(no subject)
Ended up at another funeral today. The family is shrinking inch by inch, it's sad. Found out my brother and his wife and two kids are moving into my house, which at first I had no problem with. I was going to be the bigger person and let them have the entire upstairs, which is currently my domain, because I know my brother needs help and it was the nice thing to do. I made the suggestion that perhaps since he is going into building houses anyway he might consider building me a room in the basement so I could still have an area to myself. I mentioned this idea today and was laughed at by my sister in laws. For some reason unbeknownst to me, the women in my family have a severe issue with me still living with my parents. I don't understand why this is any of their business as my parents and I have an agreement about this. Well, I'm fed up. I'm not going to be the bigger person. I refuse to vacate my space for ungrateful people who are selfish and think only of themselves. My sisterinlaw said, we're only going to be there six months anyway. Ok, fine. If it's ONLY going to be six months you can be the one to tough it out and sleep in the smaller rooms...HAVE FUN! because i'm not moving. To make my day better I made tentative plans to go out...had a conversation that disagreed with me, had family over, was still upset and depressed from the funeral, wasn't up to going, decided to cancel plans, no big problem right? wrong. somehow i manage to f*** things up again by simply existing. call it miscommunication i don't f***ing care, but somehow i'm still the bad guy. I'm in one of those pissed off at the world moods.It's been a bad day, hell i'll go one step further and say it's been a bad 4 months. I'll probably end up recanting this decision, but for the time being i'm saying F*** IT! i'm going to be a self absorbed person. I'm not going to care if i hurt someones feelings. the next time my family says things that hurt my feelings i'm going to bite back and say something to hurt their feelings. if they don't care about mine i'm not going to care about theirs. i'm also going to have to be as blunt as possible and say things exactly as i mean them so there are no more mixed messages. i want people to let me know if they have a problem with me or something i say or do, because then i can fix myself. saying that, it's about time the people in my life need to realize they aren't perfect either and could use a tune up themselves. i do believe i am so frustrated at this precise moment in time that if i could scream i would break glass. unfortunately i lost that capability and i don't believe in breaking things in fits of anger, but i really really really really really want to hurt something right now, i can't say enough how badly i want to turn into the fricking incredible hulk and just go midevil on someone's ass. this can't be good for my health. i'll probably have a heart attack in my early 40's because of the rage i'm holding in at this moment. yeah, i'm just a little frustrated.