i can't make it on my own
life blows so hard.
i wish i could move away, but unfortunatly i'm unable to live alone. because i hate being alone. i wish someone would want to move away with me.. to new jersey. new jersey, or west chester. any takers? heh.
and i don't wanna live with just some random person that i found in the new jersey newspaper who happens to also be looking for a roomate to live with. because thats just fucking weird.
i just got off the phone with holly in hopes that she was here for the weekend, and i could pick her up and we could go to perkins and talk for a few hours about just stuff. but just like all the other people i love the most, she doesn't really live here anymore. . .
and the people that do, either never do anything. or just make their lives to busy to hang out with people, or they have serious boyfriends who take up their spare time. don't get me wrong, the only girlfriends i really have here are michelle, amanda, and hayley. and michelle just really doesn't understand a lot of things in my perspective. and amanda has eric. and hayley lives a good amount of time away, and also has her boyfriend.. and then there's me.
just talking to holly on the phone made me just want to scream and cry and be angry at the world. not just because she's not here. because i'm not that sentamentle and lame, and none of my friends are really THAT far away. but they're all a good amounts away. i just need to cry i think. i really can't remember the last time i did, making it obvious that it was a long time ago. maybe i've lost my sense of emotion. and i'm just stuck in some strange mind-set.
fall is approaching. and i think it also is putting a damper on my brain. it's so romantic and i just can't fucking stand it anymore. everyone i've met lately is just so fucking.. dull, too hard to handle, and unable to hold decent conversations, or i'm just don't feel comfortable enough around them to hold decent conversations. either of those, or their just big fucking stoners, and i fucking hate that. since steve at least. and he's far away in new jersey with that perfect girl of his. it racks my fucking mind every single day, and it probably will forever and i HATE the thought of even thinking that. and my love life rots, why? because i'm stuck in this hole in the ground town. where i'll always know everyone, even before i even meet them, and they'll always know something about me.
so whatever, i got one of my flowers colored in yesterday, and it's beautious. i just love tattoos a lot i guess. i also got my nose pierced. i still don't know what i really think about it. but it's cool for now. i mean, it's not forever so i figured whatever.
now that i have tattoos, big tatttos, that can't always be covered up. it makes it even harder to find a guy to get along with and just chill with. because i need this someone else to also have tattoos. because if he doesn't then people just won't get it.. i don't know. that's hard to explain right now but it's just the way i think. as closed-minded as it sounds.
all i do is work, sleep, drink, and smoke a pack a day. don't get me wrong, i love doing all of these things. but i just NEVER meet new people anymore. err, lets say any enjoyable new people anymore. all summer long i met handfuls of amazing, cool, fun, easy-going people. so what fucking happened? i wish someone could tell me. because i just can't figure it out. and everyone i always really want to hang out with, are so much fucking older than me. and our worlds just collide i guess.
but i'm probably going to bed now. yes, at 1:00 on a saturday night. i'm going to bed. how fucking pathetic. but i have work at 11 tomorrow morning anyway. until MIDNIGHT. =\ ... ehh.
i wish i could move away, but unfortunatly i'm unable to live alone. because i hate being alone. i wish someone would want to move away with me.. to new jersey. new jersey, or west chester. any takers? heh.
and i don't wanna live with just some random person that i found in the new jersey newspaper who happens to also be looking for a roomate to live with. because thats just fucking weird.
i just got off the phone with holly in hopes that she was here for the weekend, and i could pick her up and we could go to perkins and talk for a few hours about just stuff. but just like all the other people i love the most, she doesn't really live here anymore. . .
and the people that do, either never do anything. or just make their lives to busy to hang out with people, or they have serious boyfriends who take up their spare time. don't get me wrong, the only girlfriends i really have here are michelle, amanda, and hayley. and michelle just really doesn't understand a lot of things in my perspective. and amanda has eric. and hayley lives a good amount of time away, and also has her boyfriend.. and then there's me.
just talking to holly on the phone made me just want to scream and cry and be angry at the world. not just because she's not here. because i'm not that sentamentle and lame, and none of my friends are really THAT far away. but they're all a good amounts away. i just need to cry i think. i really can't remember the last time i did, making it obvious that it was a long time ago. maybe i've lost my sense of emotion. and i'm just stuck in some strange mind-set.
fall is approaching. and i think it also is putting a damper on my brain. it's so romantic and i just can't fucking stand it anymore. everyone i've met lately is just so fucking.. dull, too hard to handle, and unable to hold decent conversations, or i'm just don't feel comfortable enough around them to hold decent conversations. either of those, or their just big fucking stoners, and i fucking hate that. since steve at least. and he's far away in new jersey with that perfect girl of his. it racks my fucking mind every single day, and it probably will forever and i HATE the thought of even thinking that. and my love life rots, why? because i'm stuck in this hole in the ground town. where i'll always know everyone, even before i even meet them, and they'll always know something about me.
so whatever, i got one of my flowers colored in yesterday, and it's beautious. i just love tattoos a lot i guess. i also got my nose pierced. i still don't know what i really think about it. but it's cool for now. i mean, it's not forever so i figured whatever.
now that i have tattoos, big tatttos, that can't always be covered up. it makes it even harder to find a guy to get along with and just chill with. because i need this someone else to also have tattoos. because if he doesn't then people just won't get it.. i don't know. that's hard to explain right now but it's just the way i think. as closed-minded as it sounds.
all i do is work, sleep, drink, and smoke a pack a day. don't get me wrong, i love doing all of these things. but i just NEVER meet new people anymore. err, lets say any enjoyable new people anymore. all summer long i met handfuls of amazing, cool, fun, easy-going people. so what fucking happened? i wish someone could tell me. because i just can't figure it out. and everyone i always really want to hang out with, are so much fucking older than me. and our worlds just collide i guess.
but i'm probably going to bed now. yes, at 1:00 on a saturday night. i'm going to bed. how fucking pathetic. but i have work at 11 tomorrow morning anyway. until MIDNIGHT. =\ ... ehh.