House
Originally published at Grappa Pixel Tea. Please leave any comments there.
So, Ann and I bought a house. Well, almost. Assuming everything goes peachily, we’ll be homeowners in the next few weeks. Currently we are awash; under a veritable tide of overwhelmingly obfuscatory red-taperwork. This is crap. There are many happy things to look forward to, though. Our good friend Nathaniel is likely going to be moving in and renting a room to ease us into the blow of parting with a little more money, which is much welcomed. I’ve never had this kind of lifestyle before, but I’m actually looking forward to seeing how it works out.
The house itself is beautiful. Grimm-esque on the outside, bright and cheerful on the inside. She’s old, though, and though she has *ahem* “good bones”, she does need a little work. On the list of things to be done to some extent in the coming months and years are: roof, chimney, electrical, plumbing, exterior walls, windows, heating, attic - okay basically everything. We knew this, though, as is often the case when you buy a house nearing its hundredth birthday. I jest a little though, in general the house is in perfectly acceptable condition.
There are a number of features that made this house particularly attractive to us that I’m really keen to use. Firstly, space. Apartment living has been pretty interesting for me, but I feel a little confined after living a lot more spaciously for my whole life. I will look forward to not having to dig into the bowels of the poopy-smelling kitty-litter zone in order to retrieve any given item. Oh yeah, and not having the other litter box in the same place that I have my clothes. I have the most unusual phantom smell association of getting dressed and cat-litter slightly blanketed with mango air freshener. For a feeble mind like mine that has enough trouble just chugging along, this is trying.
This new place also has a three berth car garage. Perhaps “hotel” would be a more appropriate name. This is a lot for us, considering we have one tiny European hatchback. The resultant extra space pretty much solves all of our storage needs and then some. Heck, everything we own could probably fit in the garage before we even get to the house. There is also a sun room. Somewhat mind-blowing to me, since I’ve never been in a house that had a room dedicated to being in the sun - something traditionally done outside. I am sure our cats will find this to be a most sensible and useful addition to their indoor lifestyle, which currently is actually somewhat hindered by the lack of a sun room. Most importantly, however, there is a crazy large finished basement which accounts for almost half of the size of the house. My dream of making a kind of geek bunker is about to be realised. Down in this den, which I wish to call “B1”, there will be computers, gaming consoles, a large television, 5.1 sound system, plastic musical instruments, a pinball machine and a lot of dumpy sofas. The walls will be decorated with geeky video-game and sci-fi posters. There will be a humourous “Mans” sign on the bathroom door. There will be a place to get drinks and snacks on hand. Yes. I am being for really reals. If you know me, please come over often and help me enjoy this - I don’t think I’ll have enough time to do it by myself and I want to share the love.
Before all of these things will come to pass, however, is another few weeks of dreary, tedious bureaucracy. The people who design these documents and procedures are masterful and relentless. It is almost as if every form 21B or section 33.c, paragraph vi they craft in their evil laboratories is very deliberately designed to maximise the output balance of confusion, tedium, rage and belittlement. Thankfully we have a wonderful, wonderful agent who can speak Real Estate and also English, making translations relatively painless.
So, let’s hope this works out!