Prayers; Chapter One
Choi Siwon X and a mystery kpop idol who will be revealed later in the plot.....
Rating: PG13 for this chapter for language
Summary: Choi Siwon is an up and coming priest in his Church and one night encounters a young man who changes everything. He will have to admit things to himself that he never thought he would, challenging himself to become who he really is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Choi Siwon, Super Junior, or the mystery idol in question. This is an entirely fictional homosexual themed story that deals with homosexual relations. If you are not interested in such a story, please do not continue further. As well, some heavy themes regarding religion are discussed and I do not claim these beliefs are what I attribute to the actual idols. This is merely for entertainment purposes. The feelings expressed about said idols are not necessarily my feelings in real life. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
Choi Siwon. His name was gaining popularity among the parishioners in his county and among the circle of his fellow pastors. His most cherished elder, Pastor Jang Kisang had given him such high praise that he had finally gotten to begin services completely by himself in the church Pastor Jang called his home. Happy to take on the responsibilities, and extremely pleased that he was given such praise; Siwon took to the pulpit with a fire that would surely make Pastor Jang glad of his decision. Siwon was also happy that his elder was taking a bit of a break from time to time. He was in fact 73, and getting frail. Siwon was eager to carry the burden while being excited to share his spirit with the church-going community that he had known his entire life.
Only being 24, it is rare that such a young man would want to solely devote himself to Christ and the church, but Siwon didn’t ever see himself in any other life. He might have had a few mishaps in his childhood like sneaking out once to go to a movie with friends, but all in all his strict parents had instilled in him very solid morals, and he was never one to disappoint his parents. He also was a protestant priest, having entered the priesthood right out of high school, and even though his life was right now only involved in “answering the call” he knew he eventually could date and even marry a woman. Even so, this thought was something that made Siwon deathly confused, and the small voices that we don’t like to share with anyone else in the back of our minds liked to point out to him many times in his life,
…that he was not interested in women.
He didn’t want to blame his entrance into the priesthood on something that could be stamped out. He knew that someday he may find a woman to love, and that such a sinful part of him couldn’t possibly exist. He also never wanted to acknowledge his lack of experience with women (or interest in such activities for that matter) in his love for the church. He was a very proud and strong Christian, and his love for God overshadowed everything, even those little voices in his head that were so far fairly easy to shut out. All it took was a cold shower and a good amount of praying for him to completely banish those feelings inside of himself. Unfortunately, that would soon change.
It was an uneventful Saturday. Siwon had come in to the church in plainclothes to help out with the practice for a communion that would take place the next day. He saw that Pastor Jang had been there from the service that day and helped out with telling the families and the children who were to be communed how to behave and where to stand etc. and soon enough all that was left were some sparse decorations to put up and the preparations for the communion’s proceedings. Pastor Jang was noticeably tired despite his smiling, wrinkled eyes, and wide smile. Siwon said very simply,
“Pastor Jang, I’ve got the rest of this. You go home, I’m sure your wife has a nice meal waiting. You’ve been here for hours.”
“Oh no, it’s fine Siwonie, (Pastor Jang had been calling Siwon by that nickname since he could remember coming to church as a child) it won’t take but another hour or so to prepare everything.” Pastor Jang said with another glowing smile.
“No I insist. You go on home; it’s absolutely fine by me. Go on, it’s not a problem.” He then returned the smile. Pastor Jang heaved a rattling sigh as if he was about to say something more, (more fatigue shimmered in his eyes) but stopped himself, nodded twice and patted Siwon’s shoulder, signaling his exit. Finally alone, Siwon had the quiet solitude of the now completely empty church to recount his day, and finish the preparations for the service tomorrow that he would be conducting. Or so he thought.
Not ten minutes after his pastor left did he hear an earth shattering knocking on the church door. It was continuous and anxious, and it was obvious someone wanted to get in. He jogged swiftly to the front door and yelled, “Who is it?”
“I NEED HELP. LET ME IN PLEASE. I’M BEGGIN YOU MAN, LET ME IN RIGHT NOW.” Came the response. Siwon unlocked the door and in a flash a young man burst through quickly pushing Siwon aside, slamming the door and locking it again. He crumpled down to the floor in a heaving, sweaty mess. This stranger looked absolutely disheveled and it was as if he had been running for a while.
