(no subject)
i went over to daniela's house today. she was home, and i gave anthony the pair of jeans i bought him for Christmas. he is the most adorable little boy. i am really happy for her as far as he is concerned. i gave daniela her card thanking her for forgiving me. she seemed to like it, and anthony liked his jeans. he put them on his head :)
i feel very good about this, but i wasn't going to record it on livejournal. i feel like if i write down that something good happened with daniela, suddenly it will vanish from me, as though it had never happened at all. even as i write i await criticism from others, if silent, for placing such value on things that may seem so small to others. but that's me. to me it's a big deal, even though i don't know if it even mattered much to daniela. i certainly don't think she's heartless about it. it's just that at this point, i feel like a dog waiting for the crumbs from her plate to fall to the floor. it's like any little thing gives me hope. hope that a relationship i once treasured above all else, even if i didn't show it, might once again come to be, in a brighter, new light.
i'm pretty tired. it's almost 4am. i should clear off my sewing stuff from my bed, and start reading so i can fall asleep.
but i'm feeling apprehensive and nervous about potential changes in my life. it freaks me out to picture myself the only girl in a house full of boys, especially with as moody as bipolar disorder can make me.
we shall see.
i feel very good about this, but i wasn't going to record it on livejournal. i feel like if i write down that something good happened with daniela, suddenly it will vanish from me, as though it had never happened at all. even as i write i await criticism from others, if silent, for placing such value on things that may seem so small to others. but that's me. to me it's a big deal, even though i don't know if it even mattered much to daniela. i certainly don't think she's heartless about it. it's just that at this point, i feel like a dog waiting for the crumbs from her plate to fall to the floor. it's like any little thing gives me hope. hope that a relationship i once treasured above all else, even if i didn't show it, might once again come to be, in a brighter, new light.
i'm pretty tired. it's almost 4am. i should clear off my sewing stuff from my bed, and start reading so i can fall asleep.
but i'm feeling apprehensive and nervous about potential changes in my life. it freaks me out to picture myself the only girl in a house full of boys, especially with as moody as bipolar disorder can make me.
we shall see.