In one fucking page....you're back, Lavi...
I didn't intend to read it this soon, but now I've read it, everything is officially gone. My delicate hope, my little excitement, my decreasing love.
It's gone, you know?
I didn't expect anything from it, not even in the slightest for my so-called hope, yet I still had hope, somehow, in someway, it would be better than this.
Anything but this.
The whole chapter...even when it was a spoiler, I hadn't wanted to read it, but you know, I had to read it, I had to find you, I just had to. And I did...
My love for DGM died.
And my love for you...
Oh well, it can't be possibly increasing can it?
But it is.
The more I stare at you, the more my love is increasing.
The more I love you, the more I feel unfair for you.
And the more I feel unfair for you, the more I hate everything else,
and the more I love you.
More and more, it's just never enough. It's never been enough.
Sometimes, I feel tired.
Sometimes, I feel hopeless.
Waiting for you is just too exhausting and depressing. It's like looking forward to a fresh rain falling down upon a desert.
So exhausting. So depressing.
So hopeless.
I was hopeful and energetic and excited and trusting. I used to be.
But not anymore.
Can you expect more from the one who has just recovered a little from a fucking sickness that almost stole away her life a week ago?
Hopeful and hopeless, the distance is almost a zero.
More and more
the hope ceases and the love grows
It's just not enough.
11 months and 11 days I haven't been able to see your face. 11 months and 11 days.
A year has passed without you.
I'll have to wait more to see more and more. I don't mind.
But would I be able to do that? Would I be able to love you another day without hating everything else more than possible?
No matter how it was disappointing me, the moment I saw your face again, I knew that nothing else mattered. I didn't see anything else but you and you only. Everything was gone to nothing and the sudden pain was back.
It has been too long. How bitter we are. I had never realized how terrible I'd missed you until that moment.
How bitter I am.
And how unfair she is.
I tried not to blame her, I tried not to blame the others, I tried not to blame life, Gods I really tried, but I failed.
It's still unfair to you.
I know you deserve better than that, you truly really do. Its just that not everyone realizes that simple truth.
Unfair, huh? I know.
I never got to see your face clearly, the pretty face I've missed so much. I never got to see your lopsided grin, the grin I've come to love so much, too much.
More and more, it's getting more and more unfair.
Page after page, from the so-called 'cover' to the chapter, from the battles to the appearances of a whole new characters in ONE chapter. 50 fucking pages and 2 PANELS of ONE FUCKING PAGE in which you were allowed to appear.
I didn't even bother to read the translation of the rest. What's the point, aside from pushing myself over the edge?
Angry, mad, frustrated, disappointed, hopeless.
The feelings were terrible.
And I was all messed up, just because of you.
So hopeless.
I stared at you and suddenly I didn't want to look away anymore.
I stared and stared and stared.
I realized, I've never wanted to look away.
You got no smile, no grin, no peace. I love you still.
You were in battle with the frown all over your concerned face, I love you more.
You went back to that little habit of yours, rolling up your sleeves even with that uniform, I love you even more, I love you to no end.
You really never cease to amaze me, your style of clothing kills me every time I set an eye on you. You pain me whenever your smile is gone.
Like now.
So unfair. So depressing.
But I never want to look away.
I love you so much, too much.
She's unfair, life is unfair, but as long as it's for you, I can bear it.
Or at least, I'll try to.
Because I know you're still alive, and safe, and gorgeous.
And I know you will be alive, and safe, and gorgeous, till the end of time.
You'll stay strong for the sake of us, won't you?
You know you're the only reason I'm continuing this...you are going to be alive and safe, you have to.
Because I know you're strong.
And I love you.
I might hate everything else beside you in your world. I might hate your creator, or even the whole world, but I always love you and will always love you.
Just because I love you too much to stop loving you now, my dear.