The dark chestnut hair on his head in sharp angles was plastered to his forehead, and a glimmering sheen of sweat was on his entire face and heavily panting neck and chest. A small drop of sweat beaded down from his sideburns and dripped off of his chin onto his crumpled frame on the floor.
Siwon’s little voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but admire just how stunningly handsome this young man was. He looked so young. His brown eyes were deep and framed in a glare of annoyance by two prominent brows. He looked up at Siwon with a scowl.
“Took you long enough, shit.” The young man huffed out and began rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand. His head arched backwards as his eyes closed; with a light thud his head hit the wood door and it looked like his whole body relaxed with a large sigh.
Caught in a wave of anger that he quickly repressed, (with the further acknowledgement of how defined this young man’s Adam’s apple was as it bobbed slightly on a shiny neck covered in sweat) he wasn’t sure how to proceed. He asked, “Are you ok now? What happened?”
“I just ran to the quickest place I knew that might be open and somewhere the guys who were chasing me might not look for me in. I hoped they had the fuckin decency not to look in a church and I guess I was right.” He retorted.
“Why were they chasing you?” Siwon said with patience, repressing a cringe at the excessive amount of cursing.
“Those fuckin pieces of shit wanted to fuck me after my show and I wouldn’t let them. I said they could talk to my manager for a private show but the bitches wanted to jump my bones right there. I said to fuck off and they were kicked out of the club, you know the male strip club on 33rd street? The big one with the giant purple lights?”
Siwon slightly shook his head in response. He was not expecting THAT, but took it upon himself to restrain his judgment and refrain from making any kinds of physical signs that he was doing anything other than listening attentively.
“Well anyway, I was done my shift and these three assholes tried to corner me as I got out of the club and started walking to the subway. Pricks…. anyway, I outran them and fuck they were fast. Goddamn, (the young man looked up from his reverie in telling the story and into Siwon’s eyes with a very slight look of reproach) my bad, here I am cursing up a storm and saying stuff like Goddamn in a fuckin church.” He shrugged his shoulders in a kind of ‘I’m not really sorry but I’m going to pretend I am’ kind of way and said, “I outran them far enough but I knew it would be a matter of time before they got up to me again cause they split up. I got in the church and I think they’re gone now. You mind if I stay for a minute or two to make sure they’re really gone?”
Siwon was extremely surprised with the young man and he wasn’t sure if he was going to try to steal anything (he just sort of guessed the poor guy looked the type) but he thought that it would be unchristian to send him out again in case those guys were after him, and he also thought he might be able to help him.
“That would be fine I guess.” Siwon said with a slight nod. He continued, “If you don’t mind my asking, when was the last time you came to church?”
“Look man, I know you might be some kind of Jesus freak for hanging out in a church on a Saturday night, but I’m not the church-going type, and if you wanna start laying into me about ‘have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior’ shit then I might as well just go now.”
Siwon’s mouth almost dropped open at such a wicked mouth. The small voice noticed just how plump the lips of such a mouth were, but was quickly stamped down by the unfortunate flash of anger that flared in the pit of his belly. “Excuse me; I was not going to say anything like that. Instead, I was merely wondering if I could help someone who might have lost their way. I apologize if you felt otherwise. Would you possibly like to talk about the choices you’ve made? Any confessions? Or maybe would you just like to talk? I would be willing to listen.”
“Whoa wait a sec, are you a priest?” The young man asked with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Siwon said with a very even voice.
“Oh shit, I mean, crap, I didn’t know man, I’m sorry for cursing so much father, uh…. but I mean damn, you’re so young! And so cute too, shit. How old are you? Like 22 or something?” The young man said getting to his feet and straightening his clothes.
Siwon stepped back slightly as the boy got up and answered with a quick reply, “No I’m 24.” He was completely amazed by the attitude of the boy. He didn’t care one bit about the fact that he was a priest or that he should maybe behave a bit better in a church.
“Fuck, you must be like the youngest priest I’ve ever met. I’m nineteen myself but I totally look older don’t I?” the young boy said with a sly smile and a little bit of a head tilt as if he knew he was being admired by Siwon. Siwon’s eyes went wide. He’s just a nineteen year old male stripper? He was going to have to pray hard for this poor boy tonight.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Siwon couldn’t resist asking. He immediately regretted his decision when he garnered a smirking “pffft” from the boy.
