*sigh*
ugh, i have the biggest knots ever in my stomach right now. there's only an hour til oliver's viewing. i'm nervous. i've never been to one other than my one neighbors before. I knew her but I was young and well it just didn't impact me as much, but in 55 minutes I'm going to go have to see a good portion of my graduating class along with MANY other people coming together because of a death that is close. We weren't that close really, but it still affects me greatly. We use to hang out all the time in middle school and he was so close to so many of my friends. I just don't even know how I will react. I almost started crying the one day I was talking to Andy about the whole situation... so I can't imagine tonight. Or maybe I won't even react. I hate it because I hate more than anything to cry in front of people. Especially tonight I want more than anything to just try to stay wrong for everyone around me, especially lisa. I'm really glad I'm going with her though, I want to be there for her for at least one of the two upcoming nights. Tomorrow is his funeral but I unfortuntely won't be attending that for many reasons (school & for the respect of it being a funeral and trying to prevent any drama) but anyways. I dont even know where I was getting with making this post other than to express how absolutely nervous/scared/uneasy I am about this. I guess I just never expected to have to start going through all of this so young, but who did. I mean for many this ppl there tonight it will be their 2nd, 3rd, 4th even 5th or more funeral they have gone to just recently for HS students/grads around here. I dont know its just so upsetting to think... this is all there is to come in the future. This isnt just something thats happened right now but its something that will be continueing for the rest of my life. I dont know. Death is one of my biggest fears and I don't take it very well no matter who it is.
.... but i better get going... lie down for a minute then get around....
oh and by the way - bush should die. cant forget that!
.... but i better get going... lie down for a minute then get around....
oh and by the way - bush should die. cant forget that!