watcatson74: All across the continents.
jwatson1: I’ll let him know.
watcatson74: I should sober up... shouldn’t I?
jwatson1: You already know my opinion on that Harry.
watcatson74: Yeah - I’ve ...I’ve actually got a sponsor right now. Technically I’m not supposed to drink - and I’m a bit off the wagon I suppose.
watcatson74: He’s a really nice bloke though - really nice.
jwatson1: That’s great! Really. At least you have a sponsor. I’m glad you’ve at least taken the first step.
watcatson74: Yeah! He’s hilarious!
watcatson74: Watches Glee.
watcatson74: Have you seen Glee? I can’t understand ANY of it.
jwatson1: No, but this woman Molly, down at the morgue, won’t stop talking about it.
watcatson74: It’s like there’s this kid and she’s pregnant. And then there’s THIS kid and she loves this guy. And I don’t even know.
watcatson74: Jim spends the majority of the time explaining it to me.
John froze. It was him. He just knew it. At the mere mention of the name Jim, John Watson knew that it had to be Moriarty. The pieces just fit. John knew that Molly and Moriarty had something going on, with her being obsessed with Glee it would only make sense that Moriarty would watch to somehow appease her. Or maybe he just enjoyed it himself.
watcatson74: You have to be sober to understand this show. LOL.
jwatson1: Your sponsor, his name is Jim?
watcatson74: Yeah. Nice bloke - if I was into that thing.
jwatson1: Does Jim have a last name, or is it just Jim?
watcatson74: You should see some of his trousers, I think they cost more than I make in a month!!
watcatson74: Er- I think he’s got a card somewhere in my flat. He mentioned it once - I usually just call him Jim.
jwatson1: Maybe you should think about another sponsor.
watcatson74: Hang on let me.
watcatson74: It just says Jim M.
watcatson74: But I guess it’s for privacy?? Posh bloke like that probably doesn’t want some crazy drunk person to know where he lives.
John’s heart raced, he thought about calling Sherlock off the sofa and over to his laptop - not that Sherlock didn’t already know he was chatting with his sister. He should make sure though, make sure this was actually Moriarty and not some random nice bloke who volunteered as a sponsor for alcoholics. Maybe it was all a coincidence. Either way, he wasn’t going to let Harry take her chances.
jwatson1: I think you should get a new sponsor. I really think you should.
jwatson1: If by any chance the M stands for Moriarty, then we’ve got a huge, huge problem on our hands. Something you don’t need to get tangled up in.
watcatson74: LOL
watcatson74: You’re so dramatic!!
watcatson74: Who’s Moriarty?
watcatson74: Sounds like a comic book character.
jwatson1: Semtex jacket, darkened swimming pool, remember? All Moriarty.
watcatson74: OH
jwatson1: I shouldn’t be telling you this. I just want you to be safe.
watcatson74: Hold on.
watcatson74: Just got a text!!
watcatson74: It’s Jim! LOL
jwatson1: Don’t answer him Harry.
watcatson74: Should I tell him my brother thinks he’s some crazy super villain??
jwatson1: No!
watcatson74: JK JK!
watcatson74: “Where are you right now? Let’s go to the movies! -Jim”
jwatson1: Harry. Please. Don’t answer him. Block his number.
watcatson74: Oooh, have you see Stupid, Crazy Love?
watcatson74: It’s got that red head in it.
jwatson1: No, I haven’t. Sherlock hates movies. Always spoils the ending when the trailers begin.
watcatson74: HOW DOES HE DO THAT.
watcatson74: Ugh - I watched this one movie
watcatson74: what’s it...
watcatson74: Cat Fish.
watcatson74: MIND BLOWN.
jwatson1: I can’t explain his deduction skills. But somehow he knows the movie before it starts. And Cat Fish? Never heard of it.
watcatson74: Ellen Page is like 20 something so it’s perfectly legal to think she’s cute in Inception right????
jwatson1: Sure?
watcatson74: Hey.
watcatson74: I’m sorry our conversations always end with us fighting or having some row.
watcatson74: I love you, you know that right?
jwatson1: Yes Harry. I do know that. I want you to be safe though.
watcatson74: If it makes you happy I won’t talk to him anymore.
watcatson74: <33333333333
watcatson74: See it’s a heart. Multiple hearts. LOL
jwatson1: Good.
jwatson1: How do you do that? What buttons? Sorry my computer skills aren’t as good as yours.
watcatson74: Ummmm.
watcatson74: It’s the thingy on the left with the arrow going up.
watcatson74: SHIFT
watcatson74: And then you hit the um
watcatson74: Hang on I have to look
watcatson74: comma
watcatson74: And then it’s a three.
watcatson74: LOL you just do it naturally!!!!
watcatson74: Are you still typing with two fingers?? LOL
jwatson1: Yes. Don’t make fun of me.
watcatson74: LOL
jwatson1: ,3
watcatson74: You have to hit the comma with the shift at the same time John!
