I don't think you'll read all of this... I probably wouldn't.

[jump_or_die]

I should go get into bed. But I'm really awake.

I've been reading over several of my past entries. I can't believe you people read this shit. If you actually do. If not, I don't blame you. It can be really depressing. But I also realized that I haven't written an actual entry in a while. So I thought I would do that. And I'll try to stay away from the severely depressing business... try being the operative word.

I have this friend. And it's the strangest thing. I miss him even when he's right there. I think this may be simply because I don't get to see him a lot. I did that at camp too, when I was a kid... ('kid' being a loose term though because I went to camp every summer from the 2nd grade until my senior year of high school. Heh.) I absolutely LOVED being there, but I would think about how terribly I would miss it once I had to leave. Naturally, this forfeited my ability to live in the moment entirely. Nasty little habit, that one is. I might also feel some distance there because he just won't let me get that close. He can somehow hurt my feelings like no one else can. And he does. I hate that because it means he has the upper-hand in our friendship... it also means I have hurt feelings. Forgive me, but these lyrics fit too perfectly to leave them out. (Imagine the aforementioned friend saying this. So change the her to his):

"the one person who really knows me best
says I'm like a cat
yeah the kind of cat that you just can't pick up
and throw into your lap
no, the kind that doesn't mind being held
only when its her idea"

'Virtue,' Ani Difranco

That depicts so well the way he is with me; the way I perceive him to be with most people. I'm a little like that, too. I guess we all are to a certain extent. You know, I don't mind meeting a friend half way, but it's challenging to be the only one that really seems to be trying to maintain the friendship. (Some of you HAVE to be thinking I sound like the biggest hypocrite saying that. I know and I really am sorry. What can I say?? I'm crazy, man.) I'd probably give up, but for that every once in a while he calls to hang out or seems to really like my company in return. That and it takes a lot for me give up on someone, generally. I suppose our friendship is one that can't really change, as much as I hate to admit that. Not unless he wanted to hang out with me more than he does now. And I really just don't see that happening... at least not for an extended amount of time.

Another thing I noticed in reading all of those old entries is that my writing tends to be lengthy and direction-less. Atleast I stayed with a topic for the most part in this one, but it's still a little pointless and very long. Oh well. They're just my thoughts; nothing less, nothing more.

Okay, now a short story and pictures to go with...



Todd climbing while Novah stands in awe of his mad skills...

Though she definitely showed him up - at least in - about a week ago. See Novah's feet? We didn't even 'get high' until after we climbed back down. Har har. In other words, yes, we did it with completely sober judgment. The picture doesn't really convey how fucking high that was, though. How many feet would you three say that was??

Todd, you pussy. Ha ha, kidding, KIDDING!