“Fuck that! I dropped out at sixteen cause some bitch thought I should wear their stuffy ass new uniforms that covered even more of my sexy ass, and I had a problem with authority. Anyway, I’ve been making out fine since then and I can take care of myself without a college education thank you very much. And besides,” the boy licked and then ever so slightly bit his lip for a second before locking eyes with Siwon, “there are some things you can’t teach in a classroom that I’ve learned over the years that have been,” he looked Siwon up and down very slowly, “way, way more useful.”
Siwon gulped heavily and it was everything in his power not to shake himself right there. “What about your parents?” Siwon quietly inquired.
A highly bemused chuckle ripped free from the boy, “what parents? My dad was an alcoholic who went into prison for getting too touchy feely with me, and my mom kicked me out for getting kicked out of school. Fuck my parents. All they’ve done for me is given me numerous headaches and shitty memories of a childhood that never was. Why? You wanna be my daddy Father?” The boy’s lips formed a plump half smile and he stepped closer by a few steps.
Siwon held up a hand. “I will not have that kind of talk in my church. I apologize but if you had presented yourself better I might have been more willing to help you and maybe even discuss with you how God can help someone so in need of guidance, but I’m afraid you’ve crossed a line. Please feel free to return to this house of God in a spirit of penance and contrition when you are ready, but I must ask you to leave.”
With that, Siwon strode past they boy’s angled frame, now with his arms folded quite arrogantly at his chest. He unlocked and opened the door, signaling for the boy to leave. The young man turned wistfully, and with a quick giggle slapped Siwon’s ass hard and then scampered out of the church. Siwon was so flustered that he slammed the door milliseconds after, hearing the maniacal laughter of the boy through the door slowly fade as he walked farther away, and breathed out a very disapproving huff of air. He crossed himself and thought, ‘what a blasphemous heathen.’
Siwon quickly finished the preparations with a hundred thoughts racing through his head, and periodically had to shake himself to concentrate on what he was doing. He left the church half-expecting the boy whose name he didn’t even know to be standing outside somewhere waiting for him, but luckily he was nowhere in sight.
Rating: PG13 for this chapter for language
Summary: Choi Siwon is an up and coming priest in his Church and one night encounters a young man who changes everything. He will have to admit things to himself that he never thought he would, challenging himself to become who he really is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Choi Siwon, Super Junior, or the mystery idol in question. This is an entirely fictional homosexual themed story that deals with homosexual relations. If you are not interested in such a story, please do not continue further. As well, some heavy themes regarding religion are discussed and I do not claim these beliefs are what I attribute to the actual idols. This is merely for entertainment purposes. The feelings expressed about said idols are not necessarily my feelings in real life. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
Choi Siwon. His name was gaining popularity among the parishioners in his county and among the circle of his fellow pastors. His most cherished elder, Pastor Jang Kisang had given him such high praise that he had finally gotten to begin services completely by himself in the church Pastor Jang called his home. Happy to take on the responsibilities, and extremely pleased that he was given such praise; Siwon took to the pulpit with a fire that would surely make Pastor Jang glad of his decision. Siwon was also happy that his elder was taking a bit of a break from time to time. He was in fact 73, and getting frail. Siwon was eager to carry the burden while being excited to share his spirit with the church-going community that he had known his entire life.
Only being 24, it is rare that such a young man would want to solely devote himself to Christ and the church, but Siwon didn’t ever see himself in any other life. He might have had a few mishaps in his childhood like sneaking out once to go to a movie with friends, but all in all his strict parents had instilled in him very solid morals, and he was never one to disappoint his parents. He also was a protestant priest, having entered the priesthood right out of high school, and even though his life was right now only involved in “answering the call” he knew he eventually could date and even marry a woman. Even so, this thought was something that made Siwon deathly confused, and the small voices that we don’t like to share with anyone else in the back of our minds liked to point out to him many times in his life,
…that he was not interested in women.
He didn’t want to blame his entrance into the priesthood on something that could be stamped out. He knew that someday he may find a woman to love, and that such a sinful part of him couldn’t possibly exist. He also never wanted to acknowledge his lack of experience with women (or interest in such activities for that matter) in his love for the church. He was a very proud and strong Christian, and his love for God overshadowed everything, even those little voices in his head that were so far fairly easy to shut out. All it took was a cold shower and a good amount of praying for him to completely banish those feelings inside of himself. Unfortunately, that would soon change.