watcatson74: LOL this is me
watcatson74: being you
watcatson74: my
watcatson74: name
watcatson74: is
watcatson74: john
watcatson74: watson
watcatson74: Except I’m doing it too fast.
watcatson74: ...that sounds oddly dirty. Keyboard sex.
jwatson1: Harry, no, I have learned to type faster with just two fingers. Sherlock got annoyed with two finger typing and told me to either speed up, learn how to type correctly or stop all together. I can’t just stop, I’ve got a blog to write and I can’t just learn, so I am learning to type faster.
jwatson1: And no, not keyboard sex.
jwatson1: Don’t say those words.
jwatson1: Together.
watcatson74: KEYBOARD CAT SEX
watcatson74: OMG
watcatson74: Have you seen keyboard cat?
watcatson74: It’s hilarious!
jwatson1: Yes it is hilarious!
jwatson1: With the cat and the keyboard. I’ve watched it at least twelve times.
watcatson74: Cat videos are awesome.
watcatson74: The one where they play patty cake? !!!!!!
watcatson74: Does Sherlock like cat videos? You two can bond.
jwatson1: No, he hates them actually. He doesn’t find them as funny as I do.
watcatson74: WHATEVER YOU DO
watcatson74: DO NOT WATCH CAT WITH HANDS.
watcatson74: I thought it was going to be cute and funny about a cat with hands. I HAD TO SLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
jwatson1: Why not?
jwatson1: It’s not about a cat with hands?
watcatson74: It is but everything is SCARY!!!
watcatson74: When you’ve had a few cups...
jwatson1: You know that I have to go watch this Cat with Hands now, right?
watcatson74: NO JOHN
watcatson74: NO
watcatson74: ;___; look see, my semicolons are crying.
jwatson1: Okay found it. Cat with hands.
jwatson1: I can do that too ;--------;
watcatson74: That looks like a crab.
watcatson74: Or something with a zipper mouth.
watcatson74: Or that thingy from Star Trek.
watcatson74: No. Star Wars. That goes IT’S A TRAP.
jwatson1: No, it looks like someone crying. Don’t make fun of me.
watcatson74: I make fun of you all the time.
watcatson74: Since we were little.
watcatson74: How is this different?
jwatson1: I don’t see a cat yet. Just a rope.
jwatson1: Does the cat have hands?
watcatson74: OMG NO NO NO
watcatson74: NO
watcatson74: Y JOHN Y.
jwatson1: You’re the one who told me not to! I have to now.
watcatson74: UGH. Fine then.
watcatson74: Don’t have gloriously hot gay sex with your flatmate.
jwatson1: Don’t tell me what to do Harry! I’ll have gloriously hot gay sex with my flatmate if I want to!
watcatson74: :”)
jwatson1: Damn it.
Sherlock shifted on the sofa and looked at John. Perfect timing, he thought, his face was probably ten different shades of red at the moment and the most observant man on the planet is now staring at him. Just ignore it and watch the video.
jwatson1: I don’t have a good feeling about this. I don’t see any funny cats yet.
watcatson74: :( BECAUSE IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S SCARY.
jwatson1: Fine. Just because I don’t feel like having any nightmares tonight I’ll stop talking about it.
watcatson74: But then how will you know what happens to the cat with hands?
jwatson1: Fine then I’ll watch it.
watcatson74: Well it’s scary.
jwatson1: Then I won’t.
watcatson74: But it’s the cat with hands.
jwatson1: Harry I’m not watching it. No matter how much a cat with hands tempts me.
watcatson74: Well
watcatson74: Fine
watcatson74: Spoiler alert
watcatson74: It kills everyone.
jwatson1: The cat... with hands?
watcatson74: LOL I forwarded it to Jim and he thought it was hilarious!!!
jwatson1: No. Stop with Jim. Don’t talk to Jim. Don’t text Jim. Don’t send Jim videos.
jwatson1: But of course Jim would find it hilarious.
watcatson74: He’s funny like that haha!!
watcatson74: OMG you should hear him when he says
watcatson74: “HIIIIII”
watcatson74: It’s so funny!
jwatson1: So I’ve heard.
watcatson74: Funniest Irish bloke I’ve met.
watcatson74: Definitely camp though.
jwatson1: Stop it.
watcatson74: Why? Just because you don’t like him? You haven’t even met him!!
jwatson1: Let me guess. Hair gel, tinted eyebrows, underwear that sticks out just a bit?
jwatson1: Although I guess I could be describing a lot of people, but Jim, no, you just need to stop. Don’t talk to him.
watcatson74: Yeah every guy I know! He helps me John. I thought you’d like that!
watcatson74: I mean - I was doing well - well besides tonight but it was for fun!!!
watcatson74: He’s a really good sponsor.
jwatson1: I do want you to get help, you know that. It’s just Jim isn’t who you think he is.
watcatson74: He works with IT! He help set up my computer for me when it crashed.
jwatson1: So Jim has been on your computer? Great.
jwatson1: He can probably see this whole conversation right now!
watcatson74: Um no
watcatson74: This is only for two people
watcatson74: If you want a convo you have to do a conference!!
watcatson74: and he’s driving. So he’s not even on a computer. What is with you?
jwatson1: Nothing. You just don’t need to get wrapped up in all the dangerous things that happen to me. So you just need to stop talking to him. You need to stay safe too.
