It's been a while....
...since I made a real post about anything pertaining to what's actually going on with me and I think it's because I haven't really had the energy to do so. I have seriously felt completely drained for a week now and I blamed some of it on not sleeping, but I am not convinced that is the only thing that's affecting me. What else could it be? *shrugs* I am not really sure.
Naturally there are tons of things going through this crazy head of mine and dealing with the fact that so many of my friends are leaving Whole Foods next month is certainly one of them. I know that there will be other friends that will come along, but you know...it's just not the same. Some of my friends are like family and even though new people come along, they don't ignite that same feeling that certain people do. Am I making any sense at all with this?
Anywho...I am also dealing with the fact that it's almost been a year since my mom passed away suddenly and that's not boding too well. In some ways, I can't believe it's been that long and in other ways it seems like it's something that's been constantly lurking in the back of my mind for so long now that I've lost a big part of myself...the light, airy, happy part. I am not trying to get any sympathy here and I don't want anyone to think I am feeling sorry for myself...I am just stating a fact.
Am I still sad? Hell yes.
Am I still pissed? You'd better believe it.
Do I still think that even though I know everything happens for a reason and in a certain time, that it was unfair? YES.
Most of the time, I think that I am not even sure that I can sort out my feelings and differentiate between being anguished and being pissed off. Life's not the same and it never will be. Sure, I can sympathize with people who have also lost a loved one, but I still don't know what the hell to say. There's nothing really that you CAN say. Nothing is going to change the fact that it happened, and you don't want to dredge up feelings of hurt that the other people still might be experiencing. Sometimes I really just want to talk about her and lately I have been dreaming about her alot. Then other times, I just want to lock myself in my apartment and listen to songs that we used to listen to together or watch our favorite movie together...sport her "Super Bitch" hat and tell the world , "F*** 'em if they can't take a joke!" By God, I SAID...
In two weeks, I am going on vacation and some of that time I'll be spending at home and I am really looking forward to seeing my brother and sister. I really miss them and have been dreaming about them a lot too. I talked to my brother a couple of times around his birthday, but I haven't heard from Heather in a really long time and that's not like her. She usually keeps in touch better than anyone else. She's always traveling for work and I don't have any way of getting hold of her, but she used to call me once or twice a month at least. I really miss her and Adam. *pouts
Well, that's enough for now, but maybe I'll write more later when I don't have such things weighing on my mind and I'm not in such an emotional state. I love you all!! *big hugs...T
Naturally there are tons of things going through this crazy head of mine and dealing with the fact that so many of my friends are leaving Whole Foods next month is certainly one of them. I know that there will be other friends that will come along, but you know...it's just not the same. Some of my friends are like family and even though new people come along, they don't ignite that same feeling that certain people do. Am I making any sense at all with this?
Anywho...I am also dealing with the fact that it's almost been a year since my mom passed away suddenly and that's not boding too well. In some ways, I can't believe it's been that long and in other ways it seems like it's something that's been constantly lurking in the back of my mind for so long now that I've lost a big part of myself...the light, airy, happy part. I am not trying to get any sympathy here and I don't want anyone to think I am feeling sorry for myself...I am just stating a fact.
Am I still sad? Hell yes.
Am I still pissed? You'd better believe it.
Do I still think that even though I know everything happens for a reason and in a certain time, that it was unfair? YES.
Most of the time, I think that I am not even sure that I can sort out my feelings and differentiate between being anguished and being pissed off. Life's not the same and it never will be. Sure, I can sympathize with people who have also lost a loved one, but I still don't know what the hell to say. There's nothing really that you CAN say. Nothing is going to change the fact that it happened, and you don't want to dredge up feelings of hurt that the other people still might be experiencing. Sometimes I really just want to talk about her and lately I have been dreaming about her alot. Then other times, I just want to lock myself in my apartment and listen to songs that we used to listen to together or watch our favorite movie together...sport her "Super Bitch" hat and tell the world , "F*** 'em if they can't take a joke!" By God, I SAID...
In two weeks, I am going on vacation and some of that time I'll be spending at home and I am really looking forward to seeing my brother and sister. I really miss them and have been dreaming about them a lot too. I talked to my brother a couple of times around his birthday, but I haven't heard from Heather in a really long time and that's not like her. She usually keeps in touch better than anyone else. She's always traveling for work and I don't have any way of getting hold of her, but she used to call me once or twice a month at least. I really miss her and Adam. *pouts
Well, that's enough for now, but maybe I'll write more later when I don't have such things weighing on my mind and I'm not in such an emotional state. I love you all!! *big hugs...T