It was an uneventful Saturday. Siwon had come in to the church in plainclothes to help out with the practice for a communion that would take place the next day. He saw that Pastor Jang had been there from the service that day and helped out with telling the families and the children who were to be communed how to behave and where to stand etc. and soon enough all that was left were some sparse decorations to put up and the preparations for the communion’s proceedings. Pastor Jang was noticeably tired despite his smiling, wrinkled eyes, and wide smile. Siwon said very simply,
“Pastor Jang, I’ve got the rest of this. You go home, I’m sure your wife has a nice meal waiting. You’ve been here for hours.”
“Oh no, it’s fine Siwonie, (Pastor Jang had been calling Siwon by that nickname since he could remember coming to church as a child) it won’t take but another hour or so to prepare everything.” Pastor Jang said with another glowing smile.
“No I insist. You go on home; it’s absolutely fine by me. Go on, it’s not a problem.” He then returned the smile. Pastor Jang heaved a rattling sigh as if he was about to say something more, (more fatigue shimmered in his eyes) but stopped himself, nodded twice and patted Siwon’s shoulder, signaling his exit. Finally alone, Siwon had the quiet solitude of the now completely empty church to recount his day, and finish the preparations for the service tomorrow that he would be conducting. Or so he thought.
Not ten minutes after his pastor left did he hear an earth shattering knocking on the church door. It was continuous and anxious, and it was obvious someone wanted to get in. He jogged swiftly to the front door and yelled, “Who is it?”
“I NEED HELP. LET ME IN PLEASE. I’M BEGGIN YOU MAN, LET ME IN RIGHT NOW.” Came the response. Siwon unlocked the door and in a flash a young man burst through quickly pushing Siwon aside, slamming the door and locking it again. He crumpled down to the floor in a heaving, sweaty mess. This stranger looked absolutely disheveled and it was as if he had been running for a while.
The dark chestnut hair on his head in sharp angles was plastered to his forehead, and a glimmering sheen of sweat was on his entire face and heavily panting neck and chest. A small drop of sweat beaded down from his sideburns and dripped off of his chin onto his crumpled frame on the floor.
Siwon’s little voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but admire just how stunningly handsome this young man was. He looked so young. His brown eyes were deep and framed in a glare of annoyance by two prominent brows. He looked up at Siwon with a scowl.
“Took you long enough, shit.” The young man huffed out and began rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand. His head arched backwards as his eyes closed; with a light thud his head hit the wood door and it looked like his whole body relaxed with a large sigh.
Caught in a wave of anger that he quickly repressed, (with the further acknowledgement of how defined this young man’s Adam’s apple was as it bobbed slightly on a shiny neck covered in sweat) he wasn’t sure how to proceed. He asked, “Are you ok now? What happened?”
“I just ran to the quickest place I knew that might be open and somewhere the guys who were chasing me might not look for me in. I hoped they had the fuckin decency not to look in a church and I guess I was right.” He retorted.
“Why were they chasing you?” Siwon said with patience, repressing a cringe at the excessive amount of cursing.
“Those fuckin pieces of shit wanted to fuck me after my show and I wouldn’t let them. I said they could talk to my manager for a private show but the bitches wanted to jump my bones right there. I said to fuck off and they were kicked out of the club, you know the male strip club on 33rd street? The big one with the giant purple lights?”
Siwon slightly shook his head in response. He was not expecting THAT, but took it upon himself to restrain his judgment and refrain from making any kinds of physical signs that he was doing anything other than listening attentively.
“Well anyway, I was done my shift and these three assholes tried to corner me as I got out of the club and started walking to the subway. Pricks…. anyway, I outran them and fuck they were fast. Goddamn, (the young man looked up from his reverie in telling the story and into Siwon’s eyes with a very slight look of reproach) my bad, here I am cursing up a storm and saying stuff like Goddamn in a fuckin church.” He shrugged his shoulders in a kind of ‘I’m not really sorry but I’m going to pretend I am’ kind of way and said, “I outran them far enough but I knew it would be a matter of time before they got up to me again cause they split up. I got in the church and I think they’re gone now. You mind if I stay for a minute or two to make sure they’re really gone?”