Nearly ten minutes passed without a reply from Harry. They had been carrying on a steady conversation for nearly an hour and a half so the sudden halt was troubling to say the least.
jwatson1: Harry?
jwatson1: If you don’t answer I’m going to assume something happened.
jwatson1: If Jim is there then I’m going to have an interesting night. So I hope that’s not the case Harry.
jwatson1: Harry.
jwatson1: I can’t have gloriously hot gay sex if I’m out saving you.
“Sherlock, come here.” John looked up towards the sofa to find the man still staring at him and motioned towards his laptop. Sherlock just looked at John, probably deeming him unworthy of any movement on his end.
“I think Mori---” Sherlock stood up before his name could escape his mouth and was looking over John’s shoulder only a second later. “---arty is posing as Harry’s AA sponsor.” Sherlock’s eyes scanned the chat window as John scrolled through the evidence. John knew that he had said a few colourful things - but right now he didn’t care if Sherlock saw that John possibly wanted to have gloriously hot gay sex with him.
watcatson74: JOHN
watcatson74: LOL
watcatson74: Stop being paranoid! I had to get the door!
“John, he’s there. Let’s go.” Sherlock insisted, attempting to close John’s laptop. “Now.”
“Wait, now wait... she’s replying, let me just see what’s happening. Could have been anyone at the door.”
watcatson74: I promise you, John - if you REALLY REALLY don’t want Jim to be my sponsor, then I’ll find a new one.
watcatson74: I’ll even write him a proper letter if it means that much to you.
jwatson1: Thank you. And it’s not paranoia. This is real.
watcatson74: “Dear Jim, sorry we can’t be friends anymore!”
Dear Jim, Please will you fix it for me to get rid of my lover’s nasty sister. Dear Jim, Please will you fix it for me to disappear to South America.
jwatson1: No. Don’t do this Dear Jim thing.
watcatson74: I’ll break it off tomorrow - or Tuesday when I’ve got my meetings.
watcatson74: Anyway though, since I already answered him earlier
watcatson74: I’m just gonna go see the film - eat some crap popcorn.
John’s stomach dropped. No, no, no, no, no.
Sherlock, still looking over his shoulder tried to shut his laptop once more, but John resisted. He needed answers before they ran off into the London night.
jwatson1: Harry! I told you not to answer him.
watcatson74: Well I can’t UNSEND a text! S’bit rude don’t you think?
jwatson1: Great.
jwatson1: Just great.
“If we go now we’ll be able to anticipate where they’re heading - if they are indeed going to the movie theatre. Stupid, Crazy Love, did she say?” Sherlock fidgeted with his cell phone, possibly looking through movie theatres playing the film within a few mile radius from Harry’s flat. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we will find him.”
John nodded and Sherlock paced off to grab his coat. He just had to quickly wrap up his conversation - he couldn’t just leave, that would probably worry Harry - and she had her own problems to worry about right now. Specifically an eccentric Irish madman.
Right, keep calm and carry on.
jwatson1: Fine. You go along to your movie, but do not mention my name. Do not mention Sherlock’s name and remember what I said. I can’t have gloriously hot gay sex if I have to go out saving your arse.
watcatson74: Johnny Boy is a bit bitter isn’t he?
jwatson1: Don’t call me Johnny Boy.
watcatson74: Nasty pets should be put down.
“Sherlock! He’s there.” John’s breath became sporadic - “He’s typing.”
jwatson1: NO.
watcatson74: Harriet is a bit “occupied” right now.
“Hmmm?” he heard Sherlock hum from across the room.
“Bottom...” John began.
“...drawer of your nightstand, got it. Do you really think you could hide this from me?” Sherlock whipped John’s gun out of his coat pocket. What... when? No, irrelevant right now.
jwatson1: Let Harry go. She has nothing to do with this. Come get me instead. Don’t you dare even touch her.
watcatson74: Well she’s not really my *type*, Johnny.
watcatson74: But I’m already here, and why go all the way to get *you* when I can have the next best thing?
watcatson74: Aren’t the movies great, Johnny? I love it when they end with a bang.
“John.” Sherlock said, one foot already out the door leading to the stairs.
John stood up, but leaned over to type one more message out. As an older brother, he felt responsible, he had to let her know that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
jwatson1: HARRY. Harry, if you see this I’m coming to get you. Right now. Sherlock and I. And Moriarty, You’re right. This will end with a bang.
watcatson74: I can’t wait!
watcatson74: Toodles!
watcatson74: XOXOXO
jwatson1 has disconnected.