And now, to promote patriotism, I give you . . .
Michael Phelps!
What? You were expecting George Washington? How cliche! Besides, Michael Phelps is just as much a national symbol as ol' Georgie--perhaps even more so. Phelps is, after all, a six-time Olympic gold medalist. For AMERICA. See? He's as American as warm apple pie and "The Star-Spangled Banner." And speaking of "The Star-Spangled Banner," did you notice his little Speedo is red, white, and blue? Just like the flag! And don't you feel more patriotic when you look at his little Speedo? Yes, you do. Just like when you look at the flag! See? Totally American. Yep.
And on that note, happy fourth of July!