Siwon was extremely surprised with the young man and he wasn’t sure if he was going to try to steal anything (he just sort of guessed the poor guy looked the type) but he thought that it would be unchristian to send him out again in case those guys were after him, and he also thought he might be able to help him.
“That would be fine I guess.” Siwon said with a slight nod. He continued, “If you don’t mind my asking, when was the last time you came to church?”
“Look man, I know you might be some kind of Jesus freak for hanging out in a church on a Saturday night, but I’m not the church-going type, and if you wanna start laying into me about ‘have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior’ shit then I might as well just go now.”
Siwon’s mouth almost dropped open at such a wicked mouth. The small voice noticed just how plump the lips of such a mouth were, but was quickly stamped down by the unfortunate flash of anger that flared in the pit of his belly. “Excuse me; I was not going to say anything like that. Instead, I was merely wondering if I could help someone who might have lost their way. I apologize if you felt otherwise. Would you possibly like to talk about the choices you’ve made? Any confessions? Or maybe would you just like to talk? I would be willing to listen.”
“Whoa wait a sec, are you a priest?” The young man asked with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Siwon said with a very even voice.
“Oh shit, I mean, crap, I didn’t know man, I’m sorry for cursing so much father, uh…. but I mean damn, you’re so young! And so cute too, shit. How old are you? Like 22 or something?” The young man said getting to his feet and straightening his clothes.
Siwon stepped back slightly as the boy got up and answered with a quick reply, “No I’m 24.” He was completely amazed by the attitude of the boy. He didn’t care one bit about the fact that he was a priest or that he should maybe behave a bit better in a church.
“Fuck, you must be like the youngest priest I’ve ever met. I’m nineteen myself but I totally look older don’t I?” the young boy said with a sly smile and a little bit of a head tilt as if he knew he was being admired by Siwon. Siwon’s eyes went wide. He’s just a nineteen year old male stripper? He was going to have to pray hard for this poor boy tonight.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Siwon couldn’t resist asking. He immediately regretted his decision when he garnered a smirking “pffft” from the boy.
“Fuck that! I dropped out at sixteen cause some bitch thought I should wear their stuffy ass new uniforms that covered even more of my sexy ass, and I had a problem with authority. Anyway, I’ve been making out fine since then and I can take care of myself without a college education thank you very much. And besides,” the boy licked and then ever so slightly bit his lip for a second before locking eyes with Siwon, “there are some things you can’t teach in a classroom that I’ve learned over the years that have been,” he looked Siwon up and down very slowly, “way, way more useful.”
Siwon gulped heavily and it was everything in his power not to shake himself right there. “What about your parents?” Siwon quietly inquired.
A highly bemused chuckle ripped free from the boy, “what parents? My dad was an alcoholic who went into prison for getting too touchy feely with me, and my mom kicked me out for getting kicked out of school. Fuck my parents. All they’ve done for me is given me numerous headaches and shitty memories of a childhood that never was. Why? You wanna be my daddy Father?” The boy’s lips formed a plump half smile and he stepped closer by a few steps.
Siwon held up a hand. “I will not have that kind of talk in my church. I apologize but if you had presented yourself better I might have been more willing to help you and maybe even discuss with you how God can help someone so in need of guidance, but I’m afraid you’ve crossed a line. Please feel free to return to this house of God in a spirit of penance and contrition when you are ready, but I must ask you to leave.”
With that, Siwon strode past they boy’s angled frame, now with his arms folded quite arrogantly at his chest. He unlocked and opened the door, signaling for the boy to leave. The young man turned wistfully, and with a quick giggle slapped Siwon’s ass hard and then scampered out of the church. Siwon was so flustered that he slammed the door milliseconds after, hearing the maniacal laughter of the boy through the door slowly fade as he walked farther away, and breathed out a very disapproving huff of air. He crossed himself and thought, ‘what a blasphemous heathen.’
Siwon quickly finished the preparations with a hundred thoughts racing through his head, and periodically had to shake himself to concentrate on what he was doing. He left the church half-expecting the boy whose name he didn’t even know to be standing outside somewhere waiting for him, but luckily he was nowhere in sight.