(no subject)
Hey kids! What time is it?! *The voices of hundreds of shrieking children suddenly fall silent, then shout in horrifying unity* DECEMBER RANT TIME!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's not December, but let's not get hung up on technicalities. You bitches... Always nitpicking my entries, greedily cruising for a minor breech of etiquette, misuse of grammar, or failure to correctly identify the current month/evidence of a newly-developed delirium.
Anyway... Wait, where the hell was I? And I don't mean it as the half-assed rhetorical question you ask yourself after your train of thought derails and plows head-on into a school bus full of snot-nosed children (which so happen to be the same snot-nosed children who hornked up their diaphragms while belting out the introduction to this month's rant), I'm seriously asking what my physical location was at that moment. Never mind. It's not important. Well, at least not as important as making a mental note to not drink milkshakes after they have begun to smell like the contents of a can of Easy Cheese™ left under the back seat of a minivan over the 4th of July weekend. I think they might be leading me on these simultaneously thrilling and disturbing tangents. But you wouldn't love me any other way, would you? Would you?!
Perhaps it's time for me to wrap all this up into a nice, neat little chestnut for all of you to enjoy (with both hands like the good little squirrels you all are) until my next rant. In short, let's work on making 2007 a good year, because 2006 was ass.*
*The year 2006 was determined to be "ass" through a number of complex equations based on the quality of events that occurred between January 1, 2006 00:00:00 PST and December 31, 2006 23:59:59 PST. Events occurring during the year 2006 have been assigned positive and negative point values based on the quality of the event relative to my own heavily-biased standards. The equation is as follows:
Point value of good events + Point value of bad events > 0 = GOOD
Point value of good events + Point value of bad events < 0 = ASS
Anyway... Wait, where the hell was I? And I don't mean it as the half-assed rhetorical question you ask yourself after your train of thought derails and plows head-on into a school bus full of snot-nosed children (which so happen to be the same snot-nosed children who hornked up their diaphragms while belting out the introduction to this month's rant), I'm seriously asking what my physical location was at that moment. Never mind. It's not important. Well, at least not as important as making a mental note to not drink milkshakes after they have begun to smell like the contents of a can of Easy Cheese™ left under the back seat of a minivan over the 4th of July weekend. I think they might be leading me on these simultaneously thrilling and disturbing tangents. But you wouldn't love me any other way, would you? Would you?!
Perhaps it's time for me to wrap all this up into a nice, neat little chestnut for all of you to enjoy (with both hands like the good little squirrels you all are) until my next rant. In short, let's work on making 2007 a good year, because 2006 was ass.*
*The year 2006 was determined to be "ass" through a number of complex equations based on the quality of events that occurred between January 1, 2006 00:00:00 PST and December 31, 2006 23:59:59 PST. Events occurring during the year 2006 have been assigned positive and negative point values based on the quality of the event relative to my own heavily-biased standards. The equation is as follows:
Point value of good events + Point value of bad events > 0 = GOOD
Point value of good events + Point value of bad events < 0 = ASS