it's what i've asked for....

[julietneverknew]

fuck.

so i haven't updated in months.
i suppose this is well overdue.
this past week...has been equally shitty, yet fantastic all in one.
i no longer have friends.
they've downgraded to aquaintances that i talk to on now rare occasions.
i'm completely and utterly torn about this.
i still haven't spoken to matty since he left.
and it makes my heart hurt.
this year will be devastating and unimaginably horrifying.
i'm so affraid.
i'm affraid of being around people in large places.
i'm affraid of being alone for the rest of my life.
i'm affraid that i've lost the ability to enjoy life to the fullest.
however.
with all that aside.
i started hanging out with this guy.
and i just really enjoy his company.
i think that's something that's keeping me from completely falling apart.
just enjoying being around someone.
i miss that.
i'm devastated about the coming year.
yes i'll be a senior.
ya-fucking-hoo.
i have the dumbest schedule ever,
and i know no one in any of my classes.
i've worked the past bagillion days in a row.
my sleeping habbits are farrrrrr from healthy.
along with my brochitis.
and my inhalers.
why do i feel so alone?

jesus christ...

i'm